Category Archives: Clichéd Fic

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 9


I can safely say, no smut in this chapter. The angels are singing ‘Hallelujah!’ And the only lemons nearby is the cold glass of lemonade I am drinking. Lets enjoy this fluffy chapter as it is what it is.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***OK, I am now looking for a Beta Reader. I would prefer to have someone that watches both Bones and Castle so if anyone is interested or knows someone that would be willing to help, please let me know. Sorry for the delay in updating, but I just couldn’t find the time to write.

Now? You wait till now to get a beta reader? Really? And you don’t need someone who watches Bones and Castle to beta read, unless that means you are adding Bones to the fic. Oh crap, you are, aren’t you?

It was getting late in the evening when Rick pulled Kate closer to him and began nibbling her neck. “So, I’ve been thinking… we should throw a big party and announce to everyone that we are in love and..”

Normally you don’t do this unless you are engaged. Seriously, Hallmark doesn’t make a “Finally we had sex!” invitation.

“No way Castle, that’s not gonna happen.”

Hallmark also doesn’t make a “Congratulations on finally hooking up!” card ether.

Rick pulled his lips away from her skin to give her his hurt look. “How about a little party?”

No, trust me, that’s in bad taste.

“How about this… we sneak home tonight, inform your mother and Alexis about the change in our relationship, and take things from there.”

How about we pretend nothing happened and just go from there?

Like a man on a mission, Rick quickly stood up and began dressing. “Get a move on Detective, we have a long drive ahead of us.”

Wow, that’s some way to kick a girl out of your bed.

They were packed and headed out the door before it even got dark out.

Did they even sleep last night or just have sex? Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 3


I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend. How about we celebrate with a mock of this horrid story that just keeps churning out new chapters. Sometimes job security isn’t a good thing.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Rick hardly slept at all that night.

Could it be because a hospital bed is not made for two?

He had tried several times to ease out of the bed,

Probably a little hard to do so because you two are packed in like sardines.

but every time he did, Kate would tighten her hold on him and nuzzle in closer.

Yes because that is so very Nikki Heat like.

So he lay there holding her like he had dreamed of doing for years, only she wasn’t his..she was hurt..and she was confused.

And acting like a whiny whore.

As the hours passed, he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

Go into hiding? Tell her the truth?

What exactly does this fantasy world she’s living in right now consist of?

Being fourteen and a whore. It’s every Detectives dream of escaping their normal duties to become a fourteen-year old whore.

Will she also remember her co-workers and family as their fictional characters in his books? Should he keep allowing her to kiss him? How long could he resist her?

How long is this going to continue before I want to drink bleach?

A thousand questions raced through his mind and very few answers.

Just like this story, thousands of things happening, nothing worth reading.

As dawn approached, Rick felt his cell phone vibrate. He had a message from Lanie.

Who need to smack some sense into him.

– n the lobby.
-esplainie:)

Breathe. Breathe. I will not kill someone. And really, who uses signatures on text messages other than twelve-year olds? That’s valuable characters being used I could normally use in said message.

He hit the call button for the nurse and sent Lanie a reply.

Okay the call button for the nurse is not going to call Lanie, unless she is said nurse.

-give me a sec..btw, luv ur sig
-Castle-

Really, no one uses signatures on their text messages. And really, Castle is an award winning aclaimed author, he is’t going to type a text message like a ten-year old.

The nurse came in and Rick informed her that he needed to go downstairs.

To which the nurse replies, “Finally, I was about to call security and have you escorted out of here.”

She nodded her understanding and made her way to the opposite side of the bed. As Rick eased out from under Kate’s arm, the nurse held onto it as if checking her pulse.

Um, that’s what the finger thing they put on your finger is for. Trust me, I’ve been in the hospital, I know.

Kate rolled towards her and Rick quietly exited the room.

Rolled towards her? What? Please tell me this is a Rick Roll. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Closet


Happy Season Finale night! Just think about all the bad fanfic that will be written over the summer in response to tonight’s episode? It’s makes me excited just to think about it. In the meantime while I wait for said fics, I think I am going to start a series on fanfic writing 101, and quiz you must pass before you are allowed to publish your story on the web. Someone contact Congress and help me pass a law that you must pass a test before you are allowed to publish stories on the internet. Even if it will put me out of a job, I am willing to take the sacrifice. In the meantime however, I am going to mock a fic that was sent to me on twitter. This story was published with no paragraph spacing. In other words, all one big paragraph. Yup, one big paragraph. Have fun reading! And thanks to the BadCastleFic reader @LG_summer who sent this my way!

Stats: Title: Closet Author: kbeckett96 Summary: So what happens when Castle and Beckett get locked in the precinct closet one night? This story is pure fluff! and just for fun! please review Rating: T

Night took over New York as Beckett and Castle put away the files and papers from the murder board into boxes.

