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Mock the Fic: Uninvited Guest

Okay my rant about horrible fanfic writing is over. Back to the mocks! This one folks is horrible. It’s beyond horrible. It will make you want to bang your head against a table in hopes of losing consciousness before you finish the fic. It puts some of the other fics I have mocked to shame and makes them look Pulitzer award winning stories. Remember, you have been forewarned.

Stats: Title: Univited_Guest Author: secretvalintine Summary: Kates been tracking an online serial killer for months, but suddenly thats not the only thing on her mind… Rating: T

Chapter 1

The desk drawer closed shut with a familiar click that reassured me. The clock had barely passed 6, none of my team would

be here for awhile.

What is with this horrible formatting of this story? Did you write it in an email? I’m sure you did since anything else would’ve told you that you need to spell out six and you might want to add on ante meridiem, or as you might call it, AM, to that time too.

Another day, just like all the others was before the detective.

Wow, it must suck having all those days standing in front of her.

A day filled with murder

Wow! Awesome! I wish my planner had “murder” written in it on the whole page. It would so much more exciting than my actual work day. And once again, I did not format this story, this is how it was formatted, I didn’t even have to add in extra line breaks for my snark. It was already ready for the mocking!

, mayhem, and mystery… “boring” I said aloud.

Yes because randomly saying “boring” is so much fun and I just love making people think I’m CRAZY!

The criminal they all had been searching for seemed to have jumped off the grid.

Wow, we are grid jumping now? And I would too if I was the criminal in this story too, because obviously the story is HORRIBLE! Read the rest of this entry

A Plea to Fanfic Writers

Dear Fanfic writers,

Could you please, for the love of all things living, stop what you’re doing and think about what story you are writing, and how you are writing that said story. I ask this because it seems the more I visit fanfiction websites, the more I want to bang my head against my desk and hope that I will black out early. Here are some of my pointers on writing fanfiction.

Writing stories is like painting a picture, only with words. Some of the best stories around have the ability to paint a picture for their audience without having to actually use pictures. Don’t write your story as if you are telling it to a 10 year old. I don’t want you talking down to me as if I have a limited vocabulary. An example of this is has been taken and modified from a previous story I have mocked: “It was Sunday night, and she had just gone out with him, but it wasn’t really a date, it was more catch up date.” This does nothing to tell me about the date, all I know is it was just a catch up date. I feel ignorant for even having to read it, and stupid for not knowing what’s exactly going on. Remember writers, your audience is smart and generally don’t take kindly to you assuming their stupidity. While you don’t need to use a painting by Monet to tell me what’s happening in the story, but it never helps to have a good description. Please don’t  hold your readers hand and give them every detail, but paint them the picture and let them put together the story. Read the rest of this entry

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