Monthly Archives: December 2010

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt chapter 9


I really really really wish this would end, but it won’t. It just won’t end. This chapter is just a waste of time reading and I swear all the characters are out of character.

 

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to update. I was both out of internet credit and out of ideas.

Imagine that. What are you using, the library computer? Must be hard to write a book at a library that will never have it available for people to check out.

But now I am back on track, so thank you for your patience. Enjoy =)

I am sure I won’t enjoy.

Beckett was at a loss. Unable to come up with a good come back for castle,

I’m guessing the shift button on the keyboard at said library is broken. No, wait, never mind you capitalized Beckett.

she turned to Alexis for help. She and Ashley sat with Beckett one afternoon, when the sun beamed down on them, as they sat sun-baking on the beach.

“I need to get your father back,” Beckett insisted.

Yes, let’s lower HBIC to a new low and have to ask his daughter for help.

“Why don’t you play the shark game?” Ashley suggested gesturing towards the water. “That’s always a hoot. I have the fin if you want to borrow it.”

What the hell is the shark game, and why does he have a fin? Give a hoot, play the shark game?

Beckett shivered at the very idea. “No thanks, Ash. I don’t like sharks, its why I don’t swim in the beach water. He wouldn’t fall for it.”

Or it could be because its 40 effing degree’s outside.

The three of them pondered another idea.

Alexis sat up on the towel and grinned. “I got it!” she announced.

What, a cold?

Beckett was listening. “Okay…”

She turned to her boyfriend. “Don’t freak out on me, Ash.”

What, are you going to tell her dad that Ash gave her genital warts? Read the rest of this entry

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Castle Five Cliché’s: Kate Beckett edition


Castle fanfic clichés. I know this is something I’ve covered many times. However, it is a topic that never seems to go away. Thus I bring you part two of my Castle Five Cliché Series- this time the Kate Beckett Clichés.

1. Kate Beckett is like an onion – This is a cliché that has roots in the season one episode “Home is Where the Heart Stops.” The quote references how Kate Beckett reads book reviews, which surprises Castle, leaving her to reply, “Oh, so many layers to the Beckett onion. How will you peel them all?” Sure, it was a great way to describe Beckett to an audience who, just like Castle, were getting to know who she is outside of her badge and gun persona. Since this is from season one, a season that only had 10 episodes, I will give all fanfic writers a free pass on using this if you wrote your fic before October 2009. Before that point we didn’t know a whole lot of info about her, but if you wrote your fic after that point, then shame on you for using this cliché. Why October of 2009? Because after that point, the second, and less used cliché was used to describe herself as a book. I don’t know about anyone else when you think of onion layers, but I think of Shrek. Ogres are like onions, and Kate Beckett is no ogre.

 

2. Kate Beckett smells like cherries – Once again, we have a phrase that was said once in one episode, and it has exploded beyond control in fanfics. Yes, we are all aware that Castle smelled her hair/neck area and commented that she smelled like cherries, and ever since then fanfic writers have been trying new ways of making sure that all fans are aware that Kate Beckett smells like cherries. Just what every girl wants to smell like, a walking fruit salad. There are two good examples of Kate Beckett smelling like cherries in fanfic. Example number one: Kate Beckett smells like cherries because it’s what her mother smelled like. Oh yes, every girl wants to smell like their dead mom every day. I know her mom’s death is very much part of the Kate Beckett persona, but she doesn’t need to smell like her. That’s creepy. Does her dad get turned on when his daughter is around because she smells like his deceased wife? Example number two: after having sex, Castle makes a comment telling her that she smells like cherries. This one puts a whole new meaning to the Marcy Playground song: Sex and Candy. I’m sorry, but after having sex, I truly doubt she still smells like cherries. And if she does, then it must not have been good sex.

 

3. Bitter Bitchy Beckett – I never understood why fanfic authors seem to make Kate Beckett bitter, and bitchy. Authors seem to be hooked on the Kate Beckett we saw in season one episode “Nanny McDead.” Of course in that episode she was bitchy and bitter. She had just got saddled with a civilian who almost got himself killed on her previous case. Wouldn’t you be bitter too? But that Beckett has grown since then. She’s accepted her partnership with a civilian. Sure she cracks jokes about his theories, and gives him a hard time. I don’t understand why authors must make her act like she hates Castle with a burning passion that rivals the energy the sun produces. I’m just going to chalk this one up to being Mary Sue Beckett.

