Mock the Fic: Not So Forbidden: 41319

Let me quote the wise and wonderful robot named Bender Bending Rodriguez: “I’M BACK BABY!” Well semi back. I apologize for my absence. My laptop has officially died. I had a memorial service for it out in the garden, then buried it, then unburied it when my neighbors all looked at me shifty eyed and accused me of polluting the earth. So much for morning. Sadly, was on that laptop and I’ve been a little busy to try and get it set up on my big computer. So alas, until I get a laptop, I might be limited on updates, unless someone wants to “donate” to the BadCastleFic Laptop fund!

And with my return, I have a doozy of a fic. It has attempted rape (oh trust me, it’s harmless), and cheez-r-rific lines!

Title:Not So Forbidden: 41319 Author: Shiver-n-Shake Summary: Richard Castle realizes that his love for Kate Beckett is more than just a phase…And acts. A horrifying experience makes Kate realize that she must take chances to get what she wants. Rated M for moderately graphic smut and almost-rape. Kate/Rick Rating: M

“Good morning, Detective.” Castle whispered into Kate’s ear, his hot breath sending an involuntary shiver down her spine. “I hear we have a case?”

And why is he whispering in her ear?

“You heard correctly.” Kate spluttered, glaring angrily at Esposito who just smiled back at her.

Since when did Esposito trump Beckett?

The younger agent knew perfectly well that she was trying to keep Castle away from the station that day but had blatantly ignored the order she had given.

Oh that’s right, he has a death wish.

“But you’re not coming with us. Go home, Castle.”

He opened his mouth to protest and she spun around to face him.

That PsychicKate strikes again leaving no one to speak in her wake.

“C’mon Kate.” He pleaded,

Let me break out my Short and Round voice from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom: “You call her Detective Beckett! Not Kate!”

the fire in his eyes contradicting the puppy dog pout on his face. “I won’t get in the way, I promise.”

It’s time for a smack down, Beckett style.

“Yeah Kate.” Esposito said, smirking.

It’s time for double smack down, Kate Beckett style!

That earned him a scowl from both the Detective and Castle. “What?”

“Fine, you can come.” Kate muttered, finishing the rest of her coffee in one swallow and then leading the way out of the door. Castle watched her walk for a moment, staring at the way her hips swayed and almost walking into her when she turned around. “I…forgot my keys.”

Oh she now knows he’s checking her out!

Her hands were pressed against his chest and his lips were inches away from hers.


Red alert! RED.FRAKIN.ALERT! Puke bag needed!

His warm breath tickled her cheeks and sent more shivers down her spine. She stammered a few inaudible words for a moment before Castle looked around, saw that the precinct was clear,

How convenient.

saw that Ryan and Esposito had left,

Well duh! If the precinct is empty then Ryan and Espo had obviously left.

and cupped her cheeks in his hands.


“Castle, I-”


He lowered his lips to claim hers in soft kiss.


What he never expected, not in a million years, was for her to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss back.

Where is my puke bag?

He moved his arms to her waist as he slipped his tongue into her mouth,

Blech. Another bag please!

deepening their kiss and causing a soft moan rumble from her throat. After a few minutes she pulled away from him, her arms still around his neck, and stared into his eyes.

I really need another bag!

“We need to go, there’s a body.” She whispered, inwardly cringing at the pain that filled his eyes.

Keep chanting honey, “dead body.” “Dead body.” “Dead body.” Perfect mood killer.

Did he really want her to acknowledge their kiss that badly? She brought her lips to his once more in a not- so-chaste kiss before speaking again.

WHOA! That was a sneak puke bag attack! No time for a red alert!

“We should continue this later, out of the precinct.”

Are you sure you don’t want to move to the interrogation room? That seems to be the it happening place when having sex in Castle fics.

“Of course, Detective.” Castle stepped away from her in one fluid motion

As oppose to two motions?

and walked toward the elevator. Kate shivered at the loss of contact and quickly followed suit.

Sure she did.

“So, what’ve we got here?” Kate called to Esposito; who then scurried over with the case file.

Wow! He’s the All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito! Just like PsychicKate, he always knows what’s going on at a crime scene, even before he gets the call!

“Male, John Doe, shot 6 times then stabbed about four.” The three stared over at the victim, lying on the ground in a pool of blood, and Kate cringed when she saw that the killer had pinned up the man’s lips in a sadistic attempt at a smile.

Pinned them up with what? T-pins? Oh I know! Push pins like what you use on bulletin boards. I hope they were the colorful ones.

