Mock the Fic: Summers Over


I don’t know how to describe this next mock. It’s up there with the story I posted for the Mocking challenge. Bad. Not just bad bad, but Horribly Bad. Words cannot describe it properly. But I will warn you, you might want to get a gun and find the author to shoot them, so please leave all shot guns locked up for your own safety.

Stats: Title:Summers over Author: kbeckett96 Summary: rick is back after a long summer Rating: K

It had been a long summer. With Castle gone Kate Becketts days were often very quiet.

Wow, the apostrophe is free. Please feel free to use it.

But summer was over now and she really wasnt sure if he would be coming back.

I’m sure we can blame this crappy author for this crappy fic if Castle doesn’t come back.

She got up to get a cup of coffee when she heard “Kate!” she whipped around and saw Castle himself running towards her.

Like OMG! He’s back! Let’s have a party.

He ran over and picked her up in a big bear hug kissed her on the cheek and set her down.

Wow! That was very unCastle like.

She just stood there. “did ya miss me detective?”

Wow, I’m impressed that you know how to use the question mark.

Kate started laughing as she said “acually Castle I was enjoying the silence” which she knew in her heart was a lie

And the same goes for the period button, it’s also free, please use it!

“Oh that hits hard Beckett you wound me” she was about to reply when Ryan and Espisito walked up.

That’s a run-on sentence if I’ve ever seen one. And wow, I like the new way of spelling Esposito. It’s like how the Chihuahua Tito from Disney’s Oliver and Company would say it. “Oh hey man, Espisito!”

“oh hey bro your back” said Espisito “did ya miss me”

I have no clue who just said the last question, nor why the author can’t use the question mark in the last sentence.

Ryan gave him a slap on the back “ya man its not the same around here wen your gone.

And once again, Tito makes a comeback. “Hey man! It’s not the same!” Oh and please use your spell checker for the love of Tito!

Lanie turned the corner

I’m guessing we are done with the quotation mark since we are starting a new character…

“oh look at that writer boys back”

I’m breathing, I swear I’m not going to kill anyone.

Captain Montgomery heard the commotion and came out of his office ” Castle good to see you!”

Congratulations! You use the quotation marks correctly! Well somewhat correctly since there is a random space.

“good to see you to captain”

Ah the wonderful to/too/two problem. I never understood why this is so hard for people to understand. I guess I should give you props for not using the number two.

“can you guys excuse me for a sec?” said castle.

Well at least you used the quotation marks and the question mark correctly. Too bad you capitalize your words for shit.

he walked over to Kate and said “I really need to talk to you in private tonight if thats oka with you will you stop by?”

Wha-huh? Please for the love of Tito, use that spell checker. If you press F7, it will pop up automatically for you. And please stop making Castle sound like a 15 year old girl.

“umm ya sure Castle”

And now Beckett is 15, great. And the mysterious period is gone too.

“okay great” he turned to everyone and said “Lunch is on me!”

Yay! Lunch is on the author. Let’s all send our request for lunch to this author. Hmm… I’m thinking crab legs!

(hours later)

Wow, seriously feels like a lifetime later.

lunch had gone great and now he headed home it was just him though his mom and Alexis were still gone.

Please learn how to not only use the period button but also the comma button.

But around 7 o clock he heard a knock. “well hello detective nice to see you aagain

I’m trying not to cry but this fic is just making me want to kill myself! Why does again have two a’s and where is that pesky quotation mark?

“hey Castle”

Yes, because I’m sure that would be how Beckett would greet him at the door. But I’m sure she would at least capitalize her first letter.

“come in take a seat dinners just about ready”

Breathe.

“oh you made dinner you didnt have to I-”

Breathing.

“nonsense i needed to talk to you so i made dinner”

Where is my friggin gun? I really need to kill an author.

“bonappetite” “smells good so any ways what did you wanna talk about”

Now where did I put those bullets?

” why didnt you tell me”

Now how do I put those into the gun again? I want to make sure I get it right the first time with the first shot.

“tell you what” “about demming about how you broke up with him”

I’m cocking the gun.

“how do you know about that?” Lanie told me “well i dont know why does it matter ”

AHHHHHHHH Where is the author?

” that day wen i was leaving the look on your face was telling me you had more to say to me than have a great summer and I couldnt tell what it was until now”

How hard is it to spell when? It’s not hard!

“Kate did you have more to say?” They had finished eating now and they cleaned up after they went and sat on the couch both on oppisite ends

Well good, I’d hate for them to sit on each other’s laps.

“kate what did you want to telll me ”

That whole sentence just made Baby Jesus cry.

“look it doeant matter now your with gina” “wait you think that im with Gina? no no no she left right after I finished the book the womans crazy i mean theres a reason where divorced”

No, scratch that. That sentence made Baby Jesus cry.

But I wanted to tell you something” Kate wasnt moving she couldnt move and now he was moving closer there knes were touching now and she was staring into the bright blue eyes that she had grown to love and to miss.

And could that sentence get any longer? And why do authors always make KBecks into a 15 year old drama girl?

“Kate research isnt why I follow you around your extroidenary and I cant live with out you”

OMG I would die without you! Please. And if she’s so extraordinary, then you should learn to spell it right.

he was so close to her now just inches apart and he leaned closer and she closed her eyes . his hands came up carressing her face and he kissed her lightly but with passion that made her heart melt.

It was a light kiss with passion? What romance novel have you been reading? Twilight?

(the next day)

God it feels like a week later.

that next day wen kate

IT’S WHEN! Add the fricken H!

arrived at the 12th castle handed her her coffee

Wow, extra her!

just like always he acted the same way he always did except he stood a little closer sometimes placed his hand on the small of her back when they walked,

Creepy.

and everyone noticed but they didnt say anything for now this was okay

WTF? For now this was okay? What?

this is what they needed a small step in the growing relationship

Period!

Now when kate and rick looked at each other there eyes

I should’ve known if the to/too/two got you, then so would the there/their/they’re. Buy a friggin spell checker please. Or better yet, a beta reader!

locked telling a story that her heart no longer guarded. And Kate deicieded things would be back to normal just like always except now there would be a change and she liked this change.

Is it over? Please tell me this stupid piece of crap is over! I don’t think I can handle much more without having to go to jail.

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Posted on September 13, 2010, in Brain Bleach, kbeckett96, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Wow, I mean wow. But really should we be that hard on someone who obviously doesn’t have English as their/there first language. Or second.

    And spell check is soooooooooooooooo tedious to use. Why eve bother with a beta? It’s just easier to/too/two make yourself look uneducated. Did we see any double negatives? Maybe we can look forward to that in the sequel “Life After Suicide”

  2. Thanks for this great post. The info I have gained from your blog is truly encouraging

  3. yeah my dad will like this

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