Okay, not a bad start.

It was Late well after midnight and everyone was gone except the 2 of them.

Did you really need to make late uppercased? Oh and please spell out the number two.

“Castle” He turned towards her as she tossed a file his way he set them in the box.

Is it smart to toss around files? Wouldn’t you be afraid of losing stuff out of them?

She stacked the photos and the last of the papers and set them in the box. “Alright where does this go” Castle picked up the box noting it was a bit heavier than expected.

I’m sure by now Castle knows where the boxes need to go. Besides, don’t they normally go to the DA’s office for prosecution?

“That closet in the corner” she pointed towards the door as she threw some pens in a drawer.

I know I don’t work in law enforcement but I’m pretty sure that the DA will need that stuff to help prosecute the offender.

Castle looked towards the closet “I didn’t know that was closet?”

And what did you think it was Castle? The door to the Stargate?

“Hmm?” she looked at him “its been there forever Castle where have you been?”

Obviously not paying attention, which is sort of odd for him since he seems to notices everything.

she laughed silently “come on ill open the door I know that box isn’t light.”

If it’s heavy, then I’m sure it’s a sign you need two boxes. Oh and please learn to capitalize the correct words. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives Part 2


Happy Birthday BadCastleFic readers! Today is our 1 year birthday! Wow year goes by quickly doesn’t it? Since I started this blog showcasing bad fanfic in the Castle fandom, Castle was a wee bit smaller of a community with a so so amount of fanfic. Since then, it’s seems to have jumped leaps and bounds. Yet with all the new fanfic we get, we also seem to get the bad fanfic. Thus meaning I get to keep my blogging job that pays jack squat! YAY! Now onward to the fic, where we will continue to read the horrifying Dancing with the Detectives. Word of warning, I am mocking this between commercials for Fringe and I’m a wee bit drunk.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A


Hey guys! just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the subscriptions and the reviews! and i just wanted to give another chapter! the next is on the way! thanks for all of your love! i love you all too!

Oh I love you too, but only that sort of love a person feels when they find a golden nugget and want to tell the world about what they found.

~red

The next morning Beckett woke up to her alarm clocks radio.

Wow, how many clocks does she have since she has clocks radio?

The song that 93Q

Okay, are we name dropping a real radio station in LA or is this your favorite radio station that you listen to in small town America.

was playing was “tonight tonight”, by Rascal Flatts.

Okay, random name dropping of a country band.

She smiled as she realized one of her favorite songs was playing,

Of course it was her favorite song…oh I mean the authors favorite song.

and she got up, ready for the looked at her apartment

Ready for the looked at her apartment? What, is her Apartment a fashionista nazi who wants to show off their awesome fashion skills.

one more time, before taking her heavy luggage down the stairs.

Oh so we are stuck in New York. I wonder if she lives in Down Town, NY? That could only explain why her apartment is a fashionista.

She flung the heavy suitcase in the trunk, and drove off to the precinct to see her friends one last time before she headed off to the city of dreams.

Yes, because that’s what we all do is visit our coworkers one last time before we go on vacation. Duh.

She knew she would see them the night of the show,

So are they flying to LA every Monday? Wow that’s expensive. Must be that huge salary they make in Down Town, NY.

and almost every show if a big murder case didn’t come up, but she knew she would miss them for the month that they would be training for.

Wow, that was an epically long run on sentence with way too much information.

She parked the car in the parking garage and saw castles car.

I hope it’s a bouncy castle car since it obviously can’t be Castle’s car since it isn’t capitalized.

Something looked different about it, but she ignored it and strode to the elevators. The doors opened a minute later and she saw castle at her desk with 3 boxes of doughnuts, freshly brewed coffee for everyone, and lots of detectives flooding around the desk like a sea of cops.

Wow a sea of cops. I wonder if they all have blue on and do the wave.

She saw in the crowd Esposito and Ryan and Lanie.

Do I dare ask why she is hanging out at the precinct and not at the morgue, which isn’t at the precinct.

She saw Montgomery walking towards her and she smiled.

Oh goodie, this is a fic with Montgomery being the loving daddy figure for Beckett.

He cane and gave her a hug

So he caned her and gave her a hug? Worst torturer ever.

before pulling back and saying, “oh Beckett, I never thought I would have seen you dancing!

Wells he does perform at the strip joint every other Friday night. I’m sure she’d let you get in free. Just make sure to tip her with some nice new ones.

Now your a singing, dancing cop!

Oh boy! A singing dancing cop! I sense a remake of Cop Rock. I’m sure Fox will pick it up and air it after Glee. It’ll be a great way for the when the Glee kids get old to continue singing and being dramafied. Oh and you used the wrong your, but that wasn’t a surprise.

Oh I’m SO going to have to twitter this!”

