Mock the Story: Action

I can safely say I think everyone knows my position on Real Person Fanfic. You don’t write fanfic about your best friend getting raped therefore why would you write a fanfic about a celebrity? Just because you’ve never met them gives you no right to write things like that about them. Anyways, this is a story I discovered today while at lunch, snagged it, and by the time I got home, it was already removed. Kudos’s to those who complained to get it removed. Luckily, I had a copy still. Sorry no link for this fic, but trust me, it existed.

Stats: Title: Actions Author: Caskett93  Summary: My first AU… In honor of Stana Katic Happy Birthday Rating: K+

Happy birthday Stana ! Please read this document!

Oh yes, I’m sure she is going to take the time out her busy day filming the finale of Castle to read your fic that is about her, not her character. Creepy. Nothing says stalker like writing a story about a person. The word “Stanalker” exist for a reason.

On this special day, we wanted to make you our best wishes. You’re the best actress in the world and we worship you.

Wow, you guys need help. Major help.

We are a group of Italian girls who love Castle but especially who love to write.

Oh goodie! We have some 14 year olds who are writing fanfic in a language that isn’t their native!

For this reason we decided to send you these three pages of Word written in your honor.

In other words, three pages of evidence to give to the police for when you are arrested for stalking her.

Now you can choose to read or trash, it does not matter because our main aim was to make you our best wishes.

Awww aren’t you Stanalkers so sweet and stalkerish.

From your Italian Fan Group: Castle Made of EFP Writers Federica, Cristina, Marilena, Veronica, Oksana, Ari, Laura P.Q., Giada, Anna, Giorgia, Giulia, Sara, Chiara, Ivonne, Lucia, Claudia, Agata, Flavia, Laura M. , Monica, Francesca, Anna, Lucia e Beatrice.

Is it just me, or is there a lot of Anna’s?

P.s. You can tell to Nathan, Seamus and Jon that are great and beautiful? And to Molly, Susan and Tamala that we love them too!

Wow, stalking multiple people now?

P.s. 2. The last one, we swear. If you read the story, we’d like to know what you think. XD

She’ll let you know with that police report.


Autrice: Sara (Spuffy93/Caskett93*)

Tradotta da: Francy091, Ice_Cream, Laureta1387

Revisionata da: Kate24 (ditemi se mi sono scordata qualcuno)

I have no clue what that said, and don’t care to put the effort in to find out ether.

N.B The facts written in this story are not real (bad luck for us:))


“Kate, stay with me… Kate!” she doesn’t answer, I embrace her more strongly.

YAY! Let’s kill KBecks! And who’s whispering, the stalkers?

“Stay with me.” I whisper once again in a vain attempt to wake her up. My eyes are heavy, it’s too hard to keep them open. I close them and I don’t open them any more.

Please tell me that one of the stalker is dead.

“…and cut! Very good, you’re great. And with that we’re done for today.” Screams Marlowe.

Oh goodie, now we are jumping over to Stalker-Reality.

I feel Stana rising up while Andrew comes to us.

No really, who is this person that is narrating?

“Great job Stana, you were great, it’s perfect!” he says making her smile.

Wow, Andrew Marlowe sounds like a cheerleading coach. “PERFECT! Now spirit fingers as you die!”

I love her smile. “And don’t think that I forget about you Nathan… you seemed a true desperate lover with her woman dying in his arms. You make me move.”

And you made me throw up. Thanks. Now Andrew really is a cheerleader trying to be a director. Is he gay in this fic?

He comment on it giving me a friendly pat on my back.

Ah so it’s Nathan. Is he gay in this fic also?

“Now, let’s go and have some rest, tomorrow we have to film the finale scene at the precinct and then Countdown will be shut down.” adds the man before walking away.

Countdown? You are writing about Countdown? Hoo boy.

Stana gives me a towel and with that I begin to take off my make up.

Yup, gay.

“this stuff it’s really annoying…” she murmurs, smiling at me.

Because it’s tough being a girl.

“yeah, you’re right.” I agree.

While I know you all are from Italy, but I’m sure in Italy they also capitalize the first word in a sentence.

“Look, what about a coffee?” I suggest hesitating. She gave me a sidelong look but with her usual smile on her lips. “Oh, of course after we took this stuff off.” I add understanding what she meant with that black look that had characterized her TV personality.

That black look? Wow, did Stana change ethnic origins and become African American? Or are we being racist by describing a black person’s stare.

