Mock the Fic: Undercover Chapter 1


Okay, as cliched as the pregnancy fics are, so are the undercover fics. This one is the worst cliched fic of them all. Kate Beckett goes under cover as a stripper. Yes, you heard me right, our HBIC goes under cover as a stripper and Castle does drugs. I warn you, you will need a hot scolding hot shower, and lots of hand sanitizer for this one folks.

Stats: Title: Undercover Author: silkysexybitch Summary: Beckett and Castle go undercover to bring down a drug kinpin. Beckett has to learn to pole dance, and Castle has to fight not to lose control. Chapter 5, 6 and 7 are up! I just loved all the reviews, and couldnt help myself 😀 Rating: M

Friday Afternoon


Ooh Friday’s are always a good day!

“Beckett I think we can both agree that this is a dangerous undercover assignment, and Castle would be more believable as your boyfriend than Ryan or Esposito.” The captain was trying to reason with her and get her focus back on the case.

BWAHAHAHAHA That is just too funny. I’d rather see Montgomery pose as her pimp instead.

“Sir I just think it would not be smart to put a civilian undercover, especially with such an important case, the department has been after this guy for months. In fact almost a year” Beckett almost begged.

I believe that is what we call a “HR NIGHTMARE!”

Looking back at Beckett, hiding his humour behind a straight face “Sorry Beckett did you just infer that I’m not smart?”

Nope she’s just saying you would be a better pimp than Castle would be. That feather hat would like nice on you Captain oh Captain!

Kate Beckett quickly realised what she had done, and how she was obviously not going to win, and gave in “Of course not sir, I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”

Yes she did, she totally wants you to be her Big Pimp!

Time to admit defeat, “I’m sure going undercover with Castle will be a good challenge.” Even in her mind that sounded a little wrong, but luckily it was just the captain and her having this conversation.

A little wrong? How about hella wrong!

The captain walked out of his office towards Castle with Beckett following close behind scowling. Looking towards Ryan, Esposito and Castle the captain let them know what they were dealing with on this case.

The drug ‘kingpin’ was a black man in his late twenties with a taste dealing drugs, drinking and young socialites that were loose and friendly.

So in other words its Spencer Pratt as a black man?

“Alright, this investigation should be as quick as possible, but more importantly done properly. I think we need to stage it over 3 nights, we will send Castle in as himself and get him VIP entry to the club that our suspect owns, we know he is always in on Friday nights to keep an eye on everything” Captain Montgomery saw the look of fear on Beckett’s face.

Okay wait! You are going to send in Castle, a man in his late thirties early fourties to bond with a guy in his late twenties? Sure go for it. Let me guess, Castle is Beck’s pimp? So does that make him the HBPIC?

“We want to establish some trust and a connection between the two so we will be asking you to get close to him firstly by purchasing some cocaine.”

Hoo boy, lets see Castle do this with a straight face.

Castle looked surprised “Wow, this is an awesome case” smiling from ear to ear.

See what I mean?!

“Castle I hope you won’t mind but if the opportunity comes up you and Beckett might have to actually use some Cocaine.

It’ll be very Miami Vice! Really?

Now this is a very delicate situation, its unlikely our guy is going to trust someone who won’t use some of his product, so we have to be clear on what we will allow you to do whilst undercover.”

Let’s bring out the HR book of rules on which drugs you can and cannot take while undercover.

Sternly looking at Castle, ensuring that he is prepared for what will most likely happen in this investigation.

I hope they have an iPhone version of this rule book, otherwise he won’t remember.

Castle looked at Beckett leaning against a desk zoning out of the conversation, Castle asked “what will Beckett be doing whilst undercover with me”.

Nothing, nothing at all.

She rolled her eyes; of course he had to make everything sound dirty. Her thoughts were interrupted by the captain “Beckett will be dancing at the club the suspect owns;

BWAHAHAHAHAHA Really? Can I say again, “How very Miami Vice!”

she has an interview next week and dancing lessons every day until then.

Stripper lessons!

We are aware he likes to offer his dances services to his VIP’s and we want you to take a special interest in Beckett while you’re there”

I’m sure he will be drooling. And do you not know how to use a period?

Castle smiled, and looked at Kate, she looked nervous. But who wouldn’t be after finding out they have to learn how to pole dance. “Wow, this is gonna be fun”

No I’m more sure that’s because she’s sore. Someone get the girl some Tiger Balm, and get the author a period.

Kate decided it was time to harden up and get this over with, walking up to Castle she leaned in and whispered in his ear “Don’t worry Castle, I know how to work a pole”

DAMMIT use a PERIOD PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS NAMED PETE! And the only pole she knows how to use is the night stick she carries.

