Category Archives: 4

Guest Mock the Fic: Date Central


I hope someday the author, who is bound to be a repeat offender, will be up for Miss America or something else as glamorous for someone with a brain like theirs, and they get disqualified because of writing such a horrible smut fic after the New York Times publishes it for all the world to mock. Someday, folks. Someday. In the meantime, let this fic be another shining example of my staunch position that if you aren’t old enough to talk to your mom and tell her you had sex, let alone old enough to have sex, then you shouldn’t be writing smut. End of story. Luckily, I’m not the one who had to suffer to mock this, this one goes to our newest mocker: FicSlayerMcG.

Stats: Title: Date Central! Author: iiLoveeYoouuCastlee Summary: Richard Castle goes on a dating show, trying to forget his feelings about Kate…But she is a contestant! Feelings unravel, and he chooses her for the date. Caskett one-shot! Might do a sequel later! Lemons-dont like, dont read! Rating: M

Puke bags: As many as you can handle for the sex scene later.

Sporks to the eyes:  More than you can scrounge up from public school cafeterias in the United States.

I had the misfortune of clicking on this fic.  Mocking it made me feel better.

Another Castle fanfic!

As usual, I dont own Castle or any of the characters!

(After reading note:  Thank GOD you don’t.  Kate would be getting pregnant as fast as Michelle Duggar.)

“Richard Castle, you have been on two dates, and you sent both of the ladies away. Now, our last contestant is a wonderful detective. She loves your books, is a hopeless romantic, and loves to sleep or spend time with friends in her spare time. Please welcome Katherine Beckett!”

What the FRAK?

The crowd broke out in applause as Castle stood there, feet glued to the floor, and his jaw on his way to them. Kate? Of all people to go on a dating show, Kate?

You and me both, Castle.

Katherine Beckett walked out in a lipstick red dress that ended just above her knees, and red stilettos. Her hair was curled slightly, and a red ribbon teased the edge of her right wrist. She saw Castle and couldn’t help but smile at the reaction plastered on his face. His mouth descended even lower upon seeing her in such a short dress.

So, is calling her ‘Katherine’ like making up her very own stripper name?  No one calls her Katherine in fanfiction anymore unless they have her dressed up like a slut.

“Now, we are going to leave you two in the date bus for an hour, and see how it goes!” the presenter said as Kate went over and closed Ricks jaw for him.

Castle meets MTV.  Next!

Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic: Runnaway Dream part 3


Sadly I wish it was over. This is the fic that just won’t end. Turns out what I thought would be a two piece is now a three piece.  To recap, its a lovely little story written by a 14 year old writer who pulls the biggest Mary Sue of all time and inserts herself into the story. Full of cliches and lol’s.  How could we not mock a story that starts out with a 14 year old becoming a detective? Oh and she has Beck’s gun because Becks is a wimp.

Stats: Title:Runaway Dream Author: NinjaaGurl Summary: this started because of a dream i had.the main point is what would happen if a 14 year old was a homicide detective (BCF: 14 year old homicide detective? WTF?) Rating: T

Puke Bags: 4

Sporks to the eyes: 4

BPOV

Someone remind me once again who BPOV is? Oh thats Becks. God this is horrible.

It was a quiet ride to the home of Felicity Morgan, Castle and I both to wrapped up in our own thoughts to even talk.

Who is Felicity? Oh that’s right, the 3rd Mary Sue of this story. I feel a puke bag needed.

In what felt like a long drive was actually pretty short. We pulled up in front of a beautiful townhouse and got out the car.

Of course she has a beautiful townhouse. Because she’s a Mary Sue.

“Nice place for a college student.” Castle said looking up at the house.

Wait? She’s a college student? Is this your future Mary Sue self?

“Yeah. It kind of reminds me of my first apartment.” I replied.

Really Becks? Really? I thought it was over a chicken place and smelled horribly?

We started walking up the driveway as we got closer we heard something that sounded like a piano being played.

Really? I feel like throwing sporks at you right now for your perfect Mary Sue.

I knocked on the door expecting to hear the music stop when it didn’t I knocked again. This time the door opened revealing a young woman with red hair and painters overalls.

Freddy Krueger’s little sister?

“Can I help you?”She asked.

“Hello. I’m Detective Kate Beckett. NYPD. This is Richard Castle. Can we ask you some questions?”

Shouldn’t you ask who she is instead of questions? Oh wait, that’s something a 14 year old wouldn’t know. Watch more Law and Order please.

“Sure, sure.” She said opening the door wider and ushering us inside. As we walked in I glanced around.

The room was painted a pale cream color that was accented with black furniture. It was simple but still had a sense of class. On her walls were pictures of what I assumed would be her family and friends and a few pieces of art…

Blah blah blah.

“This is a nice place.”Castle said impressed.

“Why thank you Mr. Castle.” she replied with a smile. “Can I get ya’ll something to drink”

You are boring me.

“No thank you.” I said. “Miss Morgan…”

“Please call me Felicity”

“Ok, Felicity.”

“Wait, before we start can I ask if this is about Michelle?”

Wow a psychic Mary Sue! How unique.

“Y-yes. It is about her. We were wondering if you could possibly help us find her.”

Since when did Becks stutter? Is this the retard rocket still?

Felicity smiled brightly.

“Do you hear that music?”

Phantom music? Wow this psychic Mary Sue has the coolest house. Is it the Haunted Mansion?

I started to hear the same piano music that we heard when we first came. That’s when I noticed somebody else must be here.

Dun dun dun duuuunnnn…

“Yes I do. What about it?” I asked puzzled.

Really?

“That, detective, would be the girl you’re looking for. She came here earlier. She was hungry, cold, and tired. She knew to come here because I told her to if she ever needs help.”

