Mock the Fic: Runaway Dream part 1


This is a piece that just screams, mock me! Please mock me! Its written by a 14 year old writer who pulls the biggest Mary Sue of all time and inserts herself into the story. How could we not mock a story that starts out with a 14 year old becoming a detective?

Stats: Title:Runaway Dream Author: NinjaaGurl Summary: this started because of a dream i had.the main point is what would happen if a 14 year old was a homicide detective (BCF: 14 year old homicide detective? WTF?) Rating: T

Prologue

The name’s Harris. Michelle Harris (A/N yes that is my real name.)

Congratulations Michelle Harris, you just because America’s newest Mary Sue Princess! And might I say, very Mary Sue of you to name the character after yourself.


I am the youngest homicide detective in history. I am only 14 years old and by some fascinating connection to the mayor (anonymous I might add) I am a true cop, gun and badge included.

Right. This must be in Down Town, NY too, right? Do I even need to mention how wrong and stupid it is to think of a 14 year old as a homicide detective? Did you just use your gym class grade to get you out of the academy? And did your

You may be wondering how this came to be so I’m going to tell you. My story starts New Years Eve, one year ago.

Of course it does.

Chapter One: Unhappy New Year.

“Michelle, honey, come here please.” My aunt Lynn called.

Oh great, don’t tell me this is one of those stories that the main character is being raised by their aunt and they die.

“Coming!” I called back. I got off my bed and quickly ran down the stairs. “Yeah? What’s up?” I asked

What 14 year old comes when they are called like that?

“I’m going out with a few friends. I’ll be back by one.”

No you won’t.

“Alright bring me something back.”

“Haha, no, sorry kid. Be good ‘Kay.” She said looking in to my eyes.

Ha ha no? WTF is the laugh for?

“Kay love you have fun.”

“Love ya to Mitchie.”

Gag!

I groaned playfully at the pet name and smiled as I closed the door behind her. Now what is a girl to do all by myself on New Year’s Eve?

Well you could do like all the rest of us do, get drunk and pass out… oh wait, your 14.

Oh I know I’ll watch what’s going on down at the plaza. So I made some popcorn mixed with milk duds (A/N it’s really good you should try it)

A cute baby puppy died after that author note. I hope you are happy.

and settled in on the couch to watch TV. Sooner or later I fell asleep only to be awakened by a knock on the door. I wonder who that could be.

Please be Freddy Krueger, please be Freddy Krueger.

“Who is it?” I called through the door.

Freddy Krueger and I’m here to kill your Mary Sue.

“Detective Kate Beckett. NYPD.” A voice called.

Damn, well I guess Becks will do with her gun.

I opened the door a crack and saw a man and a woman outside the door.

“Can I see your badge please?” I asked.

Yes that’s just what every 14 year old asks.

“Sure.” She said flashing it. I looked over at the man.

“This is Richard Castle. He’s with me.” She stated.

Castle could be Freddy.

“M’kay.” I said sleepily and opened the door wider so they could come in. As they walked in I glanced at the clock. It’s freaking 3 o’clock in the morning. What happened? I sure didn’t do anything.

She’s dead. Just admit it, you already knew it was gonna happen.

” ‘Scuse me if you don’t mind me asking but why are you here?” I asked curious.

“Well a lady by the name of Lynn Martin was found dead about an hour ago.” Det. Beckett said quietly.

See told you so!

“What?! NO! You’re lying. Please tell me she’s lying.” I said turning to Castle.

Sure Castle, tell her you are lying and further screw her up! Please!

“I’m sorry but she’s not.” He said quietly.

“NO!” I cried falling on the couch. I felt a hand on my back.

RAPE—oh sorry. Wrong story.

“Hey. Listen to me. I’m going to do everything in my power to find out who did this.” Beckett said.

It was Coonan, on a boat.

“You’re damn right about that detective.”

Language missy, language.

KPOV

KPOV? What the hell is KPOV? Are we jumping point of views? We are aren’t we?

