Mock the Fic: Castle’s new Daughter


Just remember when you read this fic, Pedobear is watching you. Don’t worry, he doesn’t judge. I love how someone commented on everything I ranted about in their review of this fic. It’s horrible. The spelling is bad, research is nonexistent, and why isn’t Detective Beckett arresting the boyfriend teacher? At least this author could read the plea I wrote to all fanfic writers when it comes to writing a story that doesn’t take place in their native country.

Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T

The calm before the storm.

It’s been calm for way too long.

I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.
The song that helped me write this Always. By bon jovi.

They should sue.

Chapter 2 one month later

Wow that month went by so quickly.

Diary entries from Emily.

Goodie.

Dear Diary,

Today was a craptacular day. My parents are dead, a random book writer adopted me, and my teacher is having sex with me.

I woke up screaming again tonight and once again Alexis comforted me,

I’m surprised she didn’t try to quiet you with a pillow shoved against your mouth.

I love Alexis, she’s really nice.

So you love her because she’s nice? Really? My coworker is nice but it doesn’t mean I love him. Wow if I loved everyone who was nice than love would have no meaning.

This is the third time I’ve woken up screaming. Rick hasn’t noiced beacuse when he’s not locked up in his office writing

Hopefully using spell check when he writes, unlike your inability to use it. So does this fic take place last year I take it?

‘Naked Heat’ the second Nikki Heat novel, or at the station with Kate reserching for ‘Naked Heat’ He’s playing poker with some of the best writers in New York.

Wow, congrats on the run on sentence that made no sense what so ever.

I’ve been feeling like ever since Rick adopted me that he doesn’t want to talk to me.

Like totally!

I know this isn’t true but I must find time to talk to him soon, before I go crazy. I’ve carried on calling him dad. He loves it everytime, the word escapes my lips. I love it to.

Awww there is that love word again.

Kate came round last night, I can tell Rick fancys her but won’t tell her.

Let me break out my British accent and say, “Rick fancies Kate!”

I suposse She’s ok,

I sense some jealous with that misspelled word.

she seems kind of friendly. She told me to either call her Kate or Beckett.

I think you should call her K-Dawg.

I chose Kate,

I chose Pikachu!

Beckett seemed like Rick’s thing like, when she calls Rick ‘Castle.’ It’s there thing.

Where is thing if it’s there?

They still haven’t found who murdered my paremnts.

Your what?

By the look of it Kate has given up, so has Rick, I might as well now then.

Yes, because it’s a complete lost cause.

I’ll never forget them though. I’ll always love them. I asked Kate if she ever got over her parents death.

Since when is her dad dead? Did I miss a memo? Dang I’m not getting all my memo’s again. Now I fear my red stapler is going to go missing.

She replied ‘ I’ll never forget them Emily. but sitting back and mourning isn’t going to bring them back. That’s why I do this. So I can try and stop others going through this pain.’ So that’s what I’m doing, I’m doing my school work and trying to make them proud. I think I’m doing a good job.

Doubt it since you can’t seem to spell simple words correctly.

Adam came round today. Rick wasn’t in. Rick still doesn’t like the fact that me and Adam are going out, but we are truly in love with each other. He told me he loved me, I cried, tears off joy.

Tears off joy? Poor Adam, I’m starting to think he doesn’t grade any of your papers because if he did, he’d cry at the horridness of the grammar.

I love Adam so much. Rick is NOT going to split us up! We have been through to much. I’m seeing him again today hopfully.

You mean at school?

“Emily” Rick yells, I put the diary away, hiding under my pillow. I go and find Rick, he’s with Adam. “Care to explain..”

Yes, please do explain why you used the ellipsis with two periods?


“Yeah Adam is here to pick me up for our date Dad.” I said calmly.

This really creeps me out how she calls Castle Dad. Her parents haven’t even been dead a year.

