Mock the Fic: The girl with the green eyes

Wanted, someone who can translate this fic and make heads or tails of what is actually happening. Trust me, it’s a hard task that not everyone is cut out for. This fic made me weep and wish the rapture had come so I wouldn’t have had to read this fic. Really, you know it’s going to be bad when the author can’t even spell the main characters name correctly in the summary.

Title: The girl with the green eyes Author: TakeThatCuteness Summary: what happens when castles holding kates hand waiting for her to wake up from being shot, and a mysterius girl with green eyes apears in the hospital room how will castle take the story behind kate bekett? spoilers for the final. Rating: K

i do not own castle

And that is something we can all be thankful for.

Chapter one: The Death and Reunion.

I hope that the term reunion means a Zombie Montgomery coming back to eat brains.

Kate was ready for the day ahead of her working on papers at the office, with Rick castle studying her, he did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone.

What? He did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone? First, please capitalize Castle. I don’t know why here lately it’s so hard for fanfic authors to capitalize Castle’s name. Second, I have no clue what the hell is going on, let alone what time it is in the timeline. And I’m confused, where is she even at, home?

She pulled on her white shirt and blazer and headed out the door.

Well thankfully she didn’t walk out of the house naked.

The Rain was beating heavily against the pavement as Kate pulled out her umbrella and headed for the door,

I thought she was already out the door. How many doors does she have to go out?

pushing it open she stepped into the elavator

Elevator you spell check moron.

shakeing of raindrops from her umberella and pressing the button to the second floor.

It’s not hard to use spell check. Trust me, if you are too lazy to right click over the squiggly line, you can always hit the F7 button. It’s up on the top of your keyboard.

The Elavator door opend

Oh come on, it’s not hard to spell “opened.”

and she noticed Castle at his usual chair beside her desk, he looked upset and looking at the walked over to him

That makes no sense! “Looking at the walked over to him.” What the hell kind of sentence is this? I’m pretty sure my dog could write a better sentence.

”Castle?, whats wrong?”

Okay I know I say all the time that a comma is your best friend. But really, you don’t need to use one after a question mark. And really, what’s with the use of the apostrophe instead of the quotation mark?

She said placeing a hand on his shoulder he felt warm and stiff.

That’s what she said, only with better spelling.

He Looked up ”kate i..err..”

Suck at writing and want to tell you, ‘grammar, who needs grammar?’

he was cut off by montgomrey

Speaking from the dead.


How can you misspell the main characters name? And really, stop with the misuse of the comma’s.

i need to speak to you in my office”she said carm

I really have no clue what’s going on in this fic. And what’s carm? And please for the love of God, learn grammar and get a beta reader!

and still, ”yes sir” she said walking past castle lookeing confused.

And why the hell did you put an ‘e’ at the end of looking. There was never an ‘e’ there to begin with.

In montgomreys

The guy’s dead, at least spell his name right.

office bekett sat feeling like a little girl again in a headmasters office, ready to be told off,

Wow, I don’t think my boss has ever ‘told me off.’

”kate..” mongomrey started he never called her kate ever, ”im sorry to report that last night, your father was murderd”,

What the hell? Really? REALLY?

she shot a look up ”what no,..”her shakey vouise said,

What is a shakey vouise?

”, Your a lier”

A lier?

she shouted running out of montgomreys office,

Oh the 14 year old dramaitis is attacking Beckett again.

unshed tears in her eyes she ran into someone,

Damn those unshed tears, always getting in the way when running.

and they wrapped there arms around her

How many people did she run into and how are they wrapping there? Are they wrapping her with wrapping paper? I hope it’s Justin Bieber wrapping paper.

and let her cry on them. ”its gonna be okay”castle whisperd into kates hair.

You know, this fic isn’t even fun to mock. It’s just makes me want to stab someone instead.

”ill take care of you i promise”

And then he took her home and she became a housewife forever. The end.

he told her still whispering, kate pulled away to look him in the eyes, His face was tiered and scared,”your her only family know kate,i can help you”

I’m beyond confused right now. I have no clue what the hell is happening let alone who they are talking about.

kate looked up to see her younger long brown haird thirteen year old sisster

Wow so she has a sister that is what, 18 years younger than her? Wow, and I thought it was a big gap between my sister whose 11 years old than me. But at least I can spell haired, and sister.

sat in a chair with a backpack and trampboots on,

Trampboots? What the hell is trampboots? God I feel old. Can’t she just have Dr. Martens on like my generation wore? I had to google what the hell trampboots are:


That’s a new name that hasn’t been used in Castle fanfic yet.

kate whisperd her vouise full of longing,

Learn how to spell voice. It’s not a hard word to spell ether.

the younger girl got up and ran over to bekett hugging her, kate hugged her back, then looked to montgomrey ”sir, if you dont mind id like to take scarlett home know”

I’m done. I can’t take anymore of this fic. Anyone know where the author lives?

mongomry nodded at kates request. kate turned to castle, before telling scarlett to meet her in the car”castle..”she sighed”why diddent you tell me kate, about your sisster”

It’s like you aren’t even trying anymore. These are words that you learn how to spell in first grade. I sure hope that English isn’t your first language, otherwise you are the poster child for what’s wrong with America’s public school system.

he sighed running his hands frew his hair

Well, at least you spelled hair right. Though I have no clue what frew his hair is.

takeing a step forward , ”beacause thats private”

Really, these aren’t hard words to spell.

she said pushing him away stern and cold, ”it had nothing to do with you,know i have to take care of two people, myself and scarlett, i would apresiate it if you just backed off” she said walking out of the prenic meeting scarlett in the car.

I am in tears over this fic. It’s horrible and you can’t spell. What the hell is a prenic? Is it like a pre picnic?

That night at kates apartment kate sat saddly on the couch watching reruns of glee,

Well thank-God you spelled Glee correctly.

on the televison when scarlett turned to her ”that castle guy was really nice to me katie, we had a nice chat, he really cares about you, why do you keep pushing him away”

Yes because that’s a conversation that every thirteen-year old has with their big sister.

kate sighed her sisster was the only one she was ever truthful with, ”i dont wanna get hurt, hes just so in the tabloides alot,

Like so in the tabloids.

hes a writer..and i dont wanna get my heartbroken scar,he means alot to me and i dont wanna loose him as a friend”

I’m surprised you haven’t lost him as a friend considering how atrocious you talk.

kate sighed. ”wait that was theey, richard castle?”

I’m not even going to try and translate this sentence.

scarlett sqeeled. ”yes the one who wrote nikki heat” kate sighed.

If someone can translate this fic and tell me what the hell is going on, then I will let you pick the next fic I mock and I will give you a huge shout-out with a post featuring your translation.

Posted on May 23, 2011, in grammar, Mock, TakeThatCuteness, who needs grammar?. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. OMG!!! I can’t stop laughing. Translation….ummmmm…..well, the only thing I found was that the author can’t spell for shite & the story does not match the summary. LOL Other than that, I’m as lost as everyone else.

  2. Oh my goodness. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much at one of your mock. I have no idea what’s going on in that fic either but it can surely enter the Guinness Book of Record under the category “Most Numerous Grammar/Spelling mistakes by line”

    Please someone buy “English Language For Dummies” to this author… pretty please!

  3. Well I tried a translation…

    Kate was prepared for the day of paperwork that awaited her at the precinct. She had banned Castle from the precinct but he had insisted that he talked to her on the phone .

    She pulled on her jacket and headed out the door.

    Rain was beating heavily against the pavement and Kate pulled out her umbrella as she left the building.

    When she arrived at the precinct she shook her wet umbrella and stepped into the elevator.

    When the elevators opened at the second floor she noticed Castle at his usual chair by her desk, looking sad. She walked over to him “Castle, what’s wrong?” she asked placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
    He looked up “Kate, I, err…

    He was cut off by captain Montgomery (who was indeed speaking from the dead)

    “Beckett, I need to speak to you in my office.” 

    “Yes sir.” she replied looking slightly confused.

    In Montgomery’s office Beckett sat feeling like she’d been called to the principals office.

    “Kate…” The (Zombie) captain started, unsure of how to continue “I’m sorry to report that last night your father was murdered.”

    Her eyes widened “What? No!”

    “No. NO! This can’t be happening!” she cried, her eyes filling with tears as she ran out of the captain’s office.

    Castle blocked her path and wrapped his arms around her.

    “It’s going to be OK, I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

    Ok. Here is where I gave up. After this Beckett takes her long lost sister which we haven’t been informed of for three seasons, leaving Castle heart broken at her lack of trust. At home Beckett and her THIRTEEN year old sister get into a conversation about who Kate should hook up with. THE END (Of probably the worst thing I’ve ever read in my life,I think my eyes are bleeding.) By the way, I didn’t know what ‘trampboots’ were either 🙂

  4. Wow, my sister is a few years older than me, and I can promise you we have never talked about her sex life. That’s just weird. Your mock is the only way that story could be readable.

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