Monthly Archives: September 2010

Mock the Fic: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN


Here we go again, insulting religions with this fic. Isn’t it fun being so insulting to religions? I think I’m going to hell for this.

Stats: Title: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN! Author:stevieLUVSAlexSummary:Castle is running late… JW’s are at the door, he thinks that’s the worst he has to see that day… wait until he gets to work! Kate’s on the war path… and of course they’ll be some C&B love : Rating: K

A/N: Gunshot wound to the head… yeah, Lanie got it wrong… lol!

I believe I said she wasn’t psychic.

Okay, okay, so let’s NOT blame the M.E here… the blame lies with me. I told you I was new to this crime thing.

What was our first hint, the red tape?

I do okay in character development.

Okay?

Anyways… here’s the next chapter 🙂

It was headline news in a matter of hours.

Oh no! Not the evening press! Wait, do they even do the evening press anymore?

Castle rolled his eyes as he watched the reporter give a short story,

Ah Fox News I see jumped on this story.

about a couple in the hallway of an apartment that had been shot dead, unfailing to give out the information that they were Jehovah’s Witnesses. Castle pouted.

Castle pouted? He’s pouting because Fox News is outside his apartment but not interviewing him? Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the fic: Those Jehova’s Witnesses, again Part 2


We are back to offending different religions again! Even the author admits she might have offended the religion! So thus she is now creating her own religion now!

Stats: Title: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN! Author: stevieLUVSAlexSummary:Castle is running late… JW’s are at the door, he thinks that’s the worst he has to see that day… wait until he gets to work! Kate’s on the war path… and of course they’ll be some C&B love : Rating: K

A/N: Someone brought to my attention that a JW might be offended by this. I hope they’re not… I wrote this because JW’s are well known, and I just thought it might be different and I read in an interview with Nathan Fillion that he mentioned JW’s by going house to house. I promise to any JW reading this there will be NO lies about you in here… I won’t give Jehovah a bad name.

Oh well since you mentioned Nathan Fillion then sure, go ahead, make fun of the Jehovah’s Witness.

Let the games begin… the case starts… are you ready… 🙂

There is no amount of getting ready that will prepare me for this.

Beckett was in a better mood as the day progressed, until they were called in for a homicide ~ in Castle’s apartment.

What the hell is with the squiggly letter? I don’t understand. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN!


And we are BACK! Back to our normal posts! The whole Mock the Fic Challenge was great fun! We shall have to do that again. Meanwhile, here is my new mock. If you want to start mocking a fic, please feel free to step in and do a guest mock. We always love new mockers.

Stats: Title: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN! Author: stevieLUVSAlex Summary:Castle is running late… JW’s are at the door, he thinks that’s the worst he has to see that day… wait until he gets to work! Kate’s on the war path… and of course they’ll be some C&B love : Rating: K+

A/N: I had every intention of relieving myself from FF for a while,

Damn, why didn’t you?

because I have had NO ideas flowing for my own stories,

That’s a perfect reason to quit Fanfic writing.

and then when I wrapped everything up, I had NO ideas still, but of course FF entered my mind…

You know I think you can get help for this. Please get help for this.

and I am here to bring you an unusual FF… So you know those Jehovah’s witnesses that come knocking on people’s doors… it’s about them… well sort of.

God is going to smite you for this.

Enjoy: D

Oh I’m sure I will.

Rushing for the door, Richard Castle grabbed his keys and threw the door open. He was already running late, and Detective Kate Beckett was going to tear him a new badge.

Wait, since when did Castle have a badge? This is a new revelation. Did I miss something?

She already complained about his tardiness,

Technically he’s not an employee, so why does she care?

accusing him of never taking anything seriously, which he instantly refuted. But this would prove her point, for sure.

Of course it will, because being late to a job you don’t have is a sure sign of not taking anything seriously. Read the rest of this entry

Results for Mock the Fic Challenge


And the results to the Mock the Fic Challenge is: BadCastleFic wtih 47% of the vote. But I will give the official title to FicSlayMcG with 23%! Congrats to all our writers! This was fun!!

Mock the Fic Challenge: Time for Voting!