“Anything in his pockets-identification, keys, love letters, best selling pocket novels?” Castle asked,

Let’s ask All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito! He’s sure to know!

looking surprised when Kate donned a pair of gloves and rifled through the victim’s pockets.

Why would he be surprised? And where is Lanie or Perlmutter?

The only thing that she pulled out was a piece of paper, folded in half, with just one word scrawled on the inside.

And it said: “Badfic is mocking you!”

Castle leaned over her shoulder to read it. “Gotcha?”

Le huh?

Five men, all clothed in black from head to toe, rushed into the alleyway.

Holy Fragmented sentences Batman!

There was gunfire and Esposito fell to the ground in a heap of flesh, clutching his injured shoulder and writhing in pain.

OH NOES! NOT All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito! He should have known!

Kate pulled out her gun just as all the uniformed officers at the end of the alley were shot down.

WOW! These are like Super Ninja’s with mad gun slinging skills! Or would that make them Cowboys? I be confused.

Castle grabbed Esposito’s gun from his belt,

NO CASTLE! Don’t take All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito gun! He might still need it in the afterlife!

dragged the man behind a dumpster to keep him out of open fire,


and shot at the men in black.

Don’t shoot Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones! They just came back to start making a 3rd movie! We can’t kill them now! I must know what happens to Agent K and J! MUST!

“Castle,” Kate had appeared behind him and began firing shots as well.

Wait! What? Did she just shoot Will Smith?

From what she could see all 3 of the uniformed officers and Ryan were down, presumably dead,

NOOOOOOOO! You can’t kill All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito and Ryan off (sorry no nickname for him yet. Guess he will never have one now since he’s DEAD!)

and the men were drawing nearer. “Looks like we’ll have to shoot them down.”

What in Hades was that line? Hello, Race Bannon called, he wants his line back!

“Kate, I just want you to know-”

Oh God, where is my puke bag?

He broke off as she fired another round of shots, this time knocking one of their men to the ground, and reloaded her gun.

Of course, in the hierarchy of saying ‘I love you’ that is the most important thing to do first. Reload gun, then say the line!

“I love you.”


“We’re not dying here, Castle.”

When did Becks become an action hero?

Kate said forcefully, trying not to show her enjoyment of his words. “But I-”

Oh no! Don’t say it. If you say it, one of you will die!

A black hand gagged her mouth and Castle spun around to see another 3 men surrounding them.

Damn Ninja Cowboys! And maybe that Ninja Cowboy should get that black Hand checked out, it could be rotting and falling off soon.

Kate was kicking and screaming, trying to get out of the grasp of the man, but her attempts did not work.

That’s because they are Ninja Cowboys! Yeeehaw!

Castle pointed his gun at the men and realized that he was outnumbered.

Ya think?

“Let her go.” Castle commanded,

Yes, because that ALWAYS works!

still standing his ground when the men laughed. “What do you want? I can give you money, cash, property, valuables, anything! Just let her go.”

I will take a car and a new laptop since my laptop died and kept me from updating the webpage! 😦

“We don’t want any of that, Mr. Castle.”

Yes we do! Don’t’ listen to the Ninja Cowboys! They lie!

One of the men stepped forward, the leader perhaps, and took control. “We want to see you squirm.”

We do?

He ran a finger down Kate’s cheek, still gagged by the man’s black glove, and she jerked her head away.

Glad it’s gloved. It’s black and probably rotting off and now he’s dragging it over her cheek. EEEWEEE

The main laughed and Castle hissed outwardly before raising the gun once more and firing 6 precise shots, killing or wounding all the men but the leader.

BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHA that is the funniest thing to ever imagine. Really?

The last man standing pulled a knife from his belt and grabbed Kate from the arms of his fallen henchman.

I’m glad the guy with the rotting hand is dead. It’s probably better that way, less painful than a rotting hand.

He pressed the knife to her throat and let beads of blood coat her ivory skin.

Oooh are they like Indian Beads?

“Okay, I’ll stop.” Castle called anxiously, dropping his gun on the ground and kicking it behind him. The man laughed again and Castle kicked his feet nervously.

Why do I have a vision of a child who knows they are in trouble, kicking their feet around nervously? Bad image. Bad.

“Please, don’t hurt her.”

That’s a nice Scarlet O’Hara voice you have Castle.

“Oh, I have every intention of harming your little muse Mr. Castle.” With a well aimed blow using the knife handle, Kate was unconscious in his arms.

Wow! Poor PsychicKate, didn’t see that one coming, didja?

