Category Archives: grammar

Mock the Fic: Castle’s new Daughter


Just remember when you read this fic, Pedobear is watching you. Don’t worry, he doesn’t judge. I love how someone commented on everything I ranted about in their review of this fic. It’s horrible. The spelling is bad, research is nonexistent, and why isn’t Detective Beckett arresting the boyfriend teacher? At least this author could read the plea I wrote to all fanfic writers when it comes to writing a story that doesn’t take place in their native country.

Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T

The calm before the storm.

It’s been calm for way too long.

I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.
The song that helped me write this Always. By bon jovi.

They should sue.

Chapter 2 one month later

Wow that month went by so quickly.

Diary entries from Emily.

Goodie.

Dear Diary,

Today was a craptacular day. My parents are dead, a random book writer adopted me, and my teacher is having sex with me.

I woke up screaming again tonight and once again Alexis comforted me,

I’m surprised she didn’t try to quiet you with a pillow shoved against your mouth.

I love Alexis, she’s really nice.

So you love her because she’s nice? Really? My coworker is nice but it doesn’t mean I love him. Wow if I loved everyone who was nice than love would have no meaning. Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 10


Wow, did hell freeze over? I think this author is actually using a beta reader. Too bad the beta reader doesn’t get rid of the creepiness of this fic and how out of characters the characters are acting. This one is a short piece and didn’t give me much to mock. But alas, I can’t skip a single chapter of this atrocious fic. This one is mildly lemon flavored but not enough to make you want to throw up.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Kate had just eased into the tub when she heard Rick knock at the door.

Is this all she does is take baths?

She chuckled as she told him to come in.

And she is laughing why?

He held a book under one arm, her medicine and a glass of water in his hands.

Wow, a glass of water while in a bath. How romantic. At least he could bring her a Champagne glass of ginger ale.

She raised up to take the glass from him and heard him sigh as he watched the patch of bubbles slowly slide down her chest.

A sigh? Really?

A smile crept upon her lips and she sat up straighter just to mess with him a little more.

Anyone else embarrassed that we are reading this fic? Yeah, so am I.

“Good lord woman…” Rick growled as he handed her the pills and water. “If you don’t want company in there, you better take this and let me go.”

Last I checked, she didn’t have you handcuffed to the toilet, forcing you to endure her long torturous bath.

She quickly downed her medicine and handed him back the empty glass. “We can’t have that, not with your mother and daughter in the next room, so just hand me the book and go.”

No we can’t have that, especially when your readers are reading this.

Rick gave her his sad face as he handed the book to her. “Don’t you want me to read to you?”

Only when its books on tapes.

“Castle, I just finished reading this book for the third time right before I had my accident.” Kate told him when she noticed the book he had brought her was none other than ‘Naked Heat’.

Wow, reading it three times and yet she still acted out of character and slutty. Wow, I guess she must have sucked in school when it came to book reports.

“That explains a lot about your actions the past couple days then.”

No, it doesn’t. She was slutty and last time I read Naked Heat, Nikki Heat wasn’t slutty.

He knelt down and leaned into her face,

Talk about invading a personal bubble.

his hand played with the bubbles that floated near her breast. “You had just read the ending, where Nikki comes home to her apartment and finds Rook sitting at the dinning table working on his article.”

Dining room table. I have no clue what a dinning is. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 9


I can safely say, no smut in this chapter. The angels are singing ‘Hallelujah!’ And the only lemons nearby is the cold glass of lemonade I am drinking. Lets enjoy this fluffy chapter as it is what it is.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***OK, I am now looking for a Beta Reader. I would prefer to have someone that watches both Bones and Castle so if anyone is interested or knows someone that would be willing to help, please let me know. Sorry for the delay in updating, but I just couldn’t find the time to write.

Now? You wait till now to get a beta reader? Really? And you don’t need someone who watches Bones and Castle to beta read, unless that means you are adding Bones to the fic. Oh crap, you are, aren’t you?

