Mock the Fic: Whip Cream and Chocolate Suace Part 2
Posted by BadCastleFic
Let me warn you, once you read it, you can’t unread it. Are you sure you want to continue to read this one? Its pretty much pure smut. Oh what the heck, I can’t be the only one suffering.
Stats: Title: Whip cream and chocolate sauce Author: destinysdivaforever Description: Rick Castle discovers he has feelings for Lanie Parish and moves on them. I totally forgot I wrote this. I was shuffling through an old folder and found the last chapters that I hand wrote. So I’ll be typing those up this weekend and posting the rest. Rated: M
You’ve been forewarned.
Yes because women loved being whistled at.
“I was thinking.” She took his hand and followed him to the dining room. “You set this whole weekend up didn’t you?”
That would be because it doesn’t take a bloody genius to figure out.
“There was an entire crew waiting to take over for us and everyone gets the call to a crime scene except me. Rick?” She arches an eye brow. “They call me first.”
There was an entire crew waiting for her? Huh?
“Got me.” He took her hand across the table. “I wanted this weekend. I needed to show you how I felt.”
“Well so far you’re doing a great job of it.” Castle had set the table with her favorite fruits, vegetables, a roasted chicken, and a large bottle of wine.
Wow! A table full of fruits and veggies! How romantic. Nothing says romance like mini corn on the cobs!
“Wow, you really went all out.” He smiled at her. “No strawberries?”
“Ha, I happen to know you are allergic to strawberries Dr. Parish.”
“How did you know?” She watched as he loaded her plate.
That’s because he’s creepy and likes to use the Google.
“Amy Wong brings the fruit tray to all the potlucks and you avoid it like the plague.”
“No, there are other things but the kicker came when I offered you a strawberry smoothie and you said you were allergic to them.” He grinned at her.
Really, are you sure it wasn’t the Google?
“And here I thought Beckett was rubbing off on you.”
Oh nice, mention the one woman who spurned his advances.
“Eat woman.” He attacked his food with vigor. Lanie ate at a slower pace. It had been quite a few hours since she had eaten and her stomach was protesting.
Is this supposed to represent how the sex is going to be?
“Did I tell you how incredible you look this evening?” Castle ran an appreciative eye down her lean body admiring the burgundy dress with fold over pleats and plunging neckline. He loved the view. “What kind of underwear do you wear with a dress like that?”
HA HA HA HA HA! Another horrible pick up line.
“You don’t. Eyes up top Castle.” He smiled smugly, his blue eyes shining.
“This was gifted to me by his honor himself.”
What was gifted to you by his honor himself? And who is the honor we are speaking of?
He opened the wine and handed her a glass.
“Wow this is great.”
Really, I want to know who his honor is!
“I’m glad you like it.” They made small talk while they ate, happy everything was flowing naturally. Castle finally pushed his plate away.
I’m surprised he didn’t throw it against the wall.
“Do you want to go sit by the fire?”
“That sounds nice.”
Lanie followed Castle into the living room. This is a man’s world played in the back ground.
Wow! I’m not even going to get started on this sentence. Please tell me it was the Glee version of “It’s a Man’s World” that was playing in the background.
Castle sat at the end of the couch and pulled her into his arms. Lanie snuggled against his chest. They sat in a companionable silence.
Companionable silence? HA HA HA
“You feel so good.” He whispered as he stroked her back.
That’s what she said.
“Umm,” She closed her eyes. She was suddenly very tired. “Not that I’m not interested but I should go to sleep.”
“Yeah, it’s been a long day.”
“I forgot about the great escape. Come on let’s get you to bed.”
Oh please tell me he’s going to tuck her in bed.
She followed him up to her room. Castle sat her down on the bed and removed her shoes, massaging each foot as he did.
Let me guess, foot fetish?
She took his face in her hands. Their kiss was like the others; soft and full of passion.
“You should sleep.” He said as he pulled away.
Whether it was the alcohol or his puppy dog eyes staring down at her Lanie would never know but she pulled him back to her. Slowly she took his face in her hands and kissed him again. This time Castle didn’t hesitate in returning the passionate embrace.
Wow if this is her definition of sleep, then I’d hate to see what her definition of sex is.
Her lips parted allowing his tongue to stroke hers in an erotic dance that left her panting for more. He never broke contact when he peeled her red dress off of her. His hands followed its’ the path down her body.
And here comes the Lemons!
“Real.” He giggled against her mouth as his hands caressed her breasts.
Yes because that’s just what I would want to hear while a guy sucks on my boobs.
They felt as good as he thought they would. True to her word she only wore a pair of lace panties under the dress.
He slid them down her legs caressing her as he did. His mouth latched onto her breast. Sucking and licking her taunt nipples.
Puke bag please.
“Castle…” Her fingers tangled in his hair.
“Mon dieu !” She cried when he bit down on her. His head popped up, his eyes wide.
“Ohh, French? What will you say if I do this?” His hand slides down her smooth stomach to caresses her mound. Lanie shouts and arches to meet his hand. He slips a long finger into her wetness. “Do you want this? Tell me.”
