Category Archives: Drunk

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives Part 2


Happy Birthday BadCastleFic readers! Today is our 1 year birthday! Wow year goes by quickly doesn’t it? Since I started this blog showcasing bad fanfic in the Castle fandom, Castle was a wee bit smaller of a community with a so so amount of fanfic. Since then, it’s seems to have jumped leaps and bounds. Yet with all the new fanfic we get, we also seem to get the bad fanfic. Thus meaning I get to keep my blogging job that pays jack squat! YAY! Now onward to the fic, where we will continue to read the horrifying Dancing with the Detectives. Word of warning, I am mocking this between commercials for Fringe and I’m a wee bit drunk.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A


Hey guys! just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the subscriptions and the reviews! and i just wanted to give another chapter! the next is on the way! thanks for all of your love! i love you all too!

Oh I love you too, but only that sort of love a person feels when they find a golden nugget and want to tell the world about what they found.

~red

The next morning Beckett woke up to her alarm clocks radio.

Wow, how many clocks does she have since she has clocks radio?

The song that 93Q

Okay, are we name dropping a real radio station in LA or is this your favorite radio station that you listen to in small town America.

was playing was “tonight tonight”, by Rascal Flatts.

Okay, random name dropping of a country band.

She smiled as she realized one of her favorite songs was playing,

Of course it was her favorite song…oh I mean the authors favorite song.

and she got up, ready for the looked at her apartment

Ready for the looked at her apartment? What, is her Apartment a fashionista nazi who wants to show off their awesome fashion skills.

one more time, before taking her heavy luggage down the stairs.

Oh so we are stuck in New York. I wonder if she lives in Down Town, NY? That could only explain why her apartment is a fashionista.

She flung the heavy suitcase in the trunk, and drove off to the precinct to see her friends one last time before she headed off to the city of dreams.

Yes, because that’s what we all do is visit our coworkers one last time before we go on vacation. Duh.

She knew she would see them the night of the show,

So are they flying to LA every Monday? Wow that’s expensive. Must be that huge salary they make in Down Town, NY.

and almost every show if a big murder case didn’t come up, but she knew she would miss them for the month that they would be training for.

Wow, that was an epically long run on sentence with way too much information.

She parked the car in the parking garage and saw castles car.

I hope it’s a bouncy castle car since it obviously can’t be Castle’s car since it isn’t capitalized.

Something looked different about it, but she ignored it and strode to the elevators. The doors opened a minute later and she saw castle at her desk with 3 boxes of doughnuts, freshly brewed coffee for everyone, and lots of detectives flooding around the desk like a sea of cops.

Wow a sea of cops. I wonder if they all have blue on and do the wave.

She saw in the crowd Esposito and Ryan and Lanie.

Do I dare ask why she is hanging out at the precinct and not at the morgue, which isn’t at the precinct.

She saw Montgomery walking towards her and she smiled.

Oh goodie, this is a fic with Montgomery being the loving daddy figure for Beckett.

He cane and gave her a hug

So he caned her and gave her a hug? Worst torturer ever.

before pulling back and saying, “oh Beckett, I never thought I would have seen you dancing!

Wells he does perform at the strip joint every other Friday night. I’m sure she’d let you get in free. Just make sure to tip her with some nice new ones.

Now your a singing, dancing cop!

Oh boy! A singing dancing cop! I sense a remake of Cop Rock. I’m sure Fox will pick it up and air it after Glee. It’ll be a great way for the when the Glee kids get old to continue singing and being dramafied. Oh and you used the wrong your, but that wasn’t a surprise.

Oh I’m SO going to have to twitter this!”

Wait, so Montgomery is going to twitter that she’s a singing cop? What?

he whipped out his phone and started typing. She rolled her eyes and said, “oh captain, are you sure castle isnt rubbing off on you?”

Wow, that is the utmost worst characterization of the Captain I have ever read. I sure hope Rubin Santiago-Hudson smacks you on the back of the head.

he laughed and put his phone away and looked at her one more time, smiling warmly. “can’t wait to see you on the dance floor in a month!” and he strode off towards the elevators.