I quickly ran to my room and got a copy of one of Rick’s old book’s ‘At dusk we die’ I flipped it open to the page where it says ‘for…’, in ‘At dusk we die’ it reads .. ‘ For Emily, I’ll always be there for you. cuz you’re there for me.’

Wow, how old was Castle when he wrote that? Five? Who in their right mind uses cuz anywhere outside of a text message? Hell I won’t even use it in a text message. And why is she doing this instead of defending Adam? This story makes no sense!

It made me smile, I took it outside with me.

Are we standing on the streets now?


“I said no dates Em.” Rick said. I chucked the book at him.

Where in the world has the idea of Castle saying no dating? What? Do we even watch the same show?

He looked confusied.

Well I’m confused at that sentence.

“‘For Emily'” I quoted. “I’ll always be there for you, Cuz you’re there for me’

What was she, four when he wrote that story? How the hell could a kid be there for him when it’s not even HIS KID!

Why aren’t you here for me right now Rick, when I need you the most!

That’s because you are the red-headed step child, and I mean that not in the cool Alexis sort of way.,

I bet you don’t know that for the last three nights running I’ve woken up screaming in the middle of the night.

Sound proofing does wonders.

With only Alexis to comfort me, beacuse you’ve either been in your office writing ‘Naked Heat’ or you’ve been playing poker with the lads.

The lads? Really? If you have never heard your slang word said on the show, then chances are your slang is irrelevant on this show.

Right now Rick, here and now that’s all that matters, that’s what you used to say to me.

I am sure he said it more eloquently than you put it.

If right now, is all that matters, then where are you when I need you, cuz I need you Rick. I need you to be here for me like you promised!” I said, crying my heart out.

Like OMG my BFF Adam loves me and you hate me Dad!

“I remember the day, I finished writing ‘At dusk we die’ You were so pleased for me.

As pleased as a four-year old could be.

Then I showed you that bit I wrote and you were so happy, that I’d put you in the book.

Random comma needs to be moved to a place he might be needed more, like the run on sentence.

That day we promised each other that we would alway be there for each other, But hun I’m still here, I haven’t gone anywhere. I promised.

I just like to go out and party and solve crimes. But I’m still here for you.

By the way Lexi

When does he ever call her Lexi?

told me about the nightmeres, about waking up screamuing, I was going to talk to you tonight about it.

But only because you mentioned it.

You are right though, here and now IS the only thing that matters. If I haven’t been a good father, here and now, tell me. Don’t bottle everything up so you just exploded one day like you did just now. I love you hun now go have fun on your date. Oh and Adam have her home by 8.”

Oh and when you bring her home, Detective Beckett will arrest you for being a pedofile and you won’t be able to teach again, ever.

“Thanks Dad, I love you to.” I replied.

You won’t be thanking him when he arrests your teacher.

A/N : ‘At dusk we die’ is a real Rick Castle book, but I have no idea what it says at the front. I think that Beckett would say that to Em to try and cheer her up.

You think Beckett would say what to cheer her up? I’m lost.

Next chapter Beckett and Castle talk, Emily and Adam talk.

Everyone talks!

Chapter tittle: One propsel goes a long way.

Where do I start with that teaser? Ugh.

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Posted on June 15, 2011, in grammar, Mock, Pedobear, Spike's number 1 pet. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. The author is actually going to delete this story probably, due to the review she received. Yet another author who was made aware of how bad their fic was through a review and did something about it fairly quickly.

  2. Is anyone else getting the bad feeling the actual author is dating her teacher and this is almost her sick way of justifying it to herself? Plus, I’m still confused if Emily is supposed to be British.

  3. The author is Briitsh, so she’s using British culture on an American character. A very common mistake for a writer to do when they are not from the country they’re writing about.

  4. Yeah, they do. All great writers do research for their books, so why can’t fanfiction authors? The only thing that is hard to find if an author wants to be as accurate as possible is sentencing for a crime, since they’re so many variables to the sentencing.

