Monthly Archives: June 2011

Mock the Fic Challenge: Kate’s Sister


For those of you who were reading the site last year, you might remember the Mock The Fic Challenge. Well this story might not be as bad, but it has potential. So this time I will let you mock the first chapter and if the author post anymore I will mock them or let the winner mock another one. But folks, this one is a bit on the confusing side and it tackles one of my most hated clichés too. You have between now and June 30th to email me your mock at BadCastleFic@Gmail.com. I will then post the entries and we shall vote on our favorite one and you shall be award Guest Mock Czar!

So now, on to the fic: Kate’s Sister

 

Hi my name is Cam and I’m a bit new to this story writing. I had to write a story for summer school so I thought I would develope it based on my favorite show Castle. I can’t wait till they kiss again. So here is my story. I will update it again later.

 

Kate’s Sister

By Cam Bif

I don’t own Castle, I don’t even own a car.

 

Hi, my name is Isabella “Bella” Beckett. I’m sixteen years old and I work at a restaurant that caters to crazy people who believe in aliens.

Richard Castle sat in the hard chiar next to her desk. Her, as in the, love of his life her. Kate Beckett. He dreamed of her at nights. He dreamed of her long wavy hiar. How he wanted to comb his fingers through her hair as he made sweet love to her in the dark with the bright new york lights. Kate looked over to her partner and saw him staring at her. She frowned and then smiled. “Oh Castle, what are you thinking?” She asked him. “Just how beautful you are.” He said. “Oh.” He smiled again. He could smile a million times when it comes to him.

Kate leaned back in her chair and smiled back at his smile. “You think I am beautiful?” She asked? “Why wouldn’t I?” He replied. Her phone rang and the both jumped.

“Hello….yes…I am she…She what? When? And my dad? Okay.” She hung up the phone.

“Kate, whats wrong?”

“My dad is dead. And my sister is now an orphan.” She began to cry. “What am I going to do Castle?”

“What happened?”

“Heart attack. He had a heart attack Rick. Now I have to go tell Isabella that our father is dead.” She said as she raced towards the elevator crying. As teh door closed Castle grabbed it and pulled it open. “Kate, you can’t go alone. I love you too much to let you go alone. ” And the rode the elevator in silence.

 

 

I wiped the empty booth table clean with her dirty dishrag. Oh how she wished she was somewhere else other than the Crashdown Diner. I hate this job, and I hate how father made me work this aweful job. No sixteen year old should have to work a job like this. New York was a big city and Im stuck waiting tables instead of singing on broadway. Oh how I can sing, just like my sister, even if she didn’t want to have anythign to do with me. After my mother died, sis just wanted to avenge her death, but was never there when I needed her. Oh the questions I had for her but she was never there to answer them. I culd barely remember their mom. But I hate her now, both her and mom. I’m going to show her I’ll be a famous broadway actress and Katie would still be a cop.

The bell on the door range and and I looked up to see my favorite writer strut in with a burnette. I did a silent squeel and went back to cleaning the dark spot on the table. I looked back up again saw him walk towards her and that was when she got a better image of the woman, her sis walking next to him.

“You know I hate you, so you better leave.” I said. “Izzy, I need to talk to you.” Sis said. “I don’t want to hear it.” “Dad died.” I dropped my rag on the table. “You are lying to me.” I fell on the floor and cried. Now what was I going to do.

 

I woke up later in a strange room. It was white and I could feel the silk sheets and knew I wasnt in my home. Dad would never buy such a thing. I walked out of the room and down the stairs. Thats when I knew I was in my favorite authors house. I knew it wasn’t a lie, dad was dead.

“Hey Izzy, how you doing?” He asked me. My favorite author asked me how I was doing.

“Bella. And I’m alright.” I said trying to play it cool.

“Katie, Bella is up.” I heard him say and my sister come out of hiding from the couch.

“Bella, we need to talk.” “I don’t want to talk. Dad is dead. Now I have no where to go.” “That’s not true.” Castle said. “Rick and I decided to take you in and you can stay here with Rick since my apartment isn’t big enough.” “Really?” I asked? Both Katie and Rick gave me a hug, and at that point I knew it was going to be okay.