It was getting late in the evening when Rick pulled Kate closer to him and began nibbling her neck. “So, I’ve been thinking… we should throw a big party and announce to everyone that we are in love and..”

Normally you don’t do this unless you are engaged. Seriously, Hallmark doesn’t make a “Finally we had sex!” invitation.

“No way Castle, that’s not gonna happen.”

Hallmark also doesn’t make a “Congratulations on finally hooking up!” card ether.

Rick pulled his lips away from her skin to give her his hurt look. “How about a little party?”

No, trust me, that’s in bad taste.

“How about this… we sneak home tonight, inform your mother and Alexis about the change in our relationship, and take things from there.”

How about we pretend nothing happened and just go from there?

Like a man on a mission, Rick quickly stood up and began dressing. “Get a move on Detective, we have a long drive ahead of us.”

Wow, that’s some way to kick a girl out of your bed.

They were packed and headed out the door before it even got dark out.

Did they even sleep last night or just have sex? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 8


Normally I do an opener to the fic to help set the tone. But alas I will let the Authors opener suffice and mock hers. Oh and this one is very lemony flavored too.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

****Some people may say that my spelling sucks,

I do say that.

I have no understanding of grammer,

Obviously since you can’t even spell grammar right.

and my characters may not be portrayed they way they think they should be,

And by the way they think they should she means the creator, writers, and actors of the show.

well then, I say ‘boo-hoo’, don’t read my stories.

Wow what a novel idea! If things worked that way I would be without a job.

I am not even trying to pretend to be a writer, I only do this for fun as I have stated before.

Thank-God you aren’t doing this for the money, otherwise you would be piss poor broke.

Another thing I would like to say is, one good review means more to me than twenty bad ones.

Good positive thinking!

To everyone that has let me know how much they enjoy my stories, by leaving a review or adding an alert, even those of you that didn’t take the time to do either, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Wow, just a little comma happy?

“Listen to this one from Eposito.”

Eposito? Really if you can’t spell the name of one of the main characters on the show, then maybe writing Castle fanfic isn’t working out the best for you.

Rick chuckled as he read the text aloud.

I would laugh too if I misspelled my friend’s name.

“Bro, don’t hold out on us. How much ‘Heat’ was there last night?”

That is way too much info to ask about one’s boss in bed. Yeah, not something I would want to know is how my boss was in bed last night.

“Most of mine are just the ‘Glad you’re ok, see you soon.’ kind of thing.”

How many people do you now that would text you that?

Kate said as she scrolled through her messages. She smiled and shook her head as she opened the first one from Lanie.

“She packed you a sexy nighty?” Rick raised an eyebrow as he leaned in closer to read the rest of the message.

Something is really wrong with this friendship. If my friend packed me lingerie after I was in a hit and run instead of yoga pants and sweats, then we would be having a talk about our friendship.

“Castle! Stop reading over my shoulder!”

“Read them to me then.” He pouted and leaned back against the headboard with his arms crossed over his chest.

Yes, please read them to me in that sexy voice.

“Fine, you big baby.” Kate scooted in between Ricks legs and leaned back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her and listened as she read off the rest of the messages.

Really? I never read my boyfriend my text messages, and trust me I didn’t have anything that he couldn’t read himself.

‘-Call me ASAP!’

How romantic.

‘-Answer your phone!’

Nothing says let’s have sex like ‘answer your phone!’

‘-Are you feeling better today?’ Kate turned her head and spoke softly. “That last one was from Josh.”

Buzz kill.

Rick groaned and closed his eyes. “Are you going to reply?”

Sure, why not?

Kate thought for a moment then typed out a short but meaningful message to Josh.

See now did that hurt anyone?

‘-A little sore and tired, but Castle is taking great care of me.’

She smiled up at Rick and let him read what she wrote before she hit send. “We should send something like that to the rest of the gang.” Rick said as he began pressing buttons on his phone.