Wait, so Montgomery is going to twitter that she’s a singing cop? What?

he whipped out his phone and started typing. She rolled her eyes and said, “oh captain, are you sure castle isnt rubbing off on you?”

Wow, that is the utmost worst characterization of the Captain I have ever read. I sure hope Rubin Santiago-Hudson smacks you on the back of the head.

he laughed and put his phone away and looked at her one more time, smiling warmly. “can’t wait to see you on the dance floor in a month!” and he strode off towards the elevators.

Why is she getting a month to prepare? Don’t they normally get two weeks or so to prepare?

she started towards the desk, and just then Ryan noticed who was heading their was,

So how could Ryan be heading their when he can’t posses heading somewhere.

and with a mouth full of doughnut holes he said “HEY! ITS BECKETT!”

So is Beckett the new Norm? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives


Another Monday means another mock! This one is a bad crossover and I shall warn you, you will want your sporks and brain bleach ready to go for this fic. Please be warned, watching it may make you want to never see Dancing with the Stars the same ever again.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A Rating: T


Hey guys! thanks SOOOO much for looking at this.

How could I miss it?

this is my first castle fan-fic and im soooo excited for the season finale for season 3!

It’s quite obvious that this is your first attempt at writing since you don’t know how to capitalize the name of a show, there is no dash between fan and fic, you need to capitalize the I and apostrophe before the “m” and last but not least, you have way too many o’s in the word “so.”

I figured out that Castle gets freakin kidnapped in the last scene!

Really? Where the hell did you get this from and why isn’t there any spoiler alerts?

FINALLY SOMETHING JUICY!

Like OMG! It’s totally caps lock worthy!

so thanks for reading and tell me if yall like it or not! thanks!

Oh you’ll know how I feel, just continue to read.

It was just another lazy afternoon for Detective Kate Beckett as another day went by without a case.

Was there some sort of vacation happening in New York and all the murder’s out on vacation? I hope they all went to Walt Disney World and dressed up as pirates.

She was lounging in the break-room with Castle. They both had their feet up on the table and sharing a big bowl of the new pretzel MnM’s.

Really? Really? First, not cool with the product placement. Second, I’m sure she has paperwork to file, or get ready for court…oh wait you wouldn’t know about those since you are 10 years old and think it’s “so cool that they are in love!”

They bantered idly back and forth for an hour until Detectives Esposito and Ryan came waltzing in

Wow, I wonder what music they waltzed into the room with?

and took seats beside them at the round table. They chatted carelessly until Chief Montgomery came in

And reminded them they have a job to do, and he doesn’t pay them to eat candy.

with a smile on his face. “great news! The mayor just called and said that abc wanted a deal with us!”

Oh boy! The Mouse wants to make a deal with you! I guess Uncle Walt’s frozen head finally spoke and told ABC to make a deal with a famous writer and the detective he whores out as a muse.

they all looked at him dumbly

Yeah I would too.

until Ryan spoke up, “like the tv channel?”

No, like the Alphabet.

esposito gave him a slap on the back of his head. ” no duh. Sometimes I wonder-”

Sometimes I wonder why authors don’t capitalize names

he was cut off by montgomery,

What did Montgomery cut off, I hope it was a finger. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Lunch with the Castles


Fear not my fellow Bad Castle Fic Fans. I am back-well as back as I can be. Sometimes those bad fics just get to you and you either have to step away and take a break, or go insane and have to wear a pretty white jacket with long sleeves. So I shall be stepping back into the reign to help everyone with the upcoming finale-which I’m sure is going to post some horrendous fics to mock.

Now, on to the mock!

Stats: Title:Lunch with the Castles  Author: edha1721 Summary: Rick and Kate are married and have a baby this is a typical day for them pure Fluff This is my first story hope you like it Rating: K

Lunch with the Castles

Hoo-boy! We are going to have lunch with the Castle’s.

Rick and kate have been together about 2 years they are married and have a little girl named Johanna 3 months old

Oh crap I hate this author already. Wow, how many violations are in that line above? Let’s see, no uppercase letter in Kate’s name, no comma’s, not spelling out numbers under ten, and the worst cliché, naming their kid Johanna.

###############

Rick and Johanna enter the precinct

Wow, is she walking already at three months old?

and proceed up to the bullpen to surprise Kate and take her for lunch,

I hate it when authors tell their stories like I’m a three-year old and don’t take the time to make it sound eloquent and less demanding and demeaning.

it takes Rick about half an hour to reach the bullpen everybody wants to see Johanna and give there congratulations.

Where’s my gun? I really want to kill this author. A kid in 2nd grade knows the difference between using there, their, and they’re. Please, for the love of Pete, get a beta reader!

On entering the bullpen Rick sees Esposito and Ryan but not Kate so he goes to the boys to say Hello

Why did I suddenly hear Jon Stewart doing his Queen of England impersonation when I read the hello part? I blame it on the capital h in hello. Random.

