Category Archives: Poor Sweet Baby Jesus
If you get a creepy feeling while reading this fic, fear not, it’s just Pedobear groping you as you read it. Haven’t done two mocks in one day, but this felt like something that need to be done since the last one was a bit on the small side. This fic was passed to me via twitter and is full of Mary Sue goodness. Oh and this author has the longest profile ever and likes to mix British education with American society.
Stats: Title: Castle’s New Daughter Author:Spikes_number_1_pet Summary: When Emily Cole a 14 year old girl’s parents are murdered. Castle remembers that Emily’s parents were old friends, he does everything he can to help her. So he adopts her, gives her a home and a family. But will he chatch the killers. Rating: T
I don’t own castle. I own Emily and Adam.
Oh lucky for us that you don’t own Castle.
The song that helped me write this No apologies. By bon jovi.
Poor Bon Jovi.
Oh how can I contain my excitement?
My name is Emily, Emily Cole.
I bet $5 that this is ether the name of the author, name of the authors bff, or a combo of the authors name and the guy she likes last name.
I’m fifteen but I’m living a nightmere of a life.
What is a nightmere of a life? Was it a night by itself?
I’m sitting my GCSE’s in the next couple of months.
The what? Okay not going to lie, I had to Google it. That’s nice that you are finally graduating from secondary education in England, but this is America. We have something here called High School and you don’t generally have to take special tests to graduate high school.
I live in a care home as both my parents were murdered.
Is that like a nursing home for annoying kids?
The only person that’s any help is Rick Castle, oh and Kate Beckett. Kate’s from NYPD.
Oh do tell how they are so much help being as to they are Yanks in America and you are in Jolly Old England. Is it so hard for authors of other countries to do research? I know this author is 14, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have a computer to google their research.
Rick’s a old family friend and a writer.
A family friend for a family that doesn’t live anymore.
For his new books, he’s getting insperataion from Kate.
That’s an ‘E for Effort!’ for sounding out how to spell inspiration. Read the rest of this entry
Wow this fic just keeps digging that hole bigger and bigger. More out of characters, more cheese than a can of Easy-Cheese, and more two period sentences than you can shake a stick at.
***Thanks to everyone who reads. A special thanks to all those who add alerts or leave reviews. You guys make my day! 🙂
You know, I read those said reviews and I really want to smack people for not having any taste.
What the hell is with you and the two periods. No don’t even try and think you know what you are doing because you don’t have a clue how to write. I really have to force myself to put my red ink pen of doom down and not circle things on my monitor.
we don’t want to set off your alarms.” Rick laughed as he pulled away from her soft lips.
I’m mildly disturbed that he’s letting this go on like he is in this fic. This is creepy, and just wrong and embarrassing.
“Rook, I was so scared..”
What is your address? I am sending you a copy of Grammar For Dummies so you can learn to stop this fanatical use of two periods.
She admitted as she held him close to her. “I remember hearing tires squeal and being hit..then, all I saw was darkness. It’s like I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up.”
And OMG it was dark inside my head and I didn’t know what to do and I think I broke a nail.
“Sshh..It’s over now.”
Where is my blood pressure medicine. This is about to kill me with the two periods.
Rick tried to console her. “I’m here and you’re going to be ok. Just try to get some rest.”
Kate pulled the covers back and scooted over, making room for him.
And to go with the Grammar for Dummies
book I am also going to give you a copy of Heat Wave and Naked Heat so you can learn how to characterize the characters.
“I..uh..I need to go check on something real quick. I’ll be right back.” Rick stammered out an excuse to avoid getting into bed with her right now.
“Don’t be too long Jamie..” She yawned out and then closed her eyes.
Why oh why is Kate Beckett acting like someone from the Hills? Why? Hell I don’t think they act this annoying.
‘Thank you.’ Rick mouthed up to the heavens as he witnessed her quickly fall asleep.
Let’s hang a lantern on it why don’t we.
He ran his hand over his messed up hair and headed down to the waiting room. Wouldn’t you know it, the first person he ran into was Josh.
But of course.
He was pacing the floor outside the waiting room as Rick approached him.
Yes because that’s what ever cardiologist do when they are off duty.
“Josh..” the writer began, “I am so sorry that she doesn’t remember you right now and I want you to know that I will not be taking advantage of this situation..I mean, after all..she is your girlfriend, not mine.
Well if that isn’t a lie bundle up in crispy bacon. We all saw the rating was M, we know sex will be had while she thinks she’s Nikki Heat.
She will remember soon..how much she..uhm cares for you.” He nearly choked on that last part.
And then he ran off bawling his eyes out.
‘Did he not know they had broken up nearly two months ago…Had Kate not told him?’ Josh lowered his head and mumbled. “Thanks man!”
