Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 4

All I can say about this chapter is, drink a big huge glass of bleach and hope to wake up with no memory.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Sorry for the delay. This is a short chapter but I hope you guys enjoy it.

So does this mean I won’t be hitting my head on my desk as much?

***For those of you that don’t know, Victoria St. Claire is the penname Jameson Rook uses to write romance novels.

No shit Sherlock. Really, you remember this but not Lauren Perry’s name?

Kate slept the whole way there and Rick was grateful for that for a couple reasons. One, she needed the rest. And two, he didn’t have to worry about fighting off her advances.

So does staying in a hospital make one stupid and horny?

As he pulled into the driveway, she stirred and slowly opened her eyes, taking in her surroundings. “Nice place Mr. Jameson.” Kate told him as he opened the front door and stepped aside to allow her entrance.

So what time of day is this? Besides being at the beach house, where the hell are we? I’m confuzzled.

“My moonlighting as Victoria St. Claire, has proven to be very profitable.” Rick said with a grin.

Or it could be because he’s an award winning journalist. They make good money, but you wouldn’t know that at your age.

“Oh please tell me you have some of your, I mean, her books here. I would love to soak in a tub while reading some of those hot sex scenes.”

I really don’t want to touch this sentence for fear of getting herpes.

“Afraid not, my dear.” Rick said with a fake frown plastered to his face. “This is where I go to get away from everthing.

Everthing? I didn’t know ever had a thing.

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Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 3

I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend. How about we celebrate with a mock of this horrid story that just keeps churning out new chapters. Sometimes job security isn’t a good thing.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Rick hardly slept at all that night.

Could it be because a hospital bed is not made for two?

He had tried several times to ease out of the bed,

Probably a little hard to do so because you two are packed in like sardines.

but every time he did, Kate would tighten her hold on him and nuzzle in closer.

Yes because that is so very Nikki Heat like.

So he lay there holding her like he had dreamed of doing for years, only she wasn’t his..she was hurt..and she was confused.

And acting like a whiny whore.

As the hours passed, he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

Go into hiding? Tell her the truth?

What exactly does this fantasy world she’s living in right now consist of?

Being fourteen and a whore. It’s every Detectives dream of escaping their normal duties to become a fourteen-year old whore.

Will she also remember her co-workers and family as their fictional characters in his books? Should he keep allowing her to kiss him? How long could he resist her?

How long is this going to continue before I want to drink bleach?

A thousand questions raced through his mind and very few answers.

Just like this story, thousands of things happening, nothing worth reading.

As dawn approached, Rick felt his cell phone vibrate. He had a message from Lanie.

Who need to smack some sense into him.

– n the lobby.
-esplainie:)

Breathe. Breathe. I will not kill someone. And really, who uses signatures on text messages other than twelve-year olds? That’s valuable characters being used I could normally use in said message.

He hit the call button for the nurse and sent Lanie a reply.

Okay the call button for the nurse is not going to call Lanie, unless she is said nurse.

-give me a sec..btw, luv ur sig
-Castle-

Really, no one uses signatures on their text messages. And really, Castle is an award winning aclaimed author, he is’t going to type a text message like a ten-year old.

The nurse came in and Rick informed her that he needed to go downstairs.

To which the nurse replies, “Finally, I was about to call security and have you escorted out of here.”

She nodded her understanding and made her way to the opposite side of the bed. As Rick eased out from under Kate’s arm, the nurse held onto it as if checking her pulse.

Um, that’s what the finger thing they put on your finger is for. Trust me, I’ve been in the hospital, I know.

Kate rolled towards her and Rick quietly exited the room.

Rolled towards her? What? Please tell me this is a Rick Roll.

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 2

Wow this fic just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger. More out of characters, more cheese than a can of Easy-Cheese, and more two period sentences than you can shake a stick at.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Thanks to everyone who reads. A special thanks to all those who add alerts or leave reviews. You guys make my day! 🙂

You know, I read those said reviews and I really want to smack people for not having any taste.

“Easy now..

What the hell is with you and the two periods. No don’t even try and think you know what you are doing because you don’t have a clue how to write. I really have to force myself to put my red ink pen of doom down and not circle things on my monitor.

we don’t want to set off your alarms.” Rick laughed as he pulled away from her soft lips.

I’m mildly disturbed that he’s letting this go on like he is in this fic. This is creepy, and just wrong and embarrassing.

