Mock the Fic: Castle Cullen

In the spirit of bad crossovers, I have a real humdinger for you. It’s a Castle/CSI NY/Twilight fic. No I am not joking. I bet you are thinking, “why didn’t I think of this first?” This is a fic that I was first told about by a member of Robotorgo, and when I first heard about it, I thought it was a joke. Sure it was mentioned from time to time, but no sign of it ever showing up. Till today, which was when I found it on the Castletv.net fanfic section.

Stats: Title:Castle Cullen Author: PrincessMidna Summary:She is a 21 year old adopted human, training to be a CSI; he is a 166 year old vampire, working as a personal trainer.  She knows little of her past; he knows as good as everything about his. Her parents died when she was a baby; his parents thought he died in the war. She has never fallen in love; neither has he. Then they met. Upon their first meet and first touch they feel the same; love. A feeling know yet completely unknown to the both of them.But what happens when someone from her past threatens to catch up with her? Will they be strong together, or will they be split; all alone, weak and easily destructible? Rating: M

Chapter 1 – The job offer

Oh goodie! I like job offers!

Yuuki’s POV

Yuuki?

I was in the kitchen, rocking out to Three Days Grace whilst frying chicken for dinner.

Three Days Grace? That’s the best rockin band you could find?

Therefore I did not notice when my cell rang. My brother, Richard, however noticed it. He laid a hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump.

Brother Rick? Rick has a brother?

“Rick, you scared me! What was that for?”

“Your cell,” he answered and held it up in front of me, “is ringing. I don’t know who it is though…”

Though…?

I turned off the music, and answered the phone.

“You’re talking to Yuuki, who is it?”

Yuuki? What was your parents smoking?

“Are you Yuuki Castle?”

Unless Castle’s Dad knocked up a Japanese woman, then your parents really wanted to torture you with your name.

“Yeah, I am. Who am I speaking to?”

“I am Detective Mac Taylor from the New York Crimelab. I’ve been going through your appliance, and I’m pleased to tell you I’ve got a job offer for you here with us.”

Your appliance? Do we submit microwaves now for resumes?

“Hi Detective Taylor. Really? Do you want me for an interview? Just let me know when I shall come, and I will.”

“Just call me Mac,” he replied. “Well, do you have time tomorrow at ten o’clock?”

Lt. Dan! You’re doing interviews now!

“Okay Mac. Yeah, I’ve got time. Where shall we meet? I must admit, I do not know where your office is…”

So you’ve applied for a job and don’t know where it is going to be at?

“Don’t worry. I’ll have someone pick you up at Grand Central about 9.45. Sounds good?”

Wow! Mac must be part of the special Down Town, NY CSI since I’m sure the real CSI NY wouldn’t have someone going out to pick an applicant (or appliance) up for an interview.

“Thank you Mac. I’ll be there before then,” she answered

“Great. Then I’ll see you tomorrow at ten. ‘bye”

“Goodbye Mac,” I said and hung up.

I wonder if Lt. Dan will be the one picking her up?

“So, was that a job offer?” Rick wondered.

Wow, is Rick psychic?

“Yup. For the NY Crimelab,” I proudly replied.

Oh goodie! A job with Lt. Dan!

“That’s great!” He pulled me into a hug. “Well, maybe we’ll get to work together then sis.”

Oh Yuuki is a woman? I thought Yuuki was a man. My bad.

“What do you mean? You’re not asking me to give you information about the cases for your books, are you?” He laughed.

No that’s why he has Beckett! Duh.

“No, I’m not. But, you remember the case I helped out on? The murderer that copied the murders from my book?”

“Okay…” I was skeptic. “What about that?”

“Well, I’ve gotten permission to follow Detective Beckett on her cases!” He sounded really pleased with himself.

Aren’t you just special.

“Really? Does she know yet?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, and smiling.

Popping the ‘p’? Huh?

“And knowing you, you’re gonna enjoy it, right?”

“Yup.” He popped the ‘p’ again, smiling even wider.

I’m confuzzled about the popping the ‘p’.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“So, when will mom and Alexis get home? Dinner’s almost ready.”

Okay…so Martha named her Yuuki. What was she smoking then, and how much had she been drinking?

