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Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Hasn’t this Mock Challenge been fun? I know I’ve been having so much fun reading all the great mocks that I’ve been sent by my faithful readers. Our next mock is one from a big fan of the website: BadFic_Addict!

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

What hotel room? What beach?? I’m confused. You mean the Hamptons, right? But he owns a house there, so why would he be in a hotel?

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book. Wanna come? No, I’m going to try and relax. Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Alright then, but just for the record, I can be relaxing when I want to. I am ruggedly handsome-I’ve been told so.”

Huh? Is that a conversation or a monologue? What? Is he maybe on the phone? Makes no sense!

As Castle walks down the stairs to the beach, he decides he’ll go get some food from the vending machine.

Yeah I bet there is no better way to eat in the Hamptons…

He puts in his money and buys candy. As he walks away, he sees a girl and approaches her. Read the rest of this entry

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Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Hoped everyone enjoyed last nights new Castle episode. I can only imagine what bad fanfics it will spawn for us to read. While we wait for the new horrible fics to come out of the wood works, here is our second Mock the Fic challenger: Poison Pen. Tomorrow is our last participant and then Thursday you get my version of the mock. Happiness all around for the Mock the fic Challenge.

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:
First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book.

It’s a good thing that Author’s note was there, otherwise we’d never figure out that he was going down to the beach to work on his book!

Wanna come? No, I’m going to try and relax. Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Alright then, but just for the record, I can be relaxing when I want to. I am ruggedly handsome-I’ve been told so.”


Is this a conversation? Is Rick talking to himself? Is he on crank?
Also? There is nothing more relaxing than handsomeness. TRUFAX!

As Castle walks down the stairs to the beach, he decides he’ll go get some food from the vending machine. He puts in his money and buys candy. As he walks away, he sees a girl and approaches her.


As he approaches her, he opens his mouth and exhales air through his vocal chords to speak.

“Well, hello there. You’re looking at New York’s #7 bachelor. My picture was in the paper.” The girl laughs

Oh, how I wish the sentence ended there!

and says, “Wait a minute-Richard Castle? I’m a huge fan of your books! Would you like to go get some coffee?” Castle shrugs, and says sure. Holds   out his arm and walks away with the girl.


BUT DID HE EAT THE CANDY? DON’T LEAVE OUT IMPORTANT DETAILS! Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic Challenge: Crime in the Hamptons


Here is the first of the three challengers of the first ever Bad Castle Fic Mock Off. Our first mocker is a previous guest mocker: FicSlayerMcG. I will be posting the new one tomorrow, the final participant on Wednesday and mine on Thursday. Voiting will be conducted on Friday-Monday.

Stats: Title: Crime in the Hamptons Author: AEK7897 Summary: When Castle returns to his hotel room, he finds his ex-wife murdered. When he calls the police, who is to come but Detective Beckett. Rating: K

Author’s Chapter Notes:

First, Castle leaves his hotel room to go down to the beach for a little while, and write some more of his book.

What happened to his spacious Hamptons estate with a beach view and a pool good enough for suntanning naked?  Now that would be a story.

And do you really think he’d be able to get a lot of work done on the beach?  Come on, all those women in skimpy bikinis with all of those chests to be signed?

“Well Gina, I’m going down to beach to write some more or my book.

Write some more what or his book?  JONAS fanfiction?  I’ll read it, as long as the plot entails Joe and Kevin wigging out and beating the crap out of Nick for all his success outside of the Jonas Brothers.

Wanna come?

That’s what she said.

Besides, did he want to get some work done?  With a short attention span like his, he’d get more work done alone.

And according to the chapter notes, HE LEFT ALREADY.

No, I’m going to try and relax.

Is this conversation taking place in their minds?  According to the original formatting of this ‘fic’ (I use that term loosely), Castle’s having an inner monologue with himself.  Or they’re both Jedi.  You choose, BCF’ers.

Free hint:  It’s ‘try to’ instead of ‘try and.’

Relaxing in the same room as you is almost impossible. Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: A Special Gift


Okay we are back baby! I know I said it last time but this time it’s for real! New laptop is up and running and it’s time to get the BadCastleFic back up and running. And good news, we have a guest mock to get us up and running again. So here is MysteryCastleFanFic3000 with our newest m

Stats: Title: A Special Gift Author: AriesOx17 Summary: Kate recevies a surprise that could change her life. Rating: T

You know you’re in for a bad one when the bizarre spelling mistakes show up in the summary.

Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Party


FicSlayerMcG here, with another little gem I found bookmarked with the purpose of becoming mocked.  I should be sleeping in preparation for a four hour drive and moving today, but once I started this, I could not stop.  I’m introducing a new feature in this mock – Fine the Author!

Title: Party Author: Caskett4eva Summary: One-shot This is an idea of how Castle and Beckett get together. Rated T because it gets a little heated, but not all the way.



Beckett hated Christmas. It was so cheery. She wasn’t a gloomy sort of person, it’s just that it reminded her of her mother. How she used to get all excited and decorate every space possible. She was always that tad bit happier at Christmas. So for some reason, it made Beckett that little bit sadder.

One of the biggest things about Castle fanfic I hate is that is this assumption that Kate hates holidays.  Am I the only person out there who thinks she might actually like Christmas?

Plus everyone is extra annoying, and they think that just because it’s Christmas, that they don’t have to work as much.

Boy, remind me to never visit New York near Christmas.  Apparently those damn cops are slackers.

So Beckett sat that at the precinct, working hard as usual, whilst everyone was have a cheery good time. She was typing away when Castle came over.

If I were a New York City taxpayer and I knew this, I’d be pretty pissed.  Good thing I know some political people.

“Come on Beckett, join in on the fun” Beckett glared at him.

PUNCTUATION goes before closing a quotation!!  If I had a dollar for every time…. Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Storming the Castle


Happy Holliday Sunday! I hope everyone got really drunk yesterday because the morning is here to rear its ugly head with a really bad sex fic. When I say it’s bad, I mean beyond words bad! We have sex grease (it’s like the french fry grease at McDonalds if someone masturbated in it and smeared it all over their partner). So without adieu, Becks is back to Guest mock another really bad fic for us!

Stats: Title: Storming The Castle Author: Midknight Summary: SPOILER WARNING: SEASON 1, GENERAL – After a particularly good night, Kate decides to indulge herself and makes Castle an offer he simply can’t refuse. Rating: NC17

AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first Castle fic. I apologize before hand

As well you should.


“I hope the guys get home okay.” Kate noted as Castle poured her another Scotch at her request. “I had the doorman put them in a cab with directions. They’ll be okay.” He responded and they both took a sip from their respective drinks.

Story writing 101: A new speaker gets a new paragraph.

She relaxed back on the soft, leather sofa as she watched him go off to clean up the remnants of their poker game.

Thanks for helping with the cleanup, bitch.

She’d had just a little too much to drink, they all had. The bottle of eighteen year old single malt Scotch he’d presented them with on arrival had seen to that.

What, they each got their own bottle?! Hot damn, I need to start showing up to more of Castle’s poker games.

No one had felt guilty about indulging. The drinks he had just poured them were from a fresh bottle.

It had been a good night and she was a little sorry to see it coming to an end. They’d managed to close a tricky case that very morning, once again thanks to Castle’s involvement. Kate was starting to wonder who exactly the consultant was and who the consultee.

Right, because God knows KBecks couldn’t solve a case before Castle showed up. Everybody knows women need a strong guiding hand. You know what would really improve this show? If he would hurry up and marry her so she could get her ass back into the kitchen where she belongs.

She’d always known he was a good writer, she just thought he was creative and did thorough research, but he had an amazing mind and although she’d walk over hot coals and broken glass before she admitted it.

Either there’s a random conjunction in there somewhere, or half the sentence is missing. Either way, KBecks has mentioned many times in the past that she appreciates Castle’s intelligence, when he chooses to exhibit it. Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Drunk Chapter 2


Our guest mocker Becks is back to finish chapter 2 of Drunk. I’m sure we can all have pity on Kate Beckett after this weekend’s binge drinking. At least we would if she wasn’t having one of the BEST HANGOVERS EVER! Yup, that’s right, she doesn’t feel or remember a thing folks. Now on to the guest mock!

Stats: Title: Drunk Author: TelevisionSlave Summary: When Beckett doesn’t answer her phone, Castle goes over to her apartment. He finds her drunk and in the mood. When she tries to get into his pants, Castle is faced with a choice. And then the next morning. Rating: T

Much to my surprise, I did actually fall asleep around four. Maybe it was my will to get it over with, I don’t know. It was a restless slumber, and what finally woke me was what I had been dreading ever since I tried to fall asleep on the couch.

Wait, I thought you were trying NOT to fall asleep. Now I’m confused.

