Mock the Fic: 1 Kiss, That’s It
You know it’s going to be a great fic when the author can’t spell out the number one. I will admit, I love to text. But I hate how teenagers think that they can still use their text lingos in their stories. No, you can’t. Unless you are writing what someone sent the character in a text message, or an email, then don’t use text message short hand! I will warn you, this author thinks that how you write dialogue on twitter, is how you can write a story, and randomly shortens names of our characters. YAY!
It was February the 14th, and everyone knew what day that was.
It was Valentine’s Day, but for Kate is was a quiet day, Valentine’s Day reminded Kate of her mother.
Oh lovely, it’s another wonderful Castle story where Kate can’t stand the holidays because of her mother.
Kate just buried herself in paper work, until she heard her Captain call her into his office.
Oh I see the Captain got a megaphone for Valentine’s Day and decided to test it out in the office.
She walked into his office, head down and playing with her fingers.
And why is she acting like a guilty felon?
Cap. Mont: “Beckett, go home. Just take a break.”
Oh it’s a double whammy of a winner fic! We get an author who thinks that the way you write a twitter conversation is the way you write a story. Somewhere in the world, the authors English teacher is committing suicide.
Cap. Mont: “Its an order, I know you’re having a bad day. Go home.”
And since when did start shorting Montgomery’s name down to Mont? Is he trying to be all cool and suave and be the pen maker Mont Blanc? Sadly I don’t think the author even knows who Mont Blanc is and would need it to be explained in pictures and small words.
And just like that, she’s just going to leave and go home. Wow, did the Pod People take Beckett’s body over and replace her with a push over?
Kate headed back to her desk and grabbed her jacket. Castle also knew what day it was and seeing Kate like this burned him. He cared about Kate, more then anyone knows, he may even love her.
So how is it he loves Kate more then anyone knew? Oh, you meant than instead of then. I see you failed the proper use of then and than in 2nd grade.
Kate headed home, she sat down on the couch, with her arms around her legs. She sat there in silence, then tears started to come out, she barely ever cried and when she does, it had to be about something important.
So she’s crying because she got sent home from work? I’d throw a party and break out the wine. I’m sure her boyfriend would be excited to help her enjoy Valentine’s Day with those surgical hands of his.
Kate almost fell asleep when she heard a knock on her door. She looked through her peephole and she saw a ruggedly handsome man with a batch of roses.
Really? He looked ruggedly handsome when viewed through the curved lenses of a peep hole? Are you sure he didn’t look plumpish round and bloated?
After all it was Valentine’s Day. She opened the door and saw Castle.
Wow! Who would’ve thunk all it took was for it to be Valentine’s Day for a woman to open the door?
Kate: “Hey Castle.”
Rick: “Heeeeeey. I saw you leaving the precinct, I just wanted to see if you were okay.”
I really want to stab you one for each time you used an extra “e” in the word hey. Oh look, you’re dying from the five stab wounds in your heart.
Kate: “You don’t always have to check up on me. I’m a big girl, Castle.”
Rick: “Okay then, but here have these, its Valentine’s Day and everyone deserves a rose.”
Oh goodie, thanks! A rose! I wonder if he went to the bodega and bought a bunch of single roses wrapped in plastic and look real, but are only silk.
Kate: “Thanks, that’s really sweet of you.”
It is so sweet of him, I’m sure he’s going to go to all his other ex-wives apartments and give them one too since he has a whole bunch in his arms since he only gave her one.
Kate: “Do you wanna come in?”
Wait, all this was happening in the doorway? Seriously?
Kate walked in with Rick following closely behind. Kate grabbed a vase near by and place the bundle of roses in it.
I thought he only gave her one? Continuity please!
She filled the vase with water and placed the vase near the window. She sat back down on the couch with Castle beside her. It had became really quiet, not a peep out of both of them.
Rick: “Wanna watch a movie?”
Oh look, he brought his own movie with him! I wonder which porno he picked out?
Kate: “Sure, I’ll pick?”
I hope she picks “Debbie Does Dallas!” Nothing like a classic for Valentine’s Day.
Kate: “A classic.” Showing the DVD to Rick.
Oh goodie, she picked “Debbie Does Dallas!”
Rick: “Aaaaa! Pretty Women.”
Well, I’ll admit, I’m not up to date on my porno titles, but I hope it’s a good one.
Kate: “I watch it most of the time on Valentine’s Day. It’s my mom’s favorite movie.”
Really? It’s your mother’s favorite Kate? Another cliché, for another clichéd holiday fic.
Kate headed back to the couch and pressed play on the remote. A while later, Castle heard sobbing.
It is sort of a painful movie to watch at times. Very dated.
He turned to face Kate seeing that there were tears coming out of her eyes. He scooted in closer and asked “What’s wrong?”
Wow! Did we just start using proper dialogue format?
Kate replied “This movies just reminds of memories with my mom.” Castle didn’t say anything, he simply scooted closer and put his arm around her. Kate just buried her head into his shirt and cried, when she stopped she breath slowly and enjoyed the scent of Rick’s cologne.
Wow, I’m almost impressed that she just formed proper sentences with proper dialogue. And what is Rick wearing? Aqua Velva?
Rick: “The movie is finished.”
And now I want to shoot you again.
Kate hadn’t notice from all the crying and the scent of Rick’s cologne.
It’s probably because Aqua Velva makes your eyes burn up all the tears.
She moved towards the television and removed the DVD. She sat back on the couch and into Rick’s arms again. Rick shifted and moved, but in the end he wrapped his arms around Kate into a big warm hug.
No Rick, I’m sorry, you aren’t getting lucky tonight with that cologne on tonight.
Kate didn’t struggle just simply let Rick hug her. Finally she slowly pulled away, but then Kate felt a hand lifting her chin, which made her eyes lock to Rick’s. Kate didn’t move, she simply just stared into Rick’s eye, but then she felt her breath caught there. They simply stared into each other eyes for the next few minutes, until Rick made the first move. He leaned in and kiss her lips slowly and gently, Kate simply went along with it.
Ugh, where is my puke bag?
She slowly pulled away and said “Slow, Rick, Slow.” Rick simply nodded and Kate rested her head on his shoulders and simply fell asleep.
I guess that Aqua Velva also has a hint of chloroform in it too.