“Uhm, I think she said around 5. It’s 4.45 now.”

“Okay. You wouldn’t mind setting the table?” I asked him, turning back to the stove. He sighed, muttering something about ‘woman’s job’, causing me to roll my eyes again. Before, he would’ve annoyed me with that line, but I’ve heard it so many times that I stopped caring, and just ignored it. Besides, I know he doesn’t mean it; he’s just joking.

Oh no, he meant it.

Our mother, Martha, had taken Alexis out for shopping after school. Alexis is my niece; Richards daughter.

No shit, Sherlock.

Richard and I grew up in the shadow of our mother Martha Rodgers, a famous Broadway actress. Richard became a rebel, getting constantly kicked out of every private school in the city. He grew up with a nanny, sine mother was busy performing. I was partially raised by the same nanny, but my brother helped out too.

Sine mother?

I am 16 years younger then him, and didn’t have the same kinds of problems. This is mostly due to the fact I’m adopted.

Okay that makes you 21, and your done with college and it took you five years? Yeah I’m sure that the NYPD has an age requirement for their CSI people too. But I’m guessing since this is a Mary Sue fic, that it doesn’t matter.

My mother, Juri Kiryu, moved to New York with my father Haruka Kiryu, and she met Martha. She gave birth to me a couple of years later. When I was two, they were killed. I do not know how or why, just that Martha had agreed to be my guardian if something happened to me.

Okay at least it wasn’t Martha who named you. But did you have to take the Castle random last name?

I tried to fit in, tried to make friends that wanted to be with me because of who I am, not because mother and Richard are famous or because I’m not American.

Wouldn’t you be American if you were born in America? I don’t know, it’s such a trivial thought.

Richard finished school and discovered a passion for writing, and his first wife; Meredith.

Passion for writing and Meredith. How charming.

She was struggling to become a famous actress, and she reminded my brother so much of mother, that it didn’t take long for them to get married.

Yup, he basically married his mother, only a more annoying version of her.

I remember I envied them so much, because I’d never been with anyone; no one caught my interest, and it was clear how much they loved each other.

Gag!

They had a great marriage, and when I was seven, they had a beautiful daughter; Alexis.

Yes, such a great marriage. And nothing like becoming an aunt at the age of seven. Everybody will think she’s your kid sister.

After a couple of years though, Meredith left him and moved to Malibu with her director, whom she had an affair with. She just sent him the divorce-papers from there.

Life was peaceful for a while, and I helped in raising Alexis.

How much help raising her could you be when you are TEN?

And then Rick fell in love with his editor, Gina Cowell.

Wow, Gina has a last name? And all this time I thought it was Gina Blondie-Dingdong.

They got married, and had a good life together.

Such a good life.

But, she loved his successful too much.

She loved his successful too much? Huh?

He decided to kill of his main-character, Derek Storm, and used the advance on his next book to divorce her when he found out that was the main-reason they were together.

I think he actually got divorced, then killed off Derek Storm.

She’s still his editor though…

And we all know what happened next with her., Do we need a rehash of the season two finale?

Meanwhile, mother’s husband ran off with her money, causing her to move in with us in Rick’s apartment.

Wow, I feel like I’m watching the whole first season, again, with this rehash.

At that time, I was in Uni. here in NY, at the State University of New York at Albany, on my way to becoming a CSI.

You were in Uni? Is that some hip way of saying your an Undergrad?

I took courses in forensic science, and that part of my education lasted five years.

Wow! I feel like this history recap of this fic just took five years of my life too.

Then, a few days ago, another change happened. Rick met Detective Kate Beckett on the release party of his latest book, Storm Fall.

I sure hope that CSI school didn’t make you take a grammar and style usage test or otherwise you would’ve flunked from not underlining the book title.

They took him into the 12th precinct of NYC and questioned him about a murderer that based the killings from my brother’s books. He then discovered that he would be of great help, and was allowed to help on the case because he knew the most about it.

I don’t think it was so much as allowed to help as it was with him forcing them to work with him.

And now, he’d talked to the mayor (a good friend/fan of his), and, after clearing it with Beckett’s supervisor, he’s gonna follow her on the work.

Didn’t we already go over this part?

What an adopt… no, what a family have I?