Time to vote on which mock you liked best!

Entries are from earlier this week if you need a refresher!  Vote early, vote often! Tell your friends, tell your family, hell tell your enemies! Voting closes Sunday night at 9pm Eastern.

Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Hasn’t this Mock Challenge been fun? I know I’ve been having so much fun reading all the great mocks that I’ve been sent by my faithful readers. Our next mock is one from a big fan of the website: BadFic_Addict!

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

What hotel room? What beach?? I’m confused. You mean the Hamptons, right? But he owns a house there, so why would he be in a hotel?

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book. Wanna come? No, I’m going to try and relax. Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Alright then, but just for the record, I can be relaxing when I want to. I am ruggedly handsome-I’ve been told so.”

Huh? Is that a conversation or a monologue? What? Is he maybe on the phone? Makes no sense!

As Castle walks down the stairs to the beach, he decides he’ll go get some food from the vending machine.

Yeah I bet there is no better way to eat in the Hamptons…

He puts in his money and buys candy. As he walks away, he sees a girl and approaches her. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Hoped everyone enjoyed last nights new Castle episode. I can only imagine what bad fanfics it will spawn for us to read. While we wait for the new horrible fics to come out of the wood works, here is our second Mock the Fic challenger: Poison Pen. Tomorrow is our last participant and then Thursday you get my version of the mock. Happiness all around for the Mock the fic Challenge.

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:
First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book.

It’s a good thing that Author’s note was there, otherwise we’d never figure out that he was going down to the beach to work on his book!

Wanna come? No, I’m going to try and relax. Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Alright then, but just for the record, I can be relaxing when I want to. I am ruggedly handsome-I’ve been told so.”


Is this a conversation? Is Rick talking to himself? Is he on crank?
Also? There is nothing more relaxing than handsomeness. TRUFAX!

As Castle walks down the stairs to the beach, he decides he’ll go get some food from the vending machine. He puts in his money and buys candy. As he walks away, he sees a girl and approaches her.


As he approaches her, he opens his mouth and exhales air through his vocal chords to speak.

“Well, hello there. You’re looking at New York’s #7 bachelor. My picture was in the paper.” The girl laughs

Oh, how I wish the sentence ended there!

and says, “Wait a minute-Richard Castle? I’m a huge fan of your books! Would you like to go get some coffee?” Castle shrugs, and says sure. Holds   out his arm and walks away with the girl.


BUT DID HE EAT THE CANDY? DON’T LEAVE OUT IMPORTANT DETAILS! Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Here is the first of the three challengers of the first ever Bad Castle Fic Mock Off. Our first mocker is a previous guest mocker: FicSlayerMcG. I will be posting the new one tomorrow, the final participant on Wednesday and mine on Thursday. Voiting will be conducted on Friday-Monday.

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

What happened to his spacious Hamptons estate with a beach view and a pool good enough for suntanning naked?  Now that would be a story.

And do you really think he’d be able to get a lot of work done on the beach?  Come on, all those women in skimpy bikinis with all of those chests to be signed?

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book.

Write some more what or his book?  JONAS fanfiction?  I’ll read it, as long as the plot entails Joe and Kevin wigging out and beating the crap out of Nick for all his success outside of the Jonas Brothers.

Wanna come?

That’s what she said.

Besides, did he want to get some work done?  With a short attention span like his, he’d get more work done alone.

And according to the chapter notes, HE LEFT ALREADY.

No, I’m going to try and relax.

Is this conversation taking place in their minds?  According to the original formatting of this ‘fic’ (I use that term loosely), Castle’s having an inner monologue with himself.  Or they’re both Jedi.  You choose, BCF’ers.

Free hint:  It’s ‘try to’ instead of ‘try and.’

Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Read the rest of this entry

Friday Five Cliches


Clichés. As any reader of Bad Castle Fic will know, I hate clichés. Okay maybe I don’t hate all clichés; I hate it when a cliché is done improperly. For example, I can’t stand it when the only place Beckett and Castle ever eat at is Remy’s. Some people screamed at me after I wrote about Remy’s being clichéd that, “But BCF! It’s the only place that’s cannon in the series.” And your point to that is what again? Be original! That’s what being a writer is all about, originality. But Remy’s isn’t the only cliché I hate, so I decided to create a list of clichés that are commonly used in Castle fanfic. It’s a common trend on twitter to do a Friday Five, well here is my Friday Five of Clichés.