” Good idea. Today I haven’t taken it yet.”

Haven’t taken what yet? I’m confuzzled.

At her yes, I feel a stupid smile appear on my face. I try to restrain myself. “So… see you out of the studio in… say… half an hour?”

“sure! See you…” I wishper

Wishper! That is a new one. Wishper!

while I watch her going away with her usual sexy walking. I cannot help but admire her and think that I am totally in love with her.

You mean you are in love with her ass since that’s what you are staring at. Poor Nathan, he’s creepy and pervy.

While I go back to my dressing room I remember the first time I saw her: she had short hair, like a tomboy, but she was even so beautiful… her eyes were the first thing I noticed, they inspired the unplanned smart remark during the police interrogation from the first episode. Andrew felt it so cute that he decided to kept it.

Aww it’s like picking out a dog at the Humane Society! I’m so glad you picked Stana so she wouldn’t have to be put asleep. Spirit fingers!

Stana is a goddess descended on earth. Her light dazzled me from that very first day, I’m in love with her since the first day.

Isn’t she such a good puppy?

Whenever my character, Castle, expresses his feelings for her is not a fiction dictated by the script.. I really love her and those are the only times I have the courage to tell her… and every time he suffers ’cause of their difficult relationship, I suffer too, because I’m not brave enough to reveal my feelings.

I’m not sure which person should press charges first, Nathan for sound gay and sappy in this fic, or Stana for giving black looks.

I’m afraid I admit it.

I’m afraid that she may reject me, I’m just a simple human being and she is The Goddess.

Such a Goddess like puppy.

I’m afraid I cannot work with her anymore.

I’m afraid our friendship will be ruined forever.

Well you can always ether give her back to the Humane Society or put her asleep. You don’t have to keep her.

I’m ready, with up to ten minutes early. I go out of the studies and I wait for her. I find a place in the sun trying to warm myself.

“Nathan!” she calls approaching me. As soon as I see her, a spontaneous smile arise on my face.

“Here puppy, puppy, puppy!”

I just want her to give me a sign, something to let me understand that even for her our friendship isn’t enough anymore. I wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to tell her.

What do you want her to do? Say, “Oh Nathan, please fill me with your large gorging member?” Oh God I’m going to hell for writing that sentence.

Here he is, I see him. He’s enjoying a little sunshine. He’s beautiful, as always.

Whoa, did we just switch characters narrating? Shouldn’t this be, “Woof woof?”

“Nathan!” I call him to get his attention. He turns and smiles at me in that special way of him that gives me the shivers down the back. When he smiles in that way his eyes light up, seeming two clear lakes which reflect his soul and I swear, I’ve never seen anything so lovely. “so, are we going?” I ask.

His eyes are like two lakes reflecting his soul? Even Hallmark says that’s crap and wants me to tell you that you are fired.

“sure!”. Together we start walking to a very nice cafè nearby. “I saw the TV Guide photo shoot today…” he says smiling at me.

“it’s very nice, right?”

Wow, now Stana is Borat. “It’s a nice!”

I ask blushing. It was an amazing day. We were together for hours posing for the photos. We hugged and teased each other. The best photo is the one in which I bite his ear, his face is priceless, I adore it!

Really, that’s her favorite? Or better yet, that must be the author’s favorite.

We keep walking side by side almost touching each other, I want to remove those few centimeters and take his hand, but I’m afraid.

Why is it in RPF the actors never have anyone stop them on the street and talk to them?

I’m afraid that he may refuse me.

He already adopted you from the pound, what more do you want?

I’m afraid I cannot work with him anymore.


I’m afraid to ruin our friendship forever.

I’m afraid to suffer.

I really want to stab her. No, change that, I want to stab the author.

Nathan holds the door open and we enter the bar together. He order for both of us and I’m happy that he knows me so well now.

I thought they were getting coffee. Better watch it Stana, he might slip you something in your drink if you get up.

“Thank you.” I say showing one of my best smiles just for him. “So, now there’re just a few episodes to the finale season… what are your plans for the break?” I ask curiously. I wanna know if we could see each other or if he had other plans… maybe with a woman. I hope not.

Wow, no one can say this doesn’t stink of 14 year old angst.

“oh, nothing special, I’ll stay here, maybe I’ll go to the sea… you know, nothing special”

Yes, let’s go to the sea. Wow, vague and stupid.

he answers sipping his coffee. I don’t show it but I’m happy that he won’t leave with another woman.