“And you’re going to watch like a good little dog. Because that’s what you are.”

He moved the knife to Kate’s blouse, cutting cleanly through it with one stroke of his arm, and made a shallow cut on her stomach. Castle felt the bile rise in his throat and looked away from them.

Wow, I feel the same bile rising in my throat too!

“Stop.” Castle said, his knees shaking and his voice wavering. “Please, just stop. You have me where you want me. I’ll do anything if you stop hurting her. Hurt me instead.”

Oh Scarlet! Don’t cry for Miss. Beckett!

“I don’t think I can do that, Rick.” He dropped Kate’s unconscious form onto the pavement and moved to remove her jeans, ridding himself of his shirt in the process.

I don’t know about wussy Castle, but this seems to be a good moment to kick the Ninja Cowboy in the head.

“You see, I want to get the one thing that you’ll never have. I want Kate Beckett and I want you to live your life wishing that you could’ve been me.”

He wishes he could be raping her? What?

The man cut her bra cleanly down the middle and bent to kiss each of her breasts before slicing vertically down her neck once more.

Wow! How does that woman not have an underwire on with that bra? I’m sure the girls need just a little more support than a non-underwire bra. Ouch! Running down crooks would suck!

That was when Kate woke with a groan, looked up, and froze. “Oh, I see the woman of the hour is awake already! Say hello, Ricky.”

And at that moment, all my brain can picture is a bad episode of I Love Lucy.

“Castle.” Kate whispered, her eyes flitting over to where he was standing and then to the bodies of the men in black littering the ground. She refused to look at the man who was violating her.


“Too bad Rick can’t save you now, Kate.” The man breathed into her ear, his knife at her throat and his free hand inching down toward her panties. She stared defiantly at the wall behind him and he chuckled angrily. “Look at me while I touch you, Detective.”

Well, looks like we need to find us a new Cop/Muse. Who can we get to replace Becks? Maybe Katherine Heigl?

“Get the hell off me.” She spat, refusing to look him in the eye. He tugged down her panties and began working at his pants, the knife still at her throat. “Stop fucking touching me!”

Oh? Becks not a fan of KHeigl stepping in, getting cancer and then being written off in two years from the show too?

“My, my Kate, such dirty language,” the man giggled,

Like a schoolgirl.

watching her eyes grow wide as he stripped off his pants and was left only in his boxers.

Please be SpongeBob boxers.

“At least your pitiful life is almost over, darling. I’ll just have my way with you and then slit your throat, like a good criminal should.”

BWAHAHAHAHAHA that is a wonderfully corny line!

“You sick BASTARD!” Castle yelled, having half the mind to beat the man to death but frozen in place for fear that he would kill Kate. “Don’t do this! I’m warning you!”

The man laughed manically before there was the sound of gunfire and he slumped onto Kate, a hole in his head. Castle spun around to see Esposito, holding the gun that Castle had kicked back at the beginning of their argument and smiling.

WTG All-Knowing-Powerful-Esposito!

Castle gave him a thumb up before sprinting to Kate’s side,

A thumbs up?

throwing the man off her, and bringing her into his arms.

Damn, she’s still alive. Someone call KHeigl and tell her the part is on hold for the moment. She’s gonna be pissed.

“Rick,” Kate whispered, pulling up her panties in a swift motion and burying her face in his chest.

HAHAHAHAHA that is the best line, EVER! She pulled up her panties first! Ha ha ha ha ha.

Castle shoved his jacket and dress shirt off his shoulders, leaving himself in a T-shirt, and offered them to her. She accepted both gratefully and began to button his dress shirt around herself.

Wouldn’t the jacket be enough?

“Kate, I’m so sorry. I should’ve shot him down too, but I just-”

“It’s okay,” She looked up at him, her eyes clouded with tears that she refused to shed, and forced her lips up onto his in a searing kiss. “Just don’t leave me.”

Yes, that’s the first thing I want to do after I’m almost raped is kiss my semi partner while everyone else is dying around me.

“Beckett, Ryan, Esposito!” Captain Montgomery had appeared at the end of the alley, leading 10 uniforms and backing an ambulance into the opening. “Are you okay?”

WHAT? Who called him in? I thought everyone was dead.

Ryan hobbled over while being supported by Esposito’s good shoulder and stood beside Kate and Castle.

Wait? Ryan’s still alive? I’m confused!

“We have 3 fallen uniforms back by the cruiser,” Ryan jerked his head back behind him. “And Esposito and I got shot.”