Castle visibly shivered and watched Kate Beckett saunter out of the office on the way to her first dance lesson. That one line will provide enough fantasies to last a year.

And nightmares for a year for all us readers.


Monday Morning


Kate Beckett walked into the precinct feeling confident and sexy, so far three days of pole dancing classes were complete and she was sore but actually getting somewhere with her ‘tricks’.

And by tricks she means putting on the Tiger Balm and not being all smelly.

It sounded so dirty, which is possibly due to the pole involved in the situation,

Ya think?

but after learning this style of dancing for 3 days she had a newfound respect for pole dancers. It is damn hard work!

Please tell me that the writer of this fic isn’t a pole dance and knows from experience.


Castle was there before her, which seemed odd. He was in the captain’s office, which seemed even odder. Must have had fun at the club on Friday night no doubt, Kate turned around fast as they walked towards her.

Walk faster!

“Detective Beckett, Rick here was updating me on what happened at the club over the weekend. He has established a connection with our suspect and is on the VIP list or Friday this week.

Let me guess, he’s now the club owners Big Brother and the two are going to go to the park tomorrow to play ball?

He showed distaste in the women who were offered to him on Friday night, mentioning he liked a different type of woman fitting your description.

Wow, Castle passed up a ho?

So we are hoping that once you’re in it will be easy to connect the two of you on Friday night.” Captain Montgomery looked Kate in the eyes for a moment, unsure of how to ask about her lessons. “So… how have the lessons been going? Are you feeling comfortable enough to audition or interview for the job?”

See that, that just creeps the hell out of me. It’s like my Dad asking me how am I doing at my job stripping? EWE!

Watching Castle fascination in the question was fun, “Yes I’m really confident I’ll be up to the standard by Wednesday. I just want to perfect a few of my tricks and shop for something good to wear to the interview.”

Oh I need a shower after that. Hot scolding water to make me clean. With rubbing alcohol, and hand sanitizer.

She paused, leaving Castle to stare at her with his mouth open almost unable to think. “However I want to impress him” Looking Castle in the eyes “Castle do you know what type of lingerie he prefers on his staff or at least the girls he really likes?”

Lots of hand sanitizer. And mind bleach.

Castle inwardly groaned, this was going to be much harder than it seemed. Realising he had paused for too long when Beckett yelled out “Castle…”

“Oh yeah sorry, he seemed particularly into anything with black lace, most of his girls wore that in some shape or form” he looked like he was trying to imagine her in black lace.

Or was that what you prefer?

“Great, well I better go shopping sometime tomorrow for something suitable, perhaps not just black lace but something that will let me stand out from the rest of his girls” she loved teasing him. Although she really shouldn’t let him get the wrong idea, he already had a free pass to a lap dance if this investigation works out the way it was planned.

She’s in front of everyone in the precinct. That’s like talking about sex in front of your grandparents and siblings. Its cool in front of your siblings, but your Grandparents?

Why do gangster drug lords have to do their business with women and dirty parties? The captain was the first to speak up “Well since you know what is required inside the club Castle you should go along on Tuesday and give your opinion on the costume.”

And you can get Becks your employee discount you have at Victoria Secrets!

“Captain I can definitely handle buying lingerie alone” Beckett was about to die, this cannot be part of the deal what is he thinking.

But you won’t get Castle’s employee discount!

“Detective, I’m not asking that he help you change, just that he show you the kind of outfits they wore inside the club, nothing more.” Castle smiled one of his most arrogant ‘I win’ smiles.

And please make sure to take the HR woman with you so we can write up the Sexual Harassment complaints as they happen.

“Fine” Looking at Castle “But you can meet me at the shopping centre, not anywhere near the dance studio” She warned, hoping to god he didn’t even know where that was.

“Not a problem Becks” he winked as she walked out the door for her second last dance lesson before the big interview.

And why do I get the feeling he will show up sometime at the dance studio to “watch” her.

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Posted on May 24, 2010, in Mock, Puke Bags Needed, silkysexybitch, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Gotta love Google Ad Sense. I think I love the ad almost as much as this mock.
    ———————
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  2. The HR people need to have a serious talk with Montgomery, Kate, Miranda & Charlotte about what constitutes, “good touch” v. “bad touch”.
    And you thought the “acceptable drugs” section of the HR Handbook was going to be long…

  3. badfic_addict

    really?? Castle as drug abusing pimp and Beckett as a pole dancer?? Does it get any better? I don’t think so. But at least this is “funny crap fic” so I can live with that…

  4. Greetings, I enjoy your article. This is a cool site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, great job! Thanks Chris

  5. The forum is a bihrgter place thanks to your posts. Thanks!

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