Category Archives: Mock

Mock the Fic: My Season 4 Opening

Not going to lie. I was shocked at the ending, and then it hit me. Imagine all those upset and emotionally distraught wanna be writers who want to right the wrong, and ultimately get it completely wrong. And then I crackled my laugh, and I awaited for the troves of fics to pour into Congratulations WetDry, you win! And I swear, this never mentions that it’s a crackfic. So in that case, I take it all as being serious piece of fan works.

I give the episode a three day warning. So thus you are warned, season three ender spoilers.

Stats: Title: My Season 4 Opening Author: WetDry Summary: Just my take on how the next season should begin. Rating: T

“Kate, don’t die on me!” Yelled Castle.

Oh Darlin’, don’t die!

“Oh, relax,” said Beckett. “‘Tis but a flesh wound.”

‘Tis but a flesh wound? And I’m guessing an amputated arm is just a cut?

She then got up to beat up her attacker.

Okay…super human healing Beckett on the attack!

She smacked him around for about a minute.

Drowning him in her blood?

“Who wanted to kill my mommy?” she demanded.

Yes, because everyone who wants to avenge their mothers death always say “Mommy!”

“They did,” said the shooter, pointing to Ryan and Esposito.

Okay… where is my wine. I don’t think I am drunk enough for this fic.

“No!” said Beckett. “It can’t be!”

No really, where is my wine? Vodka? Jaeger bomb?


Oh God I’d take meth right now if it meant I could forget about this fic. Read the rest of this entry


Mock the Fic: Closet

Happy Season Finale night! Just think about all the bad fanfic that will be written over the summer in response to tonight’s episode? It’s makes me excited just to think about it. In the meantime while I wait for said fics, I think I am going to start a series on fanfic writing 101, and quiz you must pass before you are allowed to publish your story on the web. Someone contact Congress and help me pass a law that you must pass a test before you are allowed to publish stories on the internet. Even if it will put me out of a job, I am willing to take the sacrifice. In the meantime however, I am going to mock a fic that was sent to me on twitter. This story was published with no paragraph spacing. In other words, all one big paragraph. Yup, one big paragraph. Have fun reading! And thanks to the BadCastleFic reader @LG_summer who sent this my way!

Stats: Title: Closet Author: kbeckett96 Summary: So what happens when Castle and Beckett get locked in the precinct closet one night? This story is pure fluff! and just for fun! please review Rating: T

Night took over New York as Beckett and Castle put away the files and papers from the murder board into boxes.

Okay, not a bad start.

It was Late well after midnight and everyone was gone except the 2 of them.

Did you really need to make late uppercased? Oh and please spell out the number two.

“Castle” He turned towards her as she tossed a file his way he set them in the box.

Is it smart to toss around files? Wouldn’t you be afraid of losing stuff out of them?

She stacked the photos and the last of the papers and set them in the box. “Alright where does this go” Castle picked up the box noting it was a bit heavier than expected.

I’m sure by now Castle knows where the boxes need to go. Besides, don’t they normally go to the DA’s office for prosecution?

“That closet in the corner” she pointed towards the door as she threw some pens in a drawer.

I know I don’t work in law enforcement but I’m pretty sure that the DA will need that stuff to help prosecute the offender.

Castle looked towards the closet “I didn’t know that was closet?”

And what did you think it was Castle? The door to the Stargate?

“Hmm?” she looked at him “its been there forever Castle where have you been?”

Obviously not paying attention, which is sort of odd for him since he seems to notices everything.

she laughed silently “come on ill open the door I know that box isn’t light.”

If it’s heavy, then I’m sure it’s a sign you need two boxes. Oh and please learn to capitalize the correct words. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Beilevable

Words cannot express how I feel about this fic. So thus I offer you a cup of mind bleach to drink at the end, and a toast to bad fics! Bottoms up!

Stats: Title: Beilevable Author: volleyballlove Summary: This is my first fic so plz review I know this is old stuff but i couldnt resist so give it a try What if castle was the best CIA agent? Will they beielve him? Does his family Know the hole Storry? Will kate find his past? sry bad at summarys an grammer Ratings: T

This is my first fic so I am open for reviews

I hope you are also open to mocks too. Oh and please learn how to spell since your title is misspelled.

I know this is old stuff but I couldn’t resist

Since when has Castle been old stuff?

but in this Castle is the best CIA agent.

Like totally the best CIA agent, ever!

Most don’t believe him but they soon will did his family even know the whole story?

Whoa, that sentence makes no sense. And how does his family not know that he’s in the CIA?

Will Beckett find out his past?

Well since you mentioned it, I’m sure she will find out. Can you say predictable?