I’m in love with him, I admit it.

WE KNOW! Shut up already.

I am since I realized what a wonderful man he was, since he gave me the first compliment during the shooting of that first episode.

The attraction between Castle and Beckett is so beautiful just because it’s so true. At least for me. I sip my coffee absentmindedly and I do not notice his gazing me.

I thought we are at a bar? That better be good coffee then with Kulula.

“I know it could seem a line of the film script, but you’re so cute when you frown.” He says me quoting that first episode.

Wow, worst pick-up line ever.

“Thank you, It’s weird…” I say, trying not to laugh at his disappointed look. “…but it’s kind of sweet.” I add, wanting to see him smiling again. He satisfied me like he was reading my thoughts.

He satisfied you like he was reading you? Wow, just say you want his throbbing member and get it over with.

“Tomorrow we’re gonna film the scene when you give me the sack…” he says giggling.

The what? What sack was in the episode? I confuzzled.

“well… not exactly, you see Josh coming and you not even ask me that. So it’s not really a refusal.” I observe.

“You like to be right, admit it.”

I really have no clue what’s going on here.

“Always.” I answer giggling with him.

“sometimes I wonder whether it would be better if those two just declared their love, never minded about everyone and everything.” He says softly.

Really, Nathan said that? Really? Because all the articles I’ve read says he says otherwise.

“True, but you know what Andrew thinks about this stuffs… he doesn’t believe in the Moonlight Course, but he doesn’t want to risk in any case…” I remind him.

I think that’s called “The Studio!”

Yeah, how easy it would be to declare the love, not caring about the consequences. Unfortunately I’m not brave enough to do that, I’m really like Beckett from this point of view. I rarely speak about me and my feelings and, even when this happens, I can’t always express myself in the right way.

He’s looking at me with that strange look, like he’s trying to read my soul, like he’s searching for answers in my eyes. If I only knew the questions…

If only you knew how to ask for sex.

I want to have the courage to let get out that part of me who is hidden from the world, that part of me who goes beyond the reason, that part who doesn’t care about the consequences but just want to seize the day, that part who won’t hesitate to declare her love to this amazing man… that part, the one that everyday reminds me how wonderful was kissing him during episode thirteen, but that part is buried inside of me, behind a hundred of walls that suffocate her, that prevent her to come out and fight for this love. I know, I’m a coward, but I don’t want to suffer.

Waaaa waaaa. Fourteen year old Beckett is annoying as hell. Shouldn’t she just go back to being a dog and say, “Woof woof”?

“what are you thinking?” he asks me, bringing me back from my thoughts. You. I’m thinking about you. I wanna answer in this way, but I cannot do it, my rational part stops me.

Just say, “Fuck me now.” Oh wait, this is a 13 year old author trying to be 14, while pretending to be an actress on a hit ABC show, never mind.

“Nothing special…” I murmur, knowing that I’m blushing. Control yourself Stana, take a long breath, yeah, like that. Fortunately he seems not to have noticed anything.

Because he’s gay.

“Look, would you like to come for a vacation with me?” he asks, surprising me. I really wanna say yes, no, I wanna scream yes, but then I remember the contract I signed for the fourth season, I remember that I had to spend many other days working with him, I remember that I would’t be able to do it if something changed in our relationship.

I really want to stab her.

“I don’t know… I planned to return to my parents.” Acting is my job and I’m good at it.

And what, sell furniture? (Oh Lord it’s sad I know this about her).

He swallows the lie, ’cause for a fraction of a second I can read the disappointment on his face.

“Oh, I thought you didn’t have plans..” he says smiling at me. I throw a glance at my watch, it’s a bit late and I need to stay alone in my room to avoid an emotional breakdown.

Do people under 45 still wear watches?

“maybe another day…” I say, trying to let him understand that I really mean that. My efforts are rewarded with a more sincere smile. ” Now I really have to go. The shooting will begin very early tomorrow morning and I really need to sleep… at least 10 hours! Andrew made us grind today…” I smile while I stand up.

WHOA! There was grinding in that episode? WTF? Please tell me this grinding was done doggy style.

“Sure, I understand.”

“So…see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow” Nathan approaches and gives me a little kiss on the cheek, making my heart thumping. Smiling, I walk out and I go to my “safe corner”, the only place where I can be myself.

Safe corner? Is that like Safe Places which is a place a kid can go where I live when they feel alone and can’t go home?