“We can be a family?” I watched as my sister and favorite author looked at each other. “Sure.” They both said at the same time. Then Castle told me about staying here and how he had a daughter just a bit older than me. At that point I knew everything was going to be okay.

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Mock the Fic: Castle’s new Daughter


Just remember when you read this fic, Pedobear is watching you. Don’t worry, he doesn’t judge. I love how someone commented on everything I ranted about in their review of this fic. It’s horrible. The spelling is bad, research is nonexistent, and why isn’t Detective Beckett arresting the boyfriend teacher? At least this author could read the plea I wrote to all fanfic writers when it comes to writing a story that doesn’t take place in their native country.

Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T

The calm before the storm.

It’s been calm for way too long.

I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.
The song that helped me write this Always. By bon jovi.

They should sue.

Chapter 2 one month later

Wow that month went by so quickly.

Diary entries from Emily.

Goodie.

Dear Diary,

Today was a craptacular day. My parents are dead, a random book writer adopted me, and my teacher is having sex with me.

I woke up screaming again tonight and once again Alexis comforted me,

I’m surprised she didn’t try to quiet you with a pillow shoved against your mouth.

I love Alexis, she’s really nice.

So you love her because she’s nice? Really? My coworker is nice but it doesn’t mean I love him. Wow if I loved everyone who was nice than love would have no meaning. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Castle’s new daughter


If you get a creepy feeling while reading this fic, fear not, it’s just Pedobear groping you as you read it. Haven’t done two mocks in one day, but this felt like something that need to be done since the last one was a bit on the small side. This fic was passed to me via twitter and is full of Mary Sue goodness. Oh and this author has the longest profile ever and likes to mix British education with American society.

Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T

The calm before the storm.

I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.

Oh lucky for us that you don’t own Castle.

The song that helped me write this No apologies. By bon jovi.

Poor Bon Jovi.

Chapter one.

Oh how can I contain my excitement?

My name is Emily, Emily Cole.

I bet $5 that this is ether the name of the author, name of the authors bff, or a combo of the authors name and the guy she likes last name.

I’m fifteen but I’m living a nightmere of a life.

What is a nightmere of a life? Was it a night by itself?

I’m sitting my GCSE’s in the next couple of months.

The what? Okay not going to lie, I had to Google it. That’s nice that you are finally graduating from secondary education in England, but this is America. We have something here called High School and you don’t generally have to take special tests to graduate high school.

I live in a care home as both my parents were murdered.

Is that like a nursing home for annoying kids?

The only person that’s any help is Rick Castle, oh and Kate Beckett. Kate’s from NYPD.

Oh do tell how they are so much help being as to they are Yanks in America and you are in Jolly Old England. Is it so hard for authors of other countries to do research? I know this author is 14, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a computer to google their research.

Rick’s a old family friend and a writer.

A family friend for a family that doesn’t live anymore.

For his new books, he’s getting insperataion from Kate.

That’s an ‘E for Effort!’ for sounding out how to spell inspiration. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 10


Wow, did hell freeze over? I think this author is actually using a beta reader. Too bad the beta reader doesn’t get rid of the creepiness of this fic and how out of characters the characters are acting. This one is a short piece and didn’t give me much to mock. But alas, I can’t skip a single chapter of this atrocious fic. This one is mildly lemon flavored but not enough to make you want to throw up.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Kate had just eased into the tub when she heard Rick knock at the door.

Is this all she does is take baths?

She chuckled as she told him to come in.

And she is laughing why?

He held a book under one arm, her medicine and a glass of water in his hands.

Wow, a glass of water while in a bath. How romantic. At least he could bring her a Champagne glass of ginger ale.

She raised up to take the glass from him and heard him sigh as he watched the patch of bubbles slowly slide down her chest.

A sigh? Really?

A smile crept upon her lips and she sat up straighter just to mess with him a little more.

Anyone else embarrassed that we are reading this fic? Yeah, so am I.

“Good lord woman…” Rick growled as he handed her the pills and water. “If you don’t want company in there, you better take this and let me go.”

Last I checked, she didn’t have you handcuffed to the toilet, forcing you to endure her long torturous bath.