DISCLAIMER: I sadly don’t own the castle series


Castle was heading up to the precinct with two cups of steaming coffee in his hands.

Hot Hot Hot.

It’s been a rough week he was thinking about the case they were working on and of course Kate and shlemming.

Dear Author, comma’s are your best friend. Oh and it’s Shlemming. Even if you are making fun of the character, you still capitalize his name.

Ever since Demming showed up no one listens to his theories he’s just ignored past off like some boring incapable person…

Ignored past off? What does that mean?


The cupcakes are done? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives Part 2

Happy Birthday BadCastleFic readers! Today is our 1 year birthday! Wow year goes by quickly doesn’t it? Since I started this blog showcasing bad fanfic in the Castle fandom, Castle was a wee bit smaller of a community with a so so amount of fanfic. Since then, it’s seems to have jumped leaps and bounds. Yet with all the new fanfic we get, we also seem to get the bad fanfic. Thus meaning I get to keep my blogging job that pays jack squat! YAY! Now onward to the fic, where we will continue to read the horrifying Dancing with the Detectives. Word of warning, I am mocking this between commercials for Fringe and I’m a wee bit drunk.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A

Hey guys! just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the subscriptions and the reviews! and i just wanted to give another chapter! the next is on the way! thanks for all of your love! i love you all too!

Oh I love you too, but only that sort of love a person feels when they find a golden nugget and want to tell the world about what they found.


The next morning Beckett woke up to her alarm clocks radio.

Wow, how many clocks does she have since she has clocks radio?

The song that 93Q

Okay, are we name dropping a real radio station in LA or is this your favorite radio station that you listen to in small town America.

was playing was “tonight tonight”, by Rascal Flatts.

Okay, random name dropping of a country band.

She smiled as she realized one of her favorite songs was playing,

Of course it was her favorite song…oh I mean the authors favorite song.

and she got up, ready for the looked at her apartment

Ready for the looked at her apartment? What, is her Apartment a fashionista nazi who wants to show off their awesome fashion skills.

one more time, before taking her heavy luggage down the stairs.

Oh so we are stuck in New York. I wonder if she lives in Down Town, NY? That could only explain why her apartment is a fashionista.

She flung the heavy suitcase in the trunk, and drove off to the precinct to see her friends one last time before she headed off to the city of dreams.

Yes, because that’s what we all do is visit our coworkers one last time before we go on vacation. Duh.

She knew she would see them the night of the show,

So are they flying to LA every Monday? Wow that’s expensive. Must be that huge salary they make in Down Town, NY.

and almost every show if a big murder case didn’t come up, but she knew she would miss them for the month that they would be training for.

Wow, that was an epically long run on sentence with way too much information.

She parked the car in the parking garage and saw castles car.

I hope it’s a bouncy castle car since it obviously can’t be Castle’s car since it isn’t capitalized.

Something looked different about it, but she ignored it and strode to the elevators. The doors opened a minute later and she saw castle at her desk with 3 boxes of doughnuts, freshly brewed coffee for everyone, and lots of detectives flooding around the desk like a sea of cops.

Wow a sea of cops. I wonder if they all have blue on and do the wave.

She saw in the crowd Esposito and Ryan and Lanie.

Do I dare ask why she is hanging out at the precinct and not at the morgue, which isn’t at the precinct.

She saw Montgomery walking towards her and she smiled.

Oh goodie, this is a fic with Montgomery being the loving daddy figure for Beckett.

He cane and gave her a hug

So he caned her and gave her a hug? Worst torturer ever.

before pulling back and saying, “oh Beckett, I never thought I would have seen you dancing!

Wells he does perform at the strip joint every other Friday night. I’m sure she’d let you get in free. Just make sure to tip her with some nice new ones.

Now your a singing, dancing cop!

Oh boy! A singing dancing cop! I sense a remake of Cop Rock. I’m sure Fox will pick it up and air it after Glee. It’ll be a great way for the when the Glee kids get old to continue singing and being dramafied. Oh and you used the wrong your, but that wasn’t a surprise.

Oh I’m SO going to have to twitter this!”

Wait, so Montgomery is going to twitter that she’s a singing cop? What?

he whipped out his phone and started typing. She rolled her eyes and said, “oh captain, are you sure castle isnt rubbing off on you?”

Wow, that is the utmost worst characterization of the Captain I have ever read. I sure hope Rubin Santiago-Hudson smacks you on the back of the head.

he laughed and put his phone away and looked at her one more time, smiling warmly. “can’t wait to see you on the dance floor in a month!” and he strode off towards the elevators.