Beckett. I’m pretty sure I was snoring slightly, but that didn’t matter. I was awakened to the achingly familiar call of my name, “Castle!”

Today we’ll be strangling small Third World children each time a sentence is ended with inappropriate punctuation. First up is Jose from Belize. He’s four and has a very cute lisp. Er, rather, had a very cute lisp.

After hearing my name called, I did my best to wake up fully. But I still half asleep,

I good writer. My sentence no verb.

and that was definitely not helping. Opening my eyes, my vision was blurred from sleep and all I could see was an outline of what I assumed was Beckett in front of me.

It could be Beckett. Or it could be Freddy Krueger. THE KILLER IS CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!

Damn, she was awake.

Hopefully she doesn’t remember anything that happened after you slipped that roofie into her last Blue Moon. These morning-after-the-date-rapes are starting to get awkward. Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Drunk


Well folks, sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you. Since I’m having to move a current mock series to the List O’Shame, I decided to pass the  mocking reigns to my newest  Guest Mocker: Becks so I can clean up the mess from someone who has no sense of humor! This is a special fic I requested mocking. It features HBIC getting drunk on Blue Moons (WTF?!) and Castle saying no to sex. Good times yo! Fear not BCF fans, I will be back again this afternoon for a all new snarky mock again

Stats: Title: Drunk Author: TelevisionSlave Summary: When Beckett doesn’t answer her phone, Castle goes over to her apartment. He finds her drunk and in the mood. When she tries to get into his pants, Castle is faced with a choice. And then the next morning. Rating: T

It had been a long day. Beckett and I had worked our best on a case about a dead teenage girl all week. Someone had raped and shot this girl. Beckett had became obsessed with the case and it got personal.

Oh, I can see how this is going to go already. No, no she had not became anything. She may have become obsessed, but honestly, I’m not seeing it. You’re going to have to work a little harder to show me why this victim is any different from any of the other victims she deals with on an everyday basis. Was this teenage girl her mom? No? Okay, then no.

We found the murderer, everyone knew it was him. But we didn’t have enough evidence to convict his ass in court.

But what about the rest of him?

I could tell Beckett was devastated and angry, at the killer and herself.

She’s angry at herself…because she did the murder? No? Then… Oh, forget it.

After court she stormed out of the precinct and to her apartment. I tried calling her multiple times but it would just lead to voicemail. Finally I took a taxi cab over to her place and knocked on the door.

Because the best way to handle someone who’s upset and doesn’t want to talk to you is always to go to their house and force a confrontation.

I stood there for about a minute, waiting. When I was about to admit defeat and turn around to go home,

For someone who chases down people who don’t answer his calls, you sure do give up fast when they don’t answer the door.

the door opened. Beckett stood at the doorway, her arm holding onto it like she needed it for support.

I’m trying to work out how one holds onto a doorway with one’s arm. Either she’s got a lot of extra joints that most people don’t have, or she has a really weird doorway.

“Why hello, Kitten…What brings you to my place?” She giggled, stepping back to give me room to enter. I stepped into her apartment and looked around. Empty bottles of beer were on the table and I could smell the alcohol from here. God, how much did she drink?

And how fast did she drink it? My God, she’s only been gone from the precinct what, half an hour, tops? Check for frat boys, because there HAD to have been a chorus of “Chug, chug, chug!” going on in the background.

Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Surprises, Hurt and One Guy


Ahh our Guest Mocker BadFic beat me to this story! Grrr. No I kid, I share the love of mocking! I actually wrote this story, got distracted by Robotorgo and accidentally deleted it. Opps. But I’m glad BadFic grabbed and mocked it! YAY! And yes, its another pregnancy fic. These things seem to be popping up more than the Duggars are popping out kids.So here is a Fic that won’t blow your mind like Lost did.

Stats: Title:Surprises, Hurt and One Guy Author: bensonbeckett-svu-castle4ever Summary: Kate gets the surprise of her life. Gets hurt by the person who really seems to like her. One guy makes her world all better. Rating: T

A/N This has been in my head forever! I had to type it so bad! The season finale made me cry…stupid Gina. Oh and Heat Wave is a book! And this fall Naked Heat is coming out! Yay!Enjoy and please R&R!

Just because something has been in your head, doesn’t mean you should subject the rest of us to the crap going on in your mind. I have a feeling this fic is going to make me cry more than the finale.