Wow! Does that mean they get a sucker and a sticker for being big boys and not crying when they got shot? Goodie!

“Castle shot down 6 of the men who attacked us.” Kate added from her place in Castle’s arms.

She should totally get one too for not crying during her rape! Suckers all around!

She attempted to stand and converse with the captain but when her legs would not support her, Castle stood with her cradled in his arms. “And Esposito got the man who sexually assaulted me.”

Wow! Gee golly! Let’s all get milkshakes and celebrate!

“What?” Captain Montgomery asked harshly, his eyes glancing at each of the four in turn before resting on Castle and Kate. “Are you okay? Do you need medical attention for those cuts?”

“Nah! I’ll be fine, milkshakes cure all!”

“She would greatly appreciate that, thank you.” Castle spoke before she could open her mouth and Montgomery, Ryan, and Esposito stood dumbfounded when she didn’t yell at him for speaking for her. “Let’s go, Kate. I want those nicks on your neck checked out.”

Milkshakes are over in the ambulance!

“Sure, Rick.” Kate sighed. Well, at least they would not have to hide their relationship at the precinct.

YAY! Let’s all jump for joy!

She allowed him to carry her over to one of the EMTs and hover over her as they treated and bandaged the scratches on her throat, face, and stomach. Ryan and Esposito were loaded into the ambulance after Kate was finished being bandaged to get the bullets removed from them in surgery. A truck from the morgue came to pick up all the dead bodies and Castle drove Kate to her apartment after she gave her witness account to Montgomery.

“Kate, are you okay?” Castle turned to look at Kate, who was curled in a ball on the passenger side of the car.

“I’m fine, Rick.”

“I’m alright now that I have my milkshake!”

“You don’t look fine.” Rick said, pulling into the parking lot of her apartment. He turned and pulled her into his lap, carefully pulling the seat back so she would not hit the steering wheel. “Do you want to pack a bag and come to my apartment or do you want me to stay here? You choose.”

Are you making breakfast?

“How do you know that I even want to stay with you, Rick?” She teased, staring up into his eyes.

“Because even I wouldn’t want to be alone after that, and I’m usually a lonely guy.”

Creepy Old Man up ahead! Sound the alarms! ORANGE ALERT!

Castle lowered his lips down onto hers for a soft kiss, smiling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and bringing his hands to rest on her waist. “Please let me be with you.”

“I wasn’t going to refuse, Rick.” She said, grinning back up at him. “I love-”

Puke bag, where art thou?

“Excuse me?” A security guard for Kate’s building tapped his baton against the window. “Please continue this display of affection in a non public place. Exit the vehicle and be ready to accept a ticket.”

Really? REALLY?!? WTF?

“Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD,” Kate pulled her badge from Castle’s coat pocket and showed it to the security guard. “And I have been through a lot today so I would appreciate it if you would please move along.”

Yes, because she’s so above the law.


“I could have 10 uniformed officers here in 2 minutes to convince you.” Kate pulled out her phone and the guard hurried away.

Very much above the law.

“What a mood killer,” Castle said, shaking his head sadly. “He totally ruined the moment, Kate.”

“I guess I’ll have to make it up to you later, then.” She purred seductively, kissing his cheek and attempting to climb out of the car. Castle lifted her into his arms and she smiled alluringly up at him. “I’ll come to your place, I guess. If it’s not too much trouble, I mean. I don’t want you to leave Alexis home by herself for too long.”

Yes because after I’ve been almost raped, the first thing I want to do is have sex with my semi partner for the first time.

“My mother is there too, remember.” Castle reminded her, carrying her into the elevator inside her building and pushing the button for her floor. “But it’s no problem at all. Alexis is on a trip to California this week and my mother is spending a soul-searching month in Peru with Chet.”

“I didn’t know that you were all alone, Rick.” She said, surprised. “I would’ve spent more time with you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time.”

Oh please let there not be a next time…crap. There is another chapter. Frak!

Posted on June 28, 2010, in Puke Bags Needed, Shiver-n-Shake, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. badfic_addict

    oh yeay you are back. Ok, I get the main concept here…. but she was nearly raped / killed and now all she has in mind is screw Castle’s brain out??? WTH? I imagine all she would have in mind now would be like taking a 2hour-long hot shower and then getting helplessly drunk???? I can only repeat myself….WTH???

  2. Precious details. Privileged me personally I ran across your website accidentally, that i’m stunned precisely why the following coincidence didn’t happened beforehand! My partner and i bookmarked the idea.

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