Mock the Fic: I can watch him walk away


Oh boy ladies and gentlemen. This next mock is a walking HR nightmare! Montgomery making the team strip to their underwear in the precinct. While this might sound like the best orgy fic story ever, it’s not. No sex, and just horrible horrible writing.

Stats: Title: I can watch him walk away Author: DecemberL. Rose Summary: Another one shot. Completely unrealistic, Can Beckett just watch Castle walk away after declaring his feeling to her, yes she can. Again, I do not own any part of Castle. Rating: T

Sporks to your eyes: 3

Puke Bags: a truck load!

The boys had a little bet going on, Who could solve their case first, Beckett and Castle or Ryan and Esposito.

YES! The Who is going to be in this story, that would be the only reason why its capitalized!

They had a little score to settle seeing as the last time they tried this no one won.

Tried what? Inviting The Who? Damn rock band for not wanting to be with the gang.

But this time was no different. In the end Montgomery had figured out how to solve each of their cases, and therefore he was the one to win the bet in the end.

Okay. I thought Castle solved the last murders when they did the whole betting thing the first time.

Captain Roy Montgomery had never been a betting man but today he was feeling a bit puckish and needed a good laugh.

Feeling puckish? Please tell me Puck from Glee isn’t in this. I can’t stand it if I see his fauxhawk again.

“Now directivities, I don’t believe in betting on murder cases, that’s just wrong and I hope, this will make you learn your lesson. I see you all have a lot of paperwork to do, and we don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your work clothes, seeing as you’ll just be sitting around the office all day, so why don’t you change out of all those and work today in your, underwear, call it casual Wednesday. ”

Directivities? What the hell is Directivities? Is this someone who plans activities and is the cruise ship director? Oh and normally I stand behind the position of comma’s are great, but please, you got comma happy in that sentence. Just because they are free doesn’t mean you get to use them all up. And why do I feel a sexual harassment lawsuit being filed and some HR woman’s blood pressure rising at the underwear comment.

Kate just sat back and watched as the boys stripped down to their undergarments.

When Cops go Wild! Woo woo! Where are my dollar bills?

She couldn’t hold back the chuckle, at Castle’s Batmen boxers.

Batmen? Do his boxes have the entire previous Batman on them? I sure hope they didn’t forget George Clooney-because he was the best Batman! FTW!

And then it hit her, she was in on it too and she suddenly wasn’t as amused.

Uh oh. You won’t like Becks when she’s not happy.

Detective Anthony Kaven was truly a greasy son of a bitch. He was crass, sophomoric, and disgusting.

Who the hell is Anthony Kaven? Is he still in high school since he’s a sophomore? I feel lost! Where is my Retard Rocket?

“Detective Beckett, I think it’s your turn, I’ve been waiting for the say I’d get to see you shimmy out of those tight pants.”

Okay, who has the 1800 number for the city of New York’s HR department? I would like to file a sexual harassment complaint for having to read this.

Kate cringed at his words, and Castle snapped. Suddenly Kaven’s met his desk, wit a little help from Castle.

Oh so Castle put his wit on his desk? Huh?

“She is not some dirty harlot, she is a beautiful woman, You apologize to her, NOW, you pig.”

Again we have another story mentioning pigs. And after the one story with Hillbilly Beckett wearing a topless and assless dress, I think she’s starting to look like a tranny ho, but dirty harlot works too.

He struggled out an apology and Beckett accepted. If everyone didn’t hate him already they sure did now, Montgomery glared at him as the crowd dissipated. Castle took his seat next to Beckett’s desk.

What kind of boss just stands by and watches this happen. Wow, glad you aren’t my boss.

“Testosterone spill, isle three, ripping your shirt off and defending my honor, winning yourself points are you?”

Let me do my best Gone with the Wind impression here: “Oh Castle, my savior!”

“How many points do I get for taking my shirt off?” he asked as he gave her his best charm smile.

5.5 points. You would’ve scored more from the Russian Judge if you had winked at her while you did it. But hey, not bad. Next time add the wink and be a bit more Rico Suave.

She looked at him, raking over his body, he really was a handsome man. And his naked broad chest definitely helped his case right then. She didn’t even noticed she was staring until he spoke.

Please, is this past tense or present tense? I’m lost. And Becks, remember, he only got a 5.5 out of 10. You can so do better!

“Why Detective, I never knew .”

That you would slum to a 5.5 standard?

“What?”

Of course you’re not slumming ::cough cough:: slumming ::cough::

“That you found me so, attractive.”

And me without my puke bag.

She rolled her eyes at him. And he chuckled

“Well, You’re not an unattractive man, you know that, what does it mean if I say it.”

That you like slumming to 5.5’s.

“Well it means something different to a man, hearing it from the women he’s pining for, who he, desires.”

Once again, where is my puke bag?

“What are you talking about.”

And question mark please Ditzy Becks!

“Kate, come on, We’ve known each other two years, You have to know by now, how I feel about you. I feel something with you, that I’ve never felt with anyone before. You’re not like the other women in my life, you’re real, and you’re, well, extraordinary.”

I really need to keep more puke bags on hand.

“Castle, I…”

I sense a puke bag moment. Anyone have a spare?

“Don’t, let me finish, please. I know you think I’m annoying and childish, and a million other things I don’t want to go into, But I think that could be good, we could be amazing together, because of who we are. I want to make you happy, and be everything you deserve and more, and I don’t want this, us to be some fling that you regret. And right now I’m not enough for you. Demming is a good man, a better man and I don’t want to have you until I can be like him, be a man you could be proud of.”

Oh wow. That alone was a two puke bag moment. And did we really need to drag poor Demmings name into this horrible fic?

She looked at him, she was gawking probably, but at the moment she didn’t care. In these few minutes Castle had matured, he had become the man she wanted and she knew that now.

Wait. Are they all still standing around in their underwear? Is Ron Jeremy on his way for this big production shot of “Cops Gone Bad!”?

“Rick, I think you just might be a man I could be proud of. ”

Once again, me without a puke bag.

“What?”

“Don’t what me, You herd me. Now, I need some coffee, go get me some?”

You herd me, like a dog herding sheep? You think you need coffee? I need a puke bag.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back.”

Rick Castle walked away confused and Kate Beckett watched him, pleased. Sooner or later she’d take it to the next level with Castle, and he was right, they would be amazing. But right now, she was content just watching him walk away.

In his Batmen underwear. Oh please someone get me some puke bags and mind bleach. This one is going to put me on the retard rocket for a week.

Posted on May 9, 2010, in 3, DecemberL. Rose, Mock, Puke Bags Needed, Sporks to the Eye, Truck Load!, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I love this line:

    “Well it means something different to a man, hearing it from the women he’s pining for, who he, desires.”

    Is Shatner writing this fic? Cuz that line reads like he acts.

  2. Sexual harassment, airsick bags, & Big Pimpin’ at work. Oh my.

  3. badfic_addict

    ok, this is great. And Kate even got away without having to undress?? No fair!!

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