Monthly Archives: February 2011

Mock the Fic: The Writer’s Alphabet: Letter A


I would personally like to thank the Bad Castle Fic reader who recommended this story to me. It’s another clichéd alphabet series of short stories. Why can’t we have something new when it comes to short story series? I know, I challenge authors to write bad Castle stories based on a random name in the alphabet on page 250, line 25 of the phonebook.

Stats: Title:The Writer’s Alphabet Author: CKLizzy Summary:Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future. – One shot / Drabble series, each story based on one letter of the alphabet Rating: T

Rating: various, but nothing higher than P16 (… I hope…)

I’m guessing if its P16 then our author must be 16. And what does P16? Parents who are 16 can read it?

Summary: Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future.

Oh goodie, another fic idea that has never been done before. The good news folks is that we have 26 short fics that I will get to mock! I think this deserves a party!

Disclaimer: What was it?

What was what?

Oh, yeah, right. Andrew Marlowe, I love you! …

Too bad he’s married to Terri Miller. I’m sure she just loves it when fangirls throw themselves all over her husband.

No… wrong text… um… Castle doesn’t belong to me (though I wouldn’t mind havin Nathan Fillion for myself…).

And I’m sure Nathan’s girlfriend would just love that too. And it’s having, not havin. Havin isn’t a word, nor will it ever be.

It’s Andrew W. Marlowe’s, ABC’s and who else might be participated in producing the show. I’m just fooling around a bit 😉

I sure hope they get smart and catch on that you are fooling around with their characters and take them away from you before you impregnate one of the characters.

A/N: In case it doesn’t become clear – this is a one shot series, and every story will be based on a letter.

Wow, I would have been lost without that explanation. I’m so glad you cleared that up for me.

A for: Alone

As in leave the characters of Castle alone.

She had never felt that alone in her whole life. It was so terrible.

If this she is Beckett, then doesn’t she live alone?

Left, lonely, lost.

Your attempt at alliteration is a complete failure, not to mention that you sentence needs an “and” between the lonely and lost. I guess you must have ran out of crayons when you were writing this story and couldn’t add the “and” into the sentence.

Hugging her legs she had pulled up to her body, she sniffed.

This sentence makes no sense! Why was she pulling her legs up to her body, and why did you randomly put the “she sniffed” at the end. If
I was marking this with a red pen, I would have ran out of ink.

She didn’t want to be alone. The room was too big, even the couch was too huge to sit there alone. She felt cold and abandoned.

“Hey, darling,” a voice suddenly startled her, and she heard the concern in the voice, “what’s up? Why are you crying?”

Oh goodie, now we get a run on sentence. And I’m guessing that means we have Dolly Parton in the fic since she’s the only person I’ve ever known that calls people “darling.”

He sat down next to her and hugged her, and she immediately relaxed into his arms, releasing a sigh.

Oh I see Dolly got a sex change and is now Billy Ray Cyrus.

“I feel so alone,” she whined.

She whined? Really? Who is this character and how can I punch them in the stomach. No character on Castle would ever act this way. Not even Alexis.

“Why? I’m here, Kate,” he said gently and kissed her forehead.

Dear Author, please die for making Kate a Mary Sue.Sincerely, BCF.

“I know, but when you were gone…”

Someone please get her a Kleenex with chloroform so we can shut the weeping willow up.

“Darling, I was only gone for five minutes. To make you a tea. Remember?”

So she’s crying because he left the room to make tea? Really? Talk about an emotionally distressed Bitch. Now I am starting to think the author must be 14 years old since that’s the only age I can ever imagine a girl be this emotional and clingy.

“But I felt alone anyways, Rick!”

Wah-wah. Emo-Kate can’t take the world. I know, let’s get Emo-Kate a razor blade so she can cut on her arms, and some Kool-Aid so she can dye her hair red.

“My love, you’ll never be alone. I’m here with you. What brought that thought even on?”

Probably because you took her razor blades away again?

“I don’t know,” she grumbled, “can’t we just accept that pregnant women are overly and irrationally emotional?”

Really? Really? Please die a painful death for your irrationally stupid stereotypes.

FIN

Thank-God. Now where is my blade so I can kill myself?

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Mock the fic: Fake Left, Then Turn Right


Why has fanfic authors turned camping into the new Remys? Please tell me we are camping in the woods, with a beach that has sharks! Oh and this fic is also a song fic, so you know things are going to be totally awesome with lyrics! Note the sarcasm.

Stats: Title: Fake Left, Then Turn Right Author: SamIAm1212 Summary: Castle and Beckett head up North to the Adirondacks…to go camping. Starts with them driving to the campsite and will progress from there. I’m really bad at summaries. Rating: T

 

Hi! Pretty much like the summary says…Castle and Beckett go on a road trip!

Oh boy! It’s another camping trip! Camping is starting to become season 3’s cliché.

I don’t own Castle which is probably good; it’s amazing now I don’t wanna ruin it. (;

If you don’t want to ruin it, then maybe you shouldn’t write fanfic about it.

Just something that popped into my head while staring outside the window in algebra.

When you should have been paying attention.

Oh and this takes place in the summer, I know it’s winter now but while I love snow it just won’t stop up up here.

It won’t stop up up here? Are you expecting the snow clouds to be constipated or something?

It just SNOWS and SNOWS and it NEVER STOPS!

Well stop giving the clouds Miralax.

And I live in upstate New York and I go to the Adirondacks quite often and it would make no sense to go there any time but summer…well unless you want to freeze.

Hoo-boy.

I tried to make this as clear as possible. But if by the end you are confused just leave a review and I’ll try to clear it up.

I’m lost reading this author note, I can’t imagine how the fic is going to be.

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett were going on a road trip.

Wow, where are the picture that this picture book is missing?

Yes, a road trip. To the Adirondacks…where they were going camping…for four days…because Castle said it would be “fun”.

I will not kill you for improper use of the ellipsis. I will not kill you when I could just smack you with a comma.

“Castle! I am almost one hundred percent positive that we are going the complete opposite direction that we’re supposed to be going,” a very annoyed Beckett told her partner.

Why is Beckett always annoyed? Why do authors make her in a continual PMS mood?

“No we are not! The GPS is NEVER wrong,” Rick defended himself.

Recalculating…Turn Around Now!

“No! It’s not! You wouldn’t know because we always have to take your crappy car.”

“We have to take the police vehicle when we’re going to arrest criminals! That’s how it works.”

What, you mean that the Porche isn’t good enough to transport criminals to jail?

“Yeah…but we could put a GPS in it.”

New York isn’t that big, you don’t need GPS when you’re a lifelong resident and cop. Read the rest of this entry

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