Mock the Fic: Mommytobe


Baby stories. Why must it always be baby stories (and snakes, but that’s a whole another movie). By now, I’m sure you all know I hate, no DETEST baby stories. They always seem to revolve around the pee stick in the bathroom of the precinct and an unexpected bundle of joy on the way. Die! Thus I am mocking yet another Castle Cliché fic: a baby cliché fic. And no, the title isn’t my spelling mistake, no that would be our wonderful authors mistake.

Stats: Title: Mommytobe Author: NikkiHeatLuver Summary: When she broke up with Demming, she thought she was done with him, but now it’s revealed that she’s never going to forget him. How will her news mess up her dating Castle. Spoiler For Season 3 Rating: T

I know i should be writing my other stories, but this idea has been bugging me for the past MONTH so I’m gonna write it. I’m sorry if characters are a bit OOC, it’s hard for me to write them as their personalities.

Oh frak. OOC? Out of character? I almost want to make a rule, if you can’t write their personalities, then write for a fandom you can.

Kate Beckett sat in the last stall of the women’s bathroom on the homicide floor of the 12th prescient in New York.

Sitting on the toilet? On the floor? What? And you do know that a prescient is beforehand knowledge, right? Kind of hard to sit on knowledge before it happens.

She felt tears start to well up in her eyes when the white screen of a pregnancy test turned into a bright pink plus sign.

What kind of cheep pregnancy test did she buy? Most have a blue plus or minus sign, or even say “pregnant” or “not pregnant.”

Beckett sighed as she hide the test at the bottom of her purse before she exited the stall.

Eeeeewwwee. She putting that pee stick in her purse? And she hid it, not hide it. Get the present/past tense right, please.

Walking over to the sink, she slashed water onto her face before entering the hallway.

She slashed water on her face? How do you slash water on your face? Is it like a knife and cuts your face?

She couldn’t believe it, how could she tell the baby’s father and her boyfriend.

Is that the same guy, or has she been sleeping around?

Beckett seemed to smile when saw the back of Castle’s head as he talked to Ryan and Esposito.

And why is it she is smiling at his back of the head?

It had been three weeks since she arrested for him for murder, two weeks since she had cleared him as a suspect ,and one week since they started dating, but it felt like a lifetime to both of them.

A lifetime, which is what it felt like reading that sentence! And was that a spoiler alert for season 3? These things should have alerts!

Now she was scared that he would leave. There was no doubt that Castle would be a great father, heck he already is, but to a child that wasn’t he, Beckett was so sure.

Beckett was so sure of what? And ooooh it’s not Castle’s baby. Tisk tisk.

She walked over to the elevator and pushed the up button. Her nerves made her more impatient than a little kid wanting ice cream. The elevator dinged, announcing its arrive, which made the boys look to see who was getting on or off. Kate walked onto it and pushed the 5th floor button.

Okay is she going to Demming’s desk? Because we all know that Homicide is on the 4th floor.

The doors enclosed the mother-to-be into the small moving platform before they reopened two floors above from where it started. Walking off the elevator, she made a beeline for the last desk. Each floor of the precinct was set up the same, three desks, two interrogation rooms, a conference room, bathrooms, stairs, and a break room. Subconsciously, she walked over to her ex-boyfriend’s desk and pulled him into the conference room by his shirt.

Wow, nothing says inconspicuous like dragging him by the shirt.

“What are you doing?” Tom Demming asked his ex-girlfriend. Beckett sighed before digging to the bottom of her purse to find the test. Without saying a word she handed the test to him.

Ewe, drop it! Pee stick!

“What is this?” He looked down at test. “You’re showing me this why…?”

Wow, Demming seems a little on the dense.

“Because it’s yours.” A small chuckle escaped Demming lips.

Congratulations! Where are my cigars? Oh wait, after all the other pregnancy fics, I’ve ran out.

“You’ve got be kidding me.”

