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Mock the Fic: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN!

And we are BACK! Back to our normal posts! The whole Mock the Fic Challenge was great fun! We shall have to do that again. Meanwhile, here is my new mock. If you want to start mocking a fic, please feel free to step in and do a guest mock. We always love new mockers.

Stats: Title: Those Jehovah’s Witnesses, AGAIN! Author: stevieLUVSAlex Summary:Castle is running late… JW’s are at the door, he thinks that’s the worst he has to see that day… wait until he gets to work! Kate’s on the war path… and of course they’ll be some C&B love : Rating: K+

A/N: I had every intention of relieving myself from FF for a while,

Damn, why didn’t you?

because I have had NO ideas flowing for my own stories,

That’s a perfect reason to quit Fanfic writing.

and then when I wrapped everything up, I had NO ideas still, but of course FF entered my mind…

You know I think you can get help for this. Please get help for this.

and I am here to bring you an unusual FF… So you know those Jehovah’s witnesses that come knocking on people’s doors… it’s about them… well sort of.

God is going to smite you for this.

Enjoy: D

Oh I’m sure I will.

Rushing for the door, Richard Castle grabbed his keys and threw the door open. He was already running late, and Detective Kate Beckett was going to tear him a new badge.

Wait, since when did Castle have a badge? This is a new revelation. Did I miss something?

She already complained about his tardiness,

Technically he’s not an employee, so why does she care?

accusing him of never taking anything seriously, which he instantly refuted. But this would prove her point, for sure.

Of course it will, because being late to a job you don’t have is a sure sign of not taking anything seriously. Read the rest of this entry

Friday Five Cliches

Clichés. As any reader of Bad Castle Fic will know, I hate clichés. Okay maybe I don’t hate all clichés; I hate it when a cliché is done improperly. For example, I can’t stand it when the only place Beckett and Castle ever eat at is Remy’s. Some people screamed at me after I wrote about Remy’s being clichéd that, “But BCF! It’s the only place that’s cannon in the series.” And your point to that is what again? Be original! That’s what being a writer is all about, originality. But Remy’s isn’t the only cliché I hate, so I decided to create a list of clichés that are commonly used in Castle fanfic. It’s a common trend on twitter to do a Friday Five, well here is my Friday Five of Clichés.

  1. Remys—Remy’s. What the hell is Remy’s? So we know they have burger and shakes, but what else is it? Do they only serve burger and shakes? No fries? What happens if I want a salad? And where is Remys? Is it a diner, or dive? Please, can we go somewhere else, where I can get something other than a burger and a shake? As I’ve mentioned before, this is New York, why don’t you have them go to some trendy expensive restaurant? Or heck, McDonalds when in doubt. Besides, we all know Kate Beckett is surprisingly a good cook, use it. Have her cook them a meal. Just because the girl eats take out all the time doesn’t mean she won’t cook her friends a meal.
  2. Surprise! Kate Beckett is pregnant!—I grumbled just writing that sentence. Why does all the Castle Baby stories have to pretty much focus around Kate Beckett surprisingly getting pregnant after a one time affair with Castle or in some cases, after breaking up with Demming. Really? That’s not how everyone gets pregnant! Why can’t her and Castle be trying to have a kid? Even better, why can’t she decide while being single that she wants a kid and goes through a sperm donor? You know, some women struggle to have a kid and aren’t sporting the goddess of fertility in their vagina, which seems to have made her home in Beckett’s. And why is it always after a one night stand? Does she always have to have sex with Castle, not talk about it for a month and then surprise, be pregnant?

  3. Surprise! I’m having a daughter and her name is Johanna– In those said pregnancy stories, it always seems to be that Kate Beckett names her kid, which always turns out to be a girl, some variation of the name Johanna. We get it! She’s remembering her mom. That’s great and all, but that doesn’t mean she names her kid after her dead mother. This rarely happens in real life. My mom’s mom died when she was young, but that didn’t mean she named ether one of her two daughters the same name as her mom. It just doesn’t happen that often in real life. While touching as it may be, it only happens in fiction. And while we are at the naming cliché, why are all the kids’ girls? Can’t she have a boy? I have yet to see a single piece of fanfic that has Kate Beckett pregnant with a boy.
  4. Castle’s bored and is watching Beckett do paperwork—Once again, this is something that happened once in an episode. ONCE! That doesn’t mean you need to keep your grubby little fan hands around it and use it in every little piece of fanfic. Why can’t he just be at the precinct to hang out with the guys to watch the game on the breakroom tv? He doesn’t have to just be there to watch her do paperwork let alone be there because she’s there. There can be other reasons for him to be at the precinct. Use them! Once again folks, you are a creative author, use that creativity.
  5. Castle and Beckett kiss, but Beckett has a breakdown—Where did the idea that Kate Beckett can’t handle her emotions come from? Never before in the history of Castle episodes have we seen Kate Beckett breakdown when it comes to romance. Sure she had problems making her mind up in the season 2 finale, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to break down and close everyone off. In all her other relationships we never got the hint that she was the weakling that couldn’t handle the emotions. If I’m not mistaken, she broke up the relationships each time. But just because she’s the dumper doesn’t mean that she’s emotionally damaged and can’t handle romancing Richard Castle. I know that we all have our relationship problems, but don’t put your relationship insecurities into Kate Beckett and Richard Castle’s fictional relationship.