“Rook, I was so scared..”

What is your address? I am sending you a copy of Grammar For Dummies so you can learn to stop this fanatical use of two periods.

She admitted as she held him close to her. “I remember hearing tires squeal and being hit..then, all I saw was darkness. It’s like I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up.”

And OMG it was dark inside my head and I didn’t know what to do and I think I broke a nail.

“Sshh..It’s over now.”

Where is my blood pressure medicine. This is about to kill me with the two periods.

Rick tried to console her. “I’m here and you’re going to be ok. Just try to get some rest.”

Kate pulled the covers back and scooted over, making room for him.

And to go with the Grammar for Dummies
book I am also going to give you a copy of Heat Wave and Naked Heat so you can learn how to characterize the characters.

“I..uh..I need to go check on something real quick. I’ll be right back.” Rick stammered out an excuse to avoid getting into bed with her right now.

“Don’t be too long Jamie..” She yawned out and then closed her eyes.

Why oh why is Kate Beckett acting like someone from the Hills? Why? Hell I don’t think they act this annoying.

‘Thank you.’ Rick mouthed up to the heavens as he witnessed her quickly fall asleep.

Let’s hang a lantern on it why don’t we.

He ran his hand over his messed up hair and headed down to the waiting room. Wouldn’t you know it, the first person he ran into was Josh.

But of course.

He was pacing the floor outside the waiting room as Rick approached him.

Yes because that’s what ever cardiologist do when they are off duty.

“Josh..” the writer began, “I am so sorry that she doesn’t remember you right now and I want you to know that I will not be taking advantage of this situation..I mean, after all..she is your girlfriend, not mine.

Well if that isn’t a lie bundle up in crispy bacon. We all saw the rating was M, we know sex will be had while she thinks she’s Nikki Heat.

She will remember soon..how much she..uhm cares for you.” He nearly choked on that last part.

And then he ran off bawling his eyes out.

‘Did he not know they had broken up nearly two months ago…Had Kate not told him?’ Josh lowered his head and mumbled. “Thanks man!”

Why does Josh’s internal monologue sound like a girl?

“Castle!” Ryan called out as he made hisway

Not thereway? 

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat

Sorry everyone. It’s been a rough week for me with wide-spread tornado’s where I live. Seems nonstop storms for us, but nothing quite as bad as Joplin. My heart goes out to Joplin. But alas, I need a break from tornado warning, and tornado coverage so thus a mock.

Title:
I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Josh was leaving the hospital for the night as the paramedics rushed past him with a very familiar looking woman on their streatcher.

I wonder what a streatcher is? Surly it’s not a bed on wheels you move patients around since that’s a stretcher.

“Kate?”

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m leaving work it’s like getting the heck out of Dodge while checking all the piled up text messages and emails on my phone. Yeah, somehow I have a feeling doctors are the same since they work longer shifts than I do.

“Hold up!” He called to the boys pushing her to exam room one.

Where is the ER Dr at this time?

“What’s wrong with her..what happened?”

Do I really need to recap on the proper uses of ellipsis? Yeah, that should two sentences, not one.

One of the EMT’s turned to him and answered. “A call came over the radio that a hit and run had occured near where we were eating lunch,

Well at least you got the where/were usage correct, unlike your spelling of occurred.

so we were the first responders. When we arrived, she was out cold. As we began to check for broken bones and get her vitals, she came to for a brief moment.

Just like a soap opera!

We ask her if she remembered what happened, where she was, or who she was. All she said was ‘I’m Nikki Heat’, then she passed out again.

Dun dun dun duuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. Wait, am I reading a General Hospital crossover?

The ER physicans

Why is it so hard to use spell check? Physicians! It’s not hard!

rushed in and started ordering tests

Time to start the algebra test! Remember readers, the test is due by end of class. Chop chop!

after listening to the paramedics details of her current condition. She was bleeding from her nose and ear

Wow, that’s it?

so it was apparent that she had a sugnificant

I really want to beat my head in, but to save my brain cells, I want to beat your head in for this random weird spelling of significant.

Mock the Fic: The girl with the green eyes

Wanted, someone who can translate this fic and make heads or tails of what is actually happening. Trust me, it’s a hard task that not everyone is cut out for. This fic made me weep and wish the rapture had come so I wouldn’t have had to read this fic. Really, you know it’s going to be bad when the author can’t even spell the main characters name correctly in the summary.