No, I’m not. There are so many of these fics that I just don’t have any more. I’ll add it to my next Sam’s trip, calm down Demming.

“Really, Tom, you’re playing that card?”

Well it is upsetting not to have that congratulatory cigar.

“Well, what do you want me to say, that ‘I’ll be there for you’ Ha!”

Ha? Ha? WTF?

Beckett rolled her eyes before taking the test back and shoving it into her purse.

Am I the only one who has objections about carrying around a pee stick?

She left with all the robbery detectives staring at her. Rolling her eyes again she stepped into the elevator. How could i’ve thought that i was in love with that guy? How could i let me past everything and him destroy me,

How could I have thought I was too ignorant to capitalize my letter I’s?

She thought during the ride down to the 3rd floor. Once she reached her destination, Beckett stepped off of the elevator and into the homicide bullpen.

Wow you randomly capitalize the word “she” but you can’t capitalize your I’s?

“Yo, Beckett!” Esposito called out. Beckett walked over to the boys, who were standing around Esposito’s desk.

“Don’t you two have work to be doing?” She asked, leaning up against Ryan’s desk, next to Castle. Castle placed his left hand on the small of her beck, which made Beckett smile.

She’s very bipolar. Pissed then happy, pissed then happy. Pick a mood HBIC.

“No…” Ryan told his boss, eying the way Castle stood, nearly touching her. Beckett rolled her eyes before retreating back her desk, Castle following her, nearly stepping on the backs of her shoes.

And there she goes again being pissed.

She sat down and started to look something up on her computer.

“Kate?” Castle questioned before Beckett shot him a look. They had yet to tell anyone, well besides Lanie, that they were together. “Beckett?”

“Hmm?” She hummed

“Are you okay?”

Nope, she has a pee stick in her purse, how do you think she feels?

“I’m fine,” She lied, but Beckett knew that Castle could see right through her. Castle looked into her eyes as she stared at her computer screen, all he saw was hurt, worry, and fear.

Don’t forget to add: a bipolar mood swing waiting to happen.

“Come on.” Castle put his hand out after he stood up. Beckett eyed his hand without moving. “Somethings wrong, and you don’t have any work, so Remy’s?” Beckett sighed.

Yes, let’s just ditch our day jobs for a trip to Remy’s? I’m adding Remy’s to the list of Castle Clichés. I’m sick of seeing it in fanfic.

“They do have those burgers and shakes, oh why not,” She told him, taking his hand into her own. After she stood up, Castle wrapped his arm around her waist.

Way to plagiarize a Castle episode line, word for word.

Once at Remy’s, they found a booth in the back conner. After ordering their food Castle broke the silence between them. “Kate, what’s going on?” He asked, resting his hand on top of hers.

A booth in the back of Conner? Poor Conner. And that’s a crappy way to end a chapter, really.

Posted on August 23, 2010, in Clichéd Fic, Mock, NikkiHeatLuver, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. You know what kills me? I was sure this was another foreign born author. It’s not. She’s from the USA, according to her profile.

    Trite, bad spelling, bad grammar and cliche`d. That tells you it’s a 4 Star Studded Shit Pile.

    Oh, plus this author has decided to do a fic where Beckett’s new BF for the season, “Evan”–Wait! No! She had to change the name due to new info, so now it’s “Josh” (she didn’t even bother to go back and edit her chapter where she used the name “Evan”), is a….wait for it….ABUSER!

    So now we can add OOC to the list of crimes this person commits to the world of writing and fandom. UGH.

  2. Wow, thanks for the information. I’m writing a Caskett pregnancy fanfic, but I’m tired of always seeing the same thing in them all. I’ve been going through a few of these looking for ways to make it better, and this totally helps. So yeah, maybe mine while still have a few cliches but I’ll work around them and add a few twists to make them more exciting. Right now I don’t have any up on FanFiction.net, but when I tonight I hope the readers find it different.

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