Yeah…

Don’t get me wrong though, I love them so much. I’ve got a mother, brother and a niece. And even though they’re pretty weird, I wouldn’t have them any other way.

Not as weird as you are Honey.

“Okay, table’s done,” Richard yelled at me, and I heard him retreating to his office.

So let me guess, you are living off of your brothers money then?

Pffft, yeah right. We’ll see about that… I sighed, and found a bowl for the rice and sauce, and a plate for the chicken, before carrying them to the table. And, it was actually set, for once… hm, what’s up with him… I shook my head, dismissing the thought.

That was a horrible excuse of sentences.

I returned to the kitchen and hung up the apron, before getting something to drink. Just as I was on my way over to the table with it, the door opened, and mother and Alexa stepped inside, carrying about 5 bags each. I stepped over so I could help them with their stuff.

Wow, does she have a new niece named Alexa?

“Perfect timing,” I told them. “Dinner’s ready. Alexis, why don’t you go get him?”

Him who?

“Sure,” she said, and flitted off towards Rick’s office.

Because Alexa is psychic and knows where Richard Castle is at all times, like a stalker.

When we were done eating, I told them I had an announcement to make, and I saw that both Alexis and mom were curious.

Probably because they are as bored with this as I am.

“Yuuki-chan, what is it?” Alexis asked me.

Oh look! We are using Japanese! I can use Japanese too: Anata wa baka desu! (go ahead, google it!)

“Well, I spoke with Detective Mac Taylor from the NY Crimelab a few minutes ago, and they want me for an interview there tomorrow at noon! Nothing’s certain yet, I just couldn’t hide my excitement.” Mom and Alexis got out of their chairs and walked over to hug me.

Congrats! Better make sure to answer all their questions by taking off your sunglasses and then putting them back on when you are finished with your answer.

“Congrats hun, I’m certain you’re gonna get this job!”

Just don’t freak out when you see Lt. Dan!

“Thanks mom. I really hope so too! It’s just what I wanted, plus, since it’s so close, I don’t have to move either. I’m not entirely sure where it is, but Mac told me he’d send someone to meet me at Grand Central tomorrow.”

I went to bed early, as I wanted to be awake the next day.

Awake versus what? Zombiefied?

And it was a good idea, seeing as it took me a while to fall asleep, because I was nervous.

No that’s just fear of seeing Lt. Dan!

I tried not to think about it, but it wasn’t easy. After an hour, I got my iPod and iPod speaker, and looked through my music for something calming, before finally deciding to listen to Kanon Wakeshima. I started out with Still Doll, then Suna no Oshiro, Monochrome Frame, Shiroi Kokoro and Sweet Dreams.

I’ll take your word for it. My experience with Anime music is that it’s upbeat and gets stuck in your head. Oh frak, now I have the Ranama 1/2 theme in my head and I haven’t even watched Ranama in over 12 years.

Since I chose the calming songs from the album, I managed to fall asleep not long after Sweet Dreams ended, and I was grateful for that.

Thanks for getting that theme song in my head. I hate you!

The next morning I was awakened by my alarm at 7 o’clock. At first I couldn’t understand why.

Oh trust me, that’s normal for all of us.

I couldn’t think about why I had to get up then, so I turned the alarm off, and crawled under the covers again.

Completely normal!

And then I sat straight up.

“Crap!” I exclaimed. I looked at the clock; luckily just ten minutes had passed. I jumped out of bed, grabbed my robe and ran into the bathroom. I took a quick, but relaxing shower. When I was done, I found out I had absolutely no idea what-so-ever as to what I was gonna wear. Should I wear pants, a skirt or a dress? A top or sweater? And which shoes? Not to talk about what I would do to my hair and with my makeup!

Just go naked! Lt. Dan will hire you immediately if you do.

“Gaaaah!” I exclaimed loudly “what the hell am I going to wear?!” Then mom walked in.

“Oh honey? Having a clothing problem are we?” She asked with a twinkle in her eyes. Mother might be a lot of things, but the thing she’s best at is styling, and that’s exactly why I was really grateful she was awake and able to help me.

Please tell me Hurricane Martha tells her to go nude!

After a while, with help from mother, I decided on a pair of skinny dark grey jeans, black converse and a black singlet with a white tunic.