  1. Remys—Remy’s. What the hell is Remy’s? So we know they have burger and shakes, but what else is it? Do they only serve burger and shakes? No fries? What happens if I want a salad? And where is Remys? Is it a diner, or dive? Please, can we go somewhere else, where I can get something other than a burger and a shake? As I’ve mentioned before, this is New York, why don’t you have them go to some trendy expensive restaurant? Or heck, McDonalds when in doubt. Besides, we all know Kate Beckett is surprisingly a good cook, use it. Have her cook them a meal. Just because the girl eats take out all the time doesn’t mean she won’t cook her friends a meal.
  2. Surprise! Kate Beckett is pregnant!—I grumbled just writing that sentence. Why does all the Castle Baby stories have to pretty much focus around Kate Beckett surprisingly getting pregnant after a one time affair with Castle or in some cases, after breaking up with Demming. Really? That’s not how everyone gets pregnant! Why can’t her and Castle be trying to have a kid? Even better, why can’t she decide while being single that she wants a kid and goes through a sperm donor? You know, some women struggle to have a kid and aren’t sporting the goddess of fertility in their vagina, which seems to have made her home in Beckett’s. And why is it always after a one night stand? Does she always have to have sex with Castle, not talk about it for a month and then surprise, be pregnant?

  3. Surprise! I’m having a daughter and her name is Johanna– In those said pregnancy stories, it always seems to be that Kate Beckett names her kid, which always turns out to be a girl, some variation of the name Johanna. We get it! She’s remembering her mom. That’s great and all, but that doesn’t mean she names her kid after her dead mother. This rarely happens in real life. My mom’s mom died when she was young, but that didn’t mean she named ether one of her two daughters the same name as her mom. It just doesn’t happen that often in real life. While touching as it may be, it only happens in fiction. And while we are at the naming cliché, why are all the kids’ girls? Can’t she have a boy? I have yet to see a single piece of fanfic that has Kate Beckett pregnant with a boy.
  4. Castle’s bored and is watching Beckett do paperwork—Once again, this is something that happened once in an episode. ONCE! That doesn’t mean you need to keep your grubby little fan hands around it and use it in every little piece of fanfic. Why can’t he just be at the precinct to hang out with the guys to watch the game on the breakroom tv? He doesn’t have to just be there to watch her do paperwork let alone be there because she’s there. There can be other reasons for him to be at the precinct. Use them! Once again folks, you are a creative author, use that creativity.
  5. Castle and Beckett kiss, but Beckett has a breakdown—Where did the idea that Kate Beckett can’t handle her emotions come from? Never before in the history of Castle episodes have we seen Kate Beckett breakdown when it comes to romance. Sure she had problems making her mind up in the season 2 finale, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to break down and close everyone off. In all her other relationships we never got the hint that she was the weakling that couldn’t handle the emotions. If I’m not mistaken, she broke up the relationships each time. But just because she’s the dumper doesn’t mean that she’s emotionally damaged and can’t handle romancing Richard Castle. I know that we all have our relationship problems, but don’t put your relationship insecurities into Kate Beckett and Richard Castle’s fictional relationship.

Mock the Fic: If it were this easy


Today’s mock is going to be officially the smallest mock ever! I have a feeling this opener is going to be longer than the fic. How sad is that? I’m not sure if I can even mock this properly because its so short. On second thought, yes I can. Sorry if you were expecting more of a longer mock today. Maybe this is a hint you should be working on your mock for my challenge (hint hint!).

Stats: Title:if it were this easy Author: kbeckett96 Summary: this story is very short and straight to the point Rating: K

“Castle”

I’m guessing we are short on characters we can use so we aren’t using punctuation?

“yes Beckett”

Well Thank-God capitals were free and we didn’t spare no expense when using those.