Title: The girl with the green eyes Author: TakeThatCuteness Summary: what happens when castles holding kates hand waiting for her to wake up from being shot, and a mysterius girl with green eyes apears in the hospital room how will castle take the story behind kate bekett? spoilers for the final. Rating: K

i do not own castle

And that is something we can all be thankful for.

Chapter one: The Death and Reunion.

I hope that the term reunion means a Zombie Montgomery coming back to eat brains.

Kate was ready for the day ahead of her working on papers at the office, with Rick castle studying her, he did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone.

What? He did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone? First, please capitalize Castle. I don’t know why here lately it’s so hard for fanfic authors to capitalize Castle’s name. Second, I have no clue what the hell is going on, let alone what time it is in the timeline. And I’m confused, where is she even at, home?

She pulled on her white shirt and blazer and headed out the door.

Well thankfully she didn’t walk out of the house naked.

The Rain was beating heavily against the pavement as Kate pulled out her umbrella and headed for the door,

I thought she was already out the door. How many doors does she have to go out?

pushing it open she stepped into the elavator

Elevator you spell check moron.

shakeing of raindrops from her umberella and pressing the button to the second floor.

It’s not hard to use spell check. Trust me, if you are too lazy to right click over the squiggly line, you can always hit the F7 button. It’s up on the top of your keyboard.

The Elavator door opend

Oh come on, it’s not hard to spell “opened.”

and she noticed Castle at his usual chair beside her desk, he looked upset and looking at the walked over to him

That makes no sense! “Looking at the walked over to him.” What the hell kind of sentence is this? I’m pretty sure my dog could write a better sentence.

Mock the Fic: Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle

YAY These just keep coming and coming. I think it’s self explanatory when I say it’s a season three finale fic, again. This one was written by a 14 year old who really needs to pay more attention in class than writing fanfic. Someone needs to write to Fanfiction.net and ask to implement a higher age restriction. I’m thinking at least 16 or older.

Stats: Title:Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle Author:FlyingHighAboveTheOceanSummary: Really bad but I don’t care. Spoiler for 3×24. Rating: K+

You know it’s bad when the author tells you it’s bad in the summary. Wow. What little faith the author has for their own work.

Two weeks.

Two days.

Two weeks since

Two days since the episode aired and you are already butchering it.

Katherine Josephine Beckett

That’s a new middle name.

was shot while speaking at the funeral of the man who died to save her. Katherine Beckett was still sick to her stomach.

Could that be because she got shot in the stomach?

She could barely eat or move.

Probably not the best when you had a bullet rip it to shreds.

The bullet that hit her two weeks ago went in right below her rib cage.

In other words, stomach.

As of right now, Katherine Beckett was staring off in space as her boyfriend went on about when he was in Haiti.

I thought he didn’t go. Did I miss something?

She didn’t care. If it wasn’t for the fact that she could barely utter a word, she would break up with him.

Because that’s what ever sane girl does after they’ve been shot. Break up with their boyfriends.

Kate took the pad of paper off of the nightstand and the pen next to it. She quickly scribbled out a note.

Painkillers?

‘Were over, leave please.’

I sure hope that’s the painkillers talking and not the education status of the author.

She turned it around for Josh to see. He quickly rushed out of the room.

Crying his eyes out instead of patting her on the head and telling her he would get her more drugs?

Kate sighed and rested her head back on the pillow. Her world soon became fully blackened by sleep.

Right…

She awoke a few hours later to Richard Castle looking at.

Looking at what? Looking at the sentence you ended with a preposition?

Mock the Fic: My Season 4 Opening

Not going to lie. I was shocked at the ending, and then it hit me. Imagine all those upset and emotionally distraught wanna be writers who want to right the wrong, and ultimately get it completely wrong. And then I crackled my laugh, and I awaited for the troves of fics to pour into Fanfiction.net. Congratulations WetDry, you win! And I swear, this never mentions that it’s a crackfic. So in that case, I take it all as being serious piece of fan works.

I give the episode a three day warning. So thus you are warned, season three ender spoilers.

Stats: Title: My Season 4 Opening Author: WetDry Summary: Just my take on how the next season should begin. Rating: T

“Kate, don’t die on me!” Yelled Castle.

Oh Darlin’, don’t die!

“Oh, relax,” said Beckett. “‘Tis but a flesh wound.”

