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Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Here is the first of the three challengers of the first ever Bad Castle Fic Mock Off. Our first mocker is a previous guest mocker: FicSlayerMcG. I will be posting the new one tomorrow, the final participant on Wednesday and mine on Thursday. Voiting will be conducted on Friday-Monday.

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

What happened to his spacious Hamptons estate with a beach view and a pool good enough for suntanning naked?  Now that would be a story.

And do you really think he’d be able to get a lot of work done on the beach?  Come on, all those women in skimpy bikinis with all of those chests to be signed?

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book.

Write some more what or his book?  JONAS fanfiction?  I’ll read it, as long as the plot entails Joe and Kevin wigging out and beating the crap out of Nick for all his success outside of the Jonas Brothers.

Wanna come?

That’s what she said.

Besides, did he want to get some work done?  With a short attention span like his, he’d get more work done alone.

And according to the chapter notes, HE LEFT ALREADY.

No, I’m going to try and relax.

Is this conversation taking place in their minds?  According to the original formatting of this ‘fic’ (I use that term loosely), Castle’s having an inner monologue with himself.  Or they’re both Jedi.  You choose, BCF’ers.

Free hint:  It’s ‘try to’ instead of ‘try and.’

Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Read the rest of this entry

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Friday Five Cliches


Clichés. As any reader of Bad Castle Fic will know, I hate clichés. Okay maybe I don’t hate all clichés; I hate it when a cliché is done improperly. For example, I can’t stand it when the only place Beckett and Castle ever eat at is Remy’s. Some people screamed at me after I wrote about Remy’s being clichéd that, “But BCF! It’s the only place that’s cannon in the series.” And your point to that is what again? Be original! That’s what being a writer is all about, originality. But Remy’s isn’t the only cliché I hate, so I decided to create a list of clichés that are commonly used in Castle fanfic. It’s a common trend on twitter to do a Friday Five, well here is my Friday Five of Clichés.

  1. Remys—Remy’s. What the hell is Remy’s? So we know they have burger and shakes, but what else is it? Do they only serve burger and shakes? No fries? What happens if I want a salad? And where is Remys? Is it a diner, or dive? Please, can we go somewhere else, where I can get something other than a burger and a shake? As I’ve mentioned before, this is New York, why don’t you have them go to some trendy expensive restaurant? Or heck, McDonalds when in doubt. Besides, we all know Kate Beckett is surprisingly a good cook, use it. Have her cook them a meal. Just because the girl eats take out all the time doesn’t mean she won’t cook her friends a meal.
  2. Surprise! Kate Beckett is pregnant!—I grumbled just writing that sentence. Why does all the Castle Baby stories have to pretty much focus around Kate Beckett surprisingly getting pregnant after a one time affair with Castle or in some cases, after breaking up with Demming. Really? That’s not how everyone gets pregnant! Why can’t her and Castle be trying to have a kid? Even better, why can’t she decide while being single that she wants a kid and goes through a sperm donor? You know, some women struggle to have a kid and aren’t sporting the goddess of fertility in their vagina, which seems to have made her home in Beckett’s. And why is it always after a one night stand? Does she always have to have sex with Castle, not talk about it for a month and then surprise, be pregnant?

  3. Surprise! I’m having a daughter and her name is Johanna– In those said pregnancy stories, it always seems to be that Kate Beckett names her kid, which always turns out to be a girl, some variation of the name Johanna. We get it! She’s remembering her mom. That’s great and all, but that doesn’t mean she names her kid after her dead mother. This rarely happens in real life. My mom’s mom died when she was young, but that didn’t mean she named ether one of her two daughters the same name as her mom. It just doesn’t happen that often in real life. While touching as it may be, it only happens in fiction. And while we are at the naming cliché, why are all the kids’ girls? Can’t she have a boy? I have yet to see a single piece of fanfic that has Kate Beckett pregnant with a boy.
  4. Castle’s bored and is watching Beckett do paperwork—Once again, this is something that happened once in an episode. ONCE! That doesn’t mean you need to keep your grubby little fan hands around it and use it in every little piece of fanfic. Why can’t he just be at the precinct to hang out with the guys to watch the game on the breakroom tv? He doesn’t have to just be there to watch her do paperwork let alone be there because she’s there. There can be other reasons for him to be at the precinct. Use them! Once again folks, you are a creative author, use that creativity.
  5. Castle and Beckett kiss, but Beckett has a breakdown—Where did the idea that Kate Beckett can’t handle her emotions come from? Never before in the history of Castle episodes have we seen Kate Beckett breakdown when it comes to romance. Sure she had problems making her mind up in the season 2 finale, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to break down and close everyone off. In all her other relationships we never got the hint that she was the weakling that couldn’t handle the emotions. If I’m not mistaken, she broke up the relationships each time. But just because she’s the dumper doesn’t mean that she’s emotionally damaged and can’t handle romancing Richard Castle. I know that we all have our relationship problems, but don’t put your relationship insecurities into Kate Beckett and Richard Castle’s fictional relationship.