Trust me, your friends and family don’t want naked pictures of you two on their phones. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 7


I am just going to warn all my readers, this is bad bad bad bad bad smut. No not the bad smut that leaves you all hot and bothered, not his is the bad kind that makes you want to take a shower to get all the grime off and feel clean again.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Sorry for the delay, but I was sick all weekend. I rushed through this as fast as I could, don’t know if it will be up to the standards of the previous chapters.

No matter how anxious your fans are, I’m sure they can be patient and wait till you feel better so you can actually write quality work.

Let me know if I let you down, I can handle it. I think..

Let’s be honest, you let me down with the first chapter.

“Kate?” Rick shouted as he jumped off the bed. Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, he turned his back to her and looked around the room for something to cover himself with.

Please tell me Jr. isn’t bouncing around as he jumps around in his room.

He had went to bed last night in only boxers and they did very little to hide his current state of arousal.

Tenting?

“What..when..how..I’m sorry Kate..please don’t be mad at me..” Rick stammered as he paced the bedroom floor, finally locating a robe and wrapped it tightly around his body.

Surprise! You’re on Candid Camera! Oh wait, that show is way older and not around when you were born, so I guess I should say, you’ve been punked!

“Rick..” Kate whispered as she held out a hand to him. “Come here.”

Why isn’t she dying from laughter? I would be in this situation.

He made his way to the bedside and sat beside her, refusing to look at her as she spoke to him.

Shame will do that to a person.

He felt like he had taken advantage of her, and embarrassed for what she had witnessed earlier in the shower, he couldn’t bring himself to look in her eyes as she caressed his hand.

“I remember.” She whispered as she squeezed his hand, “I remember everything.”

Awkward! Hell I feel awkward for just reading this situation.

Kate touched her hand to his face as she continued, ” And, I should be the one apologizing to you. ”

Because I let me inner drunk slutty girl get the best of me and control my every moves? And I’m no expert but I seriously don’t think that when you

“Kate,” Rick whispered as he finally looked at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were confused…I’m the one who took advantage of the situation, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”

Oh I need a barf bag.

Kate leaned into him and brushed her lips over his. “You didn’t do anything I didn’t want yo to do.”

Yo yo yo C-Dawg.

She chuckled then added, “Actually, you did do something I didn’t want you to do…you stopped.”

I really am fighting the urge to beat my head on the desk.

Her lips found his again and she moaned into his mouth as she removed the belt from his robe.

Let me go update my virus protection software.

Rick grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap as their tongues began to duel. ‘Nikki Heat has nothing on Kate Beckett’, Rick thought as his hands worked their way under her t-shirt. Kate was grinding against him, ravishing his neck as she slid his robe off.

I about died from laughing how Nikki Heat has nothing on Kate Beckett. They are the same person! Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I Am Nikki Heat Chapter 6


I love the drama this website brings. Enough said, now on to the mock!


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Short little update but I figure it’s best to give you guys something to remeber me by

Oh trust me, your shitty spelling is enough for me to not forget who you are.

everyday instead of longer chapters once a week. Also, the death threats are beginning to worry me 😦

Finally my readers are taking action.

Just kidding.. I love you all. Everyone who has read and secretly enjoyed or hated and especially those who leave reviews or add alerts..LUV YUNS ALL BUNCHES!

Love you too!

“Shit!”

Trust me, we all say this when your fic updates each day.

He screamed as he jumped to the furthest corner of the shower trying to hide his nudity and grabbed a towel to cover himself up.

Well it’s a little too late for that now don’t you think?

He walked out of the shower, turned off the water and looked at her. “How long have you been in here?”

Way too long.

“Long enough to hear you call out another womans name while you jerked off.”

Awkward.

She glared at him, awaiting an explination.

I would like an explanation on why you can’t spell.

“Are you cheating on me, Rook?”