 

4. Kate Beckett lives at the precinct – I don’t know why authors think that Kate Beckett has no life and thus spends all her time at the precinct. This cliché comes in many different disguises. Sometimes it dresses up as Castle tries to take her on vacation and gets the Captain and the guys help by reminding them she hasn’t taken a vacation day, ever. Or some clever authors dress it up as she’s at the precinct during the weekend, working on paperwork. On a few rare occasions Kate Beckett is found asleep at her desk the next morning having not left the precinct the night before. Once again, this one comes from once again, season one. In the episode “A Death in the Family,” Kate Beckett has the gang come back to work on the weekend and is mentioned that she had been there since the wee hours of the morning. I’m sure we all would do the same if we felt responsible for our ex being shot. However, since that episode, we’ve discovered that Kate has used up all her vacation time hunting for a new place, and that she has planned to go on a vacation with then boyfriend Tom Demming. I think it’s safe to say, she doesn’t live at the precinct and does take advantage of her vacation time.

 


5. Kate Beckett only drinks vodka – Are you starting to see the trend? All but one of these clichés have origins that go back to a season one episode. Yes, we all know that Kate Beckett spent a semester in Russia. Yes, we all know Kate Beckett likes vodka. But those two doesn’t mean that she only drinks vodka. We saw her drink a beer in “A Deadly Affair,” which was also when we were told she could drink you under the table. We’ve also seen her drink wine in season 2, therefore I am sure she drinks other alcoholic drinks besides vodka. Let’s not forget that in “Last Call” that it was too early for vodka-which shows that for Kate Beckett, there is a time and place for vodka. So do us all a favor, learn a new drink and have her drink it. Hell, give her a margarita for all I care.


Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 8 (ugh)


I hope everyone had a great Christmas! I hate to say this but we still have five more chapters after this one of this crap fic. I’m bound and determined to finish this, which means you too are going to finish it too. I’ve had some suggestions on next fic to jump over to after this one is finished, so fear not, BadCastleFic will continue into the new year. If you want to mock a fic, or know a fic to mock, feel free to email me at BadCastleFic@gmail.com.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

 

A/N: I give you Castle’s next prank… sorry it took so long (longer than I usually upload), but I have other things I have to put first… like MY OWN novels and social activities I can’t get out of. =)

Wow, aren’t you just special. Is this your way of saying that you have a life? If so, I don’t believe you.

Castle had to wait for the right moment. But when Beckett stood from her spot on the beach

I still don’t understand where the hell they are camping.

and excused herself, he took his chance to pounce. He knew he was going to beat her this round, as he went about making the needed changes.

Alexis came out of the water.

Do I dare remind you, brrrrrr.

“Dad, what are you doing?” she eyed him suspiciously.

“Shhhh,” he warned placing a finger to his lips. “If you blow my cover, I will tell Ashley’s parents you did the dirty deed in a cave when they had their backs turned,” he threatened playfully.

Wait, what? This place has a cave and we haven’t gone exploring yet? Oh and they had sex or is the dirty deed just pooping in the Batcave?

Alexis’ mouth dropped open. “You wouldn’t?”

Castle loved a challenge. He raised an eyebrow.

Isn’t he acting a bit nonchalant about his daughter pooping in a cave?

“Okay,” she cried defensively. “I won’t tell. Geez,” she walked away then and joined Ashley on the sand.

To have sex.

The two of them attempted to build sandcastles.

So is that what the kids are calling sex these days? Making sandcastles. BadCastleFic new defintion of making sandcastles is: “To have sex with a member of the Castle Family. For example: Kate Beckett is just dying to make sandcastles some day with Rick.” I’ll have to use that one sometime. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Not Quite Clarence


Merry Christmas to all my BadCastleFic fans! I hope Santa brought grammar books to all our favorite bad authors! Here is a Christmas fic to honor the holiday. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza! Robot Santa will be visiting everyone with lots of goodies! I apologize, WordPress is having issues today and won’t let me format this post. Merry Christmas to me, thanks WordPress.