More puke bags please.
“Make love to me Rick!”
Puke bags please. STAT!
She bucked wildly under him as his thumb circled her clit. He held her tight against him rocked her through her first intense orgasm. There would be no rushing their love making, just simple deliberate caresses and passionate moans.
“Tell me in French.” He demanded his voice rough with want.
“Pour me faire l’amour” He jumped from the bed and began removing his clothes.
“You have no idea how sexy that is.” She watched as he fell trying to remove his pants. “Say something else.”
“Je amour le odeur de ton corps” She said as she crawled to him.
“What does that mean?” He was still struggling with his clothing.
“I love the smell of your body.” She took his hands in hers and pulled him back to the bed.
“Really?” She nodded slipping his boxers to the floor. His erection sprang out nearly touching her face.
“Est-ce que je peux tu toucher maintenant?” She looked up at him.
“Yes, whatever you asked yes.”
Lanie looked up at his erection. His dark spiky hairs inched up his penis. She smiled and wondered if Mr. Metro sexually had ever had a trim down there. Smiling she wrapped her tongue around him and slowly stroked him until his dick was slick.
Looks like she’s having some hairy corn on the cob! HA!
Rick placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. The sensual warmth of her mouth on him shook him to the core. He had spent many nights imagining how it would feel. He wasn’t even close. Hot, tight, and amazing were the only words that came to mind. He closed his eyes when she pulled him deep in her throat.
“Lanie.” He moaned and tried to pull away. “I’m gonna come.”
She ignored his pleas and increased her pace. Castle gripped her hair and began moving his hips in time with her mouth. He almost lost his mind when she began sucking her finger with his dick. The feeling was indescribable.
She took her hands and kneaded his ass, relaxing his tense muscles. Slowly, she slipped a finger inside him looking for any sign that he didn’t want this. Castle moaned as he slammed into her. She timed her thrust with his. She gladly took all of him in her mouth.
“Lanie baby you’re gonna make me come.”Her only response was to hum sending erotic vibrations through him. Castle couldn’t hold on any longer. He came with a grunt in her mouth gasping for much needed air. She held his twitching hips, swallowing as much of him as she could.
She released her grip on his hips and helped him lay his shaking body down.
“Jesus Lanie.” He tried to sit up but his body wouldn’t hold his weight.
Is it over yet?
“Take a load off Rick.” She laid her hand against his chest. “We’ve got all weekend.”
“I don’t think I will survive.” He laughed.
Neither will we.
Lanie woke to an empty bed. Looking around she saw Castle standing at the giant window in his pajama pants.
“It’s snowing.” He half turned to her. “Have you ever made love in the snow?”
Uh, no I prefer not to have frost bite on my boobs.
Lanie shook her head. He smiled and held out his hand to her. Without any embarrassment she walked over to him.
“You are so beautiful.” He kissed her slowly. There was no rush to their love making, just simple deliberate caresses and passionate moans when he slid into her.
Wow, a quickie that’s not so quick?
Lanie woke very early the next morning with Castle wrapped around her and his hand slowly caressing her breast. She moaned.
What happened during the day besides sex?
“No regrets.” It wasn’t a question but a commanded in a voice that she had never heard Castle use before.
“Good then can we do it again?” She laughed. “With whip cream and chocolate sauce?”
“We need a shower.” Lanie muttered into her pillow.
“Why?” Castle licked the last of the whip cream from her thigh.
“Because I think I’m stuck to the sheets.”
BWAHAHAHAHA Did he Superman you?
“How about being stuck to me?” He turned her over onto her back. He spread her legs and slid into her again. Lanie moaned in part from the delicious sensations he evoked and partially from the slight stinging pain. They had made love well into the morning.
This wouldn’t have been a problem if Castle wasn’t such a large man but he was and a girl needed time to recover. Like he had done so many times before Castle excited her to the point of bliss and the pain magically disappeared until she came down from her high.
“I need a break, Rick.” She pushed him off of her. “A girl can only take so much of a good thing before something breaks. Stop smiling.”
“Didn’t I say I have skills?” He kissed her deeply.
“Don’t make me smack you.” Castle laughed as he gathered her into his arms. “Shouldn’t you take that thing off?”
“The condom.” She looked at him.
EEEWWWWEEE Has he been using the same condom the whole time?
“We ran out around five.” He smiled again.
“Rick.” She sat up.
“I know you’re on the pill.” He pointed to the case on the dresser.
“The pill isn’t 100% and I’m not trying to birth any babies. Not yet at least. My mama would kill you if I showed up pregnant.”
Well then you shouldn’t have used the same condom over and over.
“Because I’m her baby and I’m innocent of any and all things.” She hit his chest. “If she asks me I was a virgin and you seduced me.”