“Hi boys where Kate” and he puts Johanna in her baby seat on the desk.

Oh look fans, Caveman Castle is back! Caveman Castle says: “Me want Kate!” Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Writer’s Alphabet: Letter A


I would personally like to thank the Bad Castle Fic reader who recommended this story to me. It’s another clichéd alphabet series of short stories. Why can’t we have something new when it comes to short story series? I know, I challenge authors to write bad Castle stories based on a random name in the alphabet on page 250, line 25 of the phonebook.

Stats: Title:The Writer’s Alphabet Author: CKLizzy Summary:Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future. – One shot / Drabble series, each story based on one letter of the alphabet Rating: T

Rating: various, but nothing higher than P16 (… I hope…)

I’m guessing if its P16 then our author must be 16. And what does P16? Parents who are 16 can read it?

Summary: Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future.

Oh goodie, another fic idea that has never been done before. The good news folks is that we have 26 short fics that I will get to mock! I think this deserves a party!

Disclaimer: What was it?

What was what?

Oh, yeah, right. Andrew Marlowe, I love you! …

Too bad he’s married to Terri Miller. I’m sure she just loves it when fangirls throw themselves all over her husband.

No… wrong text… um… Castle doesn’t belong to me (though I wouldn’t mind havin Nathan Fillion for myself…).

And I’m sure Nathan’s girlfriend would just love that too. And it’s having, not havin. Havin isn’t a word, nor will it ever be.

It’s Andrew W. Marlowe’s, ABC’s and who else might be participated in producing the show. I’m just fooling around a bit 😉

I sure hope they get smart and catch on that you are fooling around with their characters and take them away from you before you impregnate one of the characters.

A/N: In case it doesn’t become clear – this is a one shot series, and every story will be based on a letter.

Wow, I would have been lost without that explanation. I’m so glad you cleared that up for me.

A for: Alone

As in leave the characters of Castle alone.

She had never felt that alone in her whole life. It was so terrible.

If this she is Beckett, then doesn’t she live alone?

Left, lonely, lost.

Your attempt at alliteration is a complete failure, not to mention that you sentence needs an “and” between the lonely and lost. I guess you must have ran out of crayons when you were writing this story and couldn’t add the “and” into the sentence.

Hugging her legs she had pulled up to her body, she sniffed.

This sentence makes no sense! Why was she pulling her legs up to her body, and why did you randomly put the “she sniffed” at the end. If
I was marking this with a red pen, I would have ran out of ink.

She didn’t want to be alone. The room was too big, even the couch was too huge to sit there alone. She felt cold and abandoned.

“Hey, darling,” a voice suddenly startled her, and she heard the concern in the voice, “what’s up? Why are you crying?”

Oh goodie, now we get a run on sentence. And I’m guessing that means we have Dolly Parton in the fic since she’s the only person I’ve ever known that calls people “darling.”

He sat down next to her and hugged her, and she immediately relaxed into his arms, releasing a sigh.

Oh I see Dolly got a sex change and is now Billy Ray Cyrus.

“I feel so alone,” she whined.

She whined? Really? Who is this character and how can I punch them in the stomach. No character on Castle would ever act this way. Not even Alexis.

“Why? I’m here, Kate,” he said gently and kissed her forehead.

Dear Author, please die for making Kate a Mary Sue.Sincerely, BCF.

“I know, but when you were gone…”

Someone please get her a Kleenex with chloroform so we can shut the weeping willow up.

“Darling, I was only gone for five minutes. To make you a tea. Remember?”

So she’s crying because he left the room to make tea? Really? Talk about an emotionally distressed Bitch. Now I am starting to think the author must be 14 years old since that’s the only age I can ever imagine a girl be this emotional and clingy.

“But I felt alone anyways, Rick!”

Wah-wah. Emo-Kate can’t take the world. I know, let’s get Emo-Kate a razor blade so she can cut on her arms, and some Kool-Aid so she can dye her hair red.

“My love, you’ll never be alone. I’m here with you. What brought that thought even on?”

Probably because you took her razor blades away again?

“I don’t know,” she grumbled, “can’t we just accept that pregnant women are overly and irrationally emotional?”

Really? Really? Please die a painful death for your irrationally stupid stereotypes.

FIN

Thank-God. Now where is my blade so I can kill myself?

Mock the Fic: 1 Kiss, That’s It


You know it’s going to be a great fic when the author can’t spell out the number one. I will admit, I love to text. But I hate how teenagers think that they can still use their text lingos in their stories. No, you can’t. Unless you are writing what someone sent the character in a text message, or an email, then don’t use text message short hand! I will warn you, this author thinks that how you write dialogue on twitter, is how you can write a story, and randomly shortens names of our characters. YAY!

