Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat

Sorry everyone. It’s been a rough week for me with wide-spread tornado’s where I live. Seems nonstop storms for us, but nothing quite as bad as Joplin. My heart goes out to Joplin. But alas, I need a break from tornado warning, and tornado coverage so thus a mock.

I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Josh was leaving the hospital for the night as the paramedics rushed past him with a very familiar looking woman on their streatcher.

I wonder what a streatcher is? Surly it’s not a bed on wheels you move patients around since that’s a stretcher.


I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m leaving work it’s like getting the heck out of Dodge while checking all the piled up text messages and emails on my phone. Yeah, somehow I have a feeling doctors are the same since they work longer shifts than I do.

“Hold up!” He called to the boys pushing her to exam room one.

Where is the ER Dr at this time?

“What’s wrong with her..what happened?”

Do I really need to recap on the proper uses of ellipsis? Yeah, that should two sentences, not one.

One of the EMT’s turned to him and answered. “A call came over the radio that a hit and run had occured near where we were eating lunch,

Well at least you got the where/were usage correct, unlike your spelling of occurred.

so we were the first responders. When we arrived, she was out cold. As we began to check for broken bones and get her vitals, she came to for a brief moment.

Just like a soap opera!

We ask her if she remembered what happened, where she was, or who she was. All she said was ‘I’m Nikki Heat’, then she passed out again.

Dun dun dun duuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. Wait, am I reading a General Hospital crossover?

The ER physicans

Why is it so hard to use spell check? Physicians! It’s not hard!

rushed in and started ordering tests

Time to start the algebra test! Remember readers, the test is due by end of class. Chop chop!

after listening to the paramedics details of her current condition. She was bleeding from her nose and ear

Wow, that’s it?

so it was apparent that she had a sugnificant

I really want to beat my head in, but to save my brain cells, I want to beat your head in for this random weird spelling of significant.

head injury. One of her lungs had collapsed so they inserted a chest tube and she began to stabilize.

I would recommend less watching of Grey’s Anatomy and more work on your spelling.

“Her name is Kate Beckett.” Josh informed his co-workers. “She is a regular here..

What? Just because she comes and visits you doesn’t mean she’s a regular.

I’ll go get her file

Let me go run to storage. Really?

and look up her emergancy contact so I can inform them of what has happened.”

Don’t they have computers for this, and wouldn’t he know to call her dad? I’m sure he would if it was a real emergency.

As he turned to leave, he heard her mumble something over and over..’book?’..or ‘cook?’

Or Look, or sook, or took, or who really cares since you can’t use the stupid ellipsis correctly.

..he wasn’t sure what she was trying to say, so as they pushed her down the hall to CT, he located her file.

I really hope you didn’t go to medical school.

“Son of a Bitch! I should have known she would have HIM as her emergancy contact.”

Because who wouldn’t want Castle as their emergency contact. And of course your fic is that predictable that I know it’s Castle.

Josh complained as he pulled out his cell to make the call. He swore under his breath as the phone rang, cursing this man that had taken her away from him.

Is this the crapity crap crap crap curse?

Josh heard laughter in the background as the voice on the other line answered. “King of the ‘Verse”

I really really hate it when people use Firefly references in Castle fics. New cliché I hate the most.

“I hate to interrupt ‘playtime’ Mr. Castle, but you need to come to the hospital. There’s been an accident. It’s Kate. She was hit by a car and she…”

Dead Jim. Oh wait, we aren’t calling her dad and Captain Kirk isn’t around. Darn. Oh, by the way, which hospital is she at?

“I’m on my way!” Rick cut him off “Which hospital?”

Must be the one in Down Town, NY.

Martha and Alexis clung to his side as they entered the waiting room.

Wow, is the hospital in the living room of the loft? How’d they get there so quick?

Josh smirked at the three of them as he made his way over.

Why the hell is he smirking? I don’t understand your characterizations.

“She is in and out of conciousness right now.”

She’s in and out of what?

He informed them as they sat glued to his every word.

How can you be sitting on glued words? Do you cut out words from construction paper and glue them on a chair and sit on them?

“They put a chest tube in to release pressure on a lung that had collapsed and rushed her in for a cat scan. She was bleeding from her nose and ears when they brought her in, so the biggest concern right now is her brain.”

We want to make sure her brain is harvestable. It is the most yummy part the body to eat.

“Oh my God!” Alexis sobbed into her fathers chest.

Really? I will share the brains. I promise.