“kiss me already”

And everything I just said went out the window about the whole free capitalizing of letters.

and that was that

This is it? Just like that? I think I have twitter posts that have more substance than this fic. Was this a less than 100 words fic challenge? Or are you just too lazy and uncreative to write more?

its just what i wish would happen

Thank-God most people’s imagination and writing has more substance than yours. Even all the other badfic authors that I’ve mocked have more substance than this.

“Castle”

“yes Beckett”

“kiss me already”

and that was that

its just what i wish would happen

Mock the Fic: The Chick and the Surfer part 2


This fic has turned from just an AU to having serial killer undertones.Lets just say that Kate Beckett will ignore everything us women have ever been taught. But don’t say I didn’t warn her when she gets killed and her body is dumped on the side of some abandoned rode in Down Town, NY.

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

There in front of them stood their hunky instructor. He was tall with dark brown hair, piercing blue eyes and his chiseled torso and arms showing through his button down shirt.

All three, Kate in particular had to fan themselves even though it was on the cool side in Santa Cruz that day.

Well someone is fueling the male ego.

“My name is Rick Castle. Is there a Ms. Kate Beckett amongst you?” asked the hunky surfer.

And if you hadn’t seen that one coming then I have some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

Kate froze; the surfer was asking for her and yet she can’t move.

If this had been my friends they would’ve laughed and tossed me to the front.

“Um, I am,” said Kate before she could stop herself.

“Well Ms. Beckett, it looks like you and your friends are the lucky ones today. So if you want, I can give you a personal one-on-one lesson and arrange one for each of your friends.”

Is that what the cool kids are calling it these days?

All three of them gaped.

Kate thought this is too good to be true. He is too cute to pass this up.

Lanie and Madison thought Kate is so lucky to have an instructor immediately take interest in her.

And once again I’m sure at this point my friends would all tell him that they were all me. I have such lovely friends. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Summers Over


I don’t know how to describe this next mock. It’s up there with the story I posted for the Mocking challenge. Bad. Not just bad bad, but Horribly Bad. Words cannot describe it properly. But I will warn you, you might want to get a gun and find the author to shoot them, so please leave all shot guns locked up for your own safety.

Stats: Title:Summers over Author: kbeckett96 Summary: rick is back after a long summer Rating: K

It had been a long summer. With Castle gone Kate Becketts days were often very quiet.

Wow, the apostrophe is free. Please feel free to use it.

But summer was over now and she really wasnt sure if he would be coming back.

I’m sure we can blame this crappy author for this crappy fic if Castle doesn’t come back.

She got up to get a cup of coffee when she heard “Kate!” she whipped around and saw Castle himself running towards her.

Like OMG! He’s back! Let’s have a party.

He ran over and picked her up in a big bear hug kissed her on the cheek and set her down.

Wow! That was very unCastle like.

She just stood there. “did ya miss me detective?”

Wow, I’m impressed that you know how to use the question mark. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic Challenge:You too can mock a fic!


I’ve had some request in the past for a Mocking Contest and while it was a fantastic idea, I just never sat down and thought up the logistics, until now. I have a fic I have found that is so bad, not even I can resist from mocking it by ripping it into pieces. But instead of me having all the fun, I want YOU to join in with me and mock it too!

Here’s the deal! I am posting a fic for you down below. Its a bad one, trust me. I will be giving you seven full days to come up with your perfect mock for the story. Rip it to pieces, laugh at it, be snarky, whatever works for you, works for me. And I will post the mocks on BadCastleFic.com for Monday, September 20th (Castle Season 3 Premiere day!) post and I will let you, the readers, decide which fic wins. Now warning, I too will have a mock in the mix, but I’m sure you all will know my style of mocking from the rest. Please email your entries no later than midnight on Friday September 17th. You can send your entries to: BadCastleFic@gmail.com. Once received and posted on the 20th, I will let you vote that week and announce the winner the following Monday.

Ready for the fic?

Are you sure you are ready because it’s going to make you want to spork your eyes out.