Stats: Title:1 Kiss, That’s It Author:naomingaii Summary: My take on Castle&Beckett’s first kiss : I’m a new writer, so please be easy with me Rating: K+

It was February the 14th, and everyone knew what day that was.

A Monday?

It was Valentine’s Day, but for Kate is was a quiet day, Valentine’s Day reminded Kate of her mother.

Oh lovely, it’s another wonderful Castle story where Kate can’t stand the holidays because of her mother.

Kate just buried herself in paper work, until she heard her Captain call her into his office.

Oh I see the Captain got a megaphone for Valentine’s Day and decided to test it out in the office.

She walked into his office, head down and playing with her fingers.

And why is she acting like a guilty felon?

Cap. Mont: “Beckett, go home. Just take a break.”

Oh it’s a double whammy of a winner fic! We get an author who thinks that the way you write a twitter conversation is the way you write a story. Somewhere in the world, the authors English teacher is committing suicide.

Kate: “But-”

Cap. Mont: “Its an order, I know you’re having a bad day. Go home.”

And since when did start shorting Montgomery’s name down to Mont? Is he trying to be all cool and suave and be the pen maker Mont Blanc? Sadly I don’t think the author even knows who Mont Blanc is and would need it to be explained in pictures and small words.

Kate: “Thanks.”

And just like that, she’s just going to leave and go home. Wow, did the Pod People take Beckett’s body over and replace her with a push over?

Kate headed back to her desk and grabbed her jacket. Castle also knew what day it was and seeing Kate like this burned him. He cared about Kate, more then anyone knows, he may even love her.

So how is it he loves Kate more then anyone knew? Oh, you meant than instead of then. I see you failed the proper use of then and than in 2nd grade. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Til There Was You Chapter 1


After a nice New Years break, how about we start off fresh with a new clichéd story. Aren’t we all excited? I know I am. Nothing gets my year started on the best foot forward than a clichéd fic!

Stats: Title: Til There Was You Author: becksbiggestfan Summary: Elise Smith. Eleven years old. Missing: Ten years. Age when disappeared: 1 year and a month. Head Detective: Michael Cortez. Prime suspects: Jimmy Toole, and father Creg Smith. Both houses searched. No signs of the girl. This case hit personal for Kate. Rating: K+

 

How about some mocking? Mocks are always fun!

Kate sat at her desk typing up her report. Rick sat next to her in his chair talking about Alexis’s new boyfriend and she was only half listening.

Once again, I feel like the author thinks we are 5 year olds and needs to be talked down to and belittled.

Her phone rang and she lunged for it, thankful for the distraction.

Why did she lunge for the phone, was someone else going to fight her for it? And when you say lunged for it, did she dive on her desk and throw everything off to make sure she answers it first?

“Beckett. Uh huh. What? Are you sure? Manhattan General? I’ll be right there.”

Wow, what drama.

The phone call had definitely shaken her up, and she didn’t waste the time to hang the phone back on its receiver.

So she what, just threw it down and left it dangling off the desk?

Instead, snatching her badge and coat and racing to the elevator. Rick just barely made it through the closing doors.

Wow, for the first time ever in an elevator history did the doors actually close as soon as she stepped in the moment it opened up?

“Kate? What happened?” He asked quietly. As an answer she pulled him into a hug.

Wow, out of character much? I sure hope she starts hugging everyone who walks by and then gives her life story.

His warmth comforted her, and when they finally stepped off the elevator, her make up was a little smeared.

What, is she crying? I would be too if I couldn’t spell makeup.

Finding her car in the parking lot, Rick realized his question still hadn’t gotten an answer, so he asked her again.

Does anyone else know really what’s going on in this story?

She stopped, the key turned in the lock, after a second like that she pulled the car open and turned it on.

She pulled the car open? Did she go all Hulk on it and rip the door off in a whole second? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt chapter 9


I really really really wish this would end, but it won’t. It just won’t end. This chapter is just a waste of time reading and I swear all the characters are out of character.

 

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to update. I was both out of internet credit and out of ideas.

Imagine that. What are you using, the library computer? Must be hard to write a book at a library that will never have it available for people to check out.

But now I am back on track, so thank you for your patience. Enjoy =)

I am sure I won’t enjoy.

Beckett was at a loss. Unable to come up with a good come back for castle,

I’m guessing the shift button on the keyboard at said library is broken. No, wait, never mind you capitalized Beckett.

she turned to Alexis for help. She and Ashley sat with Beckett one afternoon, when the sun beamed down on them, as they sat sun-baking on the beach.

“I need to get your father back,” Beckett insisted.

Yes, let’s lower HBIC to a new low and have to ask his daughter for help.

“Why don’t you play the shark game?” Ashley suggested gesturing towards the water. “That’s always a hoot. I have the fin if you want to borrow it.”