Mock the Fic: The Chick and The Surfer


Let’s take a crack at mocking an AU fic. Although in my opinion all the crap fics we mock here are AU, but this one specifically mentions the fact that it is an AU. I shall warn you, this has a rant by me about a certain theme park that shall remain nameless in this section that I hate and want my money back from going to visit there. Meanwhile back on the ranch, this fic sure is such a fun one to mock. So let’s sit around the camp fire and hear about the stories of what if Kate Beckett…

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, Andrew W. Marlow and ABC do.

Thank-God they do because I’d hate to see what you would do with the show if it was in your hands.

Author’s Note: Total AU story idea. A random story idea that wouldn’t leave me alone.

This is what bothers you at night? I’d hate to see what idea’s you forget about.

What if Kate’s mother had not been murdered and both Rick and Kate had different careers. No Sorenson or Demming in this story.

No Demming? 😦

A/N 2: First chapter is a set up of what is to come. I apologize for making Kate, Lanie, or Madison a bit OCC.

They are Obsessive Compulsive Cats? Orange County Choppers? Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics?

Beta’d by: Beckett NYPD

Well then I demand perfection!

Life is good. Kate Beckett and her friends Lanie Parish and Madison Queller were enjoying the California sun.

Oh good for them. That’s just wonderful.

Kate’s parents gave Kate and her two best friends a three-travel package to California for her, Lanie and Madison as a graduation gift.

Wow, and to think all I got for graduation was a blue topaz ring and a card.

It was natural for them to go together as they have been inseparable since grade school.

Well I’m sure it would be since I’m sure her parents bought it as a travel package for them to go together!

They spent one week in San Diego and Los Angeles and two weeks in Northern California.

Okay…

In San Diego they went to Sea World,

Ugh, don’t remind me how much I hate Sea World. Most disappoint theme park ever! Don’t even get me started on this place. I could rant for hours. I’m double sure Castle would never subjugate his daughter to going to Sea World, let alone Kate Beckett lowering herself to go there. Oh and I call it Puke World because I swear some kid always throws up there. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Undercover part 1


I don’t understand the need to crossover two shows that obviously have nothing in common and shouldn’t be crossed over. I get the idea of crossing Law and Order characters over with Castle (ooh McCoy as our DA on Castle? AWESOME!) But crossing Castle with Glee makes me want to bang my head against the wall and go WTF?! Obviously these two don’t exist in the same universe, or genre. And I will be seriously disturbed and will cry “JUMP THE SHARK!” if we have a music episode of Castle. So folks, if you can’t tell, we have yet another Glee/Castle crossover fic. Why the hell anyone picks this pairing is beyond me. I know I said I was taking the holiday weekend off, but I had too many people tell me about this fic and ask me to mock it asap that I present a “special” Saturday holiday mock. It has my favorite clichés in it: working undercover (sorry, no baby in this one, yet)!

Stats: Title: Undercover Author:LuckyLaugher Summary: A serial killer is in Ohio and Kate Beckett has to catch the bastard before he killed someone. Rating: K

Once again, weird formating warning: I didn’t format this fic, this was all the authors work.

This is my first crossover, hope you like it

And hopefully last. What the hell are we even crossing this fic over with?

Chapter one: To Ohio

I dread going to Ohio, I really really do.

Kate Beckett sat behind her desk. It was a normal day, without a case. Castle went home to work

on his book. Ryan and Esposito were having lunch, when the captain called her in to his office.

I think we’ve had this conversation before, please stop talking to me like I’m 2. Unless you are attempting to write the newest Olivia book, then stop talking down to me! Die.

“Beckett,” The captain said.

“Yes, sir.”

“In my office” She walked into his office.

Wow, do you also jump when the Captain says jump?

“What’s wrong, sir?”

“Sit down” She sat down and he continued.

Did Castle die? Or maybe it was Alexis. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Forgot part 3


Just when you think this fic is dead, it comes back bucking. To recap, Beckett gets herself piss drunk at a bar, meets a guy who drugs her, she tries to escape and calls Castle and he tries to rescue her. Remember now? Dontcha wish you could forget?