Why is she getting a month to prepare? Don’t they normally get two weeks or so to prepare?

she started towards the desk, and just then Ryan noticed who was heading their was,

So how could Ryan be heading their when he can’t posses heading somewhere.

and with a mouth full of doughnut holes he said “HEY! ITS BECKETT!”

So is Beckett the new Norm? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Complete Loss

Since we are nearing the one year anniversary of, I thought it would be fun to revisit some of the authors that made BCF so popular. My first revisit is to the author formally known as the jackall or the award winning author whose fic was the first Castle fic I ever mocked. So it looks like since mocking the jackall that person has changed their name to Cobra Grimes and combined all the one shot Castle fics to one big story. Since it seems I’ve mocked the other two, it’s only fitting I mock the third one.

Stats: Title: Complete Loss Author: Cobra Grimes Subject: All my one shots in one convient place! Rating: M

As he lies in his bed in the motel he cannot help but wonder why him.

Because the show is named after him?

He lost his home and the true love of his life all in one night because of one horrible disaster.

Teaches you to leave the stove on while you’re gone.

A few hours earlier


Richard Castle had just returned home from his first date with Kate Beckett and he couldn’t be happier.

Awww isn’t that so sweet. I’m surprised he didn’t take her home and throw her against the wall and have sex, since that’s what the majority of the Castle fandom feels is going to happen on their first date.

As he was heading up the stairs to his room his phone rang,

Hello, Castle? Yes, this is me, your Loft. Remember that one time you got drunk and fell asleep in the bed with your mom? Yeah, we don’t want that to happen again ether, so I thought I would call to remind you that your bedroom isn’t upstairs, instead its downstairs off to the side of your office. You’ll thank me in the morning. Bye!

it was Esposito.

Oh so Esposito gets to be the one to remind you that your room is downstairs.

“We got a case Javi?”

Since when has Castle been on a first name basis with Esposito?

“No, Ryan and I have a case.”

So why are we having this

“Well why are you calling me then?”

Because someone has to remind you where your bedroom is located. Plus drunk dialing is fun.

“Well I need you to come down to the precinct as soon as possible.”

Ooh please tell me we are drunk dialing the mayor. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Dancing with the Detectives

Another Monday means another mock! This one is a bad crossover and I shall warn you, you will want your sporks and brain bleach ready to go for this fic. Please be warned, watching it may make you want to never see Dancing with the Stars the same ever again.

Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat  Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A Rating: T

Hey guys! thanks SOOOO much for looking at this.

How could I miss it?

this is my first castle fan-fic and im soooo excited for the season finale for season 3!

It’s quite obvious that this is your first attempt at writing since you don’t know how to capitalize the name of a show, there is no dash between fan and fic, you need to capitalize the I and apostrophe before the “m” and last but not least, you have way too many o’s in the word “so.”

I figured out that Castle gets freakin kidnapped in the last scene!

Really? Where the hell did you get this from and why isn’t there any spoiler alerts?


Like OMG! It’s totally caps lock worthy!

so thanks for reading and tell me if yall like it or not! thanks!

Oh you’ll know how I feel, just continue to read.

It was just another lazy afternoon for Detective Kate Beckett as another day went by without a case.

Was there some sort of vacation happening in New York and all the murder’s out on vacation? I hope they all went to Walt Disney World and dressed up as pirates.

She was lounging in the break-room with Castle. They both had their feet up on the table and sharing a big bowl of the new pretzel MnM’s.

Really? Really? First, not cool with the product placement. Second, I’m sure she has paperwork to file, or get ready for court…oh wait you wouldn’t know about those since you are 10 years old and think it’s “so cool that they are in love!”

They bantered idly back and forth for an hour until Detectives Esposito and Ryan came waltzing in

Wow, I wonder what music they waltzed into the room with?

and took seats beside them at the round table. They chatted carelessly until Chief Montgomery came in

And reminded them they have a job to do, and he doesn’t pay them to eat candy.

with a smile on his face. “great news! The mayor just called and said that abc wanted a deal with us!”

Oh boy! The Mouse wants to make a deal with you! I guess Uncle Walt’s frozen head finally spoke and told ABC to make a deal with a famous writer and the detective he whores out as a muse.

they all looked at him dumbly

Yeah I would too.

until Ryan spoke up, “like the tv channel?”

No, like the Alphabet.

esposito gave him a slap on the back of his head. ” no duh. Sometimes I wonder-”

Sometimes I wonder why authors don’t capitalize names

he was cut off by montgomery,

What did Montgomery cut off, I hope it was a finger. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Story: Action

I can safely say I think everyone knows my position on Real Person Fanfic. You don’t write fanfic about your best friend getting raped therefore why would you write a fanfic about a celebrity? Just because you’ve never met them gives you no right to write things like that about them. Anyways, this is a story I discovered today while at lunch, snagged it, and by the time I got home, it was already removed. Kudos’s to those who complained to get it removed. Luckily, I had a copy still. Sorry no link for this fic, but trust me, it existed.