She quickly downed her medicine and handed him back the empty glass. “We can’t have that, not with your mother and daughter in the next room, so just hand me the book and go.”

No we can’t have that, especially when your readers are reading this.

Rick gave her his sad face as he handed the book to her. “Don’t you want me to read to you?”

Only when its books on tapes.

“Castle, I just finished reading this book for the third time right before I had my accident.” Kate told him when she noticed the book he had brought her was none other than ‘Naked Heat’.

Wow, reading it three times and yet she still acted out of character and slutty. Wow, I guess she must have sucked in school when it came to book reports.

“That explains a lot about your actions the past couple days then.”

No, it doesn’t. She was slutty and last time I read Naked Heat, Nikki Heat wasn’t slutty.

He knelt down and leaned into her face,

Talk about invading a personal bubble.

his hand played with the bubbles that floated near her breast. “You had just read the ending, where Nikki comes home to her apartment and finds Rook sitting at the dinning table working on his article.”

Dining room table. I have no clue what a dinning is. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 9


I can safely say, no smut in this chapter. The angels are singing ‘Hallelujah!’ And the only lemons nearby is the cold glass of lemonade I am drinking. Lets enjoy this fluffy chapter as it is what it is.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***OK, I am now looking for a Beta Reader. I would prefer to have someone that watches both Bones and Castle so if anyone is interested or knows someone that would be willing to help, please let me know. Sorry for the delay in updating, but I just couldn’t find the time to write.

Now? You wait till now to get a beta reader? Really? And you don’t need someone who watches Bones and Castle to beta read, unless that means you are adding Bones to the fic. Oh crap, you are, aren’t you?

It was getting late in the evening when Rick pulled Kate closer to him and began nibbling her neck. “So, I’ve been thinking… we should throw a big party and announce to everyone that we are in love and..”

Normally you don’t do this unless you are engaged. Seriously, Hallmark doesn’t make a “Finally we had sex!” invitation.

“No way Castle, that’s not gonna happen.”

Hallmark also doesn’t make a “Congratulations on finally hooking up!” card ether.

Rick pulled his lips away from her skin to give her his hurt look. “How about a little party?”

No, trust me, that’s in bad taste.

“How about this… we sneak home tonight, inform your mother and Alexis about the change in our relationship, and take things from there.”

How about we pretend nothing happened and just go from there?

Like a man on a mission, Rick quickly stood up and began dressing. “Get a move on Detective, we have a long drive ahead of us.”

Wow, that’s some way to kick a girl out of your bed.

They were packed and headed out the door before it even got dark out.

Did they even sleep last night or just have sex? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 8


Normally I do an opener to the fic to help set the tone. But alas I will let the Authors opener suffice and mock hers. Oh and this one is very lemony flavored too.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

****Some people may say that my spelling sucks,

I do say that.

I have no understanding of grammer,

Obviously since you can’t even spell grammar right.

and my characters may not be portrayed they way they think they should be,

And by the way they think they should she means the creator, writers, and actors of the show.

well then, I say ‘boo-hoo’, don’t read my stories.

Wow what a novel idea! If things worked that way I would be without a job.

I am not even trying to pretend to be a writer, I only do this for fun as I have stated before.

Thank-God you aren’t doing this for the money, otherwise you would be piss poor broke.

Another thing I would like to say is, one good review means more to me than twenty bad ones.

Good positive thinking!

To everyone that has let me know how much they enjoy my stories, by leaving a review or adding an alert, even those of you that didn’t take the time to do either, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Wow, just a little comma happy?

“Listen to this one from Eposito.”

Eposito? Really if you can’t spell the name of one of the main characters on the show, then maybe writing Castle fanfic isn’t working out the best for you.

Rick chuckled as he read the text aloud.

I would laugh too if I misspelled my friend’s name.

“Bro, don’t hold out on us. How much ‘Heat’ was there last night?”

That is way too much info to ask about one’s boss in bed. Yeah, not something I would want to know is how my boss was in bed last night.

“Most of mine are just the ‘Glad you’re ok, see you soon.’ kind of thing.”

How many people do you now that would text you that?

Kate said as she scrolled through her messages. She smiled and shook her head as she opened the first one from Lanie.