Okay, here goes: Crime in the Hamptons by AEK7897

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Chick and The Surfer


Let’s take a crack at mocking an AU fic. Although in my opinion all the crap fics we mock here are AU, but this one specifically mentions the fact that it is an AU. I shall warn you, this has a rant by me about a certain theme park that shall remain nameless in this section that I hate and want my money back from going to visit there. Meanwhile back on the ranch, this fic sure is such a fun one to mock. So let’s sit around the camp fire and hear about the stories of what if Kate Beckett…

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, Andrew W. Marlow and ABC do.

Thank-God they do because I’d hate to see what you would do with the show if it was in your hands.

Author’s Note: Total AU story idea. A random story idea that wouldn’t leave me alone.

This is what bothers you at night? I’d hate to see what idea’s you forget about.

What if Kate’s mother had not been murdered and both Rick and Kate had different careers. No Sorenson or Demming in this story.

No Demming? 😦

A/N 2: First chapter is a set up of what is to come. I apologize for making Kate, Lanie, or Madison a bit OCC.

They are Obsessive Compulsive Cats? Orange County Choppers? Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics?

Beta’d by: Beckett NYPD

Well then I demand perfection!

Life is good. Kate Beckett and her friends Lanie Parish and Madison Queller were enjoying the California sun.

Oh good for them. That’s just wonderful.

Kate’s parents gave Kate and her two best friends a three-travel package to California for her, Lanie and Madison as a graduation gift.

Wow, and to think all I got for graduation was a blue topaz ring and a card.

It was natural for them to go together as they have been inseparable since grade school.

Well I’m sure it would be since I’m sure her parents bought it as a travel package for them to go together!

They spent one week in San Diego and Los Angeles and two weeks in Northern California.

Okay…

In San Diego they went to Sea World,

Ugh, don’t remind me how much I hate Sea World. Most disappoint theme park ever! Don’t even get me started on this place. I could rant for hours. I’m double sure Castle would never subjugate his daughter to going to Sea World, let alone Kate Beckett lowering herself to go there. Oh and I call it Puke World because I swear some kid always throws up there. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: History Repeats Itself


For a change of pace, we have a fic from A Deadly Affair. It features our favorite Detectives Dad (whom I shall now name Daddy Dearest) and well at least it doesn’t feature a story about going to Remys.

Stats: Title: History Repeats Itself Author: Maukraui Summary: 2×24 elaboration. Beckett family talk and advice. Just read and judge. One-shot. Enjoy Rating: T+

I have absolutely NO idea how I came up with this. I just did.
Enjoy!

Oh great, that’s a wonderful way to start a fic by stating you don’t know why you are writing something.

History Repeats Itself

With another bad fic.

Kate was walking to the restaurant where she’d arranged to meet her father. It was a little over midnight by now and she’d had a nice date with Tom.

Wow, my mom would tell me that whatever it was, it could wait till the morning. My Dad would just grumble and hang up on me.

But her mind had been everywhere but there. So she’d called her dad for a late night meeting, luckily the restaurant was open 24/7.

Is it Remy’s?

She still couldn’t shake Esposito’s words.

She couldn’t shake “Mother freakin Snakes, on a Mother freakin plane?

For a change of pace, we have a fic from A Deadly Affair. It features our favorite Detectives Dad (whom I shall now name Daddy Dearest) and well at least it doesn’t feature a story about going to Remys.

Stats: Title: History Repeats Itself Author: Maukraui Summary: 2×24 elaboration. Beckett family talk and advice. Just read and judge. One-shot. Enjoy Rating: T+

I have absolutely NO idea how I came up with this. I just did.
Enjoy!

Oh great, that’s a wonderful way to start a fic by stating you don’t know why you are writing something.

History Repeats Itself

With another bad fic.

Kate was walking to the restaurant where she’d arranged to meet her father. It was a little over midnight by now and she’d had a nice date with Tom.

Wow, my mom would tell me that whatever it was, it could wait till the morning. My Dad would just grumble and hang up on me.

But her mind had been everywhere but there. So she’d called her dad for a late night meeting, luckily the restaurant was open 24/7.

Is it Remy’s?

She still couldn’t shake Esposito’s words.

She couldn’t shake “Mother freakin Snakes, on a Mother freakin plane? Read the rest of this entry

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