Category Archives: Beckett’sHEART

Mock the Fic: Castle One Shots part 1


I am going to warn everyone! This next fic is one that will make you want Brain bleach! It’s bad, yo. BAD! This fic officially earns the first annual Brain Bleach award! Congrats! The author should be proud. Please everyone! Read this fic responsibly and have a bottle Jack and a cup of Brain Bleach ready for the ending!

Stats: Title: castle one shots Author:Beckett’sHEART Summary:this is only one shots if you want to write more to it be my guest but contact me first i would love to read what you write. ah! im so bored and this is what happens enjoy this is not only rated m stories others will be added later Rating: M

Castle sat patiently in Beckett’s car waiting for her to take him home. He still did not own a car.

Wow, for a multimillionaire, Castle sure is lazy and cheap.

He seemed to like Beckett driving him from and to his apartment,

I believe you meant to say, “to and from.”

even though she always denied his invitation to join him for a drink.

This fic makes me wish I had a stiff drink.

Today would be different. Beckett really need a drink today. The case today was very stressful.

Me is Captain Caveman. Me is thirsty. Me really need a drink today. Me case was very stressful. Congratulations author, you just made an English teacher cry.

Beckett climbed in to the driver’s seat and started the car. She jumped up when the loud music almost popped her car speakers.

I guess that means she was busted listen to Justin Beiber in her car, blaring from the speakers. Oh and generally, when you jump, you jump up, not down. Therefore, you can get rid of the repetitive word “up.”

She turned it down so that it was only background noise.

Poor Beiber, gets no love.

She looked at castle for a while before bursting out laughing.

Wow, I’m laughing too because you can’t seem to capitalize Castle’s name. I’m sure he’s laughing at your stupidity too.

Castle then joined her, she was laughing so hard she had to hold her stomach. After a good laugh she pulled out of her parking space.

And it’s people like them that makes me want to go all road rage on people when they sit in a parking spot forever and a day.

The drive to his apartment was a bit long because of the traffic.

“so Beckett what are you so happy about I haven’t seen a smile like that on your face since the case about the jewels?” Rick turned to face her and give her his full attention.

1. Capitals! Please capitalize the first word of a sentence! It’s something we all learned how to do in first grade. 2. That sentence needs to be split up into two sentences, and not to mention they need utter help.

Kate licked her lips before answering Castle’s question. “Well I am happy because the case is over and this time I think I will accept you offer to join you for a glass of wine or glasses of wine.”

Oh how classy of her. Invite herself in and ask for not just one glass of wine, but two. Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: Wedding Bells part 2


Hope this Tuesday, which feels like a Monday, is treating everyone good (and not hellish like any other Tuesday after a holiday is). Fear not for if it is, we have a new badfic to mock! And wow! With the end of this HORRIBLE fic, we will finally learn what happens when an author continues to use bad grammar and ignores the style book! It’s pretty dramatic if you ask me.

Stats: Title: Wedding Bells Author:Beckett’sHEART Summary: It was suppose to be one of the happiest days of her life… Rating: T

kate looked down at the small box, it was white but still had three dots that were once bright red, she ran her hands over them allowing herself to remember that day.

Please tell me it’s blood from someone whacking the author over the head with a style book for too many bad grammar mistakes!

she did this every year on this day. she knew her life would change after that day but she didn’t expect it to change into what it had…

Go from what? A Vapid Jersey Shore like girl to a cop?

she got out of the whiter car with her father,

Okay seriously, how many shades of white cars are there?

wearing the blue earrings,

Tacky!

the dress she and her mother picked out,

That screamed of late 90’s prom dress.

and a locket that rick had given her that day.

Aww it would be so nice if Rick knew how to capitalize his own frakin name! Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wedding Bells


Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. I know I did and I enjoyed the day of no bad fanfics! Sorry for the disappointment, but it was a holiday! This is a gagging and short story that I’m combining two chapters into one mock. Its sappy and makes you want to kill someone!

Stats: Title: Wedding Bells Author:Beckett’sHEART Summary: It was suppose to be one of the happiest days of her life… Rating: T

Today was suppose to be the best day of her life…..

Was today the day she got her first gun? That would be the best day of my life too!

he had proposed on her birthday.

Okay last I checked we still capitalized the first letter of a sentence. And how very clichéd to be proposed to on their birthday.

The whole precinct was in on it.

That’s the worst is when everyone else knows it’s about to happen.

The captain had called her on her day off, said she was needed on this case.

And that is why my phone has an off button- so that way when it’s my day off I don’t get called in.

When she arrived there was balloons everywhere.

Congratulations! We just caught our 5000th killer! Mimosa’s all around! Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Consequences part 1


YAY BadFic is back with an even more horrifying fic. Its bad, trust me. BAD. This one employees my theory that if you aren’t old enough to have sex, or at least tell your mom you had sex, then you shouldn’t write about sex.

Stats: Title: Consequences Author: Beckett’sHEART Summary: some one finds the video of castle and beckett playing truth or dare Rating: M

Puke Bags: 3

Sporks to the eyes: 4

Chapter One:

i walked in to the precinct half asleep. i didnt get much rest last night due to the fact that i couldnt get last nights scenes out of my dreams.

Uh… okay.

(BCF: I am killing cute small puppies every time you forget to capitalize a letter.)

in my dreams there was more than just touching.

And we’re off!

(BCF: Can we please leave those thoughts in your dreams, please?)

“come on kate let my lick that chocolate from your breast…… or you could lick me if you want.”

Castle grabs the chocolate bottle and pours it down his pants…..

And now we’ve reached the “WTF” portion of the story. Isn’t it every girl’s fantasy to have a dude pour a bottle of chocolate down his pants?

Now, the important questions: was it Godiva? Maybe something with a little liquor to keep things spicy? Please tell me he sprang for something better than that Hershey’s shit.

(BCF: I’m sure Castle had to go to the Bodega to get the stuff, so it’s probably some off brand Mexican chocolate syrup.)

whoa that was a very scary and arousing dream. i wonder what the real castle would have done…

Arousing? There are quite a few words that come to mind but arousing isn’t one of them. Let’s hope the real Castle wouldn’t dump a bottle of syrup down his pants but then again, Kate does like them freaky. (BCF: I thought it was Castle who liked to have sex with crazy women, not Kate.)

oh wait i do know.

I’m not getting the idea that you know much of anything.

(BCF: I hear the retard rocket calling.)

Read the rest of this entry

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