“With a body like that your mama isn’t going to believe you were ever a virgin.” He smacked her butt as crawled over him. She could have gotten off on the other side of the bed but Castle discovered she liked to tease him. His favorite treat had quickly become the feel of her breast on his chest. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”
“What?” She asked fawning innocence. “There’s a wet spot over there.”
She pointed to the other side of the bed and saw several wet spots. How many times had they made love without a condom?
Oh great, now we are going to have more little Castle babies roaming around.
Castle took advantage of her distraction and flipped her over again.
“See what happens when you wake the sleeping dragon?” She squealed.
Castle nearly giggled out loud. Lanie was lying with her head in his lap sleeping. He couldn’t really blame her after all they spent the better part of the weekend in bed with only a few excursions into town. He would have liked to stay under the covers their entire time but she insisted on buying gifts for all their friends.
Yes because that’s what I think about when I’m out having a romantic adventure that includes nonstop sex.
She even talked him into buying his mother a rather expensive broach. Alexis got a new leather jacket that matched his. He surprised Lanie with a ruby and diamond ring to match a necklace she had worn to the office Christmas party. They decided he should treat Beckett and Demming to a romantic dinner and the guys could catch a court side game.
Wow, you can buy one of those in a small town in Colorado? Fabulous!
He used the planes phone to call Captain Montgomery.
“I hope your weekend went well.” Castle could hear laughter in the back ground. “Beckett is fit to be tied.”
“Hey she called it off besides I think she made the right decision.” He played with a curl.
Isn’t that like talking to her father and telling her father this? Creepy!
“Did she? Well get ready for a fire storm when you get back. There is a giant picture of you and Parish on the front page of the life and style section of the New York times.”
HA HA HA Please tell me he still has the condom on in the picture.
“What?” Castle jumped up momentarily forgetting Lanie.
“Sorry baby, sorry.” He helped her up and held up on finger when she started to talk. “What does it say?”
“Is New York’s most eligible Bachelor off the market? Hang on to your hearts ladies Richard Castle is returning from a romantic weekend with one beautiful Medical Examiner Lanie Parish. While Mr. Castle and Ms. Parish rarely left their mountain hideaway they were seen several times shopping. This reporter saw it ladies…Richard Castle purchased a rather expensive two, count them two carat ruby and diamond ring and presented it to Ms. Parish. Can you say off the market?” Montgomery laughed. “Whoo, man you do move fast and the pictures…”
HA HA HA!
“Pictures what pictures?” Castle clinched his fist and closed his eyes.
“Oh yeah, the one of you pinning Lanie against the tree is a favorite of my wife’s. She says you look so in love. But if you want the real juicy ones go to the website.”
Those must be the ones with the condom still on!
“What website? Oh yeah.” Castle looked over at Lanie who sat in her chair staring at him. “I need to go.” He slowly hung up the phone.
“What blew up in your face this time?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Oh Lanie, you have no idea.” He ran to the front of the plane and came back with a cord. “We are front page news sweet heart and I think your mama’s going to slap me.”
Wow, is he trying to be all southerny with that comment.
“Come on man make some sense.” She moved closer to him as he pulled up the website. “Oh my goodness.”
Lanie snatched the lap top away from him and began scrolling through the mountain of photos on the web page. She and Castle kissing outside the cabin, the two of them dancing in the snow, and them seating on the bed covered only in a sheet. Lanie scrolled down and read the article.
Condom still on, right?
“Well, now you’re in for it.” She kissed his cheek. “My mama will in contact you about the wedding arrangements. I don’t like white. Remember we’ll need an open bar.”
“So you’re not mad?”
“Of course I’m mad. There are half naked pictures of me on the internet but it’s not your fault.” She leaned her head on his shoulder. “So what are we going to do about this?”
Yes Castle, how are you going to fix it?
“What can we do but ride it out. If I say we’re not engaged then people will think you’re a weekend fling and that’s not true. I care about you Lanie and if people think we’re engaged let them.”
“Oh, who could say no to a proposal like that?”
“Yes I am.”
“Mama, I promise it’s not what it looks like.” Lanie sat back in the limo holding her phone up while she spoke to her mother and Castle listened.
Oh Momma’s gonna be pissed. I had a boss that I’m sure would be like Lanie’s momma and gets all sassy on the phone and tells Mr. Castle where to stick it.
“It looked like you were doing the dirty with writer man.” She could hear her mother crossing her arms over her chest. “Your daddy and I raised you better than this Lanie Marie. What am I going to tell Brother Sims? He’s been asking about you.”
Brother Sims sounds like some Amish guy. Does Lanie have an Amish admirer? You know where I live there is a Black Amish guy who has been seen on the road with his horse and buggy. I wonder if it’s him?
“Mama I have someone. We had no idea the cameras were there. You should be angry with the person who invaded our privacy and took the darn pictures.”
“Watch your mouth girl.” Harriet Parish was not happy with the latest developments in her daughter’s life but Lanie was right she had always kept her life very private. She waited for a moment knowing she couldn’t just let it go. “Well, while that is true you are fornicating with that man.”
Yes Mama, she was fornicating on the table with that man!