Mock the Fic: The Chick and the Surfer part 2

This fic has turned from just an AU to having serial killer undertones.Lets just say that Kate Beckett will ignore everything us women have ever been taught. But don’t say I didn’t warn her when she gets killed and her body is dumped on the side of some abandoned rode in Down Town, NY.

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

There in front of them stood their hunky instructor. He was tall with dark brown hair, piercing blue eyes and his chiseled torso and arms showing through his button down shirt.

All three, Kate in particular had to fan themselves even though it was on the cool side in Santa Cruz that day.

Well someone is fueling the male ego.

“My name is Rick Castle. Is there a Ms. Kate Beckett amongst you?” asked the hunky surfer.

And if you hadn’t seen that one coming then I have some swamp land in Florida to sell you.

Kate froze; the surfer was asking for her and yet she can’t move.

If this had been my friends they would’ve laughed and tossed me to the front.

“Um, I am,” said Kate before she could stop herself.

“Well Ms. Beckett, it looks like you and your friends are the lucky ones today. So if you want, I can give you a personal one-on-one lesson and arrange one for each of your friends.”

Is that what the cool kids are calling it these days?

All three of them gaped.

Kate thought this is too good to be true. He is too cute to pass this up.

Lanie and Madison thought Kate is so lucky to have an instructor immediately take interest in her.

And once again I’m sure at this point my friends would all tell him that they were all me. I have such lovely friends. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: The Chick and The Surfer

Let’s take a crack at mocking an AU fic. Although in my opinion all the crap fics we mock here are AU, but this one specifically mentions the fact that it is an AU. I shall warn you, this has a rant by me about a certain theme park that shall remain nameless in this section that I hate and want my money back from going to visit there. Meanwhile back on the ranch, this fic sure is such a fun one to mock. So let’s sit around the camp fire and hear about the stories of what if Kate Beckett…

Stats: Title: The Chick and The Surfer Author: AriesOx17 Summary: The blue-eyed surfer meets the amber eyed chick. Rating: T

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, Andrew W. Marlow and ABC do.

Thank-God they do because I’d hate to see what you would do with the show if it was in your hands.

Author’s Note: Total AU story idea. A random story idea that wouldn’t leave me alone.

This is what bothers you at night? I’d hate to see what idea’s you forget about.

What if Kate’s mother had not been murdered and both Rick and Kate had different careers. No Sorenson or Demming in this story.

No Demming? 😦

A/N 2: First chapter is a set up of what is to come. I apologize for making Kate, Lanie, or Madison a bit OCC.

They are Obsessive Compulsive Cats? Orange County Choppers? Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics?

Beta’d by: Beckett NYPD

Well then I demand perfection!

Life is good. Kate Beckett and her friends Lanie Parish and Madison Queller were enjoying the California sun.

Oh good for them. That’s just wonderful.

Kate’s parents gave Kate and her two best friends a three-travel package to California for her, Lanie and Madison as a graduation gift.

Wow, and to think all I got for graduation was a blue topaz ring and a card.

It was natural for them to go together as they have been inseparable since grade school.

Well I’m sure it would be since I’m sure her parents bought it as a travel package for them to go together!

They spent one week in San Diego and Los Angeles and two weeks in Northern California.


In San Diego they went to Sea World,

Ugh, don’t remind me how much I hate Sea World. Most disappoint theme park ever! Don’t even get me started on this place. I could rant for hours. I’m double sure Castle would never subjugate his daughter to going to Sea World, let alone Kate Beckett lowering herself to go there. Oh and I call it Puke World because I swear some kid always throws up there. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Undercover part 2

I wish I had better news, but this fic just keeps continuing. I know you all are just dying to read the next chapter of this fic! I’ve decided that this has to be altverse Castle and Glee. That’s the only way to explain this crappiness and horrible characterization of this fic. Please let it end soon. Once again, you will want the brain bleach afterwords.

Stats: Title: Undercover Author:LuckyLaugher Summary: A serial killer is in Ohio and Kate Beckett has to catch the bastard before he killed someone. Rating: K

Chapter Two: To School

Kate woke up. She looked at the clock and saw that she had still an hour. She took a shower, got dressed and drank her coffee. It didn’t feel normal to have a house for her alone. It was time to go.