“She packed you a sexy nighty?” Rick raised an eyebrow as he leaned in closer to read the rest of the message.

Something is really wrong with this friendship. If my friend packed me lingerie after I was in a hit and run instead of yoga pants and sweats, then we would be having a talk about our friendship.

“Castle! Stop reading over my shoulder!”

“Read them to me then.” He pouted and leaned back against the headboard with his arms crossed over his chest.

Yes, please read them to me in that sexy voice.

“Fine, you big baby.” Kate scooted in between Ricks legs and leaned back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and listened as she read off the rest of the messages.

Really? I never read my boyfriend my text messages, and trust me I didn’t have anything that he couldn’t read himself.

‘-Call me ASAP!’

How romantic.

‘-Answer your phone!’

Nothing says let’s have sex like ‘answer your phone!’

‘-Are you feeling better today?’ Kate turned her head and spoke softly. “That last one was from Josh.”

Buzz kill.

Rick groaned and closed his eyes. “Are you going to reply?”

Sure, why not?

Kate thought for a moment then typed out a short but meaningful message to Josh.

See now did that hurt anyone?

‘-A little sore and tired, but Castle is taking great care of me.’

She smiled up at Rick and let him read what she wrote before she hit send. “We should send something like that to the rest of the gang.” Rick said as he began pressing buttons on his phone.

Trust me, your friends and family don’t want naked pictures of you two on their phones. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 7


I am just going to warn all my readers, this is bad bad bad bad bad smut. No not the bad smut that leaves you all hot and bothered, not his is the bad kind that makes you want to take a shower to get all the grime off and feel clean again.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Sorry for the delay, but I was sick all weekend. I rushed through this as fast as I could, don’t know if it will be up to the standards of the previous chapters.

No matter how anxious your fans are, I’m sure they can be patient and wait till you feel better so you can actually write quality work.

Let me know if I let you down, I can handle it. I think..

Let’s be honest, you let me down with the first chapter.

“Kate?” Rick shouted as he jumped off the bed. Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, he turned his back to her and looked around the room for something to cover himself with.

Please tell me Jr. isn’t bouncing around as he jumps around in his room.

He had went to bed last night in only boxers and they did very little to hide his current state of arousal.

Tenting?

“What..when..how..I’m sorry Kate..please don’t be mad at me..” Rick stammered as he paced the bedroom floor, finally locating a robe and wrapped it tightly around his body.

Surprise! You’re on Candid Camera! Oh wait, that show is way older and not around when you were born, so I guess I should say, you’ve been punked!

“Rick..” Kate whispered as she held out a hand to him. “Come here.”

Why isn’t she dying from laughter? I would be in this situation.

He made his way to the bedside and sat beside her, refusing to look at her as she spoke to him.

Shame will do that to a person.

He felt like he had taken advantage of her, and embarrassed for what she had witnessed earlier in the shower, he couldn’t bring himself to look in her eyes as she caressed his hand.

“I remember.” She whispered as she squeezed his hand, “I remember everything.”

Awkward! Hell I feel awkward for just reading this situation.

Kate touched her hand to his face as she continued, ” And, I should be the one apologizing to you. ”

Because I let me inner drunk slutty girl get the best of me and control my every moves? And I’m no expert but I seriously don’t think that when you

“Kate,” Rick whispered as he finally looked at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were confused…I’m the one who took advantage of the situation, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”

Oh I need a barf bag.

Kate leaned into him and brushed her lips over his. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want yo to do.”

Yo yo yo C-Dawg.

She chuckled then added, “Actually, you did do something I didn’t want you to do…you stopped.”

I really am fighting the urge to beat my head on the desk.

Her lips found his again and she moaned into his mouth as she removed the belt from his robe.

Let me go update my virus protection software.

Rick grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap as their tongues began to duel. ‘Nikki Heat has nothing on Kate Beckett’, Rick thought as his hands worked their way under her t-shirt. Kate was grinding against him, ravishing his neck as she slid his robe off.

I about died from laughing how Nikki Heat has nothing on Kate Beckett. They are the same person! Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mocker Lesson: How to write a story and NOT end up on this site being mocked!


Hello BCF world! FicSlayerMcG here, and it feels good to be back!