As I stare at this little girl I can’t help but wonder what going on in her mind. I mean, her face has fallen into an emotionless mask, her eyes are dull and red, and she keeps touching the silver cross on her neck. I wonder if she’s trying to get a sense of comfort from it like I get from my mother’s ring. I can’t question her, she reminds me to much of myself.

Oh great! You just turned Becks into a Mary Sue! For that I just killed another puppy.

“Hey. What are you thinking about?” I hear Castle’s voice behind me.

Having Freddy Krueger kill her?

“What do you mean?”

Well at this point, only Freddy Krueger can save us from this wild Mary Sue.

“You have that look on your face that you get whenever you’re thinking really hard about something.”

Well its gonna be hard to find the RIGHT Freddy Krueger.

“Oh, I was just wondering what she’s thinking about. I mean, her mother was killed in a bad car crash, her dad committed suicide after her death, and her aunt just got murdered. She has no family left.”

Oh great she’s the worst type of Mary Sue ever!

“Man that’s terrible.”

We know, all Mary Sue’s are terrible.

“I know. Can you please send Ryan in there so we can find out what she knows?”

Is it best to send Ryan in with a 14 year old Mary Sue?

“Sure thing Becks.”

Oh no you didn’t! You did not just use my Becks?!?

I turned and watched as Castle went over to Ryan and told him. Ryan nodded and walked and into interrogation room one. I stood behind the glass so I could watch what was happening.

Since when did Castle become Ryan’s supervisor? You made Mary Sue Becks lazy.

“Hello I’m Detective Kevin Ryan.” Ryan said as he walked into the room and sat down across from her. Michelle just sat there and stared at the table.

Of course she didn’t talk.

“Do you know why you’re here?” he asked.

Again he said nothing.

Wait, no he didn’t he just asked her a question…oh you mean she.

“Michelle we really need you to say something.” Ryan said gently. This time she mumbled a reply.

“What was that?”

Silly author, Mary Sue’s don’t mumble.

“I said I want to talk to Detective Beckett.” She said quietly.

Ryan turned in his chair, looked at the glass and shrugged his shoulders. He stood and walked out the door where I stood waiting.

He just walked out defeated after 3 questions? Bad Detective!

“Well you heard her. She ain’t talking. Do you think she’s hiding something?” he asks.

Aint?

“Yeah, her emotions.”

That makes perfect sense.


MPOV

Please be Montgomery’s POV. Please be Montgomery.

I can’t believe it. Aunt Lynn is dead. Now what am I supposed to do. I know one thing I’m sure as hell not going into the system. I’ll runaway if I have to. I’ll jump a train and get the hell out of dodge. Yeah that’s it. After I’m done nobody’s gonna find me.

Runny away is so clichéd. Running away on a train is uber clichéd and a puppy dog just died.

“Michelle, why wouldn’t you talk to detective Ryan?” Beckett asked as she came in and sat across from me.

Because she knew he wasn’t Freddy Krueger.

“Because I’m not going into the system.” I say with as much venom in my voice that I can muster.

The system? And what are you a snake?

“Ok. But you know it’s going to happen right.”

Don’t question Becks!

“Actually that’s where you’re wrong Detective.” I said looking at her.

Oh snap!

“Oh really?” she asks confused.

“Yes”

And with that I lunged grabbing her gun. She tried to stop me but I was quicker. Crouching low I pushed the table into her. I ran out of the door and grabbed my bag off a chair.

Really Mary Sue? Really? You are just going to outsmart Becks and grab her gun? I believe if you watch closely, they leave their guns locked up in their desk and not on them in the precinct. Get things right Mary.

“Michelle stop!” a voice called.

I knew I was being chased but I didn’t stop till I reached the street and even then I didn’t stop till I was sure I was lost in the crowd. Your own your own now mitchie girl. Man I hope I survive.

Really? Really? In a precinct full of cops you are able to get aways? Yeah, sure, you betcha.

Posted on May 10, 2010, in 3, 3, NinjaaGurl, Puke Bags Needed, Sporks to the Eye, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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