Stats: Title: Actions Author: Caskett93  Summary: My first AU… In honor of Stana Katic Happy Birthday Rating: K+

Happy birthday Stana ! Please read this document!

Oh yes, I’m sure she is going to take the time out her busy day filming the finale of Castle to read your fic that is about her, not her character. Creepy. Nothing says stalker like writing a story about a person. The word “Stanalker” exist for a reason.

On this special day, we wanted to make you our best wishes. You’re the best actress in the world and we worship you.

Wow, you guys need help. Major help.

We are a group of Italian girls who love Castle but especially who love to write.

Oh goodie! We have some 14 year olds who are writing fanfic in a language that isn’t their native!

For this reason we decided to send you these three pages of Word written in your honor.

In other words, three pages of evidence to give to the police for when you are arrested for stalking her.

Now you can choose to read or trash, it does not matter because our main aim was to make you our best wishes.

Awww aren’t you Stanalkers so sweet and stalkerish.

From your Italian Fan Group: Castle Made of EFP Writers Federica, Cristina, Marilena, Veronica, Oksana, Ari, Laura P.Q., Giada, Anna, Giorgia, Giulia, Sara, Chiara, Ivonne, Lucia, Claudia, Agata, Flavia, Laura M. , Monica, Francesca, Anna, Lucia e Beatrice.

Is it just me, or is there a lot of Anna’s?

P.s. You can tell to Nathan, Seamus and Jon that are great and beautiful? And to Molly, Susan and Tamala that we love them too!

Wow, stalking multiple people now?

P.s. 2. The last one, we swear. If you read the story, we’d like to know what you think. XD

She’ll let you know with that police report.


Autrice: Sara (Spuffy93/Caskett93*)

Tradotta da: Francy091, Ice_Cream, Laureta1387

Revisionata da: Kate24 (ditemi se mi sono scordata qualcuno)

I have no clue what that said, and don’t care to put the effort in to find out ether.

N.B The facts written in this story are not real (bad luck for us:))


“Kate, stay with me… Kate!” she doesn’t answer, I embrace her more strongly.

YAY! Let’s kill KBecks! And who’s whispering, the stalkers?

“Stay with me.” I whisper once again in a vain attempt to wake her up. My eyes are heavy, it’s too hard to keep them open. I close them and I don’t open them any more.

Please tell me that one of the stalker is dead.

“…and cut! Very good, you’re great. And with that we’re done for today.” Screams Marlowe.

Oh goodie, now we are jumping over to Stalker-Reality.

I feel Stana rising up while Andrew comes to us.

No really, who is this person that is narrating?

“Great job Stana, you were great, it’s perfect!” he says making her smile.

Wow, Andrew Marlowe sounds like a cheerleading coach. “PERFECT! Now spirit fingers as you die!”

I love her smile. “And don’t think that I forget about you Nathan… you seemed a true desperate lover with her woman dying in his arms. You make me move.”

And you made me throw up. Thanks. Now Andrew really is a cheerleader trying to be a director. Is he gay in this fic? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Lunch with the Castles

Fear not my fellow Bad Castle Fic Fans. I am back-well as back as I can be. Sometimes those bad fics just get to you and you either have to step away and take a break, or go insane and have to wear a pretty white jacket with long sleeves. So I shall be stepping back into the reign to help everyone with the upcoming finale-which I’m sure is going to post some horrendous fics to mock.

Now, on to the mock!

Stats: Title:Lunch with the Castles  Author: edha1721 Summary: Rick and Kate are married and have a baby this is a typical day for them pure Fluff This is my first story hope you like it Rating: K

Lunch with the Castles

Hoo-boy! We are going to have lunch with the Castle’s.

Rick and kate have been together about 2 years they are married and have a little girl named Johanna 3 months old

Oh crap I hate this author already. Wow, how many violations are in that line above? Let’s see, no uppercase letter in Kate’s name, no comma’s, not spelling out numbers under ten, and the worst cliché, naming their kid Johanna.


Rick and Johanna enter the precinct

Wow, is she walking already at three months old?

and proceed up to the bullpen to surprise Kate and take her for lunch,

I hate it when authors tell their stories like I’m a three-year old and don’t take the time to make it sound eloquent and less demanding and demeaning.

it takes Rick about half an hour to reach the bullpen everybody wants to see Johanna and give there congratulations.