‘Tis but a flesh wound? And I’m guessing an amputated arm is just a cut?

She then got up to beat up her attacker.

Okay…super human healing Beckett on the attack!

She smacked him around for about a minute.

Drowning him in her blood?

“Who wanted to kill my mommy?” she demanded.

Yes, because everyone who wants to avenge their mothers death always say “Mommy!”

“They did,” said the shooter, pointing to Ryan and Esposito.

Okay… where is my wine. I don’t think I am drunk enough for this fic.

“No!” said Beckett. “It can’t be!”

No really, where is my wine? Vodka? Jaeger bomb?

“Yes!” said Esposito. “WE’RE THE REAL BAD GUYS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Oh God I’d take meth right now if it meant I could forget about this fic.

Mock the Fic: Closet

Happy Season Finale night! Just think about all the bad fanfic that will be written over the summer in response to tonight’s episode? It’s makes me excited just to think about it. In the meantime while I wait for said fics, I think I am going to start a series on fanfic writing 101, and quiz you must pass before you are allowed to publish your story on the web. Someone contact Congress and help me pass a law that you must pass a test before you are allowed to publish stories on the internet. Even if it will put me out of a job, I am willing to take the sacrifice. In the meantime however, I am going to mock a fic that was sent to me on twitter. This story was published with no paragraph spacing. In other words, all one big paragraph. Yup, one big paragraph. Have fun reading! And thanks to the BadCastleFic reader @LG_summer who sent this my way!

Stats: Title: Closet Author: kbeckett96 Summary: So what happens when Castle and Beckett get locked in the precinct closet one night? This story is pure fluff! and just for fun! please review Rating: T

Night took over New York as Beckett and Castle put away the files and papers from the murder board into boxes.

Okay, not a bad start.

It was Late well after midnight and everyone was gone except the 2 of them.

Did you really need to make late uppercased? Oh and please spell out the number two.

“Castle” He turned towards her as she tossed a file his way he set them in the box.

Is it smart to toss around files? Wouldn’t you be afraid of losing stuff out of them?

She stacked the photos and the last of the papers and set them in the box. “Alright where does this go” Castle picked up the box noting it was a bit heavier than expected.

I’m sure by now Castle knows where the boxes need to go. Besides, don’t they normally go to the DA’s office for prosecution?

“That closet in the corner” she pointed towards the door as she threw some pens in a drawer.

I know I don’t work in law enforcement but I’m pretty sure that the DA will need that stuff to help prosecute the offender.

Castle looked towards the closet “I didn’t know that was closet?”

And what did you think it was Castle? The door to the Stargate?

“Hmm?” she looked at him “its been there forever Castle where have you been?”

Obviously not paying attention, which is sort of odd for him since he seems to notices everything.

she laughed silently “come on ill open the door I know that box isn’t light.”

If it’s heavy, then I’m sure it’s a sign you need two boxes. Oh and please learn to capitalize the correct words.

Mock the Fic: Beilevable

Words cannot express how I feel about this fic. So thus I offer you a cup of mind bleach to drink at the end, and a toast to bad fics! Bottoms up!

Stats: Title: Beilevable Author: volleyballlove Summary: This is my first fic so plz review I know this is old stuff but i couldnt resist so give it a try What if castle was the best CIA agent? Will they beielve him? Does his family Know the hole Storry? Will kate find his past? sry bad at summarys an grammer Ratings: T

This is my first fic so I am open for reviews

I hope you are also open to mocks too. Oh and please learn how to spell since your title is misspelled.

I know this is old stuff but I couldn’t resist

Since when has Castle been old stuff?

but in this Castle is the best CIA agent.

Like totally the best CIA agent, ever!

Most don’t believe him but they soon will did his family even know the whole story?

Whoa, that sentence makes no sense. And how does his family not know that he’s in the CIA?

Will Beckett find out his past?

Well since you mentioned it, I’m sure she will find out. Can you say predictable?

DISCLAIMER: I sadly don’t own the castle series

Thank-god.

Castle was heading up to the precinct with two cups of steaming coffee in his hands.

Hot Hot Hot.

It’s been a rough week he was thinking about the case they were working on and of course Kate and shlemming.

Dear Author, comma’s are your best friend. Oh and it’s Shlemming. Even if you are making fun of the character, you still capitalize his name.