Stats:  Title: Forget Author: caskett4eva Summary: Set after season 2 finale. Beckett goes to a club to make herself feel better, but a guy she meets spikes her drink. She calls Castle for help whilst trying to get away from him. Can Castle somehow get to her before something happens to her? Rating: T

Here’s the next chapter.

Is it a lot to ask for that I was hoping this fic was just going to die? I guess I’m not that lucky.

“No.. No” she kept mumbling.

No…no. I wish the author would learn the proper way of using the period.

Then everything went black. But she only blacked out for a minute or two because she woke up in the alley.

Wow! I hate it when I black out for three minutes, that’s the worst!

When her eyes finally focused she noticed that the guy was straddling her and he was holding a knife

“Get off me” she said

Wow, that would be more effective if you used punctuation marks. And isn’t she drunk and drugged?

“No” he replied. “I’m going to have some.. fun with you first” he smirked

Dude! Seriously! Learn how to use the frakin period!

Then, with one hand holding her hands above her head, he used the knife to cut down her dress, but he only made a small cut when she starting yelling out.

Wait, he cut down her dress with a small cut? How skimpy of a dress is she wearing?

“Get off me you son of a-” he cut her off by slashing the knife on her arm. Beckett screamed out in pain.

Because he wanted to cut more but her dress was so skimpy that he decided to continue on her arm?

The cut was pretty deep and if she didn’t get some help soon, she’d probably end up bleeding to death.

From a cut on her arm? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the fic: The Newlywed Game Castle


Okay folks, I swear I don’t set out to find these fics, they find me. They come running, screaming and begging me to mock theme. This starts out small, but fear not, it has five fandoms for me to mock in it, it’ll get better. Oh and if I haven’t mentioned this yet, I have a theory, the longer your Fanfiction.net profile is, the more you will make readers want to spork their eyes out.

Stats: Title: The_Newlywed_game_Castle Author: kym667103 Summary: A Crossover fic with Cold Case, Bones, NCIS, Castle, or Twilight. Rating: T

Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own Cold Case, Bones, NCIS, Castle, or Twilight.

Okay, we are going to mock five fandoms with this fic! Fabulous!

Castle

Rick Castle

I just found out that my publisher signed Kate and I up for The Newlywed game.

Wow, that would be impressive if they were actually married. And is this show still on? Oh wait, Game Show Network. Are we out of idea’s already that we have to resuscitate old game shows?

She said it would be good publicity, but I was scared it had taken me a long time to win Kate I love her more then she could ever know.

I feel a puke bag moment.

I don’t even understand my first two marriages were nothing like this.

Huh? You don’t even understand your first two marriages? Let’s see, the first one had Meredith cheating on you. God only knows about the second one?

I was scared Kate would kill me for this one. That stupid letter that lay on my desk now was the cause of all this worry, and my stupid publisher.

I’m still trying to fathom the why behind this. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Finding a Way to be Together


In the spirit of all the really bad fics I’ve been mocking lately, here is another HORRIBLE one. The author can’t even spell Beckett right. You might want to make sure you take all the guns out of the room before you read this, if you don’t you might find yourself trying to commit suicide.

Stats: Title: Finding_A_Way_To_Be_Together Author: castleshowfan Summary: While Castle And Beckett Start To Realize the Love they Have For Each Othe They Have To Find A Way To Jump All the Obstacles On The Way. First FanFic So I Just Hope YOu Like It. Beckett/Castle And A Little Lanie/ Esposito Rating: T

It was a normal day at the precinct were everyone was having a good time.

Is this how this fic going to be? Where is my vodka?

Beckette, Castle, Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, and the Captain were playing poker that night when everyone went home and only they decided to stay.

It’s BECKETT! B-E-C-K-E-double T! Spell it right or HBIC will be pissed. And who is they? I’m confuzzled.

But what they did not know was that that night was going to be the worst night in their lives.

Once again, who is they and is it really going to be the worst night of their lives? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Homicide Hottie


And just when you think we hit rock bottom on bad fanfics, something like this comes along and smacks you in the face. Now while you go read and enjoy the fic, I’m going to go take my blood pressure medicine and drink some whisky to help forget this piece of crap of a fic.

Stats: Title:Homicide Hottie Author:CASTLEMESILLY514 Summary: Everyone knows the Castle is a great father and that Beckett admiars that, but now she has a chance to be a mother or a aunt. meanwhile beckett and castle need help on this case so the turn to beckett street smart neiece to help on this case Rating: K

I still stand behind the theory that the more words misspelled in the summary, the more I will want to kill the author by the end of the story.