Where’s my gun? I really want to kill this author. A kid in 2nd grade knows the difference between using there, their, and they’re. Please, for the love of Pete, get a beta reader!

On entering the bullpen Rick sees Esposito and Ryan but not Kate so he goes to the boys to say Hello

Why did I suddenly hear Jon Stewart doing his Queen of England impersonation when I read the hello part? I blame it on the capital h in hello. Random.

“Hi boys where Kate” and he puts Johanna in her baby seat on the desk.

Oh look fans, Caveman Castle is back! Caveman Castle says: “Me want Kate!” Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Writer’s Alphabet: Letter A

I would personally like to thank the Bad Castle Fic reader who recommended this story to me. It’s another clichéd alphabet series of short stories. Why can’t we have something new when it comes to short story series? I know, I challenge authors to write bad Castle stories based on a random name in the alphabet on page 250, line 25 of the phonebook.

Stats: Title:The Writer’s Alphabet Author: CKLizzy Summary:Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future. – One shot / Drabble series, each story based on one letter of the alphabet Rating: T

Rating: various, but nothing higher than P16 (… I hope…)

I’m guessing if its P16 then our author must be 16. And what does P16? Parents who are 16 can read it?

Summary: Twenty-six short little glimpses into the life of Kate Beckett and Richard Castle – past, present and future.

Oh goodie, another fic idea that has never been done before. The good news folks is that we have 26 short fics that I will get to mock! I think this deserves a party!

Disclaimer: What was it?

What was what?

Oh, yeah, right. Andrew Marlowe, I love you! …

Too bad he’s married to Terri Miller. I’m sure she just loves it when fangirls throw themselves all over her husband.

No… wrong text… um… Castle doesn’t belong to me (though I wouldn’t mind havin Nathan Fillion for myself…).

And I’m sure Nathan’s girlfriend would just love that too. And it’s having, not havin. Havin isn’t a word, nor will it ever be.

It’s Andrew W. Marlowe’s, ABC’s and who else might be participated in producing the show. I’m just fooling around a bit 😉

I sure hope they get smart and catch on that you are fooling around with their characters and take them away from you before you impregnate one of the characters.

A/N: In case it doesn’t become clear – this is a one shot series, and every story will be based on a letter.

Wow, I would have been lost without that explanation. I’m so glad you cleared that up for me.

A for: Alone

As in leave the characters of Castle alone.

She had never felt that alone in her whole life. It was so terrible.

If this she is Beckett, then doesn’t she live alone?

Left, lonely, lost.

Your attempt at alliteration is a complete failure, not to mention that you sentence needs an “and” between the lonely and lost. I guess you must have ran out of crayons when you were writing this story and couldn’t add the “and” into the sentence.

Hugging her legs she had pulled up to her body, she sniffed.

This sentence makes no sense! Why was she pulling her legs up to her body, and why did you randomly put the “she sniffed” at the end. If
I was marking this with a red pen, I would have ran out of ink.

She didn’t want to be alone. The room was too big, even the couch was too huge to sit there alone. She felt cold and abandoned.

“Hey, darling,” a voice suddenly startled her, and she heard the concern in the voice, “what’s up? Why are you crying?”

Oh goodie, now we get a run on sentence. And I’m guessing that means we have Dolly Parton in the fic since she’s the only person I’ve ever known that calls people “darling.”

He sat down next to her and hugged her, and she immediately relaxed into his arms, releasing a sigh.

Oh I see Dolly got a sex change and is now Billy Ray Cyrus.

“I feel so alone,” she whined.

She whined? Really? Who is this character and how can I punch them in the stomach. No character on Castle would ever act this way. Not even Alexis.

“Why? I’m here, Kate,” he said gently and kissed her forehead.

Dear Author, please die for making Kate a Mary Sue.Sincerely, BCF.

“I know, but when you were gone…”

Someone please get her a Kleenex with chloroform so we can shut the weeping willow up.

“Darling, I was only gone for five minutes. To make you a tea. Remember?”

So she’s crying because he left the room to make tea? Really? Talk about an emotionally distressed Bitch. Now I am starting to think the author must be 14 years old since that’s the only age I can ever imagine a girl be this emotional and clingy.

“But I felt alone anyways, Rick!”

Wah-wah. Emo-Kate can’t take the world. I know, let’s get Emo-Kate a razor blade so she can cut on her arms, and some Kool-Aid so she can dye her hair red.

“My love, you’ll never be alone. I’m here with you. What brought that thought even on?”

Probably because you took her razor blades away again?

“I don’t know,” she grumbled, “can’t we just accept that pregnant women are overly and irrationally emotional?”