What the hell is the shark game, and why does he have a fin? Give a hoot, play the shark game?

Beckett shivered at the very idea. “No thanks, Ash. I don’t like sharks, its why I don’t swim in the beach water. He wouldn’t fall for it.”

Or it could be because its 40 effing degree’s outside.

The three of them pondered another idea.

Alexis sat up on the towel and grinned. “I got it!” she announced.

What, a cold?

Beckett was listening. “Okay…”

She turned to her boyfriend. “Don’t freak out on me, Ash.”

What, are you going to tell her dad that Ash gave her genital warts? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 8 (ugh)


I hope everyone had a great Christmas! I hate to say this but we still have five more chapters after this one of this crap fic. I’m bound and determined to finish this, which means you too are going to finish it too. I’ve had some suggestions on next fic to jump over to after this one is finished, so fear not, BadCastleFic will continue into the new year. If you want to mock a fic, or know a fic to mock, feel free to email me at BadCastleFic@gmail.com.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

 

A/N: I give you Castle’s next prank… sorry it took so long (longer than I usually upload), but I have other things I have to put first… like MY OWN novels and social activities I can’t get out of. =)

Wow, aren’t you just special. Is this your way of saying that you have a life? If so, I don’t believe you.

Castle had to wait for the right moment. But when Beckett stood from her spot on the beach

I still don’t understand where the hell they are camping.

and excused herself, he took his chance to pounce. He knew he was going to beat her this round, as he went about making the needed changes.

Alexis came out of the water.

Do I dare remind you, brrrrrr.

“Dad, what are you doing?” she eyed him suspiciously.

“Shhhh,” he warned placing a finger to his lips. “If you blow my cover, I will tell Ashley’s parents you did the dirty deed in a cave when they had their backs turned,” he threatened playfully.

Wait, what? This place has a cave and we haven’t gone exploring yet? Oh and they had sex or is the dirty deed just pooping in the Batcave?

Alexis’ mouth dropped open. “You wouldn’t?”

Castle loved a challenge. He raised an eyebrow.

Isn’t he acting a bit nonchalant about his daughter pooping in a cave?

“Okay,” she cried defensively. “I won’t tell. Geez,” she walked away then and joined Ashley on the sand.

To have sex.

The two of them attempted to build sandcastles.

So is that what the kids are calling sex these days? Making sandcastles. BadCastleFic new defintion of making sandcastles is: “To have sex with a member of the Castle Family. For example: Kate Beckett is just dying to make sandcastles some day with Rick.” I’ll have to use that one sometime. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt Chapter 7 (this one never ends)


I know you are just dying to know what her books she is selling is all about since she seems to want to plug them on this chapter. So thus, I present my uber stalkish ways and here is the Amazon synopsis of her book The Invisible String: “Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? Charlotte Turner did. But she wasn’t alone. One tug on the invisible string and she knew he’d find her, facing the world together, they knew they could overcome anything.”
I know you all are just dying to get a copy.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I JUST looked up you tube about meeting the parents,

Wow, is you tube in Australia someone stuck in a tube?

thanks to Bella Girl and I discovered that Ash’s parents are serious and stitched up,

Stitched up? Did sharks bite them and the need stitches?

which someone already pointed out in a review, thank you, so maybe I have got the hang of this…

Obviously not since you are still using the ellipsis the way they aren’t made to be used.

*rubs chin* now I might consider publishing a book of my own, YES, and I shall call it THE INVISIBLE STRING: the secrets that bind… oh, wait, I’ve already done that! Hehehe.

Trust me, we know. Just like we know that no one buys the books ether since you are ranked #713,854 on Amazon Best Sellers. That sucks, just like your books.

I have the BEST FF readers in the world! *does a happy dance* and as a gesture of thanks I give you MORE fun and more pranks! =)

Lucky us. Note the sarcasm.

Beckett grinned to herself as she bent down to take the shoe in her hand. Castle was going to get it, there was no doubt about that, and she was going to win the next round for sure. She made it quick, and moved away from the entrance of the tent, going to fix herself her morning cup of coffee.

Once again, the mythical coffee. And how long is this trip again? Are we on day five?

Ashley’s mother was up already. It seemed she was always up earlier than Beckett.

Probably reading her mythical Wall street Journal she got out of the machine next to the driftwood on the beach.

“What did you just do?” she asked suspiciously.

Beckett held her head high, trying not to let the woman intimidate her, or make her feel immature. It was a bit of fun. It was light. No one was getting hurt. “Just a little payback,” she shrugged.

Because she’s 14?

The woman looked back at her disapprovingly. “Do you really think it’s wise to encourage him? He’s like a child in the playground.”