Chapter 1: The Invite

Well, at least you spelled everything so far correctly, so far so good.

It was a regular morning in the castle loft.

And that didn’t last long. Okay let’s play a game, for every spelling/grammar mistake you make, I will kill a LOLCat. That’s right, one of those cute, little fluffy kitties that have funny little words and they, just like you, can’t spell or use grammar correctly. I’ll let that one slide, but the rest are all on you.

Alexis was getting ready for school while her father Rick Castle was sitting down in front of his laptop writing the next chapter for his latest book “Heat Flash”.

Heat Flash? That doesn’t even make sense.

“Hey are you going to see Dective Beckett today?”

Aww the poor little “I can has cheezburger?” cat just died a painful death.

ask Alexis grabbing her book bag

Have you ever heard of past tense usage where you add an “ed” to the end of a word? Congrats, you just killed “monorail cat.” I hope you like walking.

“well unless there is a murder I need to finish this chapter”

Hate to say it, but there has been murder, murder of the cute little “Have you seen my bucket” Walrus. Shame on you.

her father said looking back down at his laptop. “Ok see you after school then love you” said Alexis as she kissed her dad on his forehead

And now the cute little “Wait I can fix it” kitty is now dead after trying to fix your story.

“see ya kiddo love you 2” Castle called back as she headed out the door.

I am really restraining to kill you because I am sure you are only 8 years old because I know for a fact that anyone older than that can write out the word “too.” Oh and the “I has flavor” kitty died from licking your really bad fic.

Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Mommytobe Part 2


Happy Tuesday, how about part two of a baby fic! YAY! Lets have some more unwanted pregnancies, some 15 year old drama, and some horrible grammar.

Stats: Title: Mommytobe AuthorNikkiHeatLuver Summary: When she broke up with Demming, she thought she was done with him, but now it’s revealed that she’s never going to forget him. How will her news mess up her dating Castle. Spoiler For Season 3 Rating: T

i’m sooooooooo sorry for the wait but here i go

Yes, nothing says sorry like adding a bunch of o’s to so, and not capitalizing the I.

🙂 the lyrics are Angel’s Lullaby by Reba McEntire

Oh holy hell, this is a song fic?

Beckett looked at her boyfriend’s hand resting on top of her own, trying to avoid eye connect with him. “Not here, not now.” Castle took his right hand and tilted her head up to look at him.

Wait, what just happened? Oh that’s right, she’s preggers with Demmings bastard kid and she’s dating Castle. Awkward.

“Right here, right now.” Beckett sighed.

Demanding aren’t we?

“Rick, i can’t ,” She said, tears starting to welled up in her eyes again.

I’m sure this would be more dramatic if you had capitalize the “I” in that sentence! And I highly doubt if our favorite HBIC would be crying like this in a diner. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Mommytobe


Baby stories. Why must it always be baby stories (and snakes, but that’s a whole another movie). By now, I’m sure you all know I hate, no DETEST baby stories. They always seem to revolve around the pee stick in the bathroom of the precinct and an unexpected bundle of joy on the way. Die! Thus I am mocking yet another Castle Cliché fic: a baby cliché fic. And no, the title isn’t my spelling mistake, no that would be our wonderful authors mistake.

Stats: Title: Mommytobe Author: NikkiHeatLuver Summary: When she broke up with Demming, she thought she was done with him, but now it’s revealed that she’s never going to forget him. How will her news mess up her dating Castle. Spoiler For Season 3 Rating: T

I know i should be writing my other stories, but this idea has been bugging me for the past MONTH so I’m gonna write it. I’m sorry if characters are a bit OOC, it’s hard for me to write them as their personalities.

Oh frak. OOC? Out of character? I almost want to make a rule, if you can’t write their personalities, then write for a fandom you can.

Kate Beckett sat in the last stall of the women’s bathroom on the homicide floor of the 12th prescient in New York.

Sitting on the toilet? On the floor? What? And you do know that a prescient is beforehand knowledge, right? Kind of hard to sit on knowledge before it happens.

She felt tears start to well up in her eyes when the white screen of a pregnancy test turned into a bright pink plus sign.

What kind of cheep pregnancy test did she buy? Most have a blue plus or minus sign, or even say “pregnant” or “not pregnant.”

Beckett sighed as she hide the test at the bottom of her purse before she exited the stall.

Eeeeewwwee. She putting that pee stick in her purse? And she hid it, not hide it. Get the present/past tense right, please. Read the rest of this entry

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