Doesn’t she live alone in an apartment? Only thing different about living in a house vs an apartment is you don’t have people above you stomping around. And how did the precinct afford to give her a house? Shouldn’t she be living in a no name motel?

When she arrived at the school, she was walking around when Emma bumped into her.

Don’t you have to check in at the office and get a badge these days? I know its been about ten years since I was last in high school, but even then I had to wear a badge and so did the faculty.

“You alright?” Emma asked.

“Yeah, you?” Kate asked the woman nodded.

Okay, I’m not a huge fan of Glee, I enjoy the show and all, but wouldn’t Emma have to go take a shower since someone touched her?

“Hi, I’m Be- Kate Beckett”

“Hi, then you are the new math teacher? I’m Emma Pillsbury the guidance counsellor.”

Wow, you might not be able to us punctuation, but you sure do know how to insert extra letters into the words.

“Yeah, nice to meet you.”

I still don’t know what Kate Beckett being a cop means for her to be a math teacher.

“Yes, nice to meet you too. I think that I’m the one who will show you around until you really start. I think it was Monday.”

Okay here is a free English lesson for this author: “was” designates it as something that has happened. So if it hasn’t happed yet, then don’t use was.

“Yeah, I start Monday.”

“Now let’s put your stuff in my office.”

What kind of stuff does she have? Has she already gone out and purchased a “Worlds Best Teacher” mug already? Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Undercover part 1

I don’t understand the need to crossover two shows that obviously have nothing in common and shouldn’t be crossed over. I get the idea of crossing Law and Order characters over with Castle (ooh McCoy as our DA on Castle? AWESOME!) But crossing Castle with Glee makes me want to bang my head against the wall and go WTF?! Obviously these two don’t exist in the same universe, or genre. And I will be seriously disturbed and will cry “JUMP THE SHARK!” if we have a music episode of Castle. So folks, if you can’t tell, we have yet another Glee/Castle crossover fic. Why the hell anyone picks this pairing is beyond me. I know I said I was taking the holiday weekend off, but I had too many people tell me about this fic and ask me to mock it asap that I present a “special” Saturday holiday mock. It has my favorite clichés in it: working undercover (sorry, no baby in this one, yet)!

Stats: Title: Undercover Author:LuckyLaugher Summary: A serial killer is in Ohio and Kate Beckett has to catch the bastard before he killed someone. Rating: K

Once again, weird formating warning: I didn’t format this fic, this was all the authors work.

This is my first crossover, hope you like it

And hopefully last. What the hell are we even crossing this fic over with?

Chapter one: To Ohio

I dread going to Ohio, I really really do.

Kate Beckett sat behind her desk. It was a normal day, without a case. Castle went home to work

on his book. Ryan and Esposito were having lunch, when the captain called her in to his office.

I think we’ve had this conversation before, please stop talking to me like I’m 2. Unless you are attempting to write the newest Olivia book, then stop talking down to me! Die.

“Beckett,” The captain said.

“Yes, sir.”

“In my office” She walked into his office.

Wow, do you also jump when the Captain says jump?

“What’s wrong, sir?”

“Sit down” She sat down and he continued.

Did Castle die? Or maybe it was Alexis. Read the rest of this entry

Mock the Fic: Mommytobe

Baby stories. Why must it always be baby stories (and snakes, but that’s a whole another movie). By now, I’m sure you all know I hate, no DETEST baby stories. They always seem to revolve around the pee stick in the bathroom of the precinct and an unexpected bundle of joy on the way. Die! Thus I am mocking yet another Castle Cliché fic: a baby cliché fic. And no, the title isn’t my spelling mistake, no that would be our wonderful authors mistake.

Stats: Title: Mommytobe Author: NikkiHeatLuver Summary: When she broke up with Demming, she thought she was done with him, but now it’s revealed that she’s never going to forget him. How will her news mess up her dating Castle. Spoiler For Season 3 Rating: T

I know i should be writing my other stories, but this idea has been bugging me for the past MONTH so I’m gonna write it. I’m sorry if characters are a bit OOC, it’s hard for me to write them as their personalities.

Oh frak. OOC? Out of character? I almost want to make a rule, if you can’t write their personalities, then write for a fandom you can.

Kate Beckett sat in the last stall of the women’s bathroom on the homicide floor of the 12th prescient in New York.

Sitting on the toilet? On the floor? What? And you do know that a prescient is beforehand knowledge, right? Kind of hard to sit on knowledge before it happens.

She felt tears start to well up in her eyes when the white screen of a pregnancy test turned into a bright pink plus sign.

What kind of cheep pregnancy test did she buy? Most have a blue plus or minus sign, or even say “pregnant” or “not pregnant.”

Beckett sighed as she hide the test at the bottom of her purse before she exited the stall.

Eeeeewwwee. She putting that pee stick in her purse? And she hid it, not hide it. Get the present/past tense right, please. Read the rest of this entry

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