Title: Not Quite Clarence Author: Championship Vinyl Summary: CHRISTMAS oneshot! The holidays are always a little harder on Kate Beckett. Kevin Ryan sees his job as making hard things a little bit easier. Even if it requires being a pest sometimes. 😀 Please read and review. Happy holidays! Rating: K+


A whirl of snow blew down the street, and Kevin tightened the thick grey scarf around his neck, wondering why he always wondered what he was doing when he did this.

He’s wondering why he wondered what he was doing? If he doesn’t know what he’s doing when he’s tightening his scarf, then maybe he should check himself in to a mental facility since I think his hands are trying to strangle himself.

Or something.

Or something.

The station was officially closed,

Do they really close a police station in New York? And why would they be closing it, is it a special day or something?

at least to everyone but the most necessary patrol officers,

In other words, those who don’t have a family or a life. I wonder if HBIC is at the precinct?

working the shortest possible shifts, manning phones, monitoring paperwork. Captain Montgomery had come out of his office at eleven that morning, buttoned his overcoat, flashed them a smile for the season, and all but kicked his detectives off the premises until December twenty-sixth, no exceptions allowed.

So I am guessing that its Christmas eve? You know, if you were a better writer you would’ve set this up better.

Before anyone could even manage a ‘thanks,’ practically,

a thanks practically? How practically is a thanks?

the Cap was out the door himself, off to a Christmas with the wife, the kids, big dinners and warm fires and good brandy; all the right clichés.

Really? All the right clichés? Does this mean that he will dress up as Santa too?

It definitely wasn’t a present to waste, and Kevin hadn’t. He’d been with Jenny all day, and his mother and dad and sisters were all still back at the apartment together, cleaning up Eve dinner and talking about God only knew what, and Kevin was sure he probably wouldn’t want to know even if they offered.

Wow, that was a mile long run on sentence.

Now, it seemed he was the only one on the bustle on the streets who wasn’t going home: everywhere around him, there were people with shopping bags and boxes, in groups and alone, in ratted hoodies and expensive furs and ducking into taxis.

What the hell is wrong with you that you have to have twenty subjects happening in one sentence? You can have more than one sentence. Trust me, Fanfiction doesn’t charge by the sentence.

Their days were all done already. But him, he had one thing left. Something he’d done for three years now, and it was too important not to be his priority right now, even in the cold and light flurrying snow of eight-thirty at night. Because above all, Kevin Ryan still believed in Christmas.

Is that like believing in Santa?

Crossing his arms around him for warmth, Kevin turned up the corner, squinting to make sure he was approaching the right address. Last year, before the freak bomb incident, he hadn’t had to check. Things changed. He was okay with acknowledging that.

He’s okay with acknowledging that her apartment blew up? Wow, it’s a real man to be able to acknowledge an apartment blowing up. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 7 (this one never ends)


I know you are just dying to know what her books she is selling is all about since she seems to want to plug them on this chapter. So thus, I present my uber stalkish ways and here is the Amazon synopsis of her book The Invisible String: “Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? Charlotte Turner did. But she wasn’t alone. One tug on the invisible string and she knew he’d find her, facing the world together, they knew they could overcome anything.”
I know you all are just dying to get a copy.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I JUST looked up you tube about meeting the parents,

Wow, is you tube in Australia someone stuck in a tube?

thanks to Bella Girl and I discovered that Ash’s parents are serious and stitched up,

Stitched up? Did sharks bite them and the need stitches?

which someone already pointed out in a review, thank you, so maybe I have got the hang of this…

Obviously not since you are still using the ellipsis the way they aren’t made to be used.

*rubs chin* now I might consider publishing a book of my own, YES, and I shall call it THE INVISIBLE STRING: the secrets that bind… oh, wait, I’ve already done that! Hehehe.

Trust me, we know. Just like we know that no one buys the books ether since you are ranked #713,854 on Amazon Best Sellers. That sucks, just like your books.

I have the BEST FF readers in the world! *does a happy dance* and as a gesture of thanks I give you MORE fun and more pranks! =)

Lucky us. Note the sarcasm.

Beckett grinned to herself as she bent down to take the shoe in her hand. Castle was going to get it, there was no doubt about that, and she was going to win the next round for sure. She made it quick, and moved away from the entrance of the tent, going to fix herself her morning cup of coffee.

Once again, the mythical coffee. And how long is this trip again? Are we on day five?

Ashley’s mother was up already. It seemed she was always up earlier than Beckett.