Rick held his daughter tight to his chest as he motioned for Josh to continue. “She is confused right now..she told the paramedics her name was Nikki Heat and I heard her repeat one word over and over as they rolled her down to CT.”

Must not snort from laughing so hard.

“What was the word?” Martha ask as she held her sons hand.

I think she was saying “Soooooki!” Oh wait, this isn’t True Blood and she isn’t Bill.

“I’m not sure..sounded like ‘book’.”

Or took, or look, or nook.

Rick squeezed his mothers hand as the realization hit him. “Rook! She said Rook. She thinks she’s Nikki Heat and she was calling out for Rook.”

I really am keeping myself reined in from laughing.

“Does this have something to do with a case you guys are working on Mr. Castle?”

Why the heck are we calling him Mr. Castle? It’s like he’s a cat.

Josh ask as Rick began to pace the floor, mumbling to himself. “No,” Martha answered for him, “It’s the character names of his newest series of novels. Nikki Heat’s character is based on Detective Beckett, and Jameson Rook is…”

Isn’t this common knowledge that Josh would probably know?

“Him.” Josh nodded towards Rick and Martha nodded. He knew now that Kate could have never been his. Her heart belonged to the writer. He hung his head in defeat as he moved to the door. “I’ll make sure someone keeps you updated.” And he left.

Off to commit suicide. Remember Josh, cut north and south.

Rick had called the Captian,

Captain is not a hard word to spell.

the boys, Kate’s dad, and Lanie. They all seemed to arrive at the same time.

They must have all been having a party with each other.

The waiting room was full of Kate’s ‘family’ and they all listened as Rick repeated what Josh had told them earlier. A doctor walked through the door and the room fell silent. “She’s awake now and asking for Rook. Is there anyone here by that name?”

WTF? Like the Dr’s just randomly walk in and say, “She’s awake and wants Rook.”

“That’s me.” Rick announced as he pushed past everyone.

Why do I picture him jumping up and down?

“I need to tell you all somethings

I really hope some English teacher smacks you across the head with a grammar book for that sentence.

before you see her.” The doctor said as he motioned for them all to take a seat. “First of all, let me say that Miss Beckett is a very lucky woman. She has two bruised ribs, a sprained wrist, and a lot of scrapes and bruises. But…she is very confused right now. She answers most questions correctly, like what day it is, who is the president, what do you do for a living, but she thinks her name is Nikki Heat.”

Do they have a list of questions ready for “in case of amnesia?”

“So..What do we do doc.?”

Keep asking her questions?

“Well, we don’t want to upset her by telling her anything she doesn’t need to know right now, and trying to force her to remember who she really is, may do more harm than good. So…I would suggest playing along for now. We have no reason to believe this will last more than a couple days, so don’t worry too much if she doesn’t remember you or gets your name wrong, we expect her to make a full recovery and be back to her old self within 48 hours.”

That quick?

“Can I see her now?” Rick ask as he stood to his feet.


“Follow me, Mr. Castle.”

“The name’s Rook, doc..remember?” Rick nudged the Dr.’s arm and wiggled his eyebrows.

Wink wink, nudge nudge.

“Getting into character already huh?” The Dr. laughed as they reached her room. “I have read Heat Wave and Naked Heat and all I can say are one lucky man!”


“Believe me, I know.” Rick told him as they heard Kate call out “Rook!”

Where is my blades? I need to cut north and south on my arms.

His heart ached as he looked at her bruised face and arms. Bandages wrapped her wrist and head. She still wore a smile and God she was beautiful. She extended her hand to him as her eyes filled with tears.

“Oh Ka..uhhhmm” Rick caught himself just in time and corrected his error. “OK, uhm, it’s ok. I’m right here.” He whispered as he took her hand and held back his own tears.

“Kiss me Rook.” Kate said as she pulled him to her.

Okay this is really out of the ordinary for Nikki Heat even.

The doctor watched as Rick leaned down and lightly touched his lips to hers. Then she ran her good hand up into his hair and he heard one of them moan as she deepened the kiss. Quietly pulling the door closed, he said to himself as he shook his head smiling…’A damn lucky man!’


Posted on May 26, 2011, in 4evercaskett, Down Town, Mock, NY, Poor Sweet Baby Jesus, who needs grammar?. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Has this person even read Heat Wave or Naked Heat? I was reading this story solely to make fun of it but just had to stop because this author can’t even get Nikki’s characterization right.

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