Ever since Demming showed up no one listens to his theories he’s just ignored past off like some boring incapable person…

Ignored past off? What does that mean?

DING!

The cupcakes are done?

Richard Castle Cliché’s

Oh Richard Castle. So far on this blog, you’ve remained fairly unscathed when it comes to BadCastleFic coming down on authors way of portraying him. But alas, his time has come, and I shall now nitpick every single thing that fanfic authors do that bug the hell out of me regarding to writing about him. While I understand it’s harder to make him into a Mary Sue since most authors are woman and don’t portray him as themselves. Sadly pretty much all of the Richard Castle clichés find themselves rooted in an episode from season one. For some reasons, authors seem to ignore the almost two years of personal growth that Richard Castle has had and only uses those pesky season one characterizations.

Richard Castle Clichés.

1. Richard Castle is nothing but a nine-year old child stuck in a man’s body and is on a constant sugar rush.

I’ve lost count of how many times some variation of this shows up in a story. It seems to be everyone’s favorite way of describing Richard Castle. It’s a quote that comes from the pilot ‘Flowers for Your Grave’ when Kate Beckett protests against Richard Castle helping her on the case. “He’s like a nine-year old on a sugar rush. Totally incapable of taking anything seriously.” While yes, this was a great way for Andrew Marlowe to introduce viewers to Richard Castle, but it’s not a great way to introduce him to readers. We all know Castle. We all have watched him grow up since season one. While yes, he does have his tendency to revert to being a kid at times. I do remember the utter glee he had on his face as he was going to bust into his loft with the antique pistol he had purchased in ‘Punked.’ But correct me if I am wrong, I haven’t seen him running around the precinct, flailing his arms above his head, jumping on desks, and acting like a hyperactive kid. Sure, at time he’s been distracted by his phone, but who hasn’t? And if you haven’t been able to tell, during the last half of season three, Castle seems to have matured considerably by leaps and bounds. Since Castle has learned how to mature, let’s all learn from his example and discover a new way to describe him. Sure you can use kid at heart, but let’s all stay away from the sugar high nine-year old stuck in a man’s body description.

2. When the occasion calls for going under cover with Kate Beckett, Richard Castle will always buy her an expensive dress to wear.

Once again, another season one cliché. This goes back to one of my favorite episodes, ‘Home is Where the Heart Stops’ where Castle and Beckett go to a fundraiser in order to have access to their donors in hopes of catching the home invasion jewel thieves. In the course of the episode, when Castle presents Beckett the tickets for the fundraiser, he reminds her its black tie and she would need a fancy dress. Not one to miss a beat, Castle catches Beckett’s momentarily surprised look and lie that it wouldn’t be a problem. So thus, he buys her a fancy dress and has it sent over to her apartment. It’s such a sweet, and invasive moment for the two. Sweet that he would know she wouldn’t have the fanciest dress needed for the party and buys her one, but invasive that he knew her size and what to buy her. Don’t know about anyone else, but this is sort of creepy stalkerish move. And whenever I see it pop up in fanfic world, it really makes me cringe. Ladies, I can assure you that 98% percent of men, unless they are gay, or your personal stylist, won’t know your dress size. Sure, they probably know what size of t-shirt to buy you, but dress size? Doubt it. Buying a dress is way more complicated than buying a t-shirt. You’re more likely to be handed money to go buy one instead of them buying one for you.

Besides, why would Castle need to buy Beckett a new dress these days? Have you seen her wardrobe lately? I’m still trying to figure out how a Detective is able to afford expensive Burberry shirts, let alone the $700 Bric duffle bag she had in ‘To Love and Die in LA.’ But that’s beside the point, she doesn’t need him to buy her an expensive dress just to go undercover. I think she’s got that under control right now. So if you are going to go down that clichéd road of going undercover, then do something new and have Kate buy her own dress, and Castle’s tie to match.

3. Richard Castle only writes books at night.

I really have no clue where this cliché comes from. I’m going to go ahead and blame it on the pilot since that’s where the screen capture came from. I’m also thinking this goes along with the thought that Richard Castle spends all his time at the precinct, thus goes home and writes at all hours of the night. I think we’ve seen many times that Richard Castle doesn’t live at the precinct. He does spend time at home and has even gone on vacation to finish writing his book. Remember fans, we only get to see the side of Richard Castle when he’s about to get a call regarding a murder. We never see what Castle does whenever he isn’t solving crimes with the team. He may write for all we know on Saturdays and Sundays. Or even tell Kate he’s busy writing and passes on solving the crime of the week. We don’t know since the show is called Castle and he must be in every episode. I’m still waiting anxiously for that one fanfic to pop up where he turns down Kate’s call because he wants to finish writing instead.