Yes, yes he is.

“Never, baby.”

Why would Castle call her Baby?

He promised as he hugged her to him.

Isn’t he wet and naked?

“I could never be with another woman. You have my heart and soul, always.”

And my wet dick on your shorts.

Kate pushed against his chest and shook her head back and forth like trying to wake from a dream or something. “…Always…”

AHHHHHHHHHHH! Stop with the multiple periods. Please. I beg you!

She looked into his eyes as she spoke the one word that her and Rick repeated so many times to each other over the past year and he saw her confusion. He didn’t know if she had repeated ‘always’ because she was looking for reassurance of his faithfulness, or was she remembering something…

Something that was said once, in one episode. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 5


I am going to warn you, you are about to read bad smut. Not bad in the good way of makes you feel a bit naughty for reading, no this is bad enough you wish a nun would smack your knuckles and hand you a glass of bleach to forget you read it. You have been forewarned. I’ve also been notified that the author has been told that her precious fic is being mocked. Meh. Bring on the Drama Llamas.


Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

 


***See, I told you I wouldn’t leave you hanging long. Hopefully this chapter makes up for the cliffy I left yesterday.
Read at your own risk, this is a pretty steamy one 🙂

Let me make sure to open up my windows and let the steam out.

Rick made his way over to her and reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I want to be with you more than you know.”

Too bad she’s not the person he wants to be with.

Kate slowly raised her head to look at him. “Then why did you stop?”

Hmm, let’s think about this for a moment. You have a mental problem that should have you institutionalized or at least under doctor supervision.

“I promised I would never hurt you in any way and you are injured right now so..we need to wait.. you need to eat, take your medicine, and rest.”

And this author needs to learn that it’s three periods not two and you don’t get to use them in place of a comma. Ellipsis are used to show you omitted words, or to shorten a quote, but be cautious that it doesn’t change the meaning of said quote. From what I can tell you did not omit words, you are just omitting a comma. Now grant it be it has an informal use according to Chicago Manual of Style says you can use ellipsis as a way to pause in emails. Considering this isn’t an email, then you shouldn’t be using it. It’s not a proper way to write and makes you look ignorant. So unless you are emailing, or I’ll even accept it if you are tweeting, then use the comma instead. Also, remember that ellipsis consist of three periods, not two, not four, not as many as you want. It’s three. If anyone learns anything from my website, I hope it’s how to use an ellipsis correctly. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 3


I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend. How about we celebrate with a mock of this horrid story that just keeps churning out new chapters. Sometimes job security isn’t a good thing.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

Rick hardly slept at all that night.

Could it be because a hospital bed is not made for two?

He had tried several times to ease out of the bed,

Probably a little hard to do so because you two are packed in like sardines.

but every time he did, Kate would tighten her hold on him and nuzzle in closer.

Yes because that is so very Nikki Heat like.

So he lay there holding her like he had dreamed of doing for years, only she wasn’t his..she was hurt..and she was confused.

And acting like a whiny whore.

As the hours passed, he tried to figure out what he was going to do.

Go into hiding? Tell her the truth?

What exactly does this fantasy world she’s living in right now consist of?

Being fourteen and a whore. It’s every Detectives dream of escaping their normal duties to become a fourteen-year old whore.

Will she also remember her co-workers and family as their fictional characters in his books? Should he keep allowing her to kiss him? How long could he resist her?

How long is this going to continue before I want to drink bleach?

A thousand questions raced through his mind and very few answers.

Just like this story, thousands of things happening, nothing worth reading.

As dawn approached, Rick felt his cell phone vibrate. He had a message from Lanie.

Who need to smack some sense into him.

– n the lobby.
-esplainie:)

Breathe. Breathe. I will not kill someone. And really, who uses signatures on text messages other than twelve-year olds? That’s valuable characters being used I could normally use in said message.

He hit the call button for the nurse and sent Lanie a reply.