Probably reading her mythical Wall street Journal she got out of the machine next to the driftwood on the beach.

“What did you just do?” she asked suspiciously.

Beckett held her head high, trying not to let the woman intimidate her, or make her feel immature. It was a bit of fun. It was light. No one was getting hurt. “Just a little payback,” she shrugged.

Because she’s 14?

The woman looked back at her disapprovingly. “Do you really think it’s wise to encourage him? He’s like a child in the playground.”

Which isn’t saying much since obviously Beckett is a child in a playground too. I guess we should rename her for this fic HBICP (head bitch in charge of playground)

“I think he’s a lot of fun, actually,” she responded, surprising herself that she had defended him so quickly. “It wouldn’t hurt you to take a leaf from his book either. Relax… laugh a little… it really does make you better to be around,”

Stop with the ellipsis! Please! You are making poor sweet Baby Jesus cry. And he doesn’t cry.

she said confidently. Beckett was getting used to Castle and his “play time” but she knew, as he told her the previous day, that when it mattered he stepped up to the plate and acted like a man.

Castle cleared his throat then, standing in the entrance of the tent, indicating that he had heard the conversation. Beckett blushed and looked into her coffee cup.

Really, are we on day five of this camping trip? Did everyone just take a week off in November and go camping? Who does this in November? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 6 (are we done yet?)


I really wish this fic was done yet. It’s one of those stories that makes me want to drink myself into a stupor and hope I don’t wake up in the morning. Sadly, I always wake up and thus live on to mock another chapter of this crap.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: It was brought to my attention that I made an error. It’s HOT during the day and COOL at night, it has to be HOT or else there’s no point being dumped with cold water, and it has to be COOL at night or else Castle could sleep on the floor… and no one wants that, not even Beckett, despite her false protest. =)

Are you not going to even mention the fact that you don’t go swimming outside when it’s in the 40’s? Let’s not mention the whole shark comment.

Ps. I’d give Ashley’s parents names, if I could discover what they were. *hint, help*

Wow, never thought of making their names up? It’s not hard and obviously you don’t have problems making crap up since you wrote this crap fic.

Beckett felt shy with him the following morning, realizing that she had slept all night with his arms around her waist. She was careful to loosen herself without waking him and slipped out of the sleeping bag before he stirred. Ashley’s mother was already up and making coffee.

I hope that’s with a coffee press and boiled water. Or do they have extension cords and plug ins built into the trees in Down Town, NY?

“Would you like one?” she asked politely.

One what? Gotta be a bit more specific.

Beckett nodded. “Yeah, that would be great, thanks.”

The two women sat down around the campfire, sipping on their morning habit.

Sounds like they put meth or crack into their morning coffee.

“So, Kate, how long have you and Richard been…?” Ashley’s mother asked making conversation.

Beckett spat her coffee onto the ground, and wiped her chin, as the dribble of her hot coffee trickled down her face. “We’re not!” she stated matter-of-factly. She could feel her cheeks flush.

Ashley’s mother frowned. “You’re not?”

I take it Ashley’s mother is another Castle/Beckett fangirl who can’t imagine the two not together.

“NO!” she assured her. “Castle and I are…” what were they exactly? “Partners. He follows me around for research for his books, that’s ALL!”

I’m surprised the author isn’t having our HBIC performing a hissy fit and stomping on the floor.

The woman eyed her suspiciously. She didn’t look like she believed her.

Yup, the mom must be a 14 year old fangirl.

“You and Richard were acting rather-”

“I know,” she interrupted. “I… I’m sorry. He was tickling me.”

I’m also imagining that the author of this fic is also 14 years old.

She mentally slapped her forehead. How old am I? She cursed herself. She was acting like a five year old. What grown woman giggles and plays childish tickle games?

One that is being written out of character by a 14 year old.

Ashley’s mother raised an eyebrow in obvious disapproval. Beckett blushed again.

Castle made an appearance then, stretching as he stepped out of the tent, Beckett’s eyes caught a glimpse of his naked chest before she turned her eyes to the floor. “Morning all,” he greeted.

“Goodmorning,” Ashley’s mother replied politely.