4. Whenever Richard Castle and Kate Beckett go to the loft, Alexis and Martha are away at someone else’s place.

This one comes from one of my twitter followers, @EmilieVitnux. The premises of this cliché is that whenever Castle and Beckett ether go on a date, or he invites her to go home with her after a rough case, the loft is conveniently empty with Alexis staying the night at a friend’s, and Martha is ether on tour or staying the night with her beloved dead Chet. Never fails that the loft is always empty. Wow, why does this never happen to me when I want my house to be empty from my roommates? I’m sorry authors, but rarely will your loft be empty if you share it with other people-especially if one is your daughter, and the other one is your mother. I’d say this is more like a tv trope that you need to hang a lantern on rather than a cliché. Do authors find it wrong that Castle would ever bring Beckett over when Alexis or his mother would be home? They do live on two different levels of the loft, I think it’s okay if he sneaks her into her bedroom while everyone else is asleep.

5. Richard Castle’s Bedroom is located upstairs.

Okay this is a cliché that drives me nuts. While it’s never been shown on-screen where Castle’s bedroom is located, it is however noted in pictures where Castle’s bedroom is located. Here is a link to one picture that shows the side view of his office with the doorway open and showing a peak of his bedroom. Here’s another one showing into his bedroom from his office. I think it’s safe to say his bedroom is off the side of his office. Another example that further reinstate this is during the episode ‘Boom,’ Beckett is seen cooking food in the kitchen and talking to Martha. At the angle the camera is at, you can see where the stairway comes in place to the side of the screen. When Castle comes and joins the conversation, he comes from the opposite side, the same side from where is office is, and not the side Alexis comes from when she comes barreling down the stairs. Another great example is ‘Vampire Weekend,’ you see him getting dressed next to his bed, then the next shot is of him busting out his Malcolm Reynolds impression outside from his office doors. I think that seals the deal that his bedroom is located off the side of his office. So unless Castle does a huge renovating of his loft, and he turns his bedroom into a bigger office, then let’s just keep his bedroom downstairs where it belongs. Besides, if it’s downstairs, then he can safely bring Kate Beckett to visit whenever everyone else is upstairs and not have to worry about being busted.

(Note, thanks to Castle-Fans.org for all the great set pictures to help denounce the myth of Castle’s bedroom location.)

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives Part 2

Happy Birthday BadCastleFic readers! Today is our 1 year birthday! Wow year goes by quickly doesn’t it? Since I started this blog showcasing bad fanfic in the Castle fandom, Castle was a wee bit smaller of a community with a so so amount of fanfic. Since then, it’s seems to have jumped leaps and bounds. Yet with all the new fanfic we get, we also seem to get the bad fanfic. Thus meaning I get to keep my blogging job that pays jack squat! YAY! Now onward to the fic, where we will continue to read the horrifying Dancing with the Detectives. Word of warning, I am mocking this between commercials for Fringe and I’m a wee bit drunk.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A

Hey guys! just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the subscriptions and the reviews! and i just wanted to give another chapter! the next is on the way! thanks for all of your love! i love you all too!

Oh I love you too, but only that sort of love a person feels when they find a golden nugget and want to tell the world about what they found.

~red

The next morning Beckett woke up to her alarm clocks radio.

Wow, how many clocks does she have since she has clocks radio?

The song that 93Q

Okay, are we name dropping a real radio station in LA or is this your favorite radio station that you listen to in small town America.

was playing was “tonight tonight”, by Rascal Flatts.

Okay, random name dropping of a country band.

She smiled as she realized one of her favorite songs was playing,

Of course it was her favorite song…oh I mean the authors favorite song.

and she got up, ready for the looked at her apartment

Ready for the looked at her apartment? What, is her Apartment a fashionista nazi who wants to show off their awesome fashion skills.

one more time, before taking her heavy luggage down the stairs.

Oh so we are stuck in New York. I wonder if she lives in Down Town, NY? That could only explain why her apartment is a fashionista.

