Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives

Another Monday means another mock! This one is a bad crossover and I shall warn you, you will want your sporks and brain bleach ready to go for this fic. Please be warned, watching it may make you want to never see Dancing with the Stars the same ever again.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A Rating: T

Hey guys! thanks SOOOO much for looking at this.

How could I miss it?

this is my first castle fan-fic and im soooo excited for the season finale for season 3!

It’s quite obvious that this is your first attempt at writing since you don’t know how to capitalize the name of a show, there is no dash between fan and fic, you need to capitalize the I and apostrophe before the “m” and last but not least, you have way too many o’s in the word “so.”

I figured out that Castle gets freakin kidnapped in the last scene!

Really? Where the hell did you get this from and why isn’t there any spoiler alerts?


Like OMG! It’s totally caps lock worthy!

so thanks for reading and tell me if yall like it or not! thanks!

Oh you’ll know how I feel, just continue to read.

It was just another lazy afternoon for Detective Kate Beckett as another day went by without a case.

Was there some sort of vacation happening in New York and all the murder’s out on vacation? I hope they all went to Walt Disney World and dressed up as pirates.

She was lounging in the break-room with Castle. They both had their feet up on the table and sharing a big bowl of the new pretzel MnM’s.

Really? Really? First, not cool with the product placement. Second, I’m sure she has paperwork to file, or get ready for court…oh wait you wouldn’t know about those since you are 10 years old and think it’s “so cool that they are in love!”

They bantered idly back and forth for an hour until Detectives Esposito and Ryan came waltzing in

Wow, I wonder what music they waltzed into the room with?

and took seats beside them at the round table. They chatted carelessly until Chief Montgomery came in

And reminded them they have a job to do, and he doesn’t pay them to eat candy.

with a smile on his face. “great news! The mayor just called and said that abc wanted a deal with us!”

Oh boy! The Mouse wants to make a deal with you! I guess Uncle Walt’s frozen head finally spoke and told ABC to make a deal with a famous writer and the detective he whores out as a muse.

they all looked at him dumbly

Yeah I would too.

until Ryan spoke up, “like the tv channel?”

No, like the Alphabet.

esposito gave him a slap on the back of his head. ” no duh. Sometimes I wonder-”

Sometimes I wonder why authors don’t capitalize names

he was cut off by montgomery,

What did Montgomery cut off, I hope it was a finger.

” anyways, they said that they wanted castle to come onto the show Dancing with the stars!”

To do what, trip over his own two feet?

Beckett grinned evilly and looked at castle while he looked on with shock.

Don’t they normally contact your agent first instead of the Mayor and a Captain of a police force? Oh that’s right, they do.

” but, they ran out of their trained dancing partner soooo…”

Wait…what? This is the only reason you could think of to get Castle on the show? And you call yourself a writer?

he trailed off and looked at Beckett. This time it was castle’s and the other detectives turns to smile evilly at her.

Smile evilly at her? Could someone please get this girl a thesaurus?

“OHHHH NO! you are NOT dragging me into this sir!”

Why of course we are, because we are cliché and know that it will be good for the public image of the NYPD.

“why detective, I didn’t know you were a professional dancer!”

Neither did we.

castle said to her. She sighed and thought for a moment about what this would bring.

Sporks in our eyes?

It would humiliate her and castle and would be seen by millions,

I am a bit on the lost side. Why would it humiliate her and Castle?

it would not be erasable,

How about whiteout-able? Everything is whiteout-able.

but it would help the precinct out a lot and make the chief really happy.

The Chief? Have we ever met the “chief?”

Plus it would be an opportunity to show off her dancing skills. After all, she was a professional.

Who the hell made her a professional dancer? Please tell me it doesn’t go back to the one fic that I mocked a while ago that KBecks became a stripper.

” fine! I will do it! BUT, only because its good for the precinct.” castle whooped as Montgomery cheered victory, and the other two detectives fist bumped.

They are cheering because of her saying yes? Wow does the world hinge on Kate Beckett?

She got up and sat down at her desk and waited for castle to come sit down next to her and start bugging her.

Are the guys still whooping it up in the break room?

Just as he sat down her phone rang. She knew exactly who it was. “Becket” she answered officially.”hi detective Beckett. This is Ron Harolds. I’m the casting director and producer for Dancing with the stars and-”

Did Kate bring her crystal ball with her to work today?

Beckett cut him off saying ” and I would love to come in the show. And since I have worked in the show before, I wont need special training right?”

Le huh? What the crap? Let me guess, she was Master P’s dance partner?

“of course not! If you want them though they are there.”

Let’s all pamper the KBecks.

Harolds said. Beckett replied and said, “well, my dancing skills are a little rusty so. Think I may take you up n that offer.

N that offer? And poor little Katie Beckett, rusty on her dance steps. Maybe she should dance her way to catching criminals instead of running. Waltz with me, waltz!

When do we fly out?” “tomorrow night.” Harolds said.

Wow way too much dialogue.

Castle looked up from his phone when beckett repeated that statement and smiled and said in a hushed tone, “the sooner the better!”