Once arrived, I lock myself in the room, I undress and I slip into the bed. I don’t cry, it’s not my usual behavior, I’m not a teenage-high school girl who’s consumed by this impossible love, but I feel the pain, a terrible pain at having to say that no.

That’s because you are still in middle school and think boys have cooties.

I wish I could have the courage, pick up that phone and call him. But unfortunately I can’t do it. I fall asleep, after spending hours tossing and turning in the bed, and even in dreams I cannot rest.

“Hell of a day, huh?” Castle says to me sighing, but with his usual smile.

Wow we are just jumping all around in this fic.

“Hell of a day.” I agree.

“You know…I was thinking.” He starts taking courage. “I was thinking maybe…” he stops for a second, something has changed in his eyes. “I should go home, get some rest. Long day.” He concludes, but Kate, me, I know it’s not what he really wanted to say. “Good night.” He whispers, turning.

I’m really confuzzled.

It’s my turn. I know I should just say “Good night.” but I cannot do that. I know that he’s acting, but his shocked face it’s too real. He really seems so sad. Suddenly something change inside of me. I should turn around and give Josh a hug, but for once in my life I ignore everything. I ignore my job and my rationality, I’m guided by the part of myself that rarely see the light of the day. I stop the elevator with my hand. He looks at me, he’s surprised because he knows the scene, it’s not like that.

It’s just not like that. Gag.

“I wanna come with you.” I whisper so quietly that I don’t even know if he heard me. “R-really?” he asks me amazed. “You don’t even know where I want to go!” he adds sweetly smiling at me.

He really wants to give you back to the pound.

“If you’re with me I don’t care about the place…” I murmur with a slightly higher voice. He smiles at me and nods.


Thank-god someone is ending this crap.

It’s Andrew. Oh my God, now he’s going to kill us to ruined the scene. I turn around, ready for his angry face, but what’s in front of me it’ surprising. He’s smiling.

Spirit fingers!

“Very cute scene guys… but I beg you to follow the script this time.” He says giggling.

And use more spirit fingers!

“Alright… the show is over. Places everyone, let’s shoot again!” he screams to all the crew. I smile at Nathan and he returns.

Yeah, I think it’s gonna be an unforgettable summer.

The End

Thank-god! And on that note, I am going to go check the police website in LA to see if I can file charges for Nathan and Stana in regards to fans stalking and writing stories about them.

Posted on April 26, 2011, in Caskett93, Mock, RPF, Stanalkers. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Thank you for mocking this fic. I’m actually one of the people that sent an email to get it removed. I also left a not so nice review explaining to the author how creepy and inappropriate it was to write Real Person fics. And even if it wasn’t forbidden on, this fic still sucked. Plus, I’m so not a Stanatic (more of a Browncoat) that I would have hate the fic anyway.
    Again, good job! I love reading your comments! (:

  2. Ho thank you for this mock. I just hate RLF, it’s just weird and creepy.

    Actually like Lauren, I also let a review to the author, to tell her how it’s sick to write this kind of fic. And that she could at least try to be original.

    Thank you for make me laugh with your mock! 😀

  3. Ohh… yeahh…I remember seeing this on FF. And I reported abuse. It’s uber creepy.

  4. I read that story twice and I still do not understand what is going on with that story.

  5. LOL. I’d probably be up here if I actually posted my first Castle Fanfic on FF. I’d have to laugh at myself for being on here, though.

    Really cracked me the hell up. xD

  6. I read a RLF for NCIS and it creeped the living sh*t out of me! I mean, who does that?

  7. castlerocksmysocksoff

    Like castlefan1, I also read a RLF for NCIS. Quite disturbing. I actually feel really embarrassed for the author of those fics. Must be kind of sick in the head, if you catch my drift.

  8. Castlefanatic

    Wtf was that? Seriously,i agree with everyone this RLF was uber creepy,disturbing and one of the worst fics i have ever read.Love your mockings.

  9. Webmistress92

    Geez, this fic is creepy. Just…wrong. I’ve written my share of crap, but this is BEYOND crap. Plain unacceptable. Writing about fictional characters is one thing, but an actual person who you don’t even know personally and know very little about? Hell, even if you wrote about someone you’ve known for years. WTF! These people (I noticed it was more than one person) are sick.

    Thanks for the mock! And feel free to mock any more RPFs that pop up in the future.

  10. WHAT THE FUCK? That was horrifying. I couldn’t even read the whole thing…

  11. That is just wrong. Pass the brain bleach!

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