She flung the heavy suitcase in the trunk, and drove off to the precinct to see her friends one last time before she headed off to the city of dreams.

Yes, because that’s what we all do is visit our coworkers one last time before we go on vacation. Duh.

She knew she would see them the night of the show,

So are they flying to LA every Monday? Wow that’s expensive. Must be that huge salary they make in Down Town, NY.

and almost every show if a big murder case didn’t come up, but she knew she would miss them for the month that they would be training for.

Wow, that was an epically long run on sentence with way too much information.

She parked the car in the parking garage and saw castles car.

I hope it’s a bouncy castle car since it obviously can’t be Castle’s car since it isn’t capitalized.

Something looked different about it, but she ignored it and strode to the elevators. The doors opened a minute later and she saw castle at her desk with 3 boxes of doughnuts, freshly brewed coffee for everyone, and lots of detectives flooding around the desk like a sea of cops.

Wow a sea of cops. I wonder if they all have blue on and do the wave.

She saw in the crowd Esposito and Ryan and Lanie.

Do I dare ask why she is hanging out at the precinct and not at the morgue, which isn’t at the precinct.

She saw Montgomery walking towards her and she smiled.

Oh goodie, this is a fic with Montgomery being the loving daddy figure for Beckett.

He cane and gave her a hug

So he caned her and gave her a hug? Worst torturer ever.

before pulling back and saying, “oh Beckett, I never thought I would have seen you dancing!

Wells he does perform at the strip joint every other Friday night. I’m sure she’d let you get in free. Just make sure to tip her with some nice new ones.

Now your a singing, dancing cop!

Oh boy! A singing dancing cop! I sense a remake of Cop Rock. I’m sure Fox will pick it up and air it after Glee. It’ll be a great way for the when the Glee kids get old to continue singing and being dramafied. Oh and you used the wrong your, but that wasn’t a surprise.

Oh I’m SO going to have to twitter this!”

Wait, so Montgomery is going to twitter that she’s a singing cop? What?

he whipped out his phone and started typing. She rolled her eyes and said, “oh captain, are you sure castle isnt rubbing off on you?”

Wow, that is the utmost worst characterization of the Captain I have ever read. I sure hope Rubin Santiago-Hudson smacks you on the back of the head.

he laughed and put his phone away and looked at her one more time, smiling warmly. “can’t wait to see you on the dance floor in a month!” and he strode off towards the elevators.

Why is she getting a month to prepare? Don’t they normally get two weeks or so to prepare?

she started towards the desk, and just then Ryan noticed who was heading their was,

So how could Ryan be heading their when he can’t posses heading somewhere.

and with a mouth full of doughnut holes he said “HEY! ITS BECKETT!”

So is Beckett the new Norm?

Happy Birthday Bad Castle Fic!

Happy Anniversary my readers. It was one year today that I officially started BadCastleFic. This was back when I was just a ordinary girl who read fanfics, and would go to nightly chats in Robotorgo. It was there that I discovered that my fellow comrades felt the same way I felt, majority of the fanfic for the Castle fandom was crap. Okay maybe not majority, and crap maybe a generous word. A select few fanfics were atrocious . We would throw around links and talk about the horrible fics. One of us even started a site that they were going to put links to those said bad fics. But I decided to be the over achiever and go above and beyond and mock said bad fanfics. When I first mocked Death and Dispair I mostly did it because it was the worst piece of crap I had even read, and I wanted my friends to laugh with me. I wish I could say I was drunk when I mocked it, but alas, I was sober (and sadly working two jobs then too). I was very surprised when I finished it and posted the link in Robotorgo that it would spread like wildfire.

Since then I’ve had this place featured on other websites, repeated in Tumblr, and tweeted to friends. I’ve had people request to do guest mocks, and others send me links to fics I should mock. I’d love to say I have a system to how I chose a fic to mock, but I don’t. I read updates on Fanfiction.net on my phone/tablet, read the links I’m sent and randomly stumble upon fics that I deem worthy to mock. Some authors I’ve mocked no longer exist, some even thank me by deleting their fics. My proudest moments are when the authors of fics I’ve mocked find my website and cause some drama llama problems. But most of all, I love the comments. You guys are what keep me sane and mocking. I know I take breaks here and there (and if you were me, you would too before you went slowly mad!), but I still love everyday that I find a fic to mock!

So to another year of mocking! May the Castle fandom live forever, and prosper with badfanfics for me to mock! And my the coffee and wine flow forever!