Okay the call button for the nurse is not going to call Lanie, unless she is said nurse.

-give me a sec..btw, luv ur sig
-Castle-

Really, no one uses signatures on their text messages. And really, Castle is an award winning aclaimed author, he is’t going to type a text message like a ten-year old.

The nurse came in and Rick informed her that he needed to go downstairs.

To which the nurse replies, “Finally, I was about to call security and have you escorted out of here.”

She nodded her understanding and made her way to the opposite side of the bed. As Rick eased out from under Kate’s arm, the nurse held onto it as if checking her pulse.

Um, that’s what the finger thing they put on your finger is for. Trust me, I’ve been in the hospital, I know.

Kate rolled towards her and Rick quietly exited the room.

Rolled towards her? What? Please tell me this is a Rick Roll. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: I am Nikki Heat Chapter 2


Wow this fic just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger. More out of characters, more cheese than a can of Easy-Cheese, and more two period sentences than you can shake a stick at.

Title: I’m Nikki Heat Author:4evercaskett Summary: Kate gets hurt and is a little confused about who she is. Rating: M

***Thanks to everyone who reads. A special thanks to all those who add alerts or leave reviews. You guys make my day! 🙂

You know, I read those said reviews and I really want to smack people for not having any taste.

“Easy now..

What the hell is with you and the two periods. No don’t even try and think you know what you are doing because you don’t have a clue how to write. I really have to force myself to put my red ink pen of doom down and not circle things on my monitor.

we don’t want to set off your alarms.” Rick laughed as he pulled away from her soft lips.

I’m mildly disturbed that he’s letting this go on like he is in this fic. This is creepy, and just wrong and embarrassing.

“Rook, I was so scared..”

What is your address? I am sending you a copy of Grammar For Dummies so you can learn to stop this fanatical use of two periods.

She admitted as she held him close to her. “I remember hearing tires squeal and being hit..then, all I saw was darkness. It’s like I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up.”

And OMG it was dark inside my head and I didn’t know what to do and I think I broke a nail.

“Sshh..It’s over now.”

Where is my blood pressure medicine. This is about to kill me with the two periods.

Rick tried to console her. “I’m here and you’re going to be ok. Just try to get some rest.”

Kate pulled the covers back and scooted over, making room for him.

And to go with the Grammar for Dummies
book I am also going to give you a copy of Heat Wave and Naked Heat so you can learn how to characterize the characters.

“I..uh..I need to go check on something real quick. I’ll be right back.” Rick stammered out an excuse to avoid getting into bed with her right now.

“Don’t be too long Jamie..” She yawned out and then closed her eyes.

Why oh why is Kate Beckett acting like someone from the Hills? Why? Hell I don’t think they act this annoying.

‘Thank you.’ Rick mouthed up to the heavens as he witnessed her quickly fall asleep.

Let’s hang a lantern on it why don’t we.

He ran his hand over his messed up hair and headed down to the waiting room. Wouldn’t you know it, the first person he ran into was Josh.

But of course.

He was pacing the floor outside the waiting room as Rick approached him.

Yes because that’s what ever cardiologist do when they are off duty.

“Josh..” the writer began, “I am so sorry that she doesn’t remember you right now and I want you to know that I will not be taking advantage of this situation..I mean, after all..she is your girlfriend, not mine.

Well if that isn’t a lie bundle up in crispy bacon. We all saw the rating was M, we know sex will be had while she thinks she’s Nikki Heat.

She will remember soon..how much she..uhm cares for you.” He nearly choked on that last part.

And then he ran off bawling his eyes out.

‘Did he not know they had broken up nearly two months ago…Had Kate not told him?’ Josh lowered his head and mumbled. “Thanks man!”

Why does Josh’s internal monologue sound like a girl?

