Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 2
Wow this fic just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger. More out of characters, more cheese than a can of Easy-Cheese, and more two period sentences than you can shake a stick at.
***Thanks to everyone who reads. A special thanks to all those who add alerts or leave reviews. You guys make my day! 🙂
You know, I read those said reviews and I really want to smack people for not having any taste.
What the hell is with you and the two periods. No don’t even try and think you know what you are doing because you don’t have a clue how to write. I really have to force myself to put my red ink pen of doom down and not circle things on my monitor.
we don’t want to set off your alarms.” Rick laughed as he pulled away from her soft lips.
I’m mildly disturbed that he’s letting this go on like he is in this fic. This is creepy, and just wrong and embarrassing.
“Rook, I was so scared..”
What is your address? I am sending you a copy of Grammar For Dummies so you can learn to stop this fanatical use of two periods.
She admitted as she held him close to her. “I remember hearing tires squeal and being hit..then, all I saw was darkness. It’s like I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up.”
And OMG it was dark inside my head and I didn’t know what to do and I think I broke a nail.
“Sshh..It’s over now.”
Where is my blood pressure medicine. This is about to kill me with the two periods.
Rick tried to console her. “I’m here and you’re going to be ok. Just try to get some rest.”
Kate pulled the covers back and scooted over, making room for him.
And to go with the Grammar for Dummies
book I am also going to give you a copy of Heat Wave and Naked Heat so you can learn how to characterize the characters.
“I..uh..I need to go check on something real quick. I’ll be right back.” Rick stammered out an excuse to avoid getting into bed with her right now.
“Don’t be too long Jamie..” She yawned out and then closed her eyes.
Why oh why is Kate Beckett acting like someone from the Hills? Why? Hell I don’t think they act this annoying.
‘Thank you.’ Rick mouthed up to the heavens as he witnessed her quickly fall asleep.
Let’s hang a lantern on it why don’t we.
He ran his hand over his messed up hair and headed down to the waiting room. Wouldn’t you know it, the first person he ran into was Josh.
But of course.
He was pacing the floor outside the waiting room as Rick approached him.
Yes because that’s what ever cardiologist do when they are off duty.
“Josh..” the writer began, “I am so sorry that she doesn’t remember you right now and I want you to know that I will not be taking advantage of this situation..I mean, after all..she is your girlfriend, not mine.
Well if that isn’t a lie bundle up in crispy bacon. We all saw the rating was M, we know sex will be had while she thinks she’s Nikki Heat.
She will remember soon..how much she..uhm cares for you.” He nearly choked on that last part.
And then he ran off bawling his eyes out.
‘Did he not know they had broken up nearly two months ago…Had Kate not told him?’ Josh lowered his head and mumbled. “Thanks man!”
Why does Josh’s internal monologue sound like a girl?
“Castle!” Ryan called out as he made hisway
back to the others with arms full of junk food and sodas. “Any news?”
Where the hell did he get all that? I don’t know what hospital gift shop you’ve been into but the ones I’ve been to have flowers, small selection of snacks, stuffed animals and cards. I’m pretty sure Ryan didn’t run to a Kum and Go or Quik-e-mart.
Rick grabbed some of the sodas and opened the door to where his family all sat. “She really is ok everyone.”
Where is her dad during all this? Jim, oh Jim? Where are you Daddy dearest?
Trying to smile as he spoke he continued. “They have her on some powerful medications to prevent infection and to numb her pain, she fell asleep while I was in there and she will most likely be out all night. You all should go home, get some sleep, I will stay with her and I promise I will call if anything changes.”
And leave all the junk food Ryan stole?
Alexis rapped her arms around her father and looked up to him with puffy red eyes. “I will stay with you.”
And skip school tomorrow.
Rick kissed her forehead and looked to his mother. “I need you two to go home tonight. Pack me a bag for a couple days. Kate should be released in the morning and I think I should take her up to the beach house.”
Whoa, wait! The beach house? You are going to drive all the way to the Hamptons with her like that? I highly doubt it. Have you ever been in a car wreck let alone been hit by something? I don’t know about anyone else, but when I had I didn’t want to move for a while let alone be stuck in a car. Drugs or no drugs, you still hurt.
“What?” Lanie ask. “Why would you wanna take my girl away from us right now Castle? She needs us..All of us.”
I’m waiting for the Lanie cliché of smacking him.
“Please, everyone..just listen to my reasoning.”
Not when you have dumb assed reasoning’s.
All eyes were on him as he told them his theory. “If Kate goes somewhere and sees something with her real name on it, or pictures of her with people she doesn’t recognize, it may traumatize her further. I believe that if she is somewhere away from everything, it will be easier for her to heal.”
And live out your fantasy of getting all down and meta with your character.
“I agree.” Lanie said as she took in a deep breath and headed over to the door. “I will go by her place and pack a bag for her and I will bring it by here in the morning, but first, I am going to at least sneak a peek at her. Even if she is sleeping. I just gotta see for myself that she is ok.”
Just make sure to pack the undies that don’t have her name in the label.
Several ‘Me too’s” echoed among the crowd and Rick nodded his understanding.
The crowd stood outside her room and one by one they went in.
Did they take a number slip like you do at the DMV and wait for your number to be called?
She was sleeping soundly. Monitors beeped in the background and the group stood there holding onto each other as they realized, she WAS going to be ok. Her father was the only one to reach out to touch her,
Well finally Jim Beckett makes an appearance. About time.
who could blame him, this was his baby. He touched her hand and whispered ‘I love you sweetie, get well soon.’. She stirred in her sleep and they all froze, holding their breath. She didn’t wake but she mumbled in her sleep. “Daddy.” Tears streamed down his face as he fought his desire to wake her and hold her.
Okay I’m twenty eight and I think the only time I ever call my dad “Daddy” is when I am trying to butter him up to buy me something or give me money.
Martha reached over and touched his shoulder. “We should go.”
Oh so is Jim and Martha now hooking up? I’d totally ship that pairing.
They all walked back into the hall and said their good-byes to Rick, promising to be back first thing in the morning.
“Jamie” They heard her calling for him in her sleep and knew he would goto her,
Like a dog hearing his owner call his name.
no matter what name she called him by. They all stood just outside her room and watched as he walked over to her bed, slid off his shoes and climbed into bed with her.
Really hospitals frown on that. And can one of those beds hold two people? I’ve seen Castle’s gut, he’s put on some poundage lately.
She turned to him and her injured arm went across his chest. Rick pulled the covers up over them both and tenderly kissed her forehead when she placed her head on his shoulder.
Please tell me we are not having sex in the hospital. Please.
“Awww..” The eavesdroppers all sighed and Rick glared at them.
Martha and Alexis blew him air kisses and waved a final good bye to him. The men of the group all just gave a manly kind of nod or salute as they turned to leave. Lanie just smiled as she thought to herself..’This may be just what they needed to get the ball rolling.’
Why is Lanie always the one who wants to “get the ball rolling” in their relationship? Does she not have anything better to do?