No, it couldn’t be. It wasn’t meant to be. She had always thought of it but had never thought of it.

Um, what? See, this is why it should have stayed in your head.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. To think something this big would happen like this. And, it had to happen with him.

Why do I get the idea that Kate is once again going to need to be billed as the poster child of the failure of special education?

Kate Beckett stared at the two little lines on the stick that seemed to weigh one hundred pounds in her hands.

A pregnancy storyline: groundwork for some of the worst fan fics ever.

Pregnant…

Kate Beckett was pregnant.

Do any of you dummies who write these stories know about birth control? I’m going with no. Kate sure has a lot of unplanned pregnancies. My friend’s 11 year old can put the condom on the banana. Why can’t Kate? Oh. Right. Special ed. Got it.

She had always wanted to be a mother. But, she was waiting for the right guy to be the father. Demming, who she had been on a few dates with, was not the guy.

Oh good, so Kate has just been sleeping around in hopes of getting knocked up. So romantic. If you’re 15.

Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Date Central


I hope someday the author, who is bound to be a repeat offender, will be up for Miss America or something else as glamorous for someone with a brain like theirs, and they get disqualified because of writing such a horrible smut fic after the New York Times publishes it for all the world to mock. Someday, folks. Someday. In the meantime, let this fic be another shining example of my staunch position that if you aren’t old enough to talk to your mom and tell her you had sex, let alone old enough to have sex, then you shouldn’t be writing smut. End of story. Luckily, I’m not the one who had to suffer to mock this, this one goes to our newest mocker: FicSlayerMcG.

Stats: Title: Date Central! Author: iiLoveeYoouuCastlee Summary: Richard Castle goes on a dating show, trying to forget his feelings about Kate…But she is a contestant! Feelings unravel, and he chooses her for the date. Caskett one-shot! Might do a sequel later! Lemons-dont like, dont read! Rating: M

Puke bags: As many as you can handle for the sex scene later.

Sporks to the eyes:  More than you can scrounge up from public school cafeterias in the United States.

I had the misfortune of clicking on this fic.  Mocking it made me feel better.

Another Castle fanfic!

As usual, I dont own Castle or any of the characters!

(After reading note:  Thank GOD you don’t.  Kate would be getting pregnant as fast as Michelle Duggar.)

“Richard Castle, you have been on two dates, and you sent both of the ladies away. Now, our last contestant is a wonderful detective. She loves your books, is a hopeless romantic, and loves to sleep or spend time with friends in her spare time. Please welcome Katherine Beckett!”

What the FRAK?

The crowd broke out in applause as Castle stood there, feet glued to the floor, and his jaw on his way to them. Kate? Of all people to go on a dating show, Kate?

You and me both, Castle.

Katherine Beckett walked out in a lipstick red dress that ended just above her knees, and red stilettos. Her hair was curled slightly, and a red ribbon teased the edge of her right wrist. She saw Castle and couldn’t help but smile at the reaction plastered on his face. His mouth descended even lower upon seeing her in such a short dress.

So, is calling her ‘Katherine’ like making up her very own stripper name?  No one calls her Katherine in fanfiction anymore unless they have her dressed up like a slut.

“Now, we are going to leave you two in the date bus for an hour, and see how it goes!” the presenter said as Kate went over and closed Ricks jaw for him.

Castle meets MTV.  Next!

Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Rockin’ Rollin’ Out of My League


I love it when I have a line of people wanting to guest mock a fic! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that I am spreading the snark! Tonight’s mock is by Slayer of Vomitous Fics who is having as much fun as I am jumping on the bandwagon of mocking the recent increase of bad post finale fics. Yes people, we all agree we didn’t agree with how the finale ended, but that is no excuse for the bad fics! Once again I will do a cut early just to prevent spoilers for the finale fics for the rest of the week.

Stats: Title:Rockin’ Rollin’ Out of My League Author:ILUVGREYS-101 Summary: One Shot Post Season 2 finale! Castle’s really leaving for the Hampton’s with Gina none the less! Beckett’s hurt but Lanie’s pissed! Pissed enough to hit Castle right upside the head. Rating: K+

Title: Rockin’ Rollin’ Out of My League by ILUVGREYS-101

You already have a clue: you are out of your league. What does Rock and Roll have to do with it? Also this is CASTLE fanfic, maybe you’re better with the Grey’s fanfic.