“Castle!” Ryan called out as he made hisway

Not thereway?  Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The girl with the green eyes


Wanted, someone who can translate this fic and make heads or tails of what is actually happening. Trust me, it’s a hard task that not everyone is cut out for. This fic made me weep and wish the rapture had come so I wouldn’t have had to read this fic. Really, you know it’s going to be bad when the author can’t even spell the main characters name correctly in the summary.

Title: The girl with the green eyes Author: TakeThatCuteness Summary: what happens when castles holding kates hand waiting for her to wake up from being shot, and a mysterius girl with green eyes apears in the hospital room how will castle take the story behind kate bekett? spoilers for the final. Rating: K

i do not own castle

And that is something we can all be thankful for.

Chapter one: The Death and Reunion.

I hope that the term reunion means a Zombie Montgomery coming back to eat brains.

Kate was ready for the day ahead of her working on papers at the office, with Rick castle studying her, he did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone.

What? He did not need to watch her do paper work but he insisted on the phone? First, please capitalize Castle. I don’t know why here lately it’s so hard for fanfic authors to capitalize Castle’s name. Second, I have no clue what the hell is going on, let alone what time it is in the timeline. And I’m confused, where is she even at, home?

She pulled on her white shirt and blazer and headed out the door.

Well thankfully she didn’t walk out of the house naked.

The Rain was beating heavily against the pavement as Kate pulled out her umbrella and headed for the door,

I thought she was already out the door. How many doors does she have to go out?

pushing it open she stepped into the elavator

Elevator you spell check moron.

shakeing of raindrops from her umberella and pressing the button to the second floor.

It’s not hard to use spell check. Trust me, if you are too lazy to right click over the squiggly line, you can always hit the F7 button. It’s up on the top of your keyboard.

The Elavator door opend

Oh come on, it’s not hard to spell “opened.”

and she noticed Castle at his usual chair beside her desk, he looked upset and looking at the walked over to him

That makes no sense! “Looking at the walked over to him.” What the hell kind of sentence is this? I’m pretty sure my dog could write a better sentence. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle


YAY These just keep coming and coming. I think it’s self explanatory when I say it’s a season three finale fic, again. This one was written by a 14 year old who really needs to pay more attention in class than writing fanfic. Someone needs to write to Fanfiction.net and ask to implement a higher age restriction. I’m thinking at least 16 or older.

Stats: Title:Katherine Beckett and Richard Castle Author:FlyingHighAboveTheOceanSummary: Really bad but I don’t care. Spoiler for 3×24. Rating: K+

You know it’s bad when the author tells you it’s bad in the summary. Wow. What little faith the author has for their own work.

Two weeks.

Two days.

Two weeks since

Two days since the episode aired and you are already butchering it.

Katherine Josephine Beckett

That’s a new middle name.

was shot while speaking at the funeral of the man who died to save her. Katherine Beckett was still sick to her stomach.

Could that be because she got shot in the stomach?

She could barely eat or move.

Probably not the best when you had a bullet rip it to shreds.

The bullet that hit her two weeks ago went in right below her rib cage.

In other words, stomach.

As of right now, Katherine Beckett was staring off in space as her boyfriend went on about when he was in Haiti.

I thought he didn’t go. Did I miss something?

She didn’t care. If it wasn’t for the fact that she could barely utter a word, she would break up with him.

Because that’s what ever sane girl does after they’ve been shot. Break up with their boyfriends.

Kate took the pad of paper off of the nightstand and the pen next to it. She quickly scribbled out a note.

Painkillers?

‘Were over, leave please.’

I sure hope that’s the painkillers talking and not the education status of the author.

She turned it around for Josh to see. He quickly rushed out of the room.

Crying his eyes out instead of patting her on the head and telling her he would get her more drugs?

Kate sighed and rested her head back on the pillow. Her world soon became fully blackened by sleep.

Right…

She awoke a few hours later to Richard Castle looking at.

Looking at what? Looking at the sentence you ended with a preposition? (more…)

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