Monthly Archives: January 2011

Mock the Fic: 1 Kiss, That’s It


You know it’s going to be a great fic when the author can’t spell out the number one. I will admit, I love to text. But I hate how teenagers think that they can still use their text lingos in their stories. No, you can’t. Unless you are writing what someone sent the character in a text message, or an email, then don’t use text message short hand! I will warn you, this author thinks that how you write dialogue on twitter, is how you can write a story, and randomly shortens names of our characters. YAY!

Stats: Title:1 Kiss, That’s It Author:naomingaii Summary: My take on Castle&Beckett’s first kiss : I’m a new writer, so please be easy with me Rating: K+

It was February the 14th, and everyone knew what day that was.

A Monday?

It was Valentine’s Day, but for Kate is was a quiet day, Valentine’s Day reminded Kate of her mother.

Oh lovely, it’s another wonderful Castle story where Kate can’t stand the holidays because of her mother.

Kate just buried herself in paper work, until she heard her Captain call her into his office.

Oh I see the Captain got a megaphone for Valentine’s Day and decided to test it out in the office.

She walked into his office, head down and playing with her fingers.

And why is she acting like a guilty felon?

Cap. Mont: “Beckett, go home. Just take a break.”

Oh it’s a double whammy of a winner fic! We get an author who thinks that the way you write a twitter conversation is the way you write a story. Somewhere in the world, the authors English teacher is committing suicide.

Kate: “But-”

Cap. Mont: “Its an order, I know you’re having a bad day. Go home.”

And since when did start shorting Montgomery’s name down to Mont? Is he trying to be all cool and suave and be the pen maker Mont Blanc? Sadly I don’t think the author even knows who Mont Blanc is and would need it to be explained in pictures and small words.

Kate: “Thanks.”

And just like that, she’s just going to leave and go home. Wow, did the Pod People take Beckett’s body over and replace her with a push over?

Kate headed back to her desk and grabbed her jacket. Castle also knew what day it was and seeing Kate like this burned him. He cared about Kate, more then anyone knows, he may even love her.

So how is it he loves Kate more then anyone knew? Oh, you meant than instead of then. I see you failed the proper use of then and than in 2nd grade. Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: Lips of an Angel



I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, and if I haven’t then I should have, that I hate High School fics. You know, the ones where authors feel they should turn back the hands of time and space continuum and put our favorite characters in high school so that way they can go through everything that the said author is going though since they too are in high school. I’m sure you all know the fics I am talking about, and cringe when you see them posted on fanfiction.net. So how about we mock one for a change instead of just cringing?

Stats: Title:Lips of an Angel Author: horsesandpens123(I’m not going to lie, the authors name looks like Horse and Penis) Summary: total AU. Kate and Rick are sixteen and have been best friends since they were little. They also love each other, but neither of them wants to admit it. Rick is dating Gina and Kate is dating Josh. Full summary inside, R&R please. One-shot Rating: K+

Author’s Note: This is my better description. AU.

AU is your better description? Wow, you are such a wordsmith.

I usually write Rick and Kate seven years apart, which is their actual amount of years apart.

And you are basing this on what vital information that has been provided to us in the previous episodes?

But in this story, they have been best friends for a long while. Kate is dating young Josh and Rick is dating young Gina.

Are they pedophiles since they are dating young kids?

But, Kate calls Rick after a terrible thing happens. Based on the song “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. This is not in the same universe as my other Castle stories or the show universe. One-shot.

Oh good, I’m so happy this isn’t going to be a buck-shot story.

A sixteen-year-old girl with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail screamed at a black-haired boy. She was crying and her eyes were rimmed with red.

Darn, I was hoping they would be rimmed with black, like a raccoon. So much more sexier.

She was terrified of the muscled boy, but didn’t show it.

Oh good, I hope this is another domestic violence fics.

The boy was eighteen and had an apartment, which sounded cool at first.

Yes, boys with apartments are so cool until you figure out that after they pay rent and utilities, they are broke and you will be paying the bill for each date.

Now, it was scary, for nobody was around to save her if the boy hurt or, even worse, murdered her.

It wasn’t like she was living there.

“I thought you loved me!” The boy cried, grabbing a baseball trophy from the shelf. His eyes were wild. The girl flattened herself against the wall. She whimpered pathetically.

She whimpered, like a dog?

“Josh…” The girl said quietly. Her voice trembled. The boy, Josh, advanced on her with the trophy still in hand. The girl slid down the wall and onto the floor. She wanted to go home. She wanted her best friend be there. He would protect her. The boy towered over her, his trophy raised.

Oh goodie, it is a domestic violence fic.

“Please, don’t! I thought I loved you. Please, I’m begging you.” The girl cried.