Which isn’t saying much since obviously Beckett is a child in a playground too. I guess we should rename her for this fic HBICP (head bitch in charge of playground)

“I think he’s a lot of fun, actually,” she responded, surprising herself that she had defended him so quickly. “It wouldn’t hurt you to take a leaf from his book either. Relax… laugh a little… it really does make you better to be around,”

Stop with the ellipsis! Please! You are making poor sweet Baby Jesus cry. And he doesn’t cry.

she said confidently. Beckett was getting used to Castle and his “play time” but she knew, as he told her the previous day, that when it mattered he stepped up to the plate and acted like a man.

Castle cleared his throat then, standing in the entrance of the tent, indicating that he had heard the conversation. Beckett blushed and looked into her coffee cup.

Really, are we on day five of this camping trip? Did everyone just take a week off in November and go camping? Who does this in November? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeeshirt Chapter 5


I cannot stress the importance for people to do their research when it comes to writing a story. It’s not hard. You don’t have to do eight pages with a minimum of 10000 words for the research. Just a simple google this will help when it comes to making your story not a piece of steaming crap. So here we go again, with this wet teeshirt fic. I cannot stress the fact that Amazon has lowered itself to sell this authors books. I can’t imagine how the book is based on how crappy her fics are.

Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: This was fun to write. I love how at the end of every chapter, I find myself with a large grin set on my face.

Funny, I always end a chapter of this fic with a scowl on my face.

I hope you find the same experience… let the games begin! =)

Seriously, do we have to let them begin?

The degrees increased considerably over the course of the day. By 2 o’clock it had reached 42 degrees.

Whoa! Heat wave! At that temperature, we can all strip off our scarves.

Alexis and Ashley were swimming in the beach, and the adults, were seated under a shade umbrella, the women sun-baking on towels, and the men, drinking cold beer.

Are you kidding me? Swimming and its 42 degrees? Hello, hypothermia. Since this story references an episode that aired in November, and its deep into the fall temperatures, can you say hypothermia? Even at Celsius degrees that is 107ish degrees. No, get your facts right before you write a story. Yanks can be stupid, but not stupid enough to go swimming outside when its 42 degrees, let alone sun baking.

“You wanna swim?” Castle offered, standing up from the sand and holding out his hand to Beckett.

She hesitated. “No thanks,” she answered quietly. “I don’t like the water.”

Or maybe it’s because she’s smarter than the average dumb Yankee and knows better than to get hypothermia in the middle of the forest in New York.

“Why not,” he pressed. “It’s the best part of camping.”

Beckett shrugged. “Don’t like sharks. I’m quite content sitting on my towel and soaking up the sun.”

Where the hell are they camping that has sharks in the woods? Is this Down Town, New York?

Castle stared at her a moment. It would have been better had she been at least wearing a bikini. Instead, she was wearing shorts and a white t-shirt.

And where is this parka that she would need for said outfit if it’s 42 frakin degree’s outside. I don’t know about you, but that is cold.

At least he got a glimpse of the ‘package’ as he eyed off her long tanned legs.

What, is UPS now in this fic? I guess the brown truck goes everywhere, including the beach at Down Town, NY.

Beckett cleared her throat, and Castle snapped his eyes back up to her face.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Mm-hu,” she moaned. “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

“As a matter of fact,” he answered wondering off towards the water.

Yes, he has the mystery of “Where the hell are we camping?” to solve. Chop chop Castle, get on top of that mystery. Please.

… … … … … …

It was when they were back at their campsite that Castle got his brilliant idea. He had been saving all his pranks for the second day of camping, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her with tricks. Besides, as she reminded him, she had a gun. He had to pick his battles.

He had the bucket already set up. He had only to attach it, and did so when she went into the tent for some “quiet time” when she came out, zipping the tent open and moved the flaps to exit, the bucket tipped, pouring the contents of cold water all over her.

How the hell do you do this in a pop up tent? Have you ever been even camping? Tents, are small, and I’m pretty sure that most tents you will notice as you try to unzip them that there is a bucket above it. Besides, you unzip the tent, then go in, not go in while you unzip. Therefore your logic fails me.

A squeal of terror leapt from her throat, as she stood still, drenched in water. It ran through her hair and down her face, soaking into the white t-shirt. His eyes were already drawn to the wet t-shirt, giving little imagination of what lay underneath, his pupils dilated as his eyes widened with obvious approval. Beckett whimpered as she began to tremble from the cold. It was like ice water.

And what, is she camping without a bra? Wow. Obviously you’ve never been hiking/camping before. Sports bra’s are your friend, but I’m guessing you don’t have anything on your chest to have to worry about and therefore don’t know what a bra does for a body. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Chick and the Surfer part 5


Our La Quinta Inn story is coming to an end. I’m sad. Really, I’m heartbroken. Now how am I going to get a free night stay and breakfast while on vacation? I’m going to warn you though, this one is sappy and double clichéd. You have been forewarned

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

Epilogue: Better Than Expected

We can debate on this.