Why is she getting a month to prepare? Don’t they normally get two weeks or so to prepare?

she started towards the desk, and just then Ryan noticed who was heading their was,

So how could Ryan be heading their when he can’t posses heading somewhere.

and with a mouth full of doughnut holes he said “HEY! ITS BECKETT!”

So is Beckett the new Norm? Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: A Christmas Carol Castle Style


I am going to warn you, this one is HORRIBLE! It’s beyond horrible. I don’t even think a gallon of brain bleach will make this one disappear from my brain. You have been forewarned. Do not keep any guns or knives around you while you read this, otherwise you may want to end your life early.

Stats: A Christmas Carol Castle Style Author: Csinypsychrocks10 Summary: my version of a Christmas carol with a castle twist! and for the reader that read my story i didnt add my other character in this story. Rating: K+

 

A Christmas carol Castle style.

Castle and Beckett have a huge fight right before Christmas.

Aw. Poor Castle and Beckett, now they are only going to get coal under their Christmas tree.

Christmas for Kate Beckett will never be the same for her ever again”

Wow, all because she has a fight with Castle? And what’s up with the random quotation mark at the end? Please tell me this isn’t a sign of things to come.

“YOU KNOW WHAT?”

NO WHAT? Is it that you’re an idiot who can’t figure out how to type a story without using all capitals? Even my Grandma who is in her 90’s knows that using all capitals means you are ignorant, uneducated, and just plain rude because your screaming!

“LANEY WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU HOLD EVERY SINGLE LITTLE EMOTION INSIDE”

Wait, who is exactly talking? I have no fraking clue what the sam hill is going on in this story. Is this someone yelling at a brick wall? Could be since obviously the author was too busy having her characters scream at each other to let us know what the heck is going on in this retched story.

“SO?”

I know you are but what am I?

“THAT YOUR PROBLEM KATE YOU WONT LET ANYBODY IN YOU KEEP YOURSELF SO SHELTERED AFRAID THAT YOU MIGHT GET HURT BY SOMEBODY”

You know what the authors problem is? Their problem is they can’t have a normal story that won’t confuse the hell out the readers, let alone use commas, periods or exclamation marks.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I WISH YOU WERENT MY PARTNER THINGS WERE A LOT SIMPLIER WHEN I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT SOMEBODY ELSE OR TELLING SOMEONE TO STAY IN THE CAR STAY BEHIND ME”

Where is my letter opener? There is an author that is just begging for me to stab them with it so they can feel the pain I am feeling right now just reading this piece of steaming crap. And technically, all she has to do is tell Castle to not come back, we all know it worked one time, it will work again. No need for screaming.

“WELL IM SORRY MAYBE I JUST LEAVE AND I WONT COME BACK”

Good and while you are at it Castle, take this piece of crapfic with you and throw it in the garbage.

“GREAT”

“FINE”

“FINE”

Please tell me this is almost over.

CASTLE PICKS UP HIS JACKET AND WALKS OUT OF THE PRECINET KATE SITS DOWN HER DESK STILL FUMMING.

Really? Your continuing the capital letters when it isn’t dialogue? I sure hope for your sake that the caps lock got stuck and you couldn’t get it unstuck and just had to write this before your addled brain forgot what you dreamed up. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Forgot part 3


Just when you think this fic is dead, it comes back bucking. To recap, Beckett gets herself piss drunk at a bar, meets a guy who drugs her, she tries to escape and calls Castle and he tries to rescue her. Remember now? Dontcha wish you could forget?

Stats:  Title: Forget Author: caskett4eva Summary: Set after season 2 finale. Beckett goes to a club to make herself feel better, but a guy she meets spikes her drink. She calls Castle for help whilst trying to get away from him. Can Castle somehow get to her before something happens to her? Rating: T

Here’s the next chapter.

Is it a lot to ask for that I was hoping this fic was just going to die? I guess I’m not that lucky.

“No.. No” she kept mumbling.

No…no. I wish the author would learn the proper way of using the period.

Then everything went black. But she only blacked out for a minute or two because she woke up in the alley.

