Mock the fic: Fake Left, Then Turn Right


Why has fanfic authors turned camping into the new Remys? Please tell me we are camping in the woods, with a beach that has sharks! Oh and this fic is also a song fic, so you know things are going to be totally awesome with lyrics! Note the sarcasm.

Stats: Title: Fake Left, Then Turn Right Author: SamIAm1212 Summary: Castle and Beckett head up North to the Adirondacks…to go camping. Starts with them driving to the campsite and will progress from there. I’m really bad at summaries. Rating: T

 

Hi! Pretty much like the summary says…Castle and Beckett go on a road trip!

Oh boy! It’s another camping trip! Camping is starting to become season 3’s cliché.

I don’t own Castle which is probably good; it’s amazing now I don’t wanna ruin it. (;

If you don’t want to ruin it, then maybe you shouldn’t write fanfic about it.

Just something that popped into my head while staring outside the window in algebra.

When you should have been paying attention.

Oh and this takes place in the summer, I know it’s winter now but while I love snow it just won’t stop up up here.

It won’t stop up up here? Are you expecting the snow clouds to be constipated or something?

It just SNOWS and SNOWS and it NEVER STOPS!

Well stop giving the clouds Miralax.

And I live in upstate New York and I go to the Adirondacks quite often and it would make no sense to go there any time but summer…well unless you want to freeze.

Hoo-boy.

I tried to make this as clear as possible. But if by the end you are confused just leave a review and I’ll try to clear it up.

I’m lost reading this author note, I can’t imagine how the fic is going to be.

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett were going on a road trip.

Wow, where are the picture that this picture book is missing?

Yes, a road trip. To the Adirondacks…where they were going camping…for four days…because Castle said it would be “fun”.

I will not kill you for improper use of the ellipsis. I will not kill you when I could just smack you with a comma.

“Castle! I am almost one hundred percent positive that we are going the complete opposite direction that we’re supposed to be going,” a very annoyed Beckett told her partner.

Why is Beckett always annoyed? Why do authors make her in a continual PMS mood?

“No we are not! The GPS is NEVER wrong,” Rick defended himself.

Recalculating…Turn Around Now!

“No! It’s not! You wouldn’t know because we always have to take your crappy car.”

“We have to take the police vehicle when we’re going to arrest criminals! That’s how it works.”

What, you mean that the Porche isn’t good enough to transport criminals to jail?

“Yeah…but we could put a GPS in it.”

New York isn’t that big, you don’t need GPS when you’re a lifelong resident and cop.

“Because criminals are totally gonna take us seriously with a GPS in the car saying ‘turn left, then turn right’.”

Especially when its wrong all the time.

“Fine…but the GPS is definitely right.”

Doubt it.

“I’m pulling over to ask for directions. And you fix that thing!”

Are they taking the police car to their camping trip?

Beckett pulled into the small town they were passing and stopped at a gas station to ask for directions. She began walking towards the small convenient store and Castle took the gadget and began “fixing” it.

By what, calling tech support and being told to turn it off and back on again?

Soon Beckett came out of the small convenient store and walked in the direction of the car carrying two water bottles and a bag of pretzels.

“That plan failed miserably. The only people even working in there were a bunch of miserable high school students who looked like they don’t shower,” Kate said. “So your GPS better work.”

I hope it leads them into a lake.

Castle laughed as Beckett climbed into the car and they were back on their way.

“Fake left, and then turn right,” the GPS stated.

Fake left? Is this the Jessica Simpson voiced version of the GPS unit?

“Castle! What the hell did that just say?” Beckett asked, annoyed again.

“Uhhh take a left, then turn right?”

“No, I swear that thing just said fake left, then turn right.”

It did, because Jessica can’t read and thought take was fake.

“Ah, see…about that…”

Kate took one hand off the wheel and reached over to grab Rick’s ear.

“Ok ok!” he gave up. “I may or may not have switched the GPS voice to a British accent.” His words came out in a rush.

Oh so it’s Jessica Simpson performing a fake British accent!

“Why?” she asked, exasperated.

“Cause’ it’d be funny? And see it was! Fake left. Hahaha…ha?”

I really want to punch the author. Can I, please?

His partner glared at him.

“Why did I ever agree to come on this trip?” Beckett muttered to herself.

Because our author was bored in Algebra and decided to stop doodling her name with the guy in front of hers name.

“Because I convinced you! Otherwise you were gonna be all alone on the fourth of July!”

And that’s bad how?

“And that would have worse than this?”

“Duhhh…hey I got an idea! Let’s play a game!” Castle said excitedly.

While she’s driving her NYC police issued vehicle on a personal trip?

“How about just listening to the radio?”

“Fine, if you wanna be boring.” Castle muttered but turned on the radio.

I think that’s actually called being a responsible driver.

After a few minutes of tinkering with the radio to adjust to the regions stations Castle finally settled on one and turned the volume up.

I’m on a mission

Oh frak! You snuck in a song into this fic. Damn you.

And it involves some heavy touchin’ yeah

You’ve indicated your interest

I’m educated in sex yes

And now I want it bad

Want it bad

A love game, a love game

Did you use a Lady Gaga song in this fic?

The radio suddenly was turned off by a very annoyed Kate Beckett.

“What is this?”

“Lady GaGa!”

I really want to kill you right now.

“Oh of course what was I thinking?” she rolled her eyes. “We are putting on my music now.”

“No, you don’t have a CD so we can’t. Oh no sorry,” he said sarcastically.

Her police vehicle doesn’t have Sirus XM?

“You have an iPod dock right?”

“Well yeah…”

So she has a portable ipod speaker and dock in the car? Don’t we all?

He trailed off and Beckett put her iPod into the dock.

Any way you want it

That’s the way you need it

Any way you want it

I want you to die right now.

The music blared through the speakers and Castle turned to look at Beckett who was humming along with the music.

“Who’s singing this? It’s not the original.” Rick asked, causing the detective to blush.

“No it isn’t. It’s the Glee version. I secretly love that show,” she answered keeping her locked on the road.

Of course it is the Glee edition. Of course, because the author is too young to know who Journey is.

“I never figured you for a Glee kind of girl.”

“Yeah well it’s a happy show and after all the murder it’s a nice change.”

I’m sure this is what every book reading NYPD office does in their spare time, watch Glee.

“You know what show’s really good? Bones. I love that show,” the author said.

Really?

The two made easy conversation, leaving their bickering behind for the time being. After about fifteen minutes, the sky became dark and clouded and it started to downpour.

“Um, Castle…I think we have a problem.”

The problem is this fic sucks!

The two shared a look and then stared out the window as the rain poured onto the streets.

So…it’s kind of short but I wanted to get opinions before I continued.

That’s what she said!

Should I continue at all? Advice? Any confusion that I should get set straight in the next chapter.

Please spare us the pain and don’t.

I’m tired and cold so I apologize for any mistakes or anything that was made unclear. If you are confused on anything I promise to set them straight in the next chapter.

You tired and cold? Maybe you should sleep during class and burn your homework for heat.

Well, I want to continue this cause’ I’ve got some good ideas for some Caskett-y romance but I need opinions!

Just don’t.


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Posted on February 2, 2011, in Mock, SamIAm1212. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. And where is the facebook like button ?

  2. Can this author die now? Like, seriously. Now.
    Oh, also, I really hope Wet Tee Shirt gets updated, because that’s my favorite mocking.

  3. I literally shook my head disapprovingly at the Gkee mention.

  4. Sorry, Glee.

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