We’ve had some drama llamas on the site lately, which started me thinking about this particular topic. There are PLENTY of very talented writers writing fanfiction for Castle and other fandoms out there, but for every one of those talented writers, there are at least three who pretend they are that talented.

Writing is not an overnight process. In fact, when you write, you’re never really DONE. There’s always editing, always another direction you can take your story, always another point of view to find.

Look at your favorite paperback. (Or, if you’re like me, grab your e-reader and open it up to the story you’re currently reading.) The author probably went through at least four or five different drafts before the final manuscript that turned into that story you’re holding in your hands.

I hate to bring Twilight into this, but, as an example to illustrate my previous point, if Little, Brown and Company had published Stephanie Meyer’s first draft of Twilight, Taylor Lautner wouldn’t be famous. That’s right, Jacob Black didn’t make it into the book until the third draft.

I know I’m not the only one tired of seeing crappy story after crappy story pop up on fanfiction.net. Want to know how to make sure you never see a fic of yours pop up on BCF? Here’s just six quick ways you can improve your odds.

1. Use Grammar and Spell Check

This is by far the easiest way to make sure you don’t look like an idiot when you post your story for world to see. No matter WHAT word processor you use, even if it’s free OpenOffice, they have a built-in grammar and spell check. You can even make it learn words it may think are misspelled!

If you’re still in high school like so many of you are, start paying attention in English class. Not only will your writing improve, but when you pay attention in class, I hear your odds of going to college go up.

Helpful hint 1: If you have words underlined in red, and you didn’t do it yourself, that means IT IS SPELLED WRONG.

Helpful hint 2: If you have words underlined in green, and you didn’t do it yourself, it’s trying to tell you that something is grammatically wrong with whatever is written. Change it.

2. Find a Friend

No, I’m not talking about your friends in Algebra or the person you talk to at Starbucks. I’m talking about a Twitter buddy, someone you know on ff.net, just SOMEONE you’ve met online in regards to this fandom. Who hasn’t made a hundred friends because of this show? I’m one of the weirdest people I’ve ever met and I’ve met some of the greatest people. In my hour of need when I couldn’t figure out what kind of title I should put on my latest story, I had people DM’ing me on Twitter, willing to help me out.

3. Get a Beta

If you’re one of the seven people who, for some reason, haven’t made at least one friend in this fandom, there is a growing group of people at ff.net, who, for some reason, are willing to donate their spare time and read most anything that comes their way. Equating them to the real publishing industry, it’s like having your own online editor!

Personally, I don’t endorse this way, unless you’ve thoroughly checked out your beta reviewer. Make sure they’re someone you admire, or can at least get the names of characters in your show/movie/book/whatever right.

4. Actually THINK about Plot and Characterization

When I started writing this, I was going to split up plot and characterization, but then realized that would be rather stupid of me, considering they go hand in hand. We’ve had some fics with some truly OUTLANDISH plots mocked on this site. I could list them all, but these three are three of the worst offenders in my opinion.

-Kate staying with an abusive Demming

-Kate getting into an accident and turning into a sex-crazed Nikki Heat

-A fic revolving around a wet t-shirt (Honestly, I have no idea what that story is about. There are apparently sharks in inland New York too, or something like that.)

I know from experience how hard it can be to craft a decent murder case for a story to revolve around. Honestly, there are times when I don’t know how the Castle writers do it.

5. Write In Your Age Group

If you’re underage, please, just please, for the LOVE OF GOD, stay away from writing M-rated material. I don’t care if your parents let you watch R-rated movies and True Blood on HBO, just stay away. Stick to doing your Algebra homework, watching Glee, and writing T-rated fics.

You make think your M-rated fics are the greatest thing in the world and you’re so excited because you’re being all grown up, but you’re making yourself look like a fool.

6. Sleep On It

I’m guilty of this one. I finished my first piece of fanfiction one night when I couldn’t sleep, and uploaded it right away to ff.net. No editing, no grammar and spell check, no nothing.

And boy, did I regret it. I’ll never forget some of the reviews I got; in fact, I was so embarrassed, I quit writing. When I finally got the balls to get back on and write more, it had been so long that I had to choose a new name and everything.

