Mock the Fic: Undercover part 1
Posted by BadCastleFic
I don’t understand the need to crossover two shows that obviously have nothing in common and shouldn’t be crossed over. I get the idea of crossing Law and Order characters over with Castle (ooh McCoy as our DA on Castle? AWESOME!) But crossing Castle with Glee makes me want to bang my head against the wall and go WTF?! Obviously these two don’t exist in the same universe, or genre. And I will be seriously disturbed and will cry “JUMP THE SHARK!” if we have a music episode of Castle. So folks, if you can’t tell, we have yet another Glee/Castle crossover fic. Why the hell anyone picks this pairing is beyond me. I know I said I was taking the holiday weekend off, but I had too many people tell me about this fic and ask me to mock it asap that I present a “special” Saturday holiday mock. It has my favorite clichés in it: working undercover (sorry, no baby in this one, yet)!
Once again, weird formating warning: I didn’t format this fic, this was all the authors work.
This is my first crossover, hope you like it
And hopefully last. What the hell are we even crossing this fic over with?
Chapter one: To Ohio
I dread going to Ohio, I really really do.
Kate Beckett sat behind her desk. It was a normal day, without a case. Castle went home to work
on his book. Ryan and Esposito were having lunch, when the captain called her in to his office.
I think we’ve had this conversation before, please stop talking to me like I’m 2. Unless you are attempting to write the newest Olivia book, then stop talking down to me! Die.
“Beckett,” The captain said.
“In my office” She walked into his office.
Wow, do you also jump when the Captain says jump?
“What’s wrong, sir?”
“Sit down” She sat down and he continued.
Did Castle die? Or maybe it was Alexis.
“I think I have a case for you, but it’s a case that’s going to take much from you and I want to know if you want to do it”
And now the punctuation has ended. Lovely. It’s all downhill from here. Let’s take a drink of KBeck’s favorite alcoholic drink, Vodka (or coffee depending on the time of day) for every bad grammar mistake the author makes.
“What’s it about?”
I’ve been asking myself the same question when it comes to this horrible fic.
“We’re chasing a serial killer. He escaped from the jail, a long time ago, and was untraceable, until a few days ago.”
He escaped from “the” jail? Is this “the” jail in Down Town, NY? Or have we all just come to accept (Will) Riker’s Island as the new THE jail?
“Where is he?”
OH NO! Not Ohio! What will the Ohioans ever do?
“Ohio? What has a serial killer to do in Ohio?”
Yes, do pray tell, what will a serial kill do in Ohio? I hear there isn’t much to do in Ohio.
“I don’t know. We only know is that he is a concierge at a school, the William McKinley High School,
What? Schools have concierge desks? Why didn’t I know this? Oh, that’s right, they are called secretaries. How silly of me to forget.
we think he is there because he has found his next victim.”
By being a secretary? Oh and time to take a drink!
“How can he get a job?”
Really, how did he get a job as a secretary? Did he put a wig on with some heels and go incognito?
“He changed name, he had plastic surgery. He changed everything”
Everything as in everything? So he tossed his corn on the cob? Oh and don’t forget to take a drink.
he showed her to pictures, it
where two very different people.
Okay folks, let’s take another drink!
“And you are sure it’s him?”
I’m positive we need to take another drink again.
“So what do I have to do with it?”
Do with what? The picture? Study it Dummy.
“We want you to go undercover and find him before he killed someone”
That’s a double drink! Sheesh, I hope you all are using coffee because otherwise this is going to be one hellishly drunk/hungover day.
“Okay, but why me and not one of their own cops?”
Wow Becks, we’ve been asking the same question the whole time we’ve been reading this crapfic.
“Everyone knows every cop there, so if one of them goes they will know that something is wrong.”
So he’s posing as a secretary in a small town and has had sex with all the other cops? Awesome!
“So you want to do it?”
Not really, but since this is a crapfic, I guess we have to.
“Of course, I will do everything I can to find this bastard.”
“I’m sure of that” he nodded.
Just as I’m sure we are going to have to take a drink. Do you know how to punctuate your sentences at all?
“So what is my cover?”
Obviously it’s not being an English teacher. How about a maid? I’m sure if the school has a concierge’s desk, they need a maid too.
MATH? BAWAAHAHAHAHAHA WTF and why math? Was the choir teacher position already taken…oh frak. This is a Glee fic, isn’t it?Between that revelation and the bad grammar, double drinks all around!
“Okay, I think I can do that”
Really? Like we’ve ever seen her mad math skills! Drink please.
“Good. We have a place and everything for you.”
Drink. Let me guess, Mr. Schue is putting her up.
“Do you think that you can go tomorrow?” he asked
“Yeah, I think so. I will get packed and tell my dad and come along tomorrow morning for the last
Wait, is her Dad coming too? Huh? I’ve taken way too many drinks and I now have to take another one.
“Okay, good. I’m glad you want to do it”
Drink. And I don’t want to do this.
“Of course sir, will you inform the others, except Lanie, I’ll go tell her myself.”
So you will tell Lanie but not Castle? Chicken shit. And don’t forget to take a Drink.
“Of course” with that Kate walked out of his office and to the morgue.
Kate walked in the morgue. “Hey girl! What are you doing here? There isn’t a case you know,” Lanie
That was random. What exactly is she doing then? Cutting up the drugs to snort them?
“I know, but I have to tell you something”
“I’m going away for awhile”
“Go like, gone?” Kate nodded “Where?”