Really? In the land of 14 year olds in the big Down Under, do you always make good morning into one word? And why is Castle shirtless? Doesn’t the author know that every time Castle goes shirtless the ratings go down? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeeshirt Chapter 5


I cannot stress the importance for people to do their research when it comes to writing a story. It’s not hard. You don’t have to do eight pages with a minimum of 10000 words for the research. Just a simple google this will help when it comes to making your story not a piece of steaming crap. So here we go again, with this wet teeshirt fic. I cannot stress the fact that Amazon has lowered itself to sell this authors books. I can’t imagine how the book is based on how crappy her fics are.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: This was fun to write. I love how at the end of every chapter, I find myself with a large grin set on my face.

Funny, I always end a chapter of this fic with a scowl on my face.

I hope you find the same experience… let the games begin! =)

Seriously, do we have to let them begin?

The degrees increased considerably over the course of the day. By 2 o’clock it had reached 42 degrees.

Whoa! Heat wave! At that temperature, we can all strip off our scarves.

Alexis and Ashley were swimming in the beach, and the adults, were seated under a shade umbrella, the women sun-baking on towels, and the men, drinking cold beer.

Are you kidding me? Swimming and its 42 degrees? Hello, hypothermia. Since this story references an episode that aired in November, and its deep into the fall temperatures, can you say hypothermia? Even at Celsius degrees that is 107ish degrees. No, get your facts right before you write a story. Yanks can be stupid, but not stupid enough to go swimming outside when its 42 degrees, let alone sun baking.

“You wanna swim?” Castle offered, standing up from the sand and holding out his hand to Beckett.

She hesitated. “No thanks,” she answered quietly. “I don’t like the water.”

Or maybe it’s because she’s smarter than the average dumb Yankee and knows better than to get hypothermia in the middle of the forest in New York.

“Why not,” he pressed. “It’s the best part of camping.”

Beckett shrugged. “Don’t like sharks. I’m quite content sitting on my towel and soaking up the sun.”

Where the hell are they camping that has sharks in the woods? Is this Down Town, New York?

Castle stared at her a moment. It would have been better had she been at least wearing a bikini. Instead, she was wearing shorts and a white t-shirt.

And where is this parka that she would need for said outfit if it’s 42 frakin degree’s outside. I don’t know about you, but that is cold.

At least he got a glimpse of the ‘package’ as he eyed off her long tanned legs.

What, is UPS now in this fic? I guess the brown truck goes everywhere, including the beach at Down Town, NY.

Beckett cleared her throat, and Castle snapped his eyes back up to her face.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Mm-hu,” she moaned. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“As a matter of fact,” he answered wondering off towards the water.

Yes, he has the mystery of “Where the hell are we camping?” to solve. Chop chop Castle, get on top of that mystery. Please.

… … … … … …

It was when they were back at their campsite that Castle got his brilliant idea. He had been saving all his pranks for the second day of camping, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her with tricks. Besides, as she reminded him, she had a gun. He had to pick his battles.

He had the bucket already set up. He had only to attach it, and did so when she went into the tent for some “quiet time” when she came out, zipping the tent open and moved the flaps to exit, the bucket tipped, pouring the contents of cold water all over her.

How the hell do you do this in a pop up tent? Have you ever been even camping? Tents, are small, and I’m pretty sure that most tents you will notice as you try to unzip them that there is a bucket above it. Besides, you unzip the tent, then go in, not go in while you unzip. Therefore your logic fails me.

A squeal of terror leapt from her throat, as she stood still, drenched in water. It ran through her hair and down her face, soaking into the white t-shirt. His eyes were already drawn to the wet t-shirt, giving little imagination of what lay underneath, his pupils dilated as his eyes widened with obvious approval. Beckett whimpered as she began to tremble from the cold. It was like ice water.

And what, is she camping without a bra? Wow. Obviously you’ve never been hiking/camping before. Sports bra’s are your friend, but I’m guessing you don’t have anything on your chest to have to worry about and therefore don’t know what a bra does for a body. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 4


Why do I get the feeling that this is the fic that will never end? It just keeps going on and never ends. I’m sick of it, but I’m still going to trek on and mock it since it’s horrible. Speaking of horrible, has anyone else noticed how freakin expensive her books are? Growing Pains is $19.99 and that is for paperback edition. Holy cow. I’d never pay that much. Good luck getting anyone to buy it when they can read your crapfics for free.

A/N: WOW… the response I am getting to this story is fantastic. =) I have to say this is the most fun I have had creating a story… too bad my own novels don’t have this kind of humor in them, I don’t know why…

Because you can’t write and you are self published?