In other words, your flight left yesterday.

she rolled her eyes at him and said “that sounds we be having our own costume designers and make up artists?”

And that sentence made no sense what so ever.

she asked because it wasn’t because she’s always wanted one,

If she was on the show before, then wouldn’t she have had one before?

but she just didn’t want to have to pick out outfits and do her make-up all by herself.

Oh no, she’s gonna get fat and lazy if she doesn’t do her own make-up!

“oh of course detective! And all of us would just like to say…”

April Fools?

there was a short pause before a bunch of people yelled into the phone on the other end,

Candid Camera!

“WELCOME BACK!” she laughed and said thanks and she couldn’t wait to see them, and hung up.

Please tell me I am going to be waking up from this nightmare!

Castle was smiling at her mischievously. “what?” she said, tilting her head at him in question, “well, I never took you for the dancing type. Especially a ‘dancing with the stars’ type.”

I think he means, “I googled you and Dancing with the Stars and got jack squat.”

she shook her head at him and gave a light smile, “yes I did do dancing with the stars. I loved dancing and always have and when I needed more money, I saw that they offered a place for me to go on their show.

So she what, took FMLA leave, lie about her dad’s alcoholism and needing help just to go on DWTS?

I was on their from season 1 all the way to season 6.”

That’s one hell of a FMLA leave. So she was on till 2008 and came back and waiting another year for Castle to turn her life back upside down? Oh geez I need help for googling this info and researching it.

she gave him a slight shrug. “so why’d you stop?” he asked, and she could see in his eyes it wasnt just a question, he really was curious and he did care about why she gave up one of her passions.

Awe because caring is sharing.

She sighed, “well, I got promoted to homicide detective and I just couldn’t do it all. I pick one or the other. I knew in my heart I loved my dancing, but it wasn’t something I planned to die for.”

So was she flying out to LA during the night and solving crimes in NY during the day? What?

she looked at her watch and saw it was now almost 11:00pm as Castle continued to stare at her.

Only because he is Clichéd Castle, this Castle only stares at women.

He was trying to look in here eyes,

Come here Eyes! Here Eyes, good boy.

to see something, she didn’t know what it was he was looking for, but she ignored it, got up, and said ” it’s almost eleven and we fly out tomorrow, so I think we should go home now.”

Because I need all day to get ready to fly to LA.

he got up to and smiled warmly at her and her insides turned and she couldn’t help but return the smile.

Her insides turned to what? Jello?

He said “see ya tomorrow detective.” she stood there for a second as he pushed the down button on the elevators and then she ran up to him.

So she ran to the elevator, pushed the button, then ran back to him? Oh goodie, this is Girly Beckett! We shall call her Katie.

“how about Remys one last time before we go?” she asked.

Was it her seductive voice she used too? Did she also leave her brain at the elevator, pushing the button over and over in hopes it will hurry the elevator along?

He almost yelled out “YESSSSSS!” but kept it inside and said, “awesome! Let’s roll to this shiny shindig!”

Shiny shindig? I am not touching this sentence with a 50ft pole.

the elevator doors opened then an the stepped inside.

Then an the stepped inside? What? I’m confuzzled with this sentence.

She rolled her eyes at him for his use of words. “really castle? Shindig? Shiny? I think you watch WAYYYYY too many firefly re-runs.”

And by that she means herself, the author, watches way too much Firefly reruns.

“HEY! I watch serenity too!” he said and she laughed.

Wow, well in that case, go on ahead and carry on with the fancy Firefly language.

“you know, you DO remind of Nathan Fillion.” she teased.

While twisting her hair around her finger.

“wait a second Beckett, didn’t you say a moth ago

A moth ago? Do you get to wishper when it’s a moth ago.

when you, me and Alexis were watching Serenity, you had a huge crush on Nathan Fillion and that he was soooo hot,”

Oh like totally the hotness.

he paused and then got a sly smile on his face as he saw a little bit of fear, and a lot of embarrassment flickered across Becketts face, ” especially, when shirtless.”

Better watch it Castle, don’t get any ideas. Every time you go shirtless, the ratings go down.

he leaned in closer to her and whispered as her breath hitched in her throat, “now wouldn’t you like to see that?”

I’m sure she likes to have bigger ratings instead.

she blanked out for a moment and then got new ideas. She leaned in closer so that they were nose to nose and their lips only centimeters apart. Now it was castles turn to be the vounerable one.

The what? Surely you didn’t mean vulnerable?

“well,” she teased, “I do love buff, strong, hot, shirtless men… Too bad your not a man,

I really ignored the wrong use of there/their/they’re but can’t you please use the right you’re?

otherwise you’d be, wait, you’d still look bad!”

That makes no senes.

she pulled back and the elevator dinged and the metal doors slid open as he put on a pouty face mumbling things about how he’s really a man and how she would love it if he proved to her that he was a man. She just snickered at him.

Please tell me this means it’s over? Please!

I urge you BadCastleFic readers to voice your opinions in reviews to writers. Let them know that badfics are not appreciated!

Posted on May 2, 2011, in Brain Bleach, Clichéd Fic, crossover, Mock, Poor Sweet Baby Jesus, Redheadthegreat. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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