Really? Really? Please die a painful death for your irrationally stupid stereotypes.


Thank-God. Now where is my blade so I can kill myself?

Mock the fic: Fake Left, Then Turn Right

Why has fanfic authors turned camping into the new Remys? Please tell me we are camping in the woods, with a beach that has sharks! Oh and this fic is also a song fic, so you know things are going to be totally awesome with lyrics! Note the sarcasm.

Stats: Title: Fake Left, Then Turn Right Author: SamIAm1212 Summary: Castle and Beckett head up North to the Adirondacks…to go camping. Starts with them driving to the campsite and will progress from there. I’m really bad at summaries. Rating: T


Hi! Pretty much like the summary says…Castle and Beckett go on a road trip!

Oh boy! It’s another camping trip! Camping is starting to become season 3’s cliché.

I don’t own Castle which is probably good; it’s amazing now I don’t wanna ruin it. (;

If you don’t want to ruin it, then maybe you shouldn’t write fanfic about it.

Just something that popped into my head while staring outside the window in algebra.

When you should have been paying attention.

Oh and this takes place in the summer, I know it’s winter now but while I love snow it just won’t stop up up here.

It won’t stop up up here? Are you expecting the snow clouds to be constipated or something?

It just SNOWS and SNOWS and it NEVER STOPS!

Well stop giving the clouds Miralax.

And I live in upstate New York and I go to the Adirondacks quite often and it would make no sense to go there any time but summer…well unless you want to freeze.


I tried to make this as clear as possible. But if by the end you are confused just leave a review and I’ll try to clear it up.

I’m lost reading this author note, I can’t imagine how the fic is going to be.

Richard Castle and Kate Beckett were going on a road trip.

Wow, where are the picture that this picture book is missing?

Yes, a road trip. To the Adirondacks…where they were going camping…for four days…because Castle said it would be “fun”.

I will not kill you for improper use of the ellipsis. I will not kill you when I could just smack you with a comma.

“Castle! I am almost one hundred percent positive that we are going the complete opposite direction that we’re supposed to be going,” a very annoyed Beckett told her partner.

Why is Beckett always annoyed? Why do authors make her in a continual PMS mood?

“No we are not! The GPS is NEVER wrong,” Rick defended himself.

Recalculating…Turn Around Now!

“No! It’s not! You wouldn’t know because we always have to take your crappy car.”

“We have to take the police vehicle when we’re going to arrest criminals! That’s how it works.”

What, you mean that the Porche isn’t good enough to transport criminals to jail?

“Yeah…but we could put a GPS in it.”

New York isn’t that big, you don’t need GPS when you’re a lifelong resident and cop. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: 1 Kiss, That’s It

You know it’s going to be a great fic when the author can’t spell out the number one. I will admit, I love to text. But I hate how teenagers think that they can still use their text lingos in their stories. No, you can’t. Unless you are writing what someone sent the character in a text message, or an email, then don’t use text message short hand! I will warn you, this author thinks that how you write dialogue on twitter, is how you can write a story, and randomly shortens names of our characters. YAY!

Stats: Title:1 Kiss, That’s It Author:naomingaii Summary: My take on Castle&Beckett’s first kiss : I’m a new writer, so please be easy with me Rating: K+

It was February the 14th, and everyone knew what day that was.

A Monday?

It was Valentine’s Day, but for Kate is was a quiet day, Valentine’s Day reminded Kate of her mother.

Oh lovely, it’s another wonderful Castle story where Kate can’t stand the holidays because of her mother.

Kate just buried herself in paper work, until she heard her Captain call her into his office.

Oh I see the Captain got a megaphone for Valentine’s Day and decided to test it out in the office.

She walked into his office, head down and playing with her fingers.

And why is she acting like a guilty felon?

Cap. Mont: “Beckett, go home. Just take a break.”

Oh it’s a double whammy of a winner fic! We get an author who thinks that the way you write a twitter conversation is the way you write a story. Somewhere in the world, the authors English teacher is committing suicide.

Kate: “But-”

Cap. Mont: “Its an order, I know you’re having a bad day. Go home.”

And since when did start shorting Montgomery’s name down to Mont? Is he trying to be all cool and suave and be the pen maker Mont Blanc? Sadly I don’t think the author even knows who Mont Blanc is and would need it to be explained in pictures and small words.

Kate: “Thanks.”

And just like that, she’s just going to leave and go home. Wow, did the Pod People take Beckett’s body over and replace her with a push over?

Kate headed back to her desk and grabbed her jacket. Castle also knew what day it was and seeing Kate like this burned him. He cared about Kate, more then anyone knows, he may even love her.