*ponders this* Anyways, this chapter is… well, you’ll see. Enjoy =)

I doubt if I will.

She never would have admitted it, but Beckett had never slept as well as she had sharing a sleeping bag with writer-boy.

Who’d a thunk all it took was a Writer-boy to make a La Quinta Inn parking lot a great place to sleep.

She had been exceptionally warm and comfortable from the moment he slipped into the sleeping bag with her. And she was afraid to wake him the next morning, and made it a point not to move as he slept skin to skin beside her.

What did they do, strip clothing in the sleeping bag?

Beckett could smell the scent of his body projecting off his skin, a mix of Old Spice and powder.

Wow, does he ride a horse, naked and backwards too? Old Spice and powder? Sounds like my Dad.

With a hand pressed lightly against his waist, she pressed her face against the back of his t-shirt ever so gently, breathing him in.

“I smell even better after I’d had a shower,” castle murmured against the pillow.

Do you not know how to capitalize a name? You suck at this and it’s a wonder if you even sell a book.

Beckett felt her face flush with embarrassment, and she instinctively moved her face from his back. She didn’t need to look at him to know that he was smiling like a Cheshire cat.

Wow, you can capitalize Cheshire, but not Cat since its Cheshire Cat.

It took her a full minute before she was game enough to speak to him.

“How long have you been awake?” she managed to mumble.

Like he actually slept.

“A while,” he said. “I enjoyed our snuggle too… it’s a nice way to wake up,”

Stop with the ellipses! Please, go read Grammar Girl’s Guide if you are unsure how the hell to use the ellipses.

he told her, a hint of humor in his voice. He was clearly enjoying this.

That’s not a hint in his voice, that’s his erection. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 3


I am completely enjoying all the comments I have received regarding this horrible fic I have been mocking. It is scary to think that 189 people have gushed to the author of this crap fic about how much they love it and want her to continue. I feel the urge to start a revolution for the new year of “truthful” comments. Those are the ones we all really want to leave and let the author know what a steaming piece of crap their fic is, but refrain from out of the need for being polite member of society.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: Thought I’d make you wait a few days for this chapter, but you might find it pleasantly entertaining, so hopefully it was worth it. Here goes…

Oh how lucky we are to have another chapter. Die.

As they arrived at the campsite, Beckett climbed out of the car, her eyes scanning the place.

Got to love those empty La Quinta parking lots.

“There’s no one here,” she observed.

I hear that there is an infestation of bedbugs in that parking lot. Have fun.

“They’re coming soon,” Alexis answered glancing at her watch. “Dad likes to get here early, he’s always afraid that someone else will get the better ground.”

Yes, because we all hate to have to sleep on the cold ground without a parking block to rest our head on.

“Don’t mock me, my child,” Castle warned. “If it weren’t for me, our tent would be pitched in a tree… or worse, on the sand, and we’d be woken with the morning tide.”

Where the hell are they camping? Are they on the Gulf Shore or the Hudson Bay?

Alexis rolled her eyes.

Trust me, we all are rolling our eyes out too.

… … … … … … … …

Damn you and your ellipses Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 2


I just found out this week that this author is a published author. And by published author I mean she forked over her own money to have her books self published. I’m assuming that her books contain over uses of ellipsis, bad characterization of her own characters, and run on sentences. Guess what everyone is getting for Christmas? Don’t forget to act surprised when you find that Santa left one in your stocking this year.

 

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I am floored at the response to this story, the alerts were incredible. Obviously I have gained your respect through my other FF’s,

Obviously, they aren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses since that one piece of badfic you wrote insulted them and their religion. And obviously these so-called people you have gained respect from have no taste at all.

and I want to tell you that I only wrote them for you guys…

Awe, aren’t your too kind. Please stop, now. And also will you for the love of Pete stop using ellipsis. They are not needed and make you look uneducated.

okay, and a little for my will they/won’t they, desire to have my star-crossed lovers together.

That sentence made no sense at all.

I will do my best not to let you down, and make it worth the read, leaving you wanting more and more. =)

Trust me when I say that is not necessary.

“Come on Alexis…” Castle urged impatiently. It was early morning and he was ready to go, eager to drive his daughter and partner to the campsite and begin what could only be described as ‘the best fun ever’ and he knew it would be.