Oh yes, Converse are so interview appropriate footwear.

And I chose a silver and moonstone necklace, consisting of two crescent moons back-to-back with a full moon made of moonstone in the middle. And down from the full moon there’s a chain ending in a tear-drop, also made from moonstone.

And let me guess, the Mary Sue writer owns this said necklace?

I got dressed and put on some makeup, before I put up my waist-long, dark-brown hair in one high pony-tail on either side of my head.

Then I skipped downstairs and made breakfast and a cup of hot chocolate. When I’d eaten, I looked at the clock, and saw I had only ten minutes before I had to leave, so I ran upstairs to brush my teeth. On my way downstairs I literary ran into my brother.

“Good luck today hun,” he said and hugged me.

I’d be weirded out if my brother called me “hun.”

“Thanks bro, but I’ve really gotta run now! Mom’s down in the kitchen.”

“Okay, see you!” he called after me as I put on my coat, grabbed my purse and keys, and headed out.

And why did we just mention Martha again?

I decided not to wait for the elevator, so I scurried down the stairs instead. Once outside, I walked to the nearest sub-way station and got on the first one that took me to Grand Central. I walked into the entry hall and looked at the clock; I was five minutes early, as I had planned. It’s always better to be early then late, and it makes a good impression.

I guess you have to make up for the Converse somehow (no offense Converse. I really do love my Chucks, but even I know they aren’t interview appropriate footwear).

It was full as usual, but it didn’t take a long time to get to Grand Central, so I didn’t care about it. When I got there, Mac called to tell me who was going to meet me and where. I recognized her from Mac’s description; green grayish eyes, brown curls and a slight olive toned skin, it was clear that she’s Greek.

Stereotyping much?

I walked up to her.

“Hi. I’m Yuuki Castle. Mac told me you’re here to meet me,” I said, extended my hand to her and smiled. Her grey eyes sparkled when she recognized me.

So when do we get to see Lt. Dan?

“Yes, that’s right,” she smiled back at me, shaking my hand. “I’m Det. Stella Bonasera, and next in charge at the NY Crimelab.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she continued.

“Thanks. It’s nice to meet you too.”

This Lt. Dan? Are we going to meet him?

“I’ve got a car waiting just outside, so if you’d come with me?”

“Sure,” I replied, and we walked outside.

Not long after we arrived at the building. It was pretty high up, so we took the elevator.

“Hi Stell,” a young dark man said, and smiled at us. He looked around 30-something, with black hair and chocolate-colored eyes.

“Hey Sheldon,” she replied, smiling back. “This is Yuuki Castle; she’s here for the job interview as a position in the lab.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said and held out my hand to him. He took my hand and shook it.

“It’s nice to meet you too. I am Dr. Sheldon Hawkes.”

Sorry folks. I don’t watch CSI New York so I have no clue on this one.

“If she gets the job, she’ll be working with Adam. Poor guy’s been working there almost alone there now that Lindsey’s not working.” Stella told him just as the elevator-doors opened at the floor where we were getting off.

Awkward!

“Good luck Yuuki, although, I don’t think you’re gonna need it. Mac only considers the best of the best for jobs here.”

“Okay. Thanks,” I replied, and smiled.

“I’m sure I’ll see you later,” he said before he winked at me and left.

That’s hopefully optimistic.

“So, Mac’s office is just down here,” she said, as she led me down the hall. When we reached the room, she knocked on the door, and after just one second, the door opened. And there Mac stood;

Lt. Dan! You got your legs back!

short black hair, grey eyes with a little hint of green and a face matching someone in the police force. He looked kind of scary, so I got nervous. There’s nothing to be afraid of, there’s nothing to be afraid of, I chanted to myself.

You should be afraid, Lt. Dan can kill you by just looking at you.

“Welcome Yuuki. I’m glad you could make it.” He smiled then, and stepped away from the door so I could get in. “Come inside. Thanks Stella. You’re working with Danny today, homicide in Central Park. He’ll give you the info.”

“Okay Mac.” She turned to me and smiled. “Good luck Yuuki.” And then she was gone, leaving me to the scary-looking Mac.

Those prosthetic legs can be so scary!