“Ohio? What are you going to do there?”
Trust me, we’ve been asking the same question this whole time.
“Working at a school”
“What is this about? You have work here”
Drink, and trust me, we’ve said the exact same thing Lanie.
“I know. It’s for a case. There a serial killer escaped from jail and is now a concierge at that school
and I have to catch him”
Would someone for the love of Pete’s sake please tell me what a concierge at a school is? Do they help you get someone to do your homework for you? Or can I call them for concert tickets? Oh and I’m sure they would remind me to take a drink too.
“They have cops there, why can’t they do it?”
Because this is a crapfic and the author needs an excuse to crossover with Glee and to make me want to use mind bleach.
“Then the children will know that something is wrong, they know every cop there”
“When do you leave?”
“Wow! That’s fast!”
Hopefully it’ll get quicker, I have to pee now.
“I know, but if it takes long, you can visit sometime?”
BWAHAHAHA and we can all sing a song together!
Hoo boy! The Sing-A-Long Castle episode! Drink.
“I go tomorrow morning to the precinct, maybe you can come to and say goodbye?”
“I’ll be there”
Kate smiled, it was hard to go, but she had to do it for the country.
Why? Is she now a Marine or in the Army or something?
Kate drove home. The first thing she did was call her dad. She had a hard time explaining it, but he
understood and would come along the next morning to say goodbye.
Is this going to be a party now?
She had told Lanie and her dad,
but it was weird.
Maybe that’s because she hasn’t told Castle yet.
She didn’t know when she came back. She hoped that Ryan, Esposito and Castle
would take it well.
Since this is a crapfic, I’m guessing Castle won’t and will come with you.
When Kate had packed and eaten, she went to bed.
The next morning Kate woke up around nine.
Sleeping in much?
She had her morning coffee when her dad came in. He
was the only one who had, besides her, a key from her apartment.
Oh lucky him.
Together, they did everything in
I don’t want to know what they were doing in the car. LA LA LA LA.
Now she was ready to go.
“Bye dad” she said and gave him a hug.
“Bye Katie and be careful” She felt like she was eight again,
No she didn’t that’s only because the writer of this crapfic is actually only 8 years old. Oh and drink.
he always said that.
“I will dad, and I’ll call you”
He gave he a kiss on her head and they let go each other. Kate stepped in
her car and drove to the precinct.
Wasn’t she already in her car? I thought they were doing everything in the car. I’m confuzzled.
Everyone was there and looked to her. She knew that the captain had told everyone. She greeted
Ryan, Esposito and Castle. She didn’t walk to her desk as usual, but walked to the captain’s
office. “Sir, I’m ready to go”
Sir, I’m ready for a drink.
“Okay good. Here, it’s you new home” He gave her a route description and keys.
So just like that she has a new house?
“I know it’s not for ever
but it’s going to be your home for awhile. The school is five minutes from your house”
A frakin house? I hope it’s a rental. Drink.
No, thank-you for the drink.
“You will be received by the guidance counsellor,
Be received by the guidance councilor? How do you get received? Is the Captain gifting her to them?
tomorrow, and you really start Monday, until then
you will be with the guidance counsellor, her name is Emma and she will show you everything”
Drink. And can you for the love of Pete spell councilor? SPELL CHECK! Frakkin use it, please!
He nodded and gave her a hand. “Bye, Kate, I hope I see you soon.”
Wow! How out of character for him to call her Kate.
She walked out of his office and saw the three boys, her three boys looking at her.
She stood in front of them. She didn’t really want to say goodbye, because she knew it wasn’t
forever. “You really going?” Castle asked.
Oh fear not Castle, I’m sure you’re going to be joining her soon.
“Yes, but it isn’t forever.”
I wish it was.
“But you also don’t know when you come back.”
If only that was the case. But knowing this authors track record, she’ll update within a week.
“That’s true but we keep in touch.”
“We will.” They shook hands.
Aww, it’s a reverse season ender. I hope he says, “see you in the fall!”
“We gonna miss you” Esposito said
No you won’t. Drink.
“I’m going to miss you guys too”
There was a silence
Awkward! Must be time for a drink.
“Don’t solve too much cases without me” she sarcastically.
Double drink for the use of much and lack of period!
“We won’t and we let the creepy ones wait for you” They said laughing.
That makes no sense. Drink.
There was again a silence.
“It looks like you guys think that I am going to leave forever, but I will be back soon. Maybe you won’t
even know that I’m gone”
“How can we not know that our boss is gone?”
“Okay, maybe you will but you can always come along if you miss me. I have a whole house!”
KEGGER AT HBIC!
“We’ll come soon”
We’ll bring the jello! Drink.
They hugged and she walked to her car. Everyone walked with her. Lanie had joined them.
When did Lanie join them?
She gave Lanie a hug and stepped into her car. She waved and went to Ohio.
Wow! I wish my road trips were that quick!
A nine hour trip, to her case.
A nine hour trip that got summed up in ten words? Wow, what a prolific author.
Am I really going to do this? She asked herself. Yes, you are she answered in her head.
Oooh are the funny little voices talking to HBIC now? I hope they tell her to kill the bad author of this fic.
Posted on September 4, 2010, in Brain Bleach, Clichéd Fic, Down Town, holiday, LuckyLaughe, Uncategorized and tagged Author, Castle, Crossover, Kate Beckett, Ohio. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.