Totally! Best fun ever!

He had plans. He had pranks up his sleeve. This was going to be a camping trip that Kate Beckett wished she came on every year,

Of course, because don’t we all want to go on camping trips each year when we know that the people we are going with are going to play pranks on us. Nothing says good times like a trip to the woods to go snipe hunting.

either that or she’d want to kill him and drown him in a bucket of hot oil. He was going for the first one, looking on the positive side, he was a ‘glass half-full type man.

Obviously this author is the type of girl who doesn’t know who to rewrite this sentence without using so many commas.

Castle couldn’t contain his excitement.

“Relax, dad,” Alexis laughed as she came bounding down the stairs, her duffle bag in tact.

Or know that intact is one word and not two.

Castle snatched the bag from her hands, “I got it… let’s go,”

And here we go again with the ellipsis.

he said and dragged it towards the door. He had packed his bag hours before, too impatient to wait. He had double checked he had all his prank tools with him, packed somewhere amongst his camping gear.

You know he has to carry this into the woods, not roll it around in the airport and drop it off with TSA to check.

He brought anything that he thought Beckett might forget, except a sleeping bag and tent, with little remorse on the VERY off-chance that she hadn’t had one and expected Castle to provide it for her.

Okay, what? He brought anything he thought she might forget except for a tent and a sleeping bag? So what, did he pack a bra and undies in his bag for her? Or was it a box of tampons? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: A Christmas Carol Castle Style


I am going to warn you, this one is HORRIBLE! It’s beyond horrible. I don’t even think a gallon of brain bleach will make this one disappear from my brain. You have been forewarned. Do not keep any guns or knives around you while you read this, otherwise you may want to end your life early.

Stats: A Christmas Carol Castle Style Author: Csinypsychrocks10 Summary: my version of a Christmas carol with a castle twist! and for the reader that read my story i didnt add my other character in this story. Rating: K+

 

A Christmas carol Castle style.

Castle and Beckett have a huge fight right before Christmas.

Aw. Poor Castle and Beckett, now they are only going to get coal under their Christmas tree.

Christmas for Kate Beckett will never be the same for her ever again”

Wow, all because she has a fight with Castle? And what’s up with the random quotation mark at the end? Please tell me this isn’t a sign of things to come.

“YOU KNOW WHAT?”

NO WHAT? Is it that you’re an idiot who can’t figure out how to type a story without using all capitals? Even my Grandma who is in her 90’s knows that using all capitals means you are ignorant, uneducated, and just plain rude because your screaming!

“LANEY WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU HOLD EVERY SINGLE LITTLE EMOTION INSIDE”

Wait, who is exactly talking? I have no fraking clue what the sam hill is going on in this story. Is this someone yelling at a brick wall? Could be since obviously the author was too busy having her characters scream at each other to let us know what the heck is going on in this retched story.

“SO?”

I know you are but what am I?

“THAT YOUR PROBLEM KATE YOU WONT LET ANYBODY IN YOU KEEP YOURSELF SO SHELTERED AFRAID THAT YOU MIGHT GET HURT BY SOMEBODY”

You know what the authors problem is? Their problem is they can’t have a normal story that won’t confuse the hell out the readers, let alone use commas, periods or exclamation marks.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH YOU WERENT MY PARTNER THINGS WERE A LOT SIMPLIER WHEN I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE OR TELLING SOMEONE TO STAY IN THE CAR STAY BEHIND ME”

Where is my letter opener? There is an author that is just begging for me to stab them with it so they can feel the pain I am feeling right now just reading this piece of steaming crap. And technically, all she has to do is tell Castle to not come back, we all know it worked one time, it will work again. No need for screaming.

“WELL IM SORRY MAYBE I JUST LEAVE AND I WONT COME BACK”

Good and while you are at it Castle, take this piece of crapfic with you and throw it in the garbage.

“GREAT”

“FINE”

“FINE”

Please tell me this is almost over.

CASTLE PICKS UP HIS JACKET AND WALKS OUT OF THE PRECINET KATE SITS DOWN HER DESK STILL FUMMING.

Really? Your continuing the capital letters when it isn’t dialogue? I sure hope for your sake that the caps lock got stuck and you couldn’t get it unstuck and just had to write this before your addled brain forgot what you dreamed up. Read the rest of this entry

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