Do you really tell a boy who is about to hit you with a trophy that you thought you loved him?

The trophy collided with her face. Her nose made an unpleasant noise as it broke.

Should have told him you loved him instead.

She started to sob as blood poured into her mouth and down her face. Josh struck her on the right arm twice, then across the face again.

Geez, violent much? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Death in LA


I know I’ve mocked some crossover fics before, but this one is a crossover that left my brain hurting. It’s the fandom pairing that is going to eat my brain. So I give you, Hannah Montana and Castle crossover. I have no working knowledge of Hannah Montana other than a few episodes and the movie, so I’m pretty much going into this blind, just like you.

Stats: Title:Death in LA Author: MileyLoonaticsFan96 Summary: When Hannah joins a sitcom and Castle, Beckett, Alexis, Ryan, and Esposito, go to LA for winter break, Hannah’s co-stars start turning up dead and Castle and Beckett dive into the case… Rating: K+

Death in LA

Oh goodie! How are we ever going to get our Castle friends over to LA?

OK, this takes place during the third season of Castle and shortly after “It’s the End of the Jake as We Know It” (assuming said episode took place around Christmastime).

Okay, sorry but I don’t remember that episode of Castle. Did iTunes forget to download an episode again? Is this maybe a Hannah Montana episode?

Chapter 1: Vacation’s Not What I Wanted

Well I sure want one.

Alexis Castle was the first one up at her place.

So she has her own place now?

She yawned as she walked down the stairs in her pajamas, brushing her bright red hair along the way. Finally, she came to the bottom floor of the apartment and walked into the kitchen. No one else was up. She looked around. Nobody there. She smiled, mischievously… She laid her brush down on the island and opened the fridge. She yanked out the chocolate milk carton and started drinking right out of it.

I would say ewe, but I’m sure it’s something Castle would do himself.

“Alexis, have you seen my—WHOA!” Her father, Richard Castle, had just come down the stairs and seen her crazy breakfast antics.

And seen her? Wow, use grammar much?

Alexis quickly put the carton back and faced him.

“Great, now I have to go get more!”

Why are you so upset Castle? Couldn’t christen the milk bottle yourself?

Alexis closed the fridge. “I’m sorry! I didn’t—”

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s your grandma I’m worried about.”

Nah she won’t mind unless it’s in regards to a glass of wine or martini.

Alexis smiled.

“Is someone talking about me?” asked Castle’s mom, Martha, as she came down the stairs.

Please let her have the wine glass in hand.

“Actually, yes,” said Castle, “I was wondering if you could watch Alexis for a few days.”

Does she really need a babysitter at this age? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Til There Was You Chapter 1


After a nice New Years break, how about we start off fresh with a new clichéd story. Aren’t we all excited? I know I am. Nothing gets my year started on the best foot forward than a clichéd fic!

Stats: Title: Til There Was You Author: becksbiggestfan Summary: Elise Smith. Eleven years old. Missing: Ten years. Age when disappeared: 1 year and a month. Head Detective: Michael Cortez. Prime suspects: Jimmy Toole, and father Creg Smith. Both houses searched. No signs of the girl. This case hit personal for Kate. Rating: K+

 

How about some mocking? Mocks are always fun!

Kate sat at her desk typing up her report. Rick sat next to her in his chair talking about Alexis’s new boyfriend and she was only half listening.

Once again, I feel like the author thinks we are 5 year olds and needs to be talked down to and belittled.

Her phone rang and she lunged for it, thankful for the distraction.

Why did she lunge for the phone, was someone else going to fight her for it? And when you say lunged for it, did she dive on her desk and throw everything off to make sure she answers it first?

“Beckett. Uh huh. What? Are you sure? Manhattan General? I’ll be right there.”

Wow, what drama.

The phone call had definitely shaken her up, and she didn’t waste the time to hang the phone back on its receiver.

So she what, just threw it down and left it dangling off the desk?

Instead, snatching her badge and coat and racing to the elevator. Rick just barely made it through the closing doors.

Wow, for the first time ever in an elevator history did the doors actually close as soon as she stepped in the moment it opened up?

“Kate? What happened?” He asked quietly. As an answer she pulled him into a hug.

Wow, out of character much? I sure hope she starts hugging everyone who walks by and then gives her life story.

His warmth comforted her, and when they finally stepped off the elevator, her make up was a little smeared.

What, is she crying? I would be too if I couldn’t spell makeup.

Finding her car in the parking lot, Rick realized his question still hadn’t gotten an answer, so he asked her again.

Does anyone else know really what’s going on in this story?

She stopped, the key turned in the lock, after a second like that she pulled the car open and turned it on.

She pulled the car open? Did she go all Hulk on it and rip the door off in a whole second? Read the rest of this entry

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