Mock the Fic: Complete Loss

Since we are nearing the one year anniversary of BadCastleFic.com, I thought it would be fun to revisit some of the authors that made BCF so popular. My first revisit is to the author formally known as the jackall or the award winning author whose fic was the first Castle fic I ever mocked. So it looks like since mocking the jackall that person has changed their name to Cobra Grimes and combined all the one shot Castle fics to one big story. Since it seems I’ve mocked the other two, it’s only fitting I mock the third one.

Stats: Title: Complete Loss Author: Cobra Grimes Subject: All my one shots in one convient place! Rating: M

As he lies in his bed in the motel he cannot help but wonder why him.

Because the show is named after him?

He lost his home and the true love of his life all in one night because of one horrible disaster.

Teaches you to leave the stove on while you’re gone.

A few hours earlier

Okay…

Richard Castle had just returned home from his first date with Kate Beckett and he couldn’t be happier.

Awww isn’t that so sweet. I’m surprised he didn’t take her home and throw her against the wall and have sex, since that’s what the majority of the Castle fandom feels is going to happen on their first date.

As he was heading up the stairs to his room his phone rang,

Hello, Castle? Yes, this is me, your Loft. Remember that one time you got drunk and fell asleep in the bed with your mom? Yeah, we don’t want that to happen again ether, so I thought I would call to remind you that your bedroom isn’t upstairs, instead its downstairs off to the side of your office. You’ll thank me in the morning. Bye!

it was Esposito.

Oh so Esposito gets to be the one to remind you that your room is downstairs.

“We got a case Javi?”

Since when has Castle been on a first name basis with Esposito?

“No, Ryan and I have a case.”

So why are we having this

“Well why are you calling me then?”

Because someone has to remind you where your bedroom is located. Plus drunk dialing is fun.

“Well I need you to come down to the precinct as soon as possible.”

Ooh please tell me we are drunk dialing the mayor.

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives

Another Monday means another mock! This one is a bad crossover and I shall warn you, you will want your sporks and brain bleach ready to go for this fic. Please be warned, watching it may make you want to never see Dancing with the Stars the same ever again.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A Rating: T

Hey guys! thanks SOOOO much for looking at this.

How could I miss it?

this is my first castle fan-fic and im soooo excited for the season finale for season 3!

It’s quite obvious that this is your first attempt at writing since you don’t know how to capitalize the name of a show, there is no dash between fan and fic, you need to capitalize the I and apostrophe before the “m” and last but not least, you have way too many o’s in the word “so.”

I figured out that Castle gets freakin kidnapped in the last scene!

Really? Where the hell did you get this from and why isn’t there any spoiler alerts?

FINALLY SOMETHING JUICY!

Like OMG! It’s totally caps lock worthy!

so thanks for reading and tell me if yall like it or not! thanks!

Oh you’ll know how I feel, just continue to read.

It was just another lazy afternoon for Detective Kate Beckett as another day went by without a case.

Was there some sort of vacation happening in New York and all the murder’s out on vacation? I hope they all went to Walt Disney World and dressed up as pirates.

She was lounging in the break-room with Castle. They both had their feet up on the table and sharing a big bowl of the new pretzel MnM’s.

Really? Really? First, not cool with the product placement. Second, I’m sure she has paperwork to file, or get ready for court…oh wait you wouldn’t know about those since you are 10 years old and think it’s “so cool that they are in love!”

They bantered idly back and forth for an hour until Detectives Esposito and Ryan came waltzing in

Wow, I wonder what music they waltzed into the room with?

and took seats beside them at the round table. They chatted carelessly until Chief Montgomery came in

And reminded them they have a job to do, and he doesn’t pay them to eat candy.

with a smile on his face. “great news! The mayor just called and said that abc wanted a deal with us!”

Oh boy! The Mouse wants to make a deal with you! I guess Uncle Walt’s frozen head finally spoke and told ABC to make a deal with a famous writer and the detective he whores out as a muse.

they all looked at him dumbly

Yeah I would too.

until Ryan spoke up, “like the tv channel?”

No, like the Alphabet.

esposito gave him a slap on the back of his head. ” no duh. Sometimes I wonder-”

Sometimes I wonder why authors don’t capitalize names

he was cut off by montgomery,

What did Montgomery cut off, I hope it was a finger.