Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 8
Normally I do an opener to the fic to help set the tone. But alas I will let the Authors opener suffice and mock hers. Oh and this one is very lemony flavored too.
I do say that.
I have no understanding of grammer,
Obviously since you can’t even spell grammar right.
and my characters may not be portrayed they way they think they should be,
And by the way they think they should she means the creator, writers, and actors of the show.
well then, I say ‘boo-hoo’, don’t read my stories.
Wow what a novel idea! If things worked that way I would be without a job.
Thank-God you aren’t doing this for the money, otherwise you would be piss poor broke.
Another thing I would like to say is, one good review means more to me than twenty bad ones.
Good positive thinking!
To everyone that has let me know how much they enjoy my stories, by leaving a review or adding an alert, even those of you that didn’t take the time to do either, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Wow, just a little comma happy?
“Listen to this one from Eposito.”
Eposito? Really if you can’t spell the name of one of the main characters on the show, then maybe writing Castle fanfic isn’t working out the best for you.
Rick chuckled as he read the text aloud.
I would laugh too if I misspelled my friend’s name.
“Bro, don’t hold out on us. How much ‘Heat’ was there last night?”
That is way too much info to ask about one’s boss in bed. Yeah, not something I would want to know is how my boss was in bed last night.
“Most of mine are just the ‘Glad you’re ok, see you soon.’ kind of thing.”
How many people do you now that would text you that?
Kate said as she scrolled through her messages. She smiled and shook her head as she opened the first one from Lanie.
“She packed you a sexy nighty?” Rick raised an eyebrow as he leaned in closer to read the rest of the message.
Something is really wrong with this friendship. If my friend packed me lingerie after I was in a hit and run instead of yoga pants and sweats, then we would be having a talk about our friendship.
“Castle! Stop reading over my shoulder!”
“Read them to me then.” He pouted and leaned back against the headboard with his arms crossed over his chest.
Yes, please read them to me in that sexy voice.
“Fine, you big baby.” Kate scooted in between Ricks legs and leaned back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and listened as she read off the rest of the messages.
Really? I never read my boyfriend my text messages, and trust me I didn’t have anything that he couldn’t read himself.
‘-Call me ASAP!’
‘-Answer your phone!’
Nothing says let’s have sex like ‘answer your phone!’
‘-Are you feeling better today?’ Kate turned her head and spoke softly. “That last one was from Josh.”
Rick groaned and closed his eyes. “Are you going to reply?”
Sure, why not?
Kate thought for a moment then typed out a short but meaningful message to Josh.
See now did that hurt anyone?
‘-A little sore and tired, but Castle is taking great care of me.’
She smiled up at Rick and let him read what she wrote before she hit send. “We should send something like that to the rest of the gang.” Rick said as he began pressing buttons on his phone.
Trust me, your friends and family don’t want naked pictures of you two on their phones.
“Ok, fine, can I at least send the guys this?” He said as he held his phone just out of her reach and turned it around, letting her see the picture he had taken a few minutes earlier.
See told you. And why did you let him take a naked picture of you? This will always come back to bite you on the but
“HELL NO!” Kate yelled as she saw that he had snapped a picture of her while she was fiddeling with her phone, barely covered by a sheet and lying against his chest. “Give me the damn phone Castle!”
What was she doing with her phone?
“Ask me nicely and I may consider it.” Rick quipped with a bit of a cocky attitude.
Kate smiled and calmy began to speak.
Calmy? What is calmy?
“Richard Alexander Rogers, if you don’t hand over that phone right now, I will never have sex with you again.” She held out her hand, still smiling.
Rick wasted no time in handing her his phone. “I would have never sent it Kate. You should know me better than that.”
Yeah he just posted it on his website for all his fans to see.
“I know, and it is a nice picture, but we can’t take the chance of someone else seeing it.” She told him as she studied the photo then deleted it.
Too bad, it’s already on the web.
Rick sighed, nodded his head in agreement, and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “I’m going to call my mother. You need to make a couple phone calls yourself. Then, maybe we could take a shower,” he kissed her cheek ” together, ” kissed her neck “and have a little fun before we head home.”
Oh please tell me no more sticky scenes.
Kate couldn’t help the moan that escaped her lips as he trailed kisses down her neck. “Mmm, maybe we should tell your everyone not to expect us home until sometime tomorrow.”
Rick bit his lower lip, kissed her quickly, then took his phone back from her and dialed his mother.
Martha answered the phone sounding still half alseep. “Richard? Darling is something wrong?”
No Mom, just calling to tell you I had sex with Kate. Proud of me Mom? Shall we hang the condom on the fridge? Oh wait, I didn’t use a condom. Then I’m sure we can hang the new baby pictures on the fridge nine months from now.
“No, everything’s great mother. Kate just wanted to stay another day up here, and get more rest, so I was calling to let you know not to expect us until tomorrow.”
Kate began kissing up his neck and he felt her smile against his skin when he said ‘rest’. When he felt her hand easing towards his crotch, his voice changed and he gave her an evil look.
Yeah that’s just wrong on so many levels when he’s talking to his mom.
“Ok, mother, we will.” He covered the mouthpiece with his hand so his mother wouldn’t hear the moans Kate was making as she stroked him.
Shouldn’t he be covering the mouthpiece so his mom wouldn’t hear him moan while Kate stroked him?
That act only spurred her on more. She bent over and replaced her hand with her mouth and then he growled.
Oh goodie, the fic is getting sticky again.
“What? Oh that noise? I just uh, I stubbed my toe and had to bite back a curse word.” He lied to his mother and Kate couldn’t help but giggle. He placed his hand between his erection and her mouth, and when she looked up at him he shook his head back and forth, begging her to wait.
Wow, that’s a first for a man.
“Tell Alexis I will call when we head out. I have to go make breakfast now so, goodbye mother, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
As soon as he ended the call, he pounced on Kate. “You are a evil, evil woman Kate Beckett.”
At least she didn’t have you in her mouth when you decided to pounce on her.
Kate laughed as he tickled her softly, always aware of her bruises and scrapes. “Breakfast sounds like a very good idea Castle.” She whispered as the sound of her belly growling echoed through the room.
He kissed her one last time before he got up from the bed. “Make your calls dear, I will make us something to eat.” He located his boxers, pulled them on, then headed to the kitchen.
Kate couldn’t hold back the smile as she stretched out on the bed and opened up her phone. Lanie answered in typical Lanie fashion. “Girl! I have been worried sick!
Why does Lanie always answer her phone with “Girl?”
What took you so long to call me back? Alexis called us after she talked to Castle,
“Lanie.” Kate tried to interrupt her friends rambling.
“Oh my God, why didn’t I think of that before?” The ME’s voice had a sort of lilt to it as she envisioned just exactly what had happened to delay her best friend from calling her. “You and writer-boy finally bumped uglies didn’t you?”
Bumping uglies in the nether region.
Kate rolled her eyes and saw Rick approaching the bed with a revengeful look about him. “Uh, Lanie, I gotta go.” Rick smiled up at her as he kissed his way up her legs.
She was good, her voice gave very little away as Rick tortured her while she was on the phone to her friend. “Tell the boys that I called, and that, uhh, ” She paused to take in a deep breath as Rick palmed her heat, his fingers inching closer and closer to her opening. “we will be staying here another day.” Now he was getting to her, he bit down on her thigh lightly and she purred as he slid a finger into her.
Her hips raised off the bed on their own accord and he eased in a second digit. “You heard what?” Kate glared at Rick but he only smiled back at her as she tried to explain the sound Lanie had apparently heard. ‘Revenge is sweet.’ He mouthed to her as worked his fingers in and out. “No, I have something tickling my throat.”
“Right, like I believe that.” Lanie’s voice had a ‘I know what you’re doing’ tone to it as she said her good-byes and hung up.
“I thought you were making breakfast.”
“There’s nothing in there that I want.” Rick told her and Kate shivered when she felt his lips brush against her clit as he spoke, his fingers keeping a steady, shallow rhythm, in and out.
I really need a shower after this.
“What do you want, Castle?” Kate knew the answer to that question, but she wanted to hear him say it.
“You.” His eyes darted up to hers and he could see the love she held for him, blurred by tears that threatened to fall.
“Stop torturing me.”
He kissed her swollen nub as he plunged his fingers deeper into her.
“YES!” Kate hissed as her back arched and her hand dug into his hair, holding him right where she wantd him.
“So hot Kate, so wet, and so tight.”
Yes, that’s just what every girl wants to hear.
He murmured words of praise while teasing her folds with his stiffened tongue,
I take back what I said earlier, Harlequin romance novels are way better than your sex scenes.
then he flattened it and licked her from where his fingers were buried into her, up then down each fold, and finally sucked her clit into his mouth.
Really, Harlequin romance books are way better.
“God yes! Don’t stop! Oh Rick!” Kate fisted his hair as he expertly pleasured her. His long, thick fingers drove deep inside her a couple more times, then he eased them out, finding her G-spot very swollen, more than ready to be stimulated.
I’m starting to think you got this out of a text-book on Wikipedia.
“Cum for me Kate.” He nudged her textured patch of vaginal muscle and she called out to him again.
Now I am for sure you got this out of a text-book.
He repositioned his fingers and his nudges turned into a running man motion,
A what? I am dying from laughter here. Really? The running man while having sex?
his licking and sucking became more feverish.
He felt her walls begin to squeeze around his fingers so he reached up with his other hand and applied pressure above her pubic bone. “OH GOD!” Kate screamed out as he took her higher than any man had ever done. “RICK!” She belted out again as she fell and Rick slowed his ministrations, watching her as he eased her down from a very powerful and messy orgasm.
“Kate, that was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.” Tiny aftershocks still shook her body as he kissed his way up to her lips. “I love you.”
“And I love you.” Kate pulled him closer to her and deepened the kiss. As she twisted around, trying to get above him, her leg moved into a rather large wet spot on the bed. “What the hell?” She exclaimed as she pulled her leg away.
That’s you, honey.
“We can change the sheets later, Kate.” Rick rolled onto his back and pulled her on top of him.’
Sex in the dirty sheets, nice.
Kate turned to see the mess she had made on his sheets and she blushed. She wanted to apologize or say something and Rick felt her tense up. “You’ve never done that before, have you?” He ask as he pulled her closer to him. She felt so embarrassed, she couldn’t look him in the eyes, she just shook her head, no.
And that is where I say, too much info.
“Look at me, please.” He tilted her head up and kissed her lightly on the lips. “Just when I think I couldn’t possibly be any happier, you go and prove me wrong.”
Please tell me she isn’t crying.
Kate finally opened her eyes and he could see she still felt embarrassed. “To know that no man has ever taken the time to know you in such a way is, well, it’s sad really. On the other hand, it’s a very good thing for me. I was the first to give you a truely, mind blowing orgasm.”
I’m sure it would be a more mind-blowing orgasm if you had spelled truly correctly.
“Another boost to your ego, that’s just all we need.” Kate laughed and relaxed into his embrace.
“I couldn’t have done it without you, Kate. And I think I want to do it again.”
And I want to not have an STD from reading this fic.
“That could be arranged.” She smiled as she adjusted her hips and felt him ready at her entrance. Teasing kisses turned into a full blown make out session. A pattern of nips followed by deeply penetrating tongues, quickly had their lower bodies mimicking their mouths.
Each lover moaned into the others mouth over and over as he inched into her. Once he was fully engulfed by her, he stilled. Kate kissed him deeply then pushed up off his chest to sit high atop him. “Oh, Kate.” Rick growled out as he felt himself being pulled in deeper by her.
I really need that STD protection on my computer.
She twisted her hips and began to rock slowly back and forth. The feeling was almost unbearable for both of them, so she raised herself up then eased back down. “Again.” Rick requested and she fell back onto his chest. This time, when she raised up off him, he followed and grabbed ahold of her thighs, holding her into position.
I really don’t have a clue what’s going on in these scenes.
He lowered his hips and then rammed back home quite forcefully. “Yes!” They both voiced out in agreement repeatedly as he made the same move over and over. The pace was becoming erratic and kissing was almost impossible as they neared climax.
“Almost there.” Kate sighed and dug her nails into his chest, as she arched her back and nibbled his neck.
“Just let go, Kate. I’m right with you, always.”
Always again? Really? Please can we get another word?
That did it. One simple little word held so much meaning for the two of them, they flew over the edge together. Rick felt her begin to shutter and pumped faster into her. She tightened down on him and he pushed into her as deep as possible. Her vaginal muscles milked every drop of seed from him as they slowed to a stop.
Kate tried to roll off him but he held her tight. “Just a few more minutes please.”
Just a shower please.
She only nodded into his chest as she feared words were unobtainable at the moment. They lay that way until their breathing had returned to normal and the twitches had subsided. Rick kissed the top of her head and Kate made a motion to get up.
“I need to call my dad and take a shower.”
Wow, just what every girl wants to do after sex, call their dad.
“You need me to wash your back?” Rick grinned up at her.
“Seriously, Castle!” She gave his chest a slap as she stood up. “I’ll make you a deal. Put these sheets in the washer while I talk to my dad, then we can wash each other’s backs.”
While I talk to my dad.
He jerked the sheets off the bed and wadded them up in his arms, leaned into her as she opened her phone and kissed her cheek. “Deal!”