Congrats Mary Sue! You’re harboring a fugitive. Please enjoy the slammer. I hear they have lovely roommates.

“Can we talk to her?”

Please don’t. Can we just call someone else to come and get her?

“Sure follow me.”

Its a trap! Don’t do it!

She turned around and walked down some stairs. As we got closer we heard a strong voice singing.

Oh mighty puke bag! I need you now!

“Wow is that her? She’s really good.” Castle said mirroring my thoughts.

“Yeah I know.” Felicity replied. “Shhh, if we go in quietly we might hear her finish the song.”

Oh no, please don’t. Someone call Freddy Krueger and take me out of my misery.

We walked in the room as Michelle was singing.

I’m going to regret this aren’t I?

Do you think I’m special?
Do you think I’m nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Between the noise you hear
And the sound you like
Are we just sinking in an ocean of faces?

It can be possible that rain can fall,
only when it’s over our heads
the sun is shining every day, but it’s far away
over the world is death.

They got,
They got,
All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we’re going down
They got, all the right moves and all the wrong faces
So yeah, we’re going down

Thank-you for ruining a great song. OneRepublic hates you and wishes you a long painful Mary Sue death.

“Wow. That was amazing.” A voice called from behind me. I turned around to see Felicity, detective Beckett, and Mr. Castle standing by the door.

I really need a puke bag. Stat! I’m out.

“Umm thank you Mr. Castle.” I said suddenly nervous. I have always had a bad case of stage fright. Even if it is the smallest of crowds I get scared. I couldn’t help but wonder how long they were standing there.

Too bad it wasn’t Freddy Krueger. He’d have you dead and dismantled by now.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

Enough to make my ears bleed.

“Just long enough to hear the end of your song.” Felicity said with her crooked grin.

“Oh…”

No way, we heard way too much.

I stood up and walked over to my bag in the middle of the room. I grabbed the gun and gave it to Kate.

And that’s when you would normally be arrested and hauled off.

“Here, I’m sorry that I took it. My emotions were running high and I just made a snap decision.”I said staring at the floor. I felt a hand under my chin force me to look into her eyes.

Okay it doesn’t have to be a puke bag, it can be a Walmart bag.

“I understand. That’s why you’re not in any kind of trouble we just need you to come back to the station so we can catch your aunt’s murderer.”

And what would she have to do with catching the murderer since she was at home asleep like a lightweight.

“Really?”

“Yes really.” she said with a small smile.

Okay I’ll even take the toilet.

“Thank you, thank you!” I said hugging her. “Wait I think you should know something that might help find my aunt’s killer.”

That you killed her, right?

“Ok what?”

“I think I did it.” I said. I looked at all the faces in the room and saw one common thing. Shock.

How did I ever know.

Please tell me we will never see the rest of this fic. EVER.

@MichyEYET

Mock the Fic: Consequences part 1


YAY BadFic is back with an even more horrifying fic. Its bad, trust me. BAD. This one employees my theory that if you aren’t old enough to have sex, or at least tell your mom you had sex, then you shouldn’t write about sex.

Stats: Title: Consequences Author: Beckett’sHEART Summary: some one finds the video of castle and beckett playing truth or dare Rating: M

Puke Bags: 3

Sporks to the eyes: 4

Chapter One:

i walked in to the precinct half asleep. i didnt get much rest last night due to the fact that i couldnt get last nights scenes out of my dreams.

Uh… okay.

(BCF: I am killing cute small puppies every time you forget to capitalize a letter.)

in my dreams there was more than just touching.

And we’re off!

(BCF: Can we please leave those thoughts in your dreams, please?)

“come on kate let my lick that chocolate from your breast…… or you could lick me if you want.”

Castle grabs the chocolate bottle and pours it down his pants…..

And now we’ve reached the “WTF” portion of the story. Isn’t it every girl’s fantasy to have a dude pour a bottle of chocolate down his pants?

Now, the important questions: was it Godiva? Maybe something with a little liquor to keep things spicy? Please tell me he sprang for something better than that Hershey’s shit.

(BCF: I’m sure Castle had to go to the Bodega to get the stuff, so it’s probably some off brand Mexican chocolate syrup.)

whoa that was a very scary and arousing dream. i wonder what the real castle would have done…

Arousing? There are quite a few words that come to mind but arousing isn’t one of them. Let’s hope the real Castle wouldn’t dump a bottle of syrup down his pants but then again, Kate does like them freaky. (BCF: I thought it was Castle who liked to have sex with crazy women, not Kate.)

oh wait i do know.

I’m not getting the idea that you know much of anything.

(BCF: I hear the retard rocket calling.)

Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Runaway Dream part 2


This is part two of a two piece that just screams, mock me! Please mock me! To recap, its a lovely little story written by a 14 year old writer who pulls the biggest Mary Sue of all time and inserts herself into the story. Full of cliches and lol’s.  How could we not mock a story that starts out with a 14 year old becoming a detective?

Stats: Title:Runaway Dream Author: NinjaaGurl Summary: this started because of a dream i had.the main point is what would happen if a 14 year old was a homicide detective (BCF: 14 year old homicide detective? WTF?) Rating: T

Puke Bags: 1

Sporks to the eyes: 4

MPOV

Please tell me this time its Montgomery’s pov. PLEASE!

I’ve been on the run for 3 whole days.

Damn, it’s not.

I’m cold and tired, and don’t even get me started on the rain. I swear, God must be pissed at me because it hasn’t stopped raining since I left.

I can assure you, yes, God is mad at you because you wrote a Mary Sue fic. God will smite thee for Mary Sue fics! Its part of the whole Ark of the Covenant thing.

I tried going home but the police were waiting to ambush me.

Really?

Damn Kate it’s like she knows my every move.

Kittens are dying with the lack of comma use. Read the rest of this entry

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