Wow! I hate it when I black out for three minutes, that’s the worst!

When her eyes finally focused she noticed that the guy was straddling her and he was holding a knife

“Get off me” she said

Wow, that would be more effective if you used punctuation marks. And isn’t she drunk and drugged?

“No” he replied. “I’m going to have some.. fun with you first” he smirked

Dude! Seriously! Learn how to use the frakin period!

Then, with one hand holding her hands above her head, he used the knife to cut down her dress, but he only made a small cut when she starting yelling out.

Wait, he cut down her dress with a small cut? How skimpy of a dress is she wearing?

“Get off me you son of a-” he cut her off by slashing the knife on her arm. Beckett screamed out in pain.

Because he wanted to cut more but her dress was so skimpy that he decided to continue on her arm?

The cut was pretty deep and if she didn’t get some help soon, she’d probably end up bleeding to death.

From a cut on her arm? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Forget part 2


I would love to say that this next chapter of Forget adds a whole bunch of plot to the story, but it doesn’t. This chapter is basically just a recap with Castle’s POV. Aren’t we so lucky? I’ve always wanted to know what Castle POV is.

Stats:  Title: Forget Author: caskett4eva Summary: Set after season 2 finale. Beckett goes to a club to make herself feel better, but a guy she meets spikes her drink. She calls Castle for help whilst trying to get away from him. Can Castle somehow get to her before something happens to her? Rating: T


Castle was sitting in his office thinking.

And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain

He regretted asking his ex wife if she wanted to go to the Hampton. He realised his mistake as soon as they left the precinct.

That he too needed to pee too?

All she talked about was spending his money, and after a fight they had, she admitted why she accepted his invitation.

So she could make him finish his book and then spend his money?

So Castle decided to stay home for the summer.

Of course he did.

He’d just stay in his office. Beckett had Demming now. She didn’t want to see him again.

Yup, that’s right. She has the hot Demming now to spar with.

A few hours later his cell phone began to vibrate. He looked at the caller ID. It was Beckett. Maybe she wanted him back?

Nope, she’s just drunk dialing you. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Forget Part 1


Hello boys and girls! This is BCF here and I have a fic that’s perfect for the Monday schedule. Surprisingly it’s not a PedoBear fic, and doesn’t need to have the Lemon warning. Remember last week with the reusing of the condoms? Well this fic has the Salmon Dance, and Jaeger Bombs! Oh and yes, the beginning was an homage to The Salmon Dance. Sure it sucked, but how many of you can say you are cool enough to know about the Salmon Dance?

Stats: Title: Forget Author: caskett4eva Summary: Set after season 2 finale. Beckett goes to a club to make herself feel better, but a guy she meets spikes her drink. She calls Castle for help whilst trying to get away from him. Can Castle somehow get to her before something happens to her? Rating: T

Ok, so this idea randomly came to me. Hope you enjoy it.

This scares me that it just came to you one day.

Its a two-shot but it may go longer. Depends if people like it or not. Thanks.

Please only be a two-shot. PLEASE!

Beckett watched as he walked away, arm in arm with his ex wife. She couldn’t believe it. She opened her heart to him and he just threw it back in her face.

Technically she didn’t. I seem to remember her starting to say something about being hard to work with and then the ex wife walked in and she just said see you in the fall. Hardly call saying “see you in the fall,” as opening up your heart to someone.

Just then, a sudden fury came over Beckett. She was pissed.

Maybe she should just go to the bathroom and shed a tear. Wow, I just worked in a Warehouse 13 reference in a Castle Fanfic mock. Kudos to me!

Beckett heard a door creak open and she saw Lanie coming out, with a sympathetic look on her face.

“Kate-” she began but was cut off.

“No” she half yelled. “I don’t want to hear it” she said harshly

Then she grabbed her keys from her desk and just walked off.

She must really have to pee.

She wasn’t sure where she was going to go, but she didn’t care. Beckett just wanted to forget.

She drove for ages, losing track of time.

Wow she must be in Arkansas by now. Read the rest of this entry

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