  5. I really don’t want to fuel you anymore but I was making a joke. I’m not as dense as this author. I know they have google.

  6. Sorry, I can’t tell the if someone is being sarcastic or not on the internet. That and it was late. I know you’re not dense.

  7. You guys are morons if you think I don’t see your Twitter discussions. I visit this site to voice my opinions on other things on this site besides the mocks. Don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions about things. I didn’t realize you were being sarcastic, kay? You don’t need to get all bitchy about it. I’m not going to leave ths site because it’s interesting to see how many people actually, and quite sadly , support you, plus I can see stories that need to be reported and which authors can be helped. That and it’s fun to alert authors to the fact that they’ve been mocked.

  8. So, you can call me a troll if you wish, but I’m not leaving anytime soon. Unless of course the blogger actually posts something on fanfiction for everyone to read, review and critique. Since that’s not happening anytime soon, you get to enjoy my company.

    • Thanks for following my twitter account since my twitter feed only posts my non @ replies. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know what someone visits my webpage daily and stalks my twitter feed.

  9. Glad you feel all warm and fuzzy, daerie. You’ll just love 4evercaskett’s author note on the last chapter of her story.

    • I know it made me feel all warm and fuzzy, especially when she said she didn’t especially care about coming across as literate. I love it when the American education system churns out high school graduates who can’t use punctuation properly, don’t know the difference between ‘there,’ ‘they’re,’ and ‘their,’ and would rather watch television shows over and over and over again (and then obsess about them not being on) instead of reading a book. Point, No Child Left Behind!

      On a final note, it’s dearie. If you’re going to try and be patronizing, at least spell the words right. (The red, squiggly line under ‘daerie’ didn’t give it away?)

      Oh, and before I hit ‘Post Comment,’ a request: When you DM CamBif (or whatever his/her name is) about “Kate’s SIster,” can you let them know I think that fic is a hugely out-of-character mess? When did Jim Beckett turn into an asshole? Thanks!

  10. @LilahMorgan Yes, warn the author that they have been mocked to see their reaction. Which is ether a) they act all pissed or b) are mature about and fix the errors in grammar and spelling , not the the plot idea.

  11. Already warned him/her, sweetheart. Oh, and it’s PM the author, not DM the author, if you want to get critical on spelling mistakes. If you want to tell the author your opinion, go ahead and do it yourself.

  12. Also, in terms of Jim being an asshole, it’s the characters view. The character who is narrating the story, from what I can tell, is just whiny and spoiled-brat, so the character in her own mind thinks Jim is an asshole, even though others would not think he is an asshole.

    • Just so you know your troll is Hexgirl4 on ff.net.

    • Really? Do they not encourage reading between the lines in English classes anymore? What about critical thinking?

      She’s in ROSWELL, New Mexico, sixteen years old and waiting tables. (I won’t even touch on how it’s impossible this could be another daughter of Johanna Beckett.) In fact, the character even narrates how she hates her father because he “made me work this aweful [sic] job.”

      If the Jim Beckett in this story were more in character, Bella, a minor in the eyes of the law, by the way, would be in New York with her family. The only way to deny that would be if the author had written something about her being legally emancipated, but if that were true, she’d probably be in New York anyway.

      And finally, PM versus DM. I do admit I typed the wrong acronym, but that’s what I get for multi-tasking. (And that’s exactly what it is. An ACRONYM.)

    • Ah, and before you say something about it, I typed Roswell in all caps for emphasis. Just thought I should clear that up, since you’ve made it known you sometimes don’t get how things translate on the Internet.

  13. @snitch Wow really? And you won’t give your username why?

    @ McG, Yes I agree the location is unrealistic and the fact that is Johanna’s daughter is also unrealistic. I will decline to comment on the laws since I don’t know enough about them to comment. What you quoted the narrator is what I was referring to. The narrator in the story sounds lke a spoliled brat and a spoiled brat would say something like “My father made me get this awful job.”, when wating tables isn’t the worst job in the world.

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