Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 5

I am going to warn you, you are about to read bad smut. Not bad in the good way of makes you feel a bit naughty for reading, no this is bad enough you wish a nun would smack your knuckles and hand you a glass of bleach to forget you read it. You have been forewarned. I’ve also been notified that the author has been told that her precious fic is being mocked. Meh. Bring on the Drama Llamas.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M


***See, I told you I wouldn’t leave you hanging long. Hopefully this chapter makes up for the cliffy I left yesterday.
Read at your own risk, this is a pretty steamy one 🙂

Let me make sure to open up my windows and let the steam out.

Rick made his way over to her and reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I want to be with you more than you know.”

Too bad she’s not the person he wants to be with.

Kate slowly raised her head to look at him. “Then why did you stop?”

Hmm, let’s think about this for a moment. You have a mental problem that should have you institutionalized or at least under doctor supervision.

“I promised I would never hurt you in any way and you are injured right now so..we need to wait.. you need to eat, take your medicine, and rest.”

And this author needs to learn that it’s three periods not two and you don’t get to use them in place of a comma. Ellipsis are used to show you omitted words, or to shorten a quote, but be cautious that it doesn’t change the meaning of said quote. From what I can tell you did not omit words, you are just omitting a comma. Now grant it be it has an informal use according to Chicago Manual of Style says you can use ellipsis as a way to pause in emails. Considering this isn’t an email, then you shouldn’t be using it. It’s not a proper way to write and makes you look ignorant. So unless you are emailing, or I’ll even accept it if you are tweeting, then use the comma instead. Also, remember that ellipsis consist of three periods, not two, not four, not as many as you want. It’s three. If anyone learns anything from my website, I hope it’s how to use an ellipsis correctly.

“And then?” She questioned with that sexy smile that did him in.

Rick ran a hand through his hair as he answered truthfully. “When you are…you again, I will be more than happy to satisfy you in every way, every day for the rest of our lives if you still want me to.”

Wow you actually used three periods. Congrats, too bad you used it incorrectly. Honey, a comma is your friend. Please learn how to use it.

Kate stood up from the couch and kissed his cheek. “You fix us something to eat , I’m gonna go soak in the tub.”

So we just jumped from having a serious conversation about what you both want to going to soak in the tub. Wow, obviously this author is no a Harper Lee.

As soon as she disappeared from his sight, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Lanie.
-How much medicine can I give her to help her sleep?

Benadryl is your friend.

Rick was preparing a salad to go along with the steaks and baked potatoes he had in the oven when his phone beeped, alerting him of a new message.
-If she is having trouble, it is safe to double the dose. If you are the one having trouble,
stop fighting it. 🙂

I really want to bang my head on my desk. It’s not safe to double pain medication. Most pain medication can cause you to stop breathing. And your trusting an ME for advice? Sure she went through medical school but that doesn’t mean I want her advice on medicines. She can’t even prescribe medicine, her patients are dead. And really, what kind of doctor tells someone to have sex with a patient who has amnesia?

Kate returned to the kitchen after a long hot bath to find Rick putting their food on the table. “Smells delicious!”

Hopefully she’s not naked. Please tell me she’s not naked.

Rick hadn’t noticed her standing behind him and he jumped when she spoke. He turned around to invite her to dig in, but was immediatly rendered speechless at the sight before him.

I sure hope he was immediately rendered speechless.

Kate had pulled her hair up into a bun but some long, damp, wavy locks clung to her neck. The old t-shirt she was wearing must be her favorite, it’s so worn out you can almost see through it. He tried to pull his eyes away before he got himself into more trouble, but then he noticed her nipples.

Oh God. This girl gives all women a bad reputation.

‘Oh God!..she’s not wearing a bra!’

Oh God you have an exclamation mark, two periods and a lowercase word after all that punctuation. I don’t even know where to begin with that sentence. I’m glad my red grammar pen is not at my desk as my poor monitor would be ruined for life.

Rick was cursing his lack of self control as he allowed his eyes to travel further down, paying attention to every little detail, after all..he is a writer. He noticed how the shirt seemed to be stuck to her body in areas that hadn’t been completely dried off.

Yes because we all put t-shirts on while wet. Who needs towels when you can just put a t-shirt on over it. Why does this remind me of another bad fic I mocked about a wet t-shirt?

“Uh-humm” Kate cleared her throat and broke Rick’s trance. “Take a picture, it will last longer.”

Why do that when you are in slut mode and will wear that look anytime he asks you to wear it?

He felt his face redden at being caught admiring her body. “Ha Ha very funny detective. I just..I mean, well..I’m sorry ok, I just didn’t expect you to come out here like that.”

Why didn’t you expect it Castle, it is a clichéd fic after all?

Kate walked past him smiling, then started searching through the upper cabinets, looking for the glasses. “It’s not like you haven’t already seen me completely nude before.”

Oh dear, where is my wine?

Rick turned to ask her what she was looking for but once again fell under her spell. Everytime she would tiptoe and look into a wall cabinet, her shirt would rise up just enough for him to see a glimpse of her flawless flesh near the waistband of her shorts.

How short of a t-shirt does she have on? And please, every time is two words, not one.

He felt himself begin to harden again as he watched her barley there shorts

What are barley shorts? Is that some sort of grain type shorts? I hope she doesn’t spill milk on them, that would make them cereal shorts.

rise with every reach she made. He could see the bottom curve of her perfectly rounded ass cheeks and it made him ache to hold them in his hands again. “Dammit!” He mumbled as he took a seat and lowered his head.

I’m sure he just wants to eat her up since her shorts are made of barley.

Kate spun around and watched him for a second. She noticed his eyes were closed, his breathing was irratic,

What is irratic? Oh do you mean erratic? Wow.

and his pants were tented. Feeling pretty confident that her plan to make him give into her was working, she smiled as she ask where he kept the glasses.

He never rasied his head,

Rasied? Is that like the Razzie award?

nor opened his eyes when he answered. “One more cabinet to the left.”

After retriving two glasses

I really want to smack this author on the back of the head. It’s not hard to use spell check. Hell even I have to use spell check.

she moved over to the fridge to get something to drink and this time he didnt look.

Oh contractions, you are so pesky.

She would be bending over, giving him another opportunity to sneak a peek and he didn’t know how much more he could take. He knew she was doing this on purpose and he felt guilty for so much already, so he decided to just keep himself busy and keep his eyes off her. He scooped them out some salad and cut open the baked potatoes while she dug around in the soda drawer.

Soda drawer? Is this someone who draws pictures of cans of soda (only in my area we say pop)?

Kate glanced over her shoulder with her ass still pointed directly at him. She noticed he still wasn’t looking at her. “Coke good for you?”

I do like Coke. Make it a cherry and I’ll be happier.

He nodded and she held out a can for him as she took a seat next to him. “I feel like I could eat a horse. Hospital food is the worst!”

Were you even there long enough to eat the meals?

“Dig in then before it gets too cold.” He finally looked over to her and gave her a small smile. She brought a hand up and cupped his cheek. Rick held up the hand that held his fork and pointed to her plate, insisting she eat. “It’s almost time for your medicine and you can’t take it on an empty stomach.”

Wow, you got something right about pain killers.

“Ok, Ok, I’m eating…Happy now?” Kate ask as she shoved a huge piece of steak in her mouth.

    Where did he get steak at? Did he go to the store? Was it sitting in his freezer getting freezer burnt?


You mean ecstatic, right? I sure hope so since I hear e-static is a bitch.

Rick kept his eyes on his food as they ate, but now she was using a different approach. She would moan or humm every time she took a bite of food.

I will never eat steak again.

He was fighting with everthing

Ever thing again? I wish ever would stop having a thing.

in him not to look at her, knowing that if he got a visual to go along with the audio, he would be a goner. He quickly finished his food and took his dishes to the sink. “I’m going to take a quick shower. When you finish eating, do not do these dishes. Pick you out a movie from my DVD collection or find a book to read.”

Oh this cannot end well.

“Yes sir!” Kate shouted out, even giving him a salute as her passed behind her, headed to the bathroom.

Rick entered the master bathroom and let out a heavy sigh. This was so much harder than he thought it was going to be. He quickly undressed turned on the shower, and stepped under the warm spray. His shower was a huge walk in type, with no doors and several shower heads at differing heights. It felt wonderful. The water had a calming effect on him and he began to breath easier.

How can he breath easier? Is it so hard to take a breath? Or do you mean breathe? Obviously spelling wasn’t your strong suit in school.

Tomorrow will be better, he repeated to himself as he lathered up his body. When he reached his groin, he noticed he was still semi-hard. ‘What the hell..’

Oh lord. Please don’t fap. Please don’t fap.

he thought as he wrapped his fingers around his shaft and began to slowly pump. He watched his hand as it stroked up and down and imagined it was Kate’s hand. ‘O Yes..Oh..soo good..’

Bleach! I need bleach! Please, where is the bleach?

He visualized her on her knees in front of him in the shower, squeezing his manhood and licking the head of it.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes a good sex scene is amazing. But bad ones make me want to cry. I’m guessing the author has never even had sex before.

His rhythum

Rhythum, is that like…wait I’m not even going to use my dirty gutter mind to complete this sentence.

increased as he imagined her taking him into her mouth. Rick brought his left hand up and fingered his nipple until it hardened then he lightly pinched it between his thumb and forefinger.

Please tell me you are not getting your source of information from Harlequin Romances.

His eyes closed and his head dropped back as he enjoyed pleasuring himself while fantasizing about Kate. Feeling his orgasm nearing, he turned more towards the corner, bent his knees, and started thrusting into his palm. He looked down again and could see her deepthroating him,

Oh dear Lord. I really want to cry.

‘Don’t stop..yes..just like that..’ his ass cheeks clenched and he felt his balls tighten up. With just a few more quick thrusts, he shot his load onto the tile, one word leaving his lips..”Kate”

I’m utterly speechless.

His calmness was shortlived as he heard the voice of the woman he had just whacked off to, coming from behind him.”Who’s Kate?”

***Too much smut?

Too much bad smut.


Posted on June 1, 2011, in 4evercaskett, Down Town, grammar, Mock, who needs grammar?. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Need. To. Take. A. Shower. BLERGH!

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