Why does Josh’s internal monologue sound like a girl?
“Castle!” Ryan called out as he made hisway
Not thereway? Read the rest of this entry
Sorry everyone. It’s been a rough week for me with wide-spread tornado’s where I live. Seems nonstop storms for us, but nothing quite as bad as Joplin. My heart goes out to Joplin. But alas, I need a break from tornado warning, and tornado coverage so thus a mock.
Josh was leaving the hospital for the night as the paramedics rushed past him with a very familiar looking woman on their streatcher.
I wonder what a streatcher is? Surly it’s not a bed on wheels you move patients around since that’s a stretcher.
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I’m leaving work it’s like getting the heck out of Dodge while checking all the piled up text messages and emails on my phone. Yeah, somehow I have a feeling doctors are the same since they work longer shifts than I do.
“Hold up!” He called to the boys pushing her to exam room one.
Where is the ER Dr at this time?
“What’s wrong with her..what happened?”
Do I really need to recap on the proper uses of ellipsis? Yeah, that should two sentences, not one.
One of the EMT’s turned to him and answered. “A call came over the radio that a hit and run had occured near where we were eating lunch,
Well at least you got the where/were usage correct, unlike your spelling of occurred.
so we were the first responders. When we arrived, she was out cold. As we began to check for broken bones and get her vitals, she came to for a brief moment.
Just like a soap opera!
We ask her if she remembered what happened, where she was, or who she was. All she said was ‘I’m Nikki Heat’, then she passed out again.
Dun dun dun duuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. Wait, am I reading a General Hospital crossover?
The ER physicans
Why is it so hard to use spell check? Physicians! It’s not hard!
rushed in and started ordering tests
Time to start the algebra test! Remember readers, the test is due by end of class. Chop chop!
after listening to the paramedics details of her current condition. She was bleeding from her nose and ear
Wow, that’s it?
so it was apparent that she had a sugnificant
I really want to beat my head in, but to save my brain cells, I want to beat your head in for this random weird spelling of significant. Read the rest of this entry
Another Monday means another mock! This one is a bad crossover and I shall warn you, you will want your sporks and brain bleach ready to go for this fic. Please be warned, watching it may make you want to never see Dancing with the Stars the same ever again.
Stats: Title:Dancing with the Detectives Author: Redheadthegreat Summary: what happens when beckett and castle get called on to dance on dancing with the stars? not good at summarys but PLEASE read because i love you all! oh and this WILL turn out caskett and has NOTHING to do with to love & die in L.A Rating: T
Hey guys! thanks SOOOO much for looking at this.
How could I miss it?
this is my first castle fan-fic and im soooo excited for the season finale for season 3!
It’s quite obvious that this is your first attempt at writing since you don’t know how to capitalize the name of a show, there is no dash between fan and fic, you need to capitalize the I and apostrophe before the “m” and last but not least, you have way too many o’s in the word “so.”
I figured out that Castle gets freakin kidnapped in the last scene!
Really? Where the hell did you get this from and why isn’t there any spoiler alerts?
FINALLY SOMETHING JUICY!
Like OMG! It’s totally caps lock worthy!
so thanks for reading and tell me if yall like it or not! thanks!
Oh you’ll know how I feel, just continue to read.
It was just another lazy afternoon for Detective Kate Beckett as another day went by without a case.
Was there some sort of vacation happening in New York and all the murder’s out on vacation? I hope they all went to Walt Disney World and dressed up as pirates.
She was lounging in the break-room with Castle. They both had their feet up on the table and sharing a big bowl of the new pretzel MnM’s.
Really? Really? First, not cool with the product placement. Second, I’m sure she has paperwork to file, or get ready for court…oh wait you wouldn’t know about those since you are 10 years old and think it’s “so cool that they are in love!”
They bantered idly back and forth for an hour until Detectives Esposito and Ryan came waltzing in
Wow, I wonder what music they waltzed into the room with?
and took seats beside them at the round table. They chatted carelessly until Chief Montgomery came in
And reminded them they have a job to do, and he doesn’t pay them to eat candy.
with a smile on his face. “great news! The mayor just called and said that abc wanted a deal with us!”
Oh boy! The Mouse wants to make a deal with you! I guess Uncle Walt’s frozen head finally spoke and told ABC to make a deal with a famous writer and the detective he whores out as a muse.
they all looked at him dumbly
Yeah I would too.
until Ryan spoke up, “like the tv channel?”
No, like the Alphabet.
esposito gave him a slap on the back of his head. ” no duh. Sometimes I wonder-”
Sometimes I wonder why authors don’t capitalize names
he was cut off by montgomery,
What did Montgomery cut off, I hope it was a finger. Read the rest of this entry