-Five years later, 2004-

Wow, did we hop into a DeLorean and crank up Mr. Fusion and the Flux Capacitor and go back in time?

As Kate wrapped work for the day at her gallery, she reflected on how much her life has changed. It had turned out better than Kate had expected.

Wow, did she finally get rid of those bedbugs she caught while staying in the La Quinta Inn?

Before she introduced Rick to her parents, she wasn’t sure what they would think of him.

Probably that he was a lazy bum.

However, it was the opposite. Both Johanna and Jim had approved him right away, which was a bit unexpected. In the past Jim had been the one to glance a weary look at most of Kate’s past boyfriends.

Wow, did the body snatchers get her parents?

After telling them about her plans, they knew their little girl had grown up and it was best to let her explore life on her own.

Awww how cute of her parents.

Once Kate had packed what she needed, exchanged tearful goodbyes with Lanie and Madison promising to keep in touch, she and Rick headed back to California. Everything went according to plan and they were taking the relationship slowly, not wanting to screw up what they have.

Let me guess they drove back from New York to California in a rusted VW Beatle?

They had settled into a routine and a friend of Rick’s uncle, Marissa Rocké, hired Kate as her assistant at an art gallery nearby.

What kind of last name is Rocké? Did they add the accent after the movie Rocky?

Then three months into the arrangement, life happened; she became pregnant.

Of course because KBecks doesn’t know what birth control is. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Chick and the Surfer part 4


Wow this is a fic that we haven’t seen in a while! I was surprised to see it pop up on the fanfic radar. I figured it was a DOA fic. I guess it still has a little bit of life left in it. And look! La Quinta Inn is getting more free advertisement on my blog! I demand my complimentary breakfast buffet at Dennys.

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

Next morning the sun rays shone through the shades waking Kate up first.

Oooh whose bed is she waking up in?

Last night had been steamy, beyond anything Kate would have imagined.

I’m guessing we aren’t at the La Quinta in right now.

Whilst

Why the frak do authors use “whilst?” What’s wrong with the word while?

watching Rick, she thought last night was incredible. His muscular arms are so dreamy and the way he moved his hands…wow! Who knew he was talented in so many ways?

I hope you wore protection because if he’s talented in so many ways then that might mean he’s also diseased in so many ways too.

She continued to watch him sleep. However, it wasn’t long before Rick awoke.

I have creepy stalker visions of her watching him sleep.

“Good morning sugar.”

Yes, we just met and had sex and now you want to call me sugar. Sure! Why not, Honey Bunny!

“Good morning to you too handsome.”

I feel like puking.

“Last night was…” began Kate but Rick finished the sentence.

“…Incredible.”

Puke bag please!

The two of them lay there in bed, Rick contentedly holding Kate in his arms.

-x-

Over the next several days, it seems the two of them became even closer since consummating their relationship.

Wow I feel sorry for the La Quinta maids who have to clean the bed after those two.

She would visit him when he was at work and they would spend as much time together as possible and getting to know each other.

Technically does he even work?

If they weren’t able to meet up then, he would tell her the best places for her and her friends to visit; however, nothing came close to the San Francisco trip they took.

I’m sure her parents would so approve of her taking along the guy she just slept to San Francisco on the trip they are paying for.

After having a fun filled three-week adventure in California, it was time for Kate, Lanie, and Madison to head back to New York.

So sad, too bad.

Two nights before they left, Kate (aside from packing) spent all of her remaining time with Rick.

Once again, poor maid staff.

The two of them were sitting quietly at his place, cuddling and enjoying each other’s presence.

Gag.

Then out of nowhere, Rick gathered up his courage to ask one of many important questions.

“Do you have any STD’s?”

“Kate, my love, please move in with me?”

Wow! That’s smart, let’s move in with the guy we just met! And to think I thought at least dating for more than a week was needed to move in with someone.

Kate lifted her head and looked at him unable to say anything.

“But I haven’t had the time to run a proper credit check on you…”

When she was able to say something she said, “I don’t know. This is kind of sudden.”

“Or a STD test.”

Rick nodded; he understood; this was a big step for the both of them.

Or he needed to get a refill on that penicillin test.

“I would have to move away from the life I know in New York, and away from my parents and…”

Rick placed his right index finger on Kate’s lips and he said, “Shh, okay how about you go back and pack enough stuff for a few months say six, if our relationship does not work then you can return to New York.”

Wow, since when did a few months become six?

Kate was bowled over.

Glad she’s not a bowling pin.

Here was the sweetest and most handsome guy giving her an offer she couldn’t bear to turn down.

It’s really easy, you say: “NO!” Or: “Why don’t you come stay with me?”

“Okay, I accept. I was wondering if you would like come with me to meet my parents?” asked Kate.

“Mom, Dad! This is the guy that gave me that STD!”

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