Read the rest of this entry

Guest Mock the Fic: Demming’s Girl


YAY! We have another Guest Mock from BadFic. Don’t worry folks, its not a season finale mock, but fear not, they will be mocked. Warning folks, this fic is from a repeat offender and is short and makes you want to bang your head against your computer.

Stats: Title: Demming’s Girl Author:The jackall Summary: A little What if story. Rating: K

A/N: What if the cop that approached Castle had been Demming? What if up to Den of thieves Castle had been working with robbery not homicide? What if Castle and Demming met Beckett at the same time?   Based on “Jessie’s Girl” By Rick Springfield. Special thanks to DecemberL. Rose for Beta reading this for me!

As if a Drunken Stupor and Death and despair weren’t enough, The Jackall is back to take you on another WTF-inducing amusement park ride. Now, where’s my drinky-drinky? I think I’m going to need it.

Rick Castle and Tom Demming had been working together for two years now.

Oh noes! Tom Demming is replacing Simon on RC: Drunken Stupor?! What ever will Bravo do now? I guess Simon’s fee was too high. Cheap bastards.

Over that time they have become good friends, Tom even comes to Castle’s weekly poker games.

Someone must be gettin’ paid under the table.

But after their last case something changed between them.

Tom… I never thought… I don’t know how to say this… you’re Alexis’ real father.

Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Season 2


You all know I love guest mocks right?  Hey I like being entertained too. This one is from MysteryCastleFanFic 3000 who found  a fic that I only wish I had found first. Its bad folks. The author can’t spell our favorite HBIC’s name. And they call themselves a Castle fan? Well fear not, MysteryCastleFanFic 3000 will be taking care of all this and more for us. Strap on in folks!
Ohhhh. This was bad. Hilariously bad.  Nauseatingly bad.  Bad.  Let me know if you want to use it.  If you want to punch it up with more jokes feel free.  This is my first riffing of a badfic and I really was distracted by having to stop and laugh and laugh and laugh so many times. 

Stats: Title: Season2 Author: Noelle Summary: The attractive oposites Rating: M



Season2 by Noelle

Story Notes:
This is strongly adult rated.

Author’s Chapter Notes:

in this chapter bekkit and castle just can’t keep their hands off of eachother


Well, okay. But I think it’s gonna make driving a little awkward for them…

Becket had just got done wrapping up the days case when she noticed Castle was sitting by
her desk. He usually would have already gone home by now.


You know, I was wondering when they would wrap up that “days case”.  I can’t believe Dennis
Day and Doris Day had a murder suicide pact!

So why was he still here. She hesitated to sit down, but when she did he just looked at her
sadly.


Yeah. The whole hesitating thing bums me out, too.  I mean, sit or not sit! Jeez.

“Hello Castle.” she said casually.

“Hey.”

“You know that the case is done you can head home now if you’d like?”

“Yeah I know…..I just needed to talk to you first.”

“Ok…um…what’s this all about?”

“I needed to say goodbye.”

“What do you mean goodbye?”


It’s what polite people do before they part company, didn’t your mother teach–oh. Awkward.

Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Dream


Big Castle Fic would like to thank our next person for stepping up and volunteering to mock a fic for us. YAY! We love guest mocks. If you want to mock ether hit us up on twitter @BadCastleFic or email badcastlefic@gmail.com.

So here it is. The mocked version of ‘Dream’ by castlebeckett4eva. I didn’t know mocking stories was this fun! Anyway I hope all the grammar is good, because as much as I wish it was, English still isn’t my native language.

Stats: Title: Dream Author: castlebeckett4eva Summary: Beckett interogates a rapist. But she in alone. Ryan and Esposito are out and Castle is getting coffee. The guy locks the door. Beckett feels faint. The freak corners her. Will Castle save her? Or will the unthinkable happen. One Shot!  Rating: T

Dream

Today was one of those days.

What, the kind of day to write a bad Castle fic?

Castle was annoying extra today, it was hot and muggy and there was in an interview alone with a sex predator.

Annoying Extra. Sounds like the title some kind of gossip magazine. New; Annoying Extra! With extra annoying news. Buy your copy today!

Jim Gent was their suspect. Brave females had come forth and said that that was the guy who had pulled them into an alley at night when they                 were walking past, and he had raped them and sexual harassed them. He told them that if they said a word they would be dead.

(BCF: What’s with the rhyming name? Boy did his parents suck when they named him.)

Raped AND sexually harassed? Doesn’t raping include sexually harassing in the first place?

Read the rest of this entry

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