What does this translate into? Don’t publish ANYTHING the moment you finish typing the last word. Edit, run a spell check, and READ IT a few times over, even out loud, to see if it makes sense. As I’ve said before, you’re just making yourself look like a complete tool if you post something riddle with spelling errors, missing punctuation, and formatting issues.

Moral of the Story

Your writing is a reflection of YOU. That will never change. It’s like that in high school, and even more like that in college and in the workplace. Do I judge you if you repeatedly don’t use punctuation correctly, spell names wrong, and throw characters into absurd situations and turn them into completely different people? You’d better believe it. Deep down, I’m willing to bet you do too.

(And for all the trolls out there, I was doing this LONG before BCF came around.)

Peace out, BCF’ers! Keep up the mocks!

McG

Mock the Fic: I Am Nikki Heat Chapter 6


I love the drama this website brings. Enough said, now on to the mock!


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Short little update but I figure it’s best to give you guys something to remeber me by

Oh trust me, your shitty spelling is enough for me to not forget who you are.

everyday instead of longer chapters once a week. Also, the death threats are beginning to worry me 😦

Finally my readers are taking action.

Just kidding.. I love you all. Everyone who has read and secretly enjoyed or hated and especially those who leave reviews or add alerts..LUV YUNS ALL BUNCHES!

Love you too!

“Shit!”

Trust me, we all say this when your fic updates each day.

He screamed as he jumped to the furthest corner of the shower trying to hide his nudity and grabbed a towel to cover himself up.

Well it’s a little too late for that now don’t you think?

He walked out of the shower, turned off the water and looked at her. “How long have you been in here?”

Way too long.

“Long enough to hear you call out another womans name while you jerked off.”

Awkward.

She glared at him, awaiting an explination.

I would like an explanation on why you can’t spell.

“Are you cheating on me, Rook?”

Yes, yes he is.

“Never, baby.”

Why would Castle call her Baby?

He promised as he hugged her to him.

Isn’t he wet and naked?

“I could never be with another woman. You have my heart and soul, always.”

And my wet dick on your shorts.

Kate pushed against his chest and shook her head back and forth like trying to wake from a dream or something. “…Always…”

AHHHHHHHHHHH! Stop with the multiple periods. Please. I beg you!

She looked into his eyes as she spoke the one word that her and Rick repeated so many times to each other over the past year and he saw her confusion. He didn’t know if she had repeated ‘always’ because she was looking for reassurance of his faithfulness, or was she remembering something…

Something that was said once, in one episode. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 5


I am going to warn you, you are about to read bad smut. Not bad in the good way of makes you feel a bit naughty for reading, no this is bad enough you wish a nun would smack your knuckles and hand you a glass of bleach to forget you read it. You have been forewarned. I’ve also been notified that the author has been told that her precious fic is being mocked. Meh. Bring on the Drama Llamas.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

 


***See, I told you I wouldn’t leave you hanging long. Hopefully this chapter makes up for the cliffy I left yesterday.
Read at your own risk, this is a pretty steamy one 🙂

Let me make sure to open up my windows and let the steam out.

Rick made his way over to her and reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I want to be with you more than you know.”

Too bad she’s not the person he wants to be with.

Kate slowly raised her head to look at him. “Then why did you stop?”

Hmm, let’s think about this for a moment. You have a mental problem that should have you institutionalized or at least under doctor supervision.

“I promised I would never hurt you in any way and you are injured right now so..we need to wait.. you need to eat, take your medicine, and rest.”

And this author needs to learn that it’s three periods not two and you don’t get to use them in place of a comma. Ellipsis are used to show you omitted words, or to shorten a quote, but be cautious that it doesn’t change the meaning of said quote. From what I can tell you did not omit words, you are just omitting a comma. Now grant it be it has an informal use according to Chicago Manual of Style says you can use ellipsis as a way to pause in emails. Considering this isn’t an email, then you shouldn’t be using it. It’s not a proper way to write and makes you look ignorant. So unless you are emailing, or I’ll even accept it if you are tweeting, then use the comma instead. Also, remember that ellipsis consist of three periods, not two, not four, not as many as you want. It’s three. If anyone learns anything from my website, I hope it’s how to use an ellipsis correctly. Read the rest of this entry

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