So how is it he loves Kate more then anyone knew? Oh, you meant than instead of then. I see you failed the proper use of then and than in 2nd grade. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Lips of an Angel

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, and if I haven’t then I should have, that I hate High School fics. You know, the ones where authors feel they should turn back the hands of time and space continuum and put our favorite characters in high school so that way they can go through everything that the said author is going though since they too are in high school. I’m sure you all know the fics I am talking about, and cringe when you see them posted on So how about we mock one for a change instead of just cringing?

Stats: Title:Lips of an Angel Author: horsesandpens123(I’m not going to lie, the authors name looks like Horse and Penis) Summary: total AU. Kate and Rick are sixteen and have been best friends since they were little. They also love each other, but neither of them wants to admit it. Rick is dating Gina and Kate is dating Josh. Full summary inside, R&R please. One-shot Rating: K+

Author’s Note: This is my better description. AU.

AU is your better description? Wow, you are such a wordsmith.

I usually write Rick and Kate seven years apart, which is their actual amount of years apart.

And you are basing this on what vital information that has been provided to us in the previous episodes?

But in this story, they have been best friends for a long while. Kate is dating young Josh and Rick is dating young Gina.

Are they pedophiles since they are dating young kids?

But, Kate calls Rick after a terrible thing happens. Based on the song “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. This is not in the same universe as my other Castle stories or the show universe. One-shot.

Oh good, I’m so happy this isn’t going to be a buck-shot story.

A sixteen-year-old girl with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail screamed at a black-haired boy. She was crying and her eyes were rimmed with red.

Darn, I was hoping they would be rimmed with black, like a raccoon. So much more sexier.

She was terrified of the muscled boy, but didn’t show it.

Oh good, I hope this is another domestic violence fics.

The boy was eighteen and had an apartment, which sounded cool at first.

Yes, boys with apartments are so cool until you figure out that after they pay rent and utilities, they are broke and you will be paying the bill for each date.

Now, it was scary, for nobody was around to save her if the boy hurt or, even worse, murdered her.

It wasn’t like she was living there.

“I thought you loved me!” The boy cried, grabbing a baseball trophy from the shelf. His eyes were wild. The girl flattened herself against the wall. She whimpered pathetically.

She whimpered, like a dog?

“Josh…” The girl said quietly. Her voice trembled. The boy, Josh, advanced on her with the trophy still in hand. The girl slid down the wall and onto the floor. She wanted to go home. She wanted her best friend be there. He would protect her. The boy towered over her, his trophy raised.

Oh goodie, it is a domestic violence fic.

“Please, don’t! I thought I loved you. Please, I’m begging you.” The girl cried.

Do you really tell a boy who is about to hit you with a trophy that you thought you loved him?

The trophy collided with her face. Her nose made an unpleasant noise as it broke.

Should have told him you loved him instead.

She started to sob as blood poured into her mouth and down her face. Josh struck her on the right arm twice, then across the face again.

Geez, violent much? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Death in LA

I know I’ve mocked some crossover fics before, but this one is a crossover that left my brain hurting. It’s the fandom pairing that is going to eat my brain. So I give you, Hannah Montana and Castle crossover. I have no working knowledge of Hannah Montana other than a few episodes and the movie, so I’m pretty much going into this blind, just like you.

Stats: Title:Death in LA Author: MileyLoonaticsFan96 Summary: When Hannah joins a sitcom and Castle, Beckett, Alexis, Ryan, and Esposito, go to LA for winter break, Hannah’s co-stars start turning up dead and Castle and Beckett dive into the case… Rating: K+

Death in LA

Oh goodie! How are we ever going to get our Castle friends over to LA?

OK, this takes place during the third season of Castle and shortly after “It’s the End of the Jake as We Know It” (assuming said episode took place around Christmastime).

Okay, sorry but I don’t remember that episode of Castle. Did iTunes forget to download an episode again? Is this maybe a Hannah Montana episode?

Chapter 1: Vacation’s Not What I Wanted

Well I sure want one.

Alexis Castle was the first one up at her place.

So she has her own place now?

She yawned as she walked down the stairs in her pajamas, brushing her bright red hair along the way. Finally, she came to the bottom floor of the apartment and walked into the kitchen. No one else was up. She looked around. Nobody there. She smiled, mischievously… She laid her brush down on the island and opened the fridge. She yanked out the chocolate milk carton and started drinking right out of it.

I would say ewe, but I’m sure it’s something Castle would do himself.

“Alexis, have you seen my—WHOA!” Her father, Richard Castle, had just come down the stairs and seen her crazy breakfast antics.

And seen her? Wow, use grammar much?

Alexis quickly put the carton back and faced him.

“Great, now I have to go get more!”

Why are you so upset Castle? Couldn’t christen the milk bottle yourself?

Alexis closed the fridge. “I’m sorry! I didn’t—”

“Hey, don’t worry about me. It’s your grandma I’m worried about.”

Nah she won’t mind unless it’s in regards to a glass of wine or martini.

Alexis smiled.

“Is someone talking about me?” asked Castle’s mom, Martha, as she came down the stairs.

Please let her have the wine glass in hand.

“Actually, yes,” said Castle, “I was wondering if you could watch Alexis for a few days.”

Does she really need a babysitter at this age? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Til There Was You Chapter 1

After a nice New Years break, how about we start off fresh with a new clichéd story. Aren’t we all excited? I know I am. Nothing gets my year started on the best foot forward than a clichéd fic!

Stats: Title: Til There Was You Author: becksbiggestfan Summary: Elise Smith. Eleven years old. Missing: Ten years. Age when disappeared: 1 year and a month. Head Detective: Michael Cortez. Prime suspects: Jimmy Toole, and father Creg Smith. Both houses searched. No signs of the girl. This case hit personal for Kate. Rating: K+


How about some mocking? Mocks are always fun!

Kate sat at her desk typing up her report. Rick sat next to her in his chair talking about Alexis’s new boyfriend and she was only half listening.

Once again, I feel like the author thinks we are 5 year olds and needs to be talked down to and belittled.

Her phone rang and she lunged for it, thankful for the distraction.

Why did she lunge for the phone, was someone else going to fight her for it? And when you say lunged for it, did she dive on her desk and throw everything off to make sure she answers it first?

“Beckett. Uh huh. What? Are you sure? Manhattan General? I’ll be right there.”

Wow, what drama.

The phone call had definitely shaken her up, and she didn’t waste the time to hang the phone back on its receiver.

So she what, just threw it down and left it dangling off the desk?

Instead, snatching her badge and coat and racing to the elevator. Rick just barely made it through the closing doors.

Wow, for the first time ever in an elevator history did the doors actually close as soon as she stepped in the moment it opened up?

“Kate? What happened?” He asked quietly. As an answer she pulled him into a hug.

Wow, out of character much? I sure hope she starts hugging everyone who walks by and then gives her life story.

His warmth comforted her, and when they finally stepped off the elevator, her make up was a little smeared.

What, is she crying? I would be too if I couldn’t spell makeup.

Finding her car in the parking lot, Rick realized his question still hadn’t gotten an answer, so he asked her again.

Does anyone else know really what’s going on in this story?

She stopped, the key turned in the lock, after a second like that she pulled the car open and turned it on.

She pulled the car open? Did she go all Hulk on it and rip the door off in a whole second? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Wet Teeshirt chapter 9

I really really really wish this would end, but it won’t. It just won’t end. This chapter is just a waste of time reading and I swear all the characters are out of character.


Stats: Title:Wet Teeshirt Author:stevieLUVSAlex Summary: It’s the CAMPING trip that will change everything between the duo. Pranks… fun… friendly fire… and possiblly C&B fluff. You’re gonna love this. Rating: K+

A/N: I’m sorry it took so long to update. I was both out of internet credit and out of ideas.

Imagine that. What are you using, the library computer? Must be hard to write a book at a library that will never have it available for people to check out.

But now I am back on track, so thank you for your patience. Enjoy =)

I am sure I won’t enjoy.

Beckett was at a loss. Unable to come up with a good come back for castle,

I’m guessing the shift button on the keyboard at said library is broken. No, wait, never mind you capitalized Beckett.

she turned to Alexis for help. She and Ashley sat with Beckett one afternoon, when the sun beamed down on them, as they sat sun-baking on the beach.

“I need to get your father back,” Beckett insisted.

Yes, let’s lower HBIC to a new low and have to ask his daughter for help.

“Why don’t you play the shark game?” Ashley suggested gesturing towards the water. “That’s always a hoot. I have the fin if you want to borrow it.”

What the hell is the shark game, and why does he have a fin? Give a hoot, play the shark game?

Beckett shivered at the very idea. “No thanks, Ash. I don’t like sharks, its why I don’t swim in the beach water. He wouldn’t fall for it.”

Or it could be because its 40 effing degree’s outside.

The three of them pondered another idea.

Alexis sat up on the towel and grinned. “I got it!” she announced.

What, a cold?

Beckett was listening. “Okay…”

She turned to her boyfriend. “Don’t freak out on me, Ash.”

What, are you going to tell her dad that Ash gave her genital warts? Read the rest of this entry

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