Daily Archives: June 13, 2011

Mock the Fic: Castle’s new daughter


If you get a creepy feeling while reading this fic, fear not, it’s just Pedobear groping you as you read it. Haven’t done two mocks in one day, but this felt like something that need to be done since the last one was a bit on the small side. This fic was passed to me via twitter and is full of Mary Sue goodness. Oh and this author has the longest profile ever and likes to mix British education with American society.

Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T

The calm before the storm.

I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.

Oh lucky for us that you don’t own Castle.

The song that helped me write this No apologies. By bon jovi.

Poor Bon Jovi.

Chapter one.

Oh how can I contain my excitement?

My name is Emily, Emily Cole.

I bet $5 that this is ether the name of the author, name of the authors bff, or a combo of the authors name and the guy she likes last name.

I’m fifteen but I’m living a nightmere of a life.

What is a nightmere of a life? Was it a night by itself?

I’m sitting my GCSE’s in the next couple of months.

The what? Okay not going to lie, I had to Google it. That’s nice that you are finally graduating from secondary education in England, but this is America. We have something here called High School and you don’t generally have to take special tests to graduate high school.

I live in a care home as both my parents were murdered.

Is that like a nursing home for annoying kids?

The only person that’s any help is Rick Castle, oh and Kate Beckett. Kate’s from NYPD.

Oh do tell how they are so much help being as to they are Yanks in America and you are in Jolly Old England. Is it so hard for authors of other countries to do research? I know this author is 14, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a computer to google their research.

Rick’s a old family friend and a writer.

A family friend for a family that doesn’t live anymore.

For his new books, he’s getting insperataion from Kate.

That’s an ‘E for Effort!’ for sounding out how to spell inspiration. Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 10


Wow, did hell freeze over? I think this author is actually using a beta reader. Too bad the beta reader doesn’t get rid of the creepiness of this fic and how out of characters the characters are acting. This one is a short piece and didn’t give me much to mock. But alas, I can’t skip a single chapter of this atrocious fic. This one is mildly lemon flavored but not enough to make you want to throw up.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Kate had just eased into the tub when she heard Rick knock at the door.

Is this all she does is take baths?

She chuckled as she told him to come in.

And she is laughing why?

He held a book under one arm, her medicine and a glass of water in his hands.

Wow, a glass of water while in a bath. How romantic. At least he could bring her a Champagne glass of ginger ale.

She raised up to take the glass from him and heard him sigh as he watched the patch of bubbles slowly slide down her chest.

A sigh? Really?

A smile crept upon her lips and she sat up straighter just to mess with him a little more.

Anyone else embarrassed that we are reading this fic? Yeah, so am I.

“Good lord woman…” Rick growled as he handed her the pills and water. “If you don’t want company in there, you better take this and let me go.”

Last I checked, she didn’t have you handcuffed to the toilet, forcing you to endure her long torturous bath.

She quickly downed her medicine and handed him back the empty glass. “We can’t have that, not with your mother and daughter in the next room, so just hand me the book and go.”

No we can’t have that, especially when your readers are reading this.

Rick gave her his sad face as he handed the book to her. “Don’t you want me to read to you?”

Only when its books on tapes.

“Castle, I just finished reading this book for the third time right before I had my accident.” Kate told him when she noticed the book he had brought her was none other than ‘Naked Heat’.

Wow, reading it three times and yet she still acted out of character and slutty. Wow, I guess she must have sucked in school when it came to book reports.

“That explains a lot about your actions the past couple days then.”

No, it doesn’t. She was slutty and last time I read Naked Heat, Nikki Heat wasn’t slutty.

He knelt down and leaned into her face,

Talk about invading a personal bubble.

his hand played with the bubbles that floated near her breast. “You had just read the ending, where Nikki comes home to her apartment and finds Rook sitting at the dinning table working on his article.”

Dining room